


We Lost The Summer - EXO

by Chogiwatree614



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - High School, Character Death, Depression, Domestic Violence, Drug Use, F/M, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Suicide Attempt, Threats of Violence, Trauma, Underage Sex, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-17
Updated: 2021-01-14
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:20:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 36
Words: 85,975
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28131558
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chogiwatree614/pseuds/Chogiwatree614
Summary: For the twelve boys at UN Village High School, summer meant everything. It was the time to do whatever, be whatever, and do it all together.But, one summer can change everything.The loss of their friends leaves them struggling to put the pieces of their lives back together. Will the boys learn to move on, or will grief leave them forever longing for their lost summer?
Relationships: Byun Baekhyun/Kim Heechul, Byun Baekhyun/Park Chanyeol, Jennie Kim/Kim Jongin | Kai
Comments: 13
Kudos: 16





	1. City In The Sky

Three months. 104 days. 2,496 hours of pure ecstasy, full of laughter and fun. Letting go of worries, spending the days on the beach and the nights at parties. Three months, 104 days, 2,496 hours that the boys of UN Village High School spent riding in the back of each other’s trucks, searching for the next party to attend.

Chanyeol, their designated driver, spent three of seven days working cash registers and wiping tables, all for the sake of making enough money to keep his tank full for one night. Promises of a night of fun kept him motivated during the busy work days.

Suho pitched in when he could. Perhaps he felt obligated, being older and the unofficial “co-leader” of their ragtag gang of misfits and troublemakers. A couple dollars towards gas kept his “too school for cool ass” (as Baekhyun put it) from being kicked to the curb.

Speak of the devil, Baekhyun never contributed a dime to the cause, but always carried change for vending machines. Late night stops at gas stations called for snack breaks, and Baekhyun never failed to deliver.

Then there was Sehun, who took but never gave. Being the youngest, he declared himself exempt from contributions, though he had the most to offer. The rich prick wouldn’t last another second in the gang had Luhan not dropped to his knees and begged otherwise.

Luhan had a soft spot for the kid, but the others never understood what he saw in him.  _ He’s just friendly _ , they concluded,  _ I mean, he’s nice to everyone. That’s just Luhan. _

On the contrary, Kris was a force to be reckoned with. They declared him leader, not only because of his age, but his personality. Quiet, but fierce, and boy did he scare the shit out of the younger brats of the gang when he had to.

Tao, his right hand man, never tried so hard to live up to their reputation. Scary? Hardly. Intimidating? Only if he tried. But, he could drive well, and to Chanyeol, who had his limits when it came to driving all night, was thankful.

Xiumin and Chen drove occasionally, but only when one of them brought their own car. Xiumin had a thing about which vehicle they chose for their nightly drives. If it didn’t run as smoothly as his, he wouldn't touch the wheel. And Chen? He didn’t know how to work a stick.

Ask Kai, and he would say Kyungsoo was the best driver. The old man trapped in a seventeen year old’s body pushed the speed limit as often as Sehun paid for gas, but that gave Kai a chance to take in the city and maybe snap a few pictures. The younger became a fan of photography ever since his mother bought him a camera.

Last, but least, there was Lay. He had no money to offer, no ride of his own, and, my god, was he a terrible driver. But, he had lots of love to give. Suho once said he’d have gone crazy if he didn’t have a levelled head, loveable guy around like Lay. They all probably would’ve.

Apart, they were a bunch of kids with low grades, disappointed parents, relationship problems, or no relationships at all. They were bullies, or they were bullied, they cheated on tests, or didn’t show up to school at all. Teachers hated them, or didn’t notice them, and their peers either hated their guts, or didn’t know of their existence.

Apart, they were nothing but a problem. Together, they were friends. They kept each other in check. They relied on each other on those nights when one of them came crying to another’s front door, or when someone spotted the other passed out outside a party.

Together, they took care of each other and kept each other alive. They did as much as juniors in high school could do for each other.

Sometimes, that wasn’t enough.

May 25th, the twelve boys found themselves driving to their first party that evening, intent on keeping the night alive until sunrise to celebrate the end of their torturous sophomore year and the start of summer.

Word got around the last day of school about a party at Bae Joohyun’s place, a party the boys were hellbent on attending.  _ You haven’t lived until you’ve been to one of Irene’s parties _ ; it became a popular saying that Sehun took to heart.

“This is Bae Joohyun we’re talking about. You know, Goddess Irene?”

“I know who she is.” Chanyeol said, slamming his locker shut. “But, her place is all the way in Gangnam. If you think I’m driving all the way-”

“Xiumin can drive. Or Chen, or Kyungsoo.”

“Not Kyungsoo.”

“Whatever,” Sehun grabbed his shoulders and gripped them firmly. “Chanyeol, we’re not underclassmen anymore. We’re going into our junior year of highschool. What kind of fuckers would we be if we didn’t take this opportunity to attend one of the best parties of the year?”

“A bunch of fuckers trying to save up on gas money.”

“I’ll pay.”

Chanyeol’s jaw nearly hit the floor. Judging from the way Sehun stared him dead in the eyes, no smile to indicate humour in his statement, he decided he was being serious. “Sorry?”

“I said I’d pay. I’ll pay for the fucking gas, just promise you’ll drive us.”

Four hours later, they drove past the gate surrounding Gangnam and slowed down to read each address. None of them knew Bae Joohyun’s exact address up until that point, so they sent Baekhyun during the after hours of school to fetch it for them.

“How’d you get it?” Suho asked when Baekhyun met them behind the bleachers with her address written in his sloppy handwriting on a napkin.

“How do I get any of the information you ask for?”

Suho didn’t know the answer to that, but he wasn’t supposed to. Baekhyun made it an obligation to keep his “dirty work” under wraps; “Don’t ask, don’t tell.” He constantly reminded them.

They really didn’t care how he got her address, as long as he did, it didn’t matter. Suho pulled the crumbled napkin out of his backpack and read the numbers out loud.

“That must be it down there.” Kris said, pointing to the house down the road. The cars parked on the lawn and the LED lights bringing the mansion to life were clear indications they were in the right place.

Chanyeol parked further down the road, noticing the traffic piling up from too many cars planting themselves so close to the house. He switched the engine off and unlocked the doors, putting both hands back on the steering wheel.

“Are we gonna go or what?” Sehun asked, noticing no one moving.

“What if it’s invitation only? What if they kick us out?” Luhan asked.

“Maybe only upperclassmen are allowed in. We’re not technically juniors yet.” Kyungsoo added.

“No matter what, we’re gonna make fucking fools of ourselves.” Tao said, ironically with a strong sense of confidence. “We don’t know anyone here. We’re just a bunch of little sophomores.”

“Hey,” Kris barked, causing everyone to jump. “If you didn’t want to go, you didn’t have to. We’re here now, so let's just get in there and have fun. That’s what summer’s all about, right?”

_Right_ , they thought, but the nerves kept them from saying anything. This would be the first _real_ party they ever attended, not the kiddie parties that underclassmen thought were cool before time and experience made them realize otherwise.

The boys exited the car, ambling down the sidewalk with no desire to reach the front door soon. Kris stood at the head of the gang, walking cool and casually, setting an example for the others.

_ Don’t act like idiots. Don’t act like you don’t know what you’re doing. You’re juniors now. Fucking act like it. _

They followed him up the front steps, pushing past drunken students and ecstatic couples attached to each other by the lips. Knowing the doors were already unlocked, Kris reached for the door knob, but stopped short.

“What’s wrong?” Lay asked.

Kris shook his head and proceeded to grab the knob, only for it to swing inward and reveal two people standing in front of him.

Two seniors. Bae Joohyun and her boyfriend.

The boys nearly fainted at the sight of her. Stunning wasn’t the right word to describe someone so...so perfect. Quick glances in the hallways didn’t do her beauty justice. She was even prettier than senior boys made her out to be.

Her personality seemed just as pleasant. She greeted them with a warm smile and nodded towards the kitchen behind her. “Welcome to the party. There’s plenty of snacks and drinks on the counter.”

She grabbed her boyfriend’s hand and led him down the steps, leaving the boys in awe as she passed them. Her perfume smelled of strawberries and it filled their noses just enough to avoid suffocation.

“Man, what did I do to be lucky enough to see Goddess Irene up close?” Kai said breathlessly.

“Come on, don’t be such a pervert.” Baekhyun shoved him forward. “We’re here to party, not drool over girls way out of your league.”

And they did just that. Not drool over girls, but party, though Kai was guilty of stealing glances at Goddess Irene whenever she passed by. They spent about two hours there, helping themselves to the endless supply of food and soda (or alcohol, but none of them surpassed one drink other than Baekhyun) and dancing until their feet were sore.

_ This is the time to be alive _ , they thought,  _ this is what summer is all about. This is what being a teenager is all about. _

By nine o’clock, Chanyeol’s feet were ready to give out on him. Dancing for hours took its toll on his body and he was ready to crash on the couch and sleep.

Except, the couch was already occupied by horny couples, so he found another place to sit. Outside, it wasn’t so crowded. He sat down in the grass, lying back to look up at the stars. The glittering lights reminded him of city lights, filling him with a weird sense of nostalgia.

“Aren’t they pretty?” Someone asked. Chanyeol recognized the voice as Luhan’s, who laid down in the grass beside him. “It’s like looking at a city in the sky.”

“You can only see them like this in the summer. School night curfews always have us in bed before it’s dark enough for them to be visible.”

Luhan laughed and propped himself up on his elbows to look down at his friend. “I’d like to do this with my girlfriend sometime...once I get one.”

Chanyeol laughed this time, teasingly nudging Luhan in the shoulder. “How romantic.”

“Well wouldn’t you?”

“Sure, but I’m not interested in dating right now.”

“Why? Because your crush rejected you?”

“He didn’t reject me,” He said with a sigh. “I just never told him.”

Luhan broke into a fit of laughter, smacking the ground as he gasped for air. “Park Chanyeol, you are the most pathetic person I have ever met!” He wiped tears from his eyes. “Byun Baekhyun is inside that house right now and you’re out here hiding like a pussy!”

“Would you keep your voice down?” Chanyeol hissed. “Besides, I’m over him. He’s not really my type anyways.”

Luhan could sense dishonesty dripping from every word. “Sure, Chan. Anyways, if you ever end up asking him out, you should take him stargazing. I think he’d like that.”

He scoffed. “Right. Thanks for the advice.”

A comfortable silence fell over them and Chanyeol looked back up at the stars.  _ A city in the sky,  _ “where summer never ends.” He thought out loud.

“What’s that?”

“The city in the sky. I’m sure summer never ends there.”

“I’m sure it doesn’t. If only things were really like that. I’d fucking kill to drop out of school and spend the rest of my days like this.”

“Agreed.”

They both sat up when the front door swung open, banging against the wall. Kris and Tao stormed down the steps, a man’s voice yelling out to them.

“What’s up?” Luhan asked with a nod.

“We’re leaving. Where are the others?” Kris asked in a stern voice. His eyes were full of fury, something the others rarely saw despite how intimidating he appeared.

“They're probably still inside. Why? What happened?”

Kris shook his head. “Just some asshole senior trying to mess with us. Come on,” He beckoned them over. “Help me find the others.”

Just as he turned back to enter the house, Joohyun’s boyfriend stormed out of the house in a drunken rage, his fists curled at his sides.

“You little fucker!” He shouted, spitting in Kris’s face. “You think you can just walk away from me?! Who the fuck do you think you are?!”

Kris wiped his face and backed up. “I’m not having this conversation with y-”

“Oh, you don’t want to talk now!” He jabbed his finger into Kris’s chest. “How ‘bout you give me a fucking apology for hitting on my girlfriend?!”

“I was not hit-”

“You fucking liar! You were hitting on my girlfriend and you thought you could get away with it!”

“We were only talking. I simply asked her what college-”

“Only talking? Fuck that!” He threw his cup of beer into Kris’s face, causing him to stumble back into Tao.

“Hey!” Luhan sprang to his feet and grabbed the guy by his arm. “Leave him alone!”

“Get your fucking hands off me!” He shoved Luhan back, sending him falling onto his back in the grass. Tao moved past Kris and, without second thought, slammed his fist into the guy’s face.

Chanyeol heard a pop, but wasn’t sure if it was Tao’s fist or the guy’s jaw. Based on the way they both stumbled back in pain, it might’ve been both.

“Fuck!” The guy lunged forward, bringing Tao to the floor. They hit the cement hard, throwing punches at each other’s face.

Meanwhile, Kris pulled Luhan to his feet, then grabbed a flower pot sitting beside the front door and chucked it at Joohyun’s boyfriend.

It collided with his shoulder blades before bouncing off his back and shattering on the cement. The guy fell forward, his forehead banging against Tao’s.

Kris grabbed the back of his shirt and separated the two. “Get the hell out of here. Now.” He pushed him towards the road, but the guy refused to give up. He swung a punch at Kris’s face, which he dodged with ease. “Leave!”

For a moment, it looked as if Joohyun’s boyfriend would give in and leave. He took one step back, glancing down at the ground. Kris turned his back to him and helped Luhan lift Tao onto his feet. Chanyeol watched the guy, waiting for him to move.

He did, eventually. In the blink of an eye, Bae Joohyun’s boyfriend swiped a shard of glass from the broken flower pot and darted towards Kris.

“Kris!” Chanyeol screamed. The time between hearing his name and turning around to see the guy charging at him wasn’t enough to give him a chance to escape.

The glass shard dug itself into Kris’s lower rib, deep enough to slide past his rib cage. HIs mouth filled with blood and his breathing became staggered and slow. His eyes flickered, dizziness overcoming him from the unbearable pain.

“Kris!” It was Luhan who yelled this time. He covered his face with his hands, tears running down his cheeks.

Tao caught Kris as he fell to the ground, smearing blood all over his clothes. He gently touched the side of his face, feeling his cold skin under his fingertips. He looked up at the guy with tears in his eyes, his teeth gritted in anger.

He said something, but it came out as a slur of words. He jumped to his feet and reached for the guy’s throat, intent on crushing the life out of him.

“Tao, don’t!” Luhan ran forward to save his friend, reaching them just in time to see the same glass shard that took Kris slip into Tao’s stomach.

Despite his injury, Tao held a firm grip on the guy’s throat, crying harder than before as the pain made itself felt. He would’ve held on longer had the wound not defeated him. He fell to his knees, both hands pressed against his puncture.

Luhan stood by his side, shaking and frozen in his place. Bae Joohyun’s boyfriend stared him down, panting like a rabid animal, clutching the glass so hard, it cut into his palm. Luhan met his eyes, sending a shiver down his spine.

The guy swung the glass at his throat, leaving a thin red line stretching from one end to the other, then shoved him back with all the force he could muster.

Luhan tripped over Kris and fell back onto the steps, hitting his head on the corner of the third step. His body went still upon impact and his eyelids slowly connected with each other.

Chanyeol stood frozen in the grass, unaware of what to do or how to help. He looked up at Bae Joohyun’s boyfriend, who dropped the glass and sprinted down the road, drunkenly stumbling over his own feet.

Fifteen minutes later, four ambulance trucks arrived outside the house. Their sirens turned off and their lights faded as soon as they reached the lawn. The three boys were dead by the time help arrived and the culprit was long gone.


	2. The Journalist And The Giant

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Suho runs into an old friend.

Three months. 103 days. 2,472 hours left of the summer, spent apart from one another. What were they if they weren’t twelve?

Nothing, they were nothing.

And for many members of their gang, being lonely was better than being nothing.

The rest of their summer consisted of missed calls, ignored texts, some even going as far as blocking the other. Days spent restlessly working and nights locked up in their rooms, because parties didn’t have the same appeal as they used to.

They never saw each other, apart from a couple glances exchanged between the few that attended the funeral. They said nothing to each other. It was like they never knew each other before, like they were simply strangers to each other.

Three months, 103 days, 2,472 hours spent growing further and further apart, remembering each other only as distant memories.

◈◈◈

Those three months, 103 days, and 2,472 hours had to come to an end eventually, and when they did, the nine remaining members of the gang returned to UN Village High School, shells of their former selves.

The previous years, they met up behind the bleachers before the first hour to hang out and complain about the dread they felt heading into the new year.

Junior year was different. They went their separate ways, ignoring each other in the hallways and avoiding eye contact whenever they went to their lockers. During lunch, they normally sat at the table in the very back together, but that year, they found new tables, new friends, and new ways to put as much distance between each other as they could.

Chanyeol’s parents encouraged him to try out for a sport to help him out of his emotional slump and make new friends. Athletic, he was not, and motivated, far from it, but his parents insisted and he saw it as an opportunity to escape his ex friends.

If it had to be sports, it had to be football. He never played, but watching games every Sunday with his dad built up misplaced confidence in himself that he’d make junior varsity with no troubles.

He didn’t, but he did make a great addition to the sophomore team, no matter how embarrassing it was to be an upperclassmen playing on the same field as fourteen and fifteen year olds.

Of course, Chanyeol wasn’t the only one of the gang to find extracurricular activities to keep himself busy. Suho signed up for the school newspaper, his summer days in solitude introducing him to the wonderful world of writing.

A little over a week into the new school year and Suho already had his first assignment; write an article about fall sports. He chose to write about football, specifically freshman and sophomore teams, thinking it was the easiest option. Little did he know, a familiar face waited for him on the field.

◈◈◈

Chanyeol always showed up to practice last, but entered the locker room first. The other players noticed this, but said nothing on the matter. The reason being was clear; embarrassment kept the junior captive in the locker room for an extra fifteen minutes.

It didn’t help that the majority of the players ranged from five four to five nine, while Chanyeol towered over them all at six one. Even the coach looked small compared to him at five ten.

His height also made it very easy for anyone to spot him at a far distance, perhaps a journalist looking for an interview.

Suho would’ve laughed at the sight of Chanyeol jogging in a pack around the field, sticking out like a sore thumb if he didn’t feel a little bit of pity for him. The poor guy was already painfully aware of how awkward he appeared, laughing would’ve made it worse, even if he didn’t notice.

Instead, Suho leaned against the fence and watched, a notepad in his hand and the end of his pen between his teeth. He chewed it as he thought about how to approach the giant, considering all of his options.

He decided letting Chanyeol notice him first would save him from initiating their awkward first interaction after ignoring each other for an entire summer.

He did notice him, eventually. As the couch led the stretches, Chanyeol looked to the sky, hoping to see stars and not feeling surprised when he saw none in broad daylight. He reached forward and touched his toes, averting his eyes from the sky to the fence.

They landed on the journalist, who smiled and waved. He didn’t acknowledge him, but Suho knew he saw him. Even from a distance, he noticed the way Chanyeol’s muscles tensed up.

He waited for stretches to finish before walking onto the field and approaching the coach. Chanyeol watched him the entire time, eyeing him like a cat watching a mouse. He took note of how Suho carried himself; always wearing a smile, his shoulders loose and his arms comfortably at his sides, holding his pen and paper with confidence.

If he didn’t know any better, he’d assume the latter completely moved on from what happened that summer.

Suho approached the coach and tapped him on the shoulder with his pen. “Coach, mind if I pull a player aside? I need to do an interview for the school paper.” He said in a relaxed tone.

“Chanyeol!” The coach snapped his fingers at him. “Sit out for a minute. The newspaper needs an interview with a player.”

Suho’s smile didn’t falter in the slightest. He hoped the coach would pick him.

Chanyeol grabbed his water bottle and followed Suho to the bleachers, keeping his head low to avoid eye contact. Suho looked down too, but at his notes to review the questions he planned to ask.

They sat down on the bleachers in silence, looking everywhere but each other. Stressed from the uncomfortable silence, Chanyeol chose to speak first.

“You’re a journalist now?”

“You’re a football player now?”

They both chuckled, but neither seemed genuine. “My parents said playing sports would be good for me and I could make new friends, or whatever…”

“My parents said the same thing, but they suggested I join band instead.”

Chanyeol snorted. “Do you even know how to play an instrument?”

“No, that’s why I chose journaling instead. Of course, they wouldn’t know that. They don’t know anything about my hobbies.”

Silence fell over them again, prompting both to look elsewhere and shift further away. Chanyeol had a significantly lower tolerance level for uncomfortable silences, so he spoke again.

“You came to interview me?”

“Yeah.” Suho flipped his notepad open to read his first question. “What are you looking forward to this season?”  
“Winning.”

The silence that followed indicated to Chanyeol that Suho expected him to say more. “You know, working together as a team to win games and have fun and...all that…”

Suho jotted that down, nodding to himself. “What do you like most about this team?”

Chanyeol barely knew them; they had only been together for about a week, but he decided not to mention that. “Um...the guys are just great people. We work really well together and the coach does a good job...coaching us, you know, and-”

“Chanyeol.” Suho interrupted, catching him off guard.

“Y-yes?”

“You don’t really like this team, do you?”

He let out a mixture between a scoff and a laugh. “Maybe I need more time with them. But no, I’m not very fond of them as of now.”

Suho set his notepad aside and folded his hands in his lap. “I take it you haven’t made any new friends yet.”

“It’s not like I’ve really been trying.”

Suho lowered his head, thinking of something to say. He had so much to share with his ex friend, but it didn’t feel like the right time to bring it up.

Suho felt ready to reunite with him. The only thing holding him back was Chanyeol’s apparent reluctance to do the same.

“Anything else you want to talk about?” Suho asked. He meant nothing by it other than his own genuine curiosity, but Chanyeol sensed an underlying motive. He assumed his intentions were to bring up what happened, perhaps for the sake of finally hearing the story that Chanyeol refused to tell.

“No, not really.” He answered, having no desire to take the conversation in the direction he suspected Suho wanted to.

“Oh, okay.” Suho really wished he’d have taken the conservation somewhere other than football, maybe bring up his plans for the weekend...and see if maybe he could tag along, for old times sake.

“Well, thanks for the interview.” Suho stood up, his eyes glazing over the ten other questions he never asked. “Maybe we can talk again sometime.”

Chanyeol shrugged. “Maybe.”

Suho started towards the fence, but stopped short and turned back to him. “How about we meet after school, behind the bleachers like we used to. I’d love to catch up with you.”

The thought almost made Chanyeol sick, but he forced a smile on his face. “Sure.” It was settled. He had to show up, as tempted as he was to stand him up. The dread set in, and remained there for the rest of the school day.


	3. What We Do Behind The Bleachers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys meet under the bleachers.

Chanyeol took longer to arrive than Suho expected, leaving the latter worried that he had been stood up. He considered leaving, but scratched that thought when he saw Chanyeol walking across the field with his sports bag thrown over one shoulder and his backpack thrown over the other.

An entire summer let memories of Chanyeol’s forgetfulness slip. Being late was almost expected of him, Suho remembered upon seeing him stumbling past the bushes to reach their private spot.

“You made it.”

“Sorry it took me so long.” He threw his sports bag in the dirt and used it as a makeshift chair, letting his feet rest after running all throughout school to make it to the bleachers in a somewhat timely manner.

“Well, now that I’m here…” He gestured to Suho. “Was there something you wanted to talk about?”

“No, I just…” He swallowed hard. “I just wanted to catch up.”

“Right. So...what’s been going on?”

Nothing really. Suho had little things to tell him, like how he saw a new movie last Saturday, or how he bought a new laptop, but nothing all that important. Considering Chanyeol avoided him for three months, Suho assumed he didn’t care much about any of that.

“Um...you know...just school.”

“How’s journaling?”

“It’s been fun.” He wanted to say more, but his mind went blank. Being behind the bleachers again with someone other than himself brought back bittersweet memories he couldn’t decide if he wanted to remember or not.

“Have you...talked to the others?” Chanyeol asked. The pitch in his voice lowered, and it didn’t go unnoticed by Suho. He realized soon enough conversations like these were rare and he had to take advantage of them while he could.

“No. Have you?”

He shook his head. “I barely see them anymore.”

Suho found comfort in the fact that he wasn’t the only one who they cut off, but it only hurt him more to learn that Chanyeol had been abandoned in the same fashion he had.

“I wouldn’t even know where to find them.” He continued, keeping his gaze on the ground. “I don’t know any of their schedules.”

“I’m sure they’ll turn up eventually. Maybe we can talk to them when we see them in the halls.”

“I doubt they want to.”

“Well, it wouldn’t hurt to try.”

Chanyeol looked up at the sky, but saw only the underside of the bleachers instead. “It will if they push us away.” He mumbled.

Suho opened his mouth to say more, but decided against it. In the silence, he found himself thinking back to all the times the boys met under those same bleachers, though under completely different circumstances.

Sometimes, they met there to talk. Other times, they met there to cry. Luhan and Sehun met there to play cards. Kai and Kyungsoo met there to listen to music. Chen and Xiumin met there to read. Kris met there whenever he had a bone to pick with assholes who rubbed him the wrong way, Tao by his side. Baekhyun met there with strangers, looking to gain something from them. Chanyeol met there to play guitar. Suho and Lay met there to simply enjoy each other’s company.

It was their safe haven, a place they could all go to for comfort. It brought them together during the day, where parties brought them together at night. It was where they met up to exchange gas money, discuss which party they’d attend next, or what gas station they should raid for snacks.

Now, it was a place filled with memories, drained of the life and spirit it once held. Three months it sat untouched, slowly rotting as time went on. One visit to it sparked something that was once there, but it wasn’t enough. It could never hold the power it did a summer ago.

Suho blinked, pulling himself from his thoughts. He heard the reverberations of the metal bleachers and looked up to see the shadows of someone’s feet move along the seats.

“Shit…” Chanyeol muttered under his breath as he grabbed his bags and stood up. He pushed the bushes aside, ready to leave, but stopped briefly to watch the unidentified figure slip between the gap in the seats and fall into the dirt.

Both Suho and Chanyeol stopped and stared down at the boy. He groaned and pushed himself up onto his knees, brushing dirt off his clothes and picking rocks out of his palms.

The newly dyed blonde hair and heavy eyeliner made him almost unrecognizable at first glance. But, Chanyeol knew his face all too well to mistake him for someone else.

“Baekhyun?”

His head shot up at the mention of his name and his eyes landed on Chanyeol’s. He flashed a toothy smile, attempting to hide the pain from falling through the bleachers. “Park? Fuck, I haven’t seen you in forever.”

“What are you doing?”

He stumbled to his feet, balancing on one while circling his other ankle to ease the pain. “I’m meeting someone here. I didn’t want to mess up my hair crawling through the bushes.” He ran a hand through his white locks, a cocky smile on his face.

“Well, we were just leaving.” Suho said. Baekhyun turned around to realize that he had been standing there the entire time.

“Ah, that’s good to hear. I wouldn’t want anyone around for this.” He laughed.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Chanyeol asked, but the look in his eyes told Baekhyun he had a good idea of what he was implying.

“I gotta boyfriend now, ya know?”

Chanyeol’s heart dropped into his stomach. He didn’t say a word.

“Really?” Suho said. “What’s his name?”

Baekhyun brushed him off. “He’s a senior, so I doubt you’ll know him.”

“What’s his name?” Chanyeol asked this time, his tone much more serious. The underlying anger in his voice caught Baekhyun off guard.

“Kim Heechul. Sound familiar?”

Yes, it fucking sounded familiar. Chanyeol recognized the name almost immediately. He’d heard it muttered plenty of times from girls gossiping in the halls or teachers complaining about their god awful students.

Kim Heechul’s reputation was about as good as Chanyeol’s chance with Baekhyun. Rumors of a criminal record, a known junkie, a failing student held back for two years, he was trouble, to say the least. Not to mention, way older than anyone in the school. He meant to graduate with the class of 2018, but let his grades slip and blew that opportunity.

That meant he had to be at least twenty, but Chanyeol didn’t want to believe that. Kim Heechul wouldn’t be caught dead with a seventeen-year-old, if he meant what he said when he promised to do better and save his reputation.

But, Baekhyun wouldn’t be under those bleachers if he did.  _ He could do better _ , Chanyeol thought. Kim Heechul was nothing but a drugged up douchebag who shouldn’t have passed fifth grade.

Suho didn’t expect any less from Baekhyun. It came as no surprise to him that he hung out with people like Kim Heechul; he’d be lying if he said Baekhyun wasn’t just as much trouble as he was. These were his kind of people, Baekhyun fit right in with them.

“I might know him.”

Baekhyun laughed, fluttering his eyelashes to appear innocent. “Well, you should leave. I don’t want you here when he arrives.”

Chanyeol gripped the strap of his sports bag so tight, his fists turned white. He trotted through the bushes, swiping at prickly branches, and Suho followed behind. As soon as they reached the field, Chanyeol went the opposite way, choosing not to bid Suho a farewell before leaving.


	4. Drama Kings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Suho finds another familiar face, Chanyeol talks with the volleyball girls

Being the only relatively decent student in the gang, Suho didn’t fit in much with the others. He tried in school,  _ really tried _ , but subjects he had no interest in never stuck with him. B’s were the best he could do, but he’d take that over the F’s and D’s the others received.

The only ones close to his level of intelligence were Kyungsoo and Lay. Kyungsoo could do better than a C if he tried, but the kid couldn’t pull his nose out of a book long enough to put in the effort. And Lay, well, he didn’t understand lessons unless he went over them at least a million times, but the teachers never had the time or patience to guide him through it. But, he had Suho, who tutored him as well as a B student could.

At least, he used to tutor him. That was before Lay packed his bags and followed his family to Busan in the last month of the summer, leaving Suho with nothing but a brief note stuck to his front door, reading;

_ Moving to Busan, see you next summer? _

Suho held on to those last four words, ignoring the implications of Lay’s specific choice of punctuation. The way he saw it; Lay would return the next summer to see him, not an ounce of doubt in his mind.

His friend wouldn’t abandon him that easily. Not like the others.

Yet, every time Suho sent a daily text, asking for an update on his travel plans, he never received a response. The entire last month of summer and into the first week of school, his messages remained one sided.

Things were no different when Suho sent him a text asking about his day after parting ways with Chanyeol and leaving Baekhyun behind at the bleachers. He never came off as hostile in his texts, even going as far as sending cute emojis, but impatience crept up on him over time and he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t tempted to curse his friend out once in a while.

Just one text would do. At least then he’d know he was alive and only being difficult.

Suho leaned against his locker, staring at the message as if his gaze held the power to force Lay to text back. It did no good straining his eyes only to see the same repetitive texts stacked one on top of the other, and soon enough he turned his phone off and tossed it into his backpack.

A part of him wanted to slam it against the lockers, but he knew better than to let eighty dollars go with it.

His fists worked just fine, even if the contact left his pinky throbbing in pain. He didn’t mind much; a little bruise wouldn’t kill him. It certainly didn’t hurt as bad as ignored text messages.

The ruckus caused the row of lockers to rattle, catching the attention of the student at the very end of the hall. He pushed his locker door back to see the other sitting across from him.

Suho didn’t notice him. Chen wanted to keep it that way. The only problem; he had to pass him to get to his after school club.

Three months ago, Chen would’ve been at Suho’s side in a flash, dragging him across the football field to meet the others under the bleachers. But, things were different now. He didn’t know how to approach him, or how to avoid him.

Suho almost sensed someone’s eyes on him. The subconscious feeling prompted him to turn his head to the left, where he noticed his ex friend glancing at him from behind his locker door.

He sat up, suppressing the smile trying to make its way on his face. “Jongdae?”

Chen couldn’t help but cringe. All he wanted was to reach his club in peace. Running into his ex co-leader only meant unwanted memories returning to his mind. He slammed his locker shut, throwing his backpack over his shoulder and frowning at the floor.

“Suho.”

Suho jumped to his feet and approached the younger, conscious not to overstep their boundaries and get too close. Three months of separation had them resorting back to acquaintance status, which meant hugs and handshakes were off limits. Suho made do with a wave.

“How are you? We haven’t talked in a while.”

Chen shrugged, intentionally looking down at his watch for far longer than he needed to, wordlessly telling Suho he didn’t have time for reconciling.

“I’m good. I’m also busy.” It came off a bit more harsh than he intended, but it got his point across. “I’ve got to go.”

“Are you participating in after school clubs?” Suho asked, sidestepping to prevent Chen from walking away. He knew he was pushing it, but desperation made him bold, and a little careless.

“Yeah, and I’m gonna be late if I don’t-”

“Really? What club are you in?”

Chen fought the urge to roll his eyes. “I help with daycare.”

“Wow, that’s great. You know, I’ve taken journaling this year.”

Chen started down the hall midway through his sentence, but Suho only followed behind him. “Maybe I could interview you for the newspaper. It isn’t required, but I’m interested to hear what daycare is like.”

“Maybe, if I have the time, which I probably don’t.” He almost felt guilty for lying. In reality, Chen had too much time on his hands. Apart from school and daycare, there wasn’t much for him to do in his personal life. Getting a job proved difficult and partying never even crossed his mind.

Boredom became a little too familiar to him, and it left him almost wanting to text his ex friends and ask them what they were up to. If only he knew how much they secretly wanted it too.

“That’s okay. Whenever a time opens up, just text me.” Suho paused for a moment, considering what to say next. “You do still have my number, right?”

Chen hesitated to answer, not because he didn’t, but because he still had Suho saved under his favorites. It was almost embarrassing to admit he still thought about his ex co-leader on a daily basis.

“Pretty sure. I’ll catch you later.” He sped down the hall, refusing to look back to see if Suho still stood there or not.

◈◈◈

Only students who participated in after school clubs were allowed to remain on campus after hours, but Chanyeol never cared much for following the rules. He sat in the locker room with his sports bag under his head, staring up at the ceiling and listening to the girls volleyball team shuffling around in the locker room next door.

He heard lots of laughter, and wondered what the girls were gossiping about. They always gossiped, and when they weren’t, they were out looking for something to gossip about. Chanyeol always acted like it annoyed him to please his guy friends, but deep down he wanted to join in their conversations for the sake of keeping up to date with the latest drama around school.

In his mind, it wasn’t a girl thing, it was a teenager thing, and he wanted to be a part of it.

He heard the door to their locker room swing open and mimicked the sounds the girls made as he fumbled with his own bag, pushing his way into the hallway with his back.

The girls walked in a pack, giggling and talking too low for Chanyeol to make out what they said. He trailed behind them, looking for a familiar face among the crowd.

A couple girls from his math class sophomore year were volleyball players, but he couldn’t find any of them. Perhaps they dropped out their junior year to focus on school, or Chanyeol didn’t have a very keen eye.

He followed them all the way out to the volleyball field, catching the attention of the players towards the back of the crowd. A girl the same age as Chanyeol with long black hair and cute short shorts on turned around to eye him.

He expected her to be creeped out, but she smiled at him instead, then turned to her friends to whisper something to them.  _ Girls talk to each other so easily and about everything _ , he thought. If only his own friendships were so simple.

The girls from his sophomore class never showed up for practice, leaving Chanyeol feeling embarrassed for following the other players around for so long. All he wanted was someone to gossip with. Was that too much to ask for?

During their warmup, short shorts and her three girlfriends ditched jogging and approached Chanyeol on the bleachers. The one with bangs and the other black haired girl stood by to watch out for coach, while the blonde one stuck by short shorts’ side.

“Hey,” She greeted him, raising her eyebrows. “You’re Park Chanyeol, right?”

He examined her closer, trying to determine if he knew her from somewhere. “Yeah. Do we know each other?”

“Not really, but I remember you from middle school. I’m Jennie Kim.”

The name sounded familiar, but Chanyeol couldn’t put his finger on how exactly they knew each other.

“I was Jongin’s lab partner. He hung out with you a lot, so that’s how I remember your name.”

He nodded, though the memories never returned to him. “Jennie Kim. I think I remember that name.”

She chuckled, pushing her hair behind her ear. “So, what are you doing at girls volleyball practice? Got a girlfriend or something?”

“Nah, I was looking for someone.”

“Who? Maybe we know her.”

He scraped his mind for the names of the girls, but could only recall their faces. “Nobody, forget it. I was only curious what the junior girls were gossiping about these days.” He felt no shame in admitting the truth, only the guys would judge him for it.

“Lots.” Jennie sat down beside him, playing with her hair as she smiled to herself. “Me and Rosé were just talking about a dating rumor that’s been going around.”

Chanyeol listened carefully, keeping an ear out for any familiar names. Drama interested him and all, but those involved meant more to him than anything. One name in particular had been on his mind since meeting Suho at the bleachers, and curiosity had him hanging onto Jennie’s every word.

“Then there's Kim Heechul-”

“What about him?” Chanyeol interrupted before he could think to hold his tongue. It wasn’t the name he had in mind, but it came close.

“I heard he’s dating a junior guy. He’s, like, way too old for him, but they made it official anyways.”

“I saw them in the hallways the other day.” Rosé added. “Not gonna lie, his boyfriend was pretty cute.”

“It’s always the good looking ones that end up being most problematic.”

“Well, Kai doesn’t seem too bad.” Rosé nudged Jennie in the arm, making her cheeks turn red. The strange behavior caught Chanyeol’s attention, and he took his mind off that name for the first time in hours to focus on the girl beside him.

“Do you…?”

“Did I make it obvious?” She giggled, leaning into Rosé. “I’ve kinda been wanting to talk to him, but I don’t know how to approach him.” She went quiet for a while, watching her other teammates finish another lap around the field.

“Do you think…”

“What?”

“Do you think maybe you could talk to him for me?” She looked up at Chanyeol with puppy dog eyes. “You know, let him know I might be interested in hanging out with him, just to make things less awkward for us.”

“I don’t know…” The last time Chanyeol talked to Kai was three months ago. Making things less awkward for Jennie only meant making things more awkward for him.

“Please? I’ll pay you back, I swear.”

“It’s just that-”

“I can give you gas money. How ‘bout twenty dollars worth?”

Chanyeol could always use extra gas money. Even when late night drives with the boys stopped, he found himself scraping the bottom of his piggy bank to get him to and from school.

“I...I guess.”

“Park Chanyeol!” She shrieked, jumping to her feet and throwing her arms around his neck. “You’re the best! I’ll bring you the money tomorrow!”

The coach heard her shouting and called the four of them back to the field, leaving Chanyeol alone on the bleachers to regret his agreement in silence.


	5. Bitter Attitudes And Dirty Converse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Why so bitter?

The number one struggle of being a teenager with no car; getting to and from places without having to walk for hours. Most juniors had their permits and their own cars by the time school began, but Baekhyun wasn’t as fortunate.

His parents wouldn’t waste a dime on a car they expected him to crash in the first twenty four hours upon purchasing it, and they certainly wouldn’t let him lay a finger on theirs.

If he wanted a ride, he’d have to find his own. Fortunately for Baekhyun, he had connections and just enough stolen money from his college savings to pay them back for their services.

Heechul promised to give him a ride home after their meetup, but Baekhyun lost sight of the senior when he strayed away to talk to his other friends, leaving him stranded in the courtyard with no way home except his own two feet.

Walking for thirty minutes in Converse left his feet feeling blistered and sore. He’d rather sleep in the locker room then return home on foot.

Of course, custodians would beat his ass if they caught him sleeping on campus (again, mind you) meaning he had to catch a ride with someone else.

Across the way, Baekhyun spotted the volleyball girls playing in the sand, diving to the ground or jumping up to the height of the fence. Beside them, Park Chanyeol sat on the bleachers, staring down at his phone.

Baekhyun started towards the field, but stopped short and chose to stare instead. Talking to his ex friends wasn’t difficult for him so long as they didn’t bring up the summer, but something about Chanyeol made it hard to speak to him without someone else there to ease the unexplainable tension.

Desperately in need of a ride, he started forward again, but the voice in the back of his head told him to stop. He could find someone else. He had other options.

Scrolling through his phone, Baekhyun took note of at least four people he had saved in his contacts that could take him home. They ranged from old science partners to old flings, none of which Baekhyun considered himself very fond of.

He slouched onto the floor, weighing his options and trying to determine the best candidate. Kim Taehyung had a car, but last they spoke, Baekhyun failed them on a group project. Park Jimin used to offer him rides all the time, but that was before he found out the identity of the culprit who wrote slurs against him in bathroom stalls.

Kang Seugli almost considered him a friend during their freshman year, but things changed when she discovered Baekhyun dabbled in drug use and alcohol consumption.

He remained in touch with Lee Taemin, but owed the bastard at least forty dollars in gas money. Spammed texts asking for payment were the most he heard from the senior.

That left him with seven ex friends still saved in his favorites, excluding Chanyeol. His thumb hovered over Suho’s contact, but couldn’t bring himself to call.

Tired from school and exhausted from his meetup with Heechul, Baekhyun wasn’t in the mood for reconciling.

He let his head fall back and hit the wall, sighing to himself. His own fucking car would solve so many of his problems, but he lacked any sort of trust with his parents. They never failed to remind him that proving his responsibility would grant him teenage privileges, but Baekhyun had very little tolerance for faking perfection.

From the looks of it, a pair of Converse was his ride home. Even when he sat up to spot Chanyeol leaving the bleachers and searching for his truck in the parking lot, he chose not to hitch a ride with him. Based on their interaction earlier that day, it didn’t seem Chanyeol would’ve wanted it anymore than Baekhyun did.

He pushed himself off the floor and tucked his phone into the back pocket of his jeans, mentally preparing himself for the long and painful journey ahead.  _ Fifteen miles. It’s only fifteen miles. _ He silently cursed his parents for settling down so far away from school.

Three minutes into his walk and he felt ready to give up. Converse certainly weren’t built to withstand such long walks and neither was Baekhyun, who felt winded despite his rather slow pace.

Sleeping in the locker room sounded like heaven in that moment.

He sat down on the curb, burying his head in his hands and inhaling to catch his breath. The sound of an engine roaring and tires skirting filled his ears, as if the universe intended to mock him for his beaten up shoes and sore feet.

He looked up to see a black Lamborghini swerve around the corner, kicking up dust and temporarily blinding him. He waved the brown cloud away, coughing into his arm and squinting at the expensive car that planted itself right in front of him.

The tinted window rolled down to reveal a junior student in a pair of Gucci shades sitting behind the wheel. He turned his head ever so slightly and looked down at Baekhyun, not a hint of emotion on his face.

Baekhyun smiled back, more relieved to finally have a ride than to see an old friend.

“Sehun, long time no see.”

He didn’t return the greeting. Instead, he reached across the seat to open the door on the passenger’s side. Baekhyun didn’t waste any time jumping to his feet and circling around the front, climbing in next to him and kicking his dirty feet up on the dashboard.

“No.”

“Come on, it’s-”

“Your shoes are filthy and this is a new fucking car. Put them down now.”

Baekhyun complied, slightly startled by the younger’s tone. Time changed people, he knew that better than most, but he didn’t expect the kid to develop such an attitude over three months. Maybe he wasn’t being fair by judging so quickly, but he couldn’t help but think back to all the times Sehun trashed Chanyeol’s car despite the older’s complaints.

_ What a hypocrite _ , he thought, rolling his eyes.

“So, are you going to say hello after ignoring me for three months, or are we gonna sit in silence the entire ride?”

Sehun didn’t respond immediately, leaving Baekhyun to assume he wouldn’t for the remainder of their travels. He sat back in his seat, crossing his arms over his chest and staring out the window.

“I didn’t ignore you for three months; you ignored me.”

Baekhyun scoffed, keeping his eyes focused on anything but the younger. “I don’t recall hearing from you all summer.”

“You blocked my number.”

“I did? Fuck, I don’t even remember doing that.”

“I texted you the day of the funeral...since you didn’t show.” He added extra emphasis on the end of his sentence, as if Baekhyun couldn’t already sense the bitterness in his tone. “I wanted to talk, but you fucking blocked me.”

“Must’ve been high.” He laughed, not because he found anything amusing, but to cope with the rising tension. He hated nothing more than confrontations such as this one. “Seriously though, I don’t remember blocking you.”

“Well, you fucking did and you’re lucky I’m even giving you a ride right now.”

Baekhyun looked down at his feet, trying to suppress the guilt rising in his chest. He thought to apologize, but words never came easy to him when it came time to be serious.

“I can unblock you if you w-”

“Don’t bother.” He interrupted, adjusting his shades further up the bridge of his nose, shielding his eyes from Baekhyun’s sight. “Just shut up for the rest of the drive. I’m not in the mood to talk.”

◈◈◈

After confronting five different students who knew Kai in some way, Chanyeol finally came to the conclusion that his ex friend came to school early every morning for dance practice. It would’ve been easier to find him during lunch considering he knew where he sat, but Chanyeol decided talking to him required a private spot and the bustling lunch room wouldn’t do.

The morning after talking to Jennie, Chanyeol arrived at school twenty minutes earlier than he normally did, roaming the halls in search of the dance room. He’d been in the fine arts building before to borrow guitars whenever he lost track of his own, but the location of each room was unfamiliar to him.

To make things easier, each door had a label on it, but it took time to read each and every one of them while simultaneously trying not to look completely clueless in front of the band kids practicing across the hall.

He would’ve asked for directions had they not been so absorbed in their routine. Not that he wanted to talk to any more strangers anyways.

Ten minutes spent wandering the building eventually led him to the dance room at the end of the hall, beyond the auditorium and the color guard practice room. Through the glass doors, Chanyeol spotted Kai pacing in front of the mirrors, his earbuds in and his eyes glued to his phone.

He wanted to turn back. Jennie could handle it herself; she seemed like a very capable girl, and Kai was easy to talk to. Unless, of course, you were his ex friend.

Shit, he couldn’t turn back after coming this far. Jennie would be looking for him later that day with twenty dollars worth of gas money, expecting something in return. He couldn’t face her with nothing to give but excuses as to why he failed.

He sucked in a breath of air, then pushed the doors open and walked onto the dance floor. He made no attempt to act natural, not even bothering to announce his presence.

But, he didn’t need to. Kai noticed him as soon as he heard the doors open, and looked up from his music playlist to find his ex friend staring back at him.

Neither of them spoke. Chanyeol didn’t know what to say and Kai expected him to speak first. Their eyes remained locked on each other, refusing to break away despite how uncomfortable it made them both.

Chanyeol cleared his throat and Kai blinked back to reality. “Do I owe you gas money or something?”

Chanyeol shifted from one foot to the other, shaking his head. “No.”

“Then what is Park Chanyeol doing visiting me after ignoring me for three months?” He asked, yanking his earbuds out of his ears.

“I wasn’t ignoring you, I just...I was busy...I didn’t have time…” Chanyeol let his sentence trail off, wondering why he bothered explaining his actions when Kai stayed just as quiet, choosing to blow off his texts and “forgetting” to respond to his voice mails too.

“Anyways, I’m here to talk to you.”

“About what? You didn’t have much to say the last time we talked, so I’m curious what you have to say now.”

He had some nerve acting so bitter when he did nothing to help the situation. Last time they talked, they watched as their friends’ bodies were lowered into the ground. Chanyeol didn’t know what Kai expected him to act like after having to witness their dead bodies a second time.

“Would you stop acting like an asshole? I didn’t come to pick a fight with you.”

“Then, spit it out, Chanyeol. I’d love to hear what you have to say to me.”

The attitude really started to irk him, but he let it go for the time being. For Jennie, and for twenty dollars worth of gas money.

“Someone sent me here to tell you something.”

“Oh? So, you couldn’t even come see me on your own terms?” Kai chuckled, licking the front of his teeth in irritation. “Who sent you then, Chanyeol?”

“Jennie Kim. Remember her?”

Kai let his arms drop to his side, cocking his head to the side curiously. It certainly wasn’t what he expected to hear. “My eighth grade lab partner? Yeah, I remember her. Why would she send you to talk to me?”

“Because she wants to hang out with you, but is too afraid to approach you herself. You didn’t hear this from me, but she’s totally into you.”

Kai blinked a couple times, processing the information. He remembered Jennie by her pretty hair and good sense of fashion, but that’s about all he could recall about her. Too many things were on his mind and it had been so long since they spoke; Jennie Kim gradually slipped from his memories.

“Really? She wants to hang out?” He felt heat rising in his cheeks and turned away to hide the change of color in his face.

“Yeah. She likes you, Kai.”

He bit his lip to hold back a smile. “What else did she say? Is there somewhere specific she wants to meet? A certain time?”

“I don’t know, talk to her yourself. I don’t feel like being your messenger anymore.” He turned his back to his ex friend, hesitating to walk away as he thought back to what Kai said to him.

The bastard had no right to be so angry with him. He couldn’t expect Chanyeol to return to his old self in such a short amount of time. He couldn’t expect him to be in the right state of mind to hold a conversation on any normal day, let alone the funeral.

“Let me know how things go.” He mumbled over his shoulder, though he’d rather not have Kai talk to him for a while.


	6. Silence In Place Of Confessions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sehun stays home, Kyungsoo avoids a friend

Sehun didn’t show up to school the following day. His classmates wouldn’t notice; he had no friends in any of his classes. His parents wouldn’t notice either; they were too focused on work.

Over a summer ago, his eleven closest friends would’ve blown his phone up with texts, asking where he disappeared to or if something bad happened. He didn’t expect them to text now, and they didn’t, but the pain of being forgotten made itself felt in his chest.

He fell back on his bed, listening for notifications despite knowing he wouldn’t receive any. At least, not from who he wanted to receive one from.

To his surprise, his mother texted twenty minutes after the first hour bell, asking why the school marked him absent when she expected him to be at school. She rarely noticed the emails from school whenever he skipped. Sehun assumed she had her laptop open and her emails already pulled up when they contacted her.

He texted back saying he felt sick and took the day off. She wouldn’t pester him further; work limited the amount of time she had to talk with her son. A message came back almost thirty minutes later; a simple “k”. No follow up questions, no concern for her son’s well being, no “get better soon”. Sehun didn’t expect anything less.

He wasn’t sick, at least not physically. After his confrontation with Baekhyun the day before, a tightness formed in his chest that couldn’t be cured with pain killers and a day’s rest. He assessed his condition and determined it to be heartbreak.

Heartbreak from what? Well, the options stretched for miles. It started with Baekhyun, and the memories that came with him. Sehun noticed the older dyed his hair blonde, and the resemblance to his late friend was strikingly similar.

Then, Baekhyun had to open his mouth to speak. His voice alone transported Sehun’s mind back to the summer; a place he had no desire to visit again. It had been so long since he spoke to him, or any of his friends for that matter, and their encounter made Sehun realize he could do without the painful memories that they carried.

New friends were always an option, if only Sehun had the energy to attempt making any. Most of the junior students once knew him as “Luhan’s little sidekick”. Without him, they only knew him as miserable.

No one wanted to be friends with the rich prick who couldn’t go one day without lashing out at anyone who so much as glanced at him, especially when they caught him crying.

He hated crying in front of people. At the funeral, he smothered his sobs with a generous dose of sleeping meds to drain him of any energy. He left his tears in the bathroom sink, but they never failed to follow him back home and behind closed doors.

The image of Suho staring at him with concern filled eyes remained tattooed in his brain. His co-leader put one hand on his shoulder and asked, “Do you wanna talk?” in as steady of a voice as he could manage.

Feeling tears building up behind his eyelids, he silently shook his head. A part of him regretted pushing him away and not opening up to him when he had the chance. Perhaps if he didn’t try and hide his sadness, but embrace it and accept the comfort his friends offered, they wouldn’t have abandoned him.

Except maybe Baekhyun. The two were similar in the sense that neither could handle intense feelings very well. While Sehun put walls up to keep everyone out, Baekhyun let too many people in, the wrong people. The kind of people who didn’t offer him a shoulder to cry on, but drugs and alcohol to help cope.

Sehun thought reaching out to him would be easiest. Baekhyun never let conversations get too heavy and always managed to keep the spirits up even in the most dire situations. That’s all he needed that day of the funeral; his spirits lifted.

But, when he messaged the older, asking to meet somewhere to talk, the only thing he received in return was a notification informing him that his new ex friend blocked him.

It broke him. He should’ve known better than to seek comfort in an unreliable junkie than his co-leader; the one who actually had the decency to show up and approach him. He never found out if Baekhyun blocked the others, but his distraught mind led him to believe it was personal.

Of course, the rest of his friends lost touch with the junkie in the same manner, but Sehun never talked to them enough to know that.

And when Baekhyun offered to unblock it, Sehun wished he would’ve said yes. As angry as he felt for being abandoned, he wanted to reconnect with his old friend. If only his bitterness hadn’t gotten in the way, maybe he wouldn’t be so lonely anymore.

◈◈◈

Kyungsoo had a staring habit. For as long as he could remember, he always found his eyes glued to things he hardly even noticed, only blinking back to reality when the unfortunate victim got his attention.

He didn’t mean to. He often let himself get lost in thought, eventually leaving his eyes to drift on their own, landing on anything within sight.

His habit only worsened over the summer. The nine boys all had different ways of coping; Kyungsoo’s was thinking. When emotions became too overwhelming, he sat back and thought of pleasant things, happy memories with his late friends, the good moments they shared before they passed.

He thought of things that made him smile, sometimes even laugh, because that’s what made him feel good. It made their deaths hurt a little less.

And whenever he thought, he stared. He stared at the sky, or a streetlight outside the window, or his uncomfortable classmate sitting beside him. He thought a little too often these days, therefore he stared a little too often.

That day, he caught sight of Baekhyun walking through the halls. He saw the older frequently, but it still shocked him every time his eyes found their way to the blonde. He easily mistook him for another familiar face whenever he noticed the new hair color.

The sight of him elevated Kyungsoo’s awareness, snapping him out of his daydreams and bringing his surroundings to the forefront of his mind. He watched Baekhyun all the way to the bathroom until the door blocked his vision.

The sudden temptation to get up and follow came over him, but he ignored it, keeping himself planted against his locker. Baekhyun blocked his number anyways; as if he wanted to talk after so long.

Kyungsoo’s eyes drifted to someone else; a girl with pretty black hair and cute short shorts. He recognized her as Jennie Kim, Kai’s old lab partner from eighth grade. He never forgot a face, even if he talked to the person a total of two times in the duration of their eighth year.

She bounced from one foot to the other, looking slightly anxious. Kyungsoo observed her demeanor, noticing the twenty dollar bill in her hands and the way her fingers twisted it until it ripped at the corners.

Her eyes gradually moved over every face in the hall, eventually landing on Kyungsoo’s. He quickly looked away, acting as if he hadn’t been staring for an unnecessary amount of time. A couple seconds passed, and he briefly glanced back up to determine if she was still looking.

His heart skipped a beat when he noticed her walking towards him. Talking to strangers didn’t come easy to him, especially when it came to pretty girls.

He thought to run for it, but decided against it when he realized how little distance remained between them. He counted down the seconds before she squatted beside him and gave him a friendly smile.

“Hey, you’re Kyungsoo, Chanyeol’s friend.”

He swallowed his nerves and nodded.

“Yeah, I remember you from middle school. Anyways, do you know where Chanyeol is? I’ve been waiting for him for, like, fifteen minutes now.”

No, Kyungsoo didn’t know where his ex friend was. Besides Baekhyun, who hadn’t left the bathroom, he didn’t know where any of his friends were. He hadn’t known where any of them were for the past three months.

He shook his head, unable to find his voice in the presence of someone as attractive and popular as Jennie Kim.

“Do you think maybe you could text him? I didn’t get his number.”

Kyungsoo froze. He thought to lie and tell her that he didn’t have his number either, but no words came out when he opened his mouth. Simply texting Chanyeol would’ve been easier, but talking to his ex friends didn’t come any easier than talking to strangers.

They might as well be strangers after all this time.

Jennie squinted at him, before looking up and spotting something past his head. “Oh, nevermind. There he is.”

Kyungsoo followed her gaze to the junior towering over every student he walked by. He looked just as lanky and awkward as he remembered him, though his face appeared more sullen than usual.

“Chanyeol!” Jennie shouted, waving one hand over her head.

In a panic, Kyungsoo leapt to his feet and sped down the hall, keeping his head low. He sensed Chanyeol watching him, but refused to turn around and confirm his suspicions. He didn’t feel ready to face him yet. Chanyeol would understand.


	7. Keep In Touch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kai searches for Jennie, Chanyeol gets paid

With the very little information Chanyeol gave him, Kai set out during lunch to find Jennie. All he knew; she wanted to hang out and she took an interest in him. As happy as he felt to hear that, it left him with more questions than he anticipated.

He didn’t know where to find her, or where to find Chanyeol to ask if he knew by any chance. He recalled asking for her email back in eighth grade, before either of them owned a phone, but the slip of paper she gave to him all those years ago went out with the rest of the trash that had been piling up in his room for time.

His old laptop he had it saved on went to his little cousin in Daegu, after he wiped it clean of any data and restarted it.

With her email gone and no way to obtain her number, Kai had to contact her the old fashioned way; finding her and speaking face to face.

He stood against the cafeteria wall, scanning each face that passed him and sighing when it didn’t match Jennie Kim’s. Her pretty black hair and cute short shorts made her relatively easy to identify, but her height made it hard to see her in a sea of students.

He craned his head to the side, eyeing the group of girls walking towards the vending machines. One girl with brown hair and bangs caught his attention. The memories of her from middle school immediately flooded his mind, but he couldn’t remember her name.

He remembered she took an interest in dancing. He liked that about her. She had a good sense of style too; a little tomboyish, but chic. She liked rap music and had two dogs. He went to her house once for a study group.

He even remembered how her bedroom looked, but couldn’t put a name to the face for the life of him.

Beside bangs stood a blonde girl with her hair tied back in a ponytail. Behind her, another girl leaned against the vending machine, her black silky hair curled at the ends and her lips a bright red. All three of them wore matching varsity volleyball shirts.

The blonde liked food, Kai remembered when he saw her stuff a whole chocolate bar in her mouth. And red lips constantly talked about how she planned to become an actress when she graduated.

Their names remained a mystery to him.

But, he knew them for a reason. They were friends of Jennie’s; her best friends. Locking arms, the girls grabbed the last of their snacks and went back to their table. Jennie couldn’t be far behind.

Then, as if out of a scene from a movie, the girl with pretty black hair and cute short shorts emerged from the crowd, smiling and laughing about something. From a certain angle, when the light hit the side of her face just right, she resembled Bae Joohyun.

Kai hesitated to approach her, thinking back to the stunning senior from the previous year. Last time he laid eyes on Goddess Irene, she stopped him on his way to the bathroom at the funeral home to apologize.

He didn’t imagine their first real interaction to be under such circumstances.

He told her not to apologize; she did nothing wrong. She did anyways, even going as far as to give him a tight hug. Any other time, he would’ve dropped dead at any contact with someone so perfect, but that day, he embraced it. The comforting gesture went a long way during those difficult times.

He hated associating Joohyun with her boyfriend, but the thought of him always followed close behind whenever the goddess returned to his memories. Seeing Jennie appear as stunning as Joohyun did forced Kai to turn on his heels and head for the bathroom instead.

He leaned over the sink, letting his tears wash down the drain with the running faucet. Holding his breath momentarily silenced his choking sobs, but it only worked for so long. A shaky breath escaped his mouth, sounding much louder than he expected.

“Fuck…” He heard a small voice curse under his breath. Kai looked up towards the mirror, seeing the reflection of another student’s feet under the stall door. He quickly wiped the tears away with the sleeve of his jacket and turned around to face the occupied stall.

“You don’t have to wait for me to leave.” He said, trying to keep his voice as steady as possible.

“Sorry. I didn’t want to make things awkward.” The junior swung the door open, his backpack adjusted high on his back. The toilet never flushed, meaning he visited the bathroom for different reasons.

He stopped for a second to take in the sight of Kai, then continued towards the sink.

“Xiumin?” He said with a small chuckle. “It’s funny I ran into you.”

“Why?” He glanced up at the mirror to see Kai’s puffy red eyes staring back at him.

“Because I didn’t expect to. You know, I talked to Chanyeol today. It’s weird how I’m suddenly seeing you guys around school after not hearing from you for three months.”

Xiumin flicked the excess water from his hands and pulled a few paper towels to dry them. “Is that why you’re crying?”

“What?”

“Seeing Chanyeol again. Is that why you’re crying?”

Kai cleared his throat, blinking back the remainder of his tears. “No, it’s nothing…” A knot formed in his throat, making it harder to maintain a steady voice. “I was just thinking…”

“About what?”

“About-” He stopped himself, thinking the mention of her name might release another torrent of tears.

“What?”

“Just...summer.”

Xiumin nodded, deciding leaving it at that would be best. “Well, lunch is almost over. We should...we should leave now.”

Kai nodded, drying his cheeks with the back of his hand. He followed Xiumin to the door, keeping his head low to avoid anymore eye contact.

“It was nice talking to you again.” Xiumin continued when they entered the hall. “You’re the first person I’ve spoken to since May.”

Kai nodded, forcing a smile onto his face. “It was nice talking to you too.” He thought to suggest keeping in touch, but Xiumin already started in the opposite direction by the time his mouth opened again to speak.

◈◈◈

“There.” Rosé pointed across the parking lot at the six foot one giant heading towards his car. “There he is.”

“Oh good. He hasn’t left school yet.” Jennie marched forward, her three friends following close behind. She had another twenty dollar bill crumpled in her hand, hoping gas money would convince the lanky football player to help her once again.

Just as Chanyeol climbed into the front seat of his car, Jennie leaned one arm against his open window and stuck the bill in his face.

“What th-”

“I’m an idiot, Park Chanyeol.”

He gently pushed her hand away. “You are?”

“Yes. Gosh! I’m so stupid!” She slammed her hands down on the car door.

“What happened?”

“I didn’t even think to plan a meeting spot. What was I expecting? Kai to just automatically know where I was and approach me?” She groaned, burying her head in her arms. “I had no idea where to find him and he clearly didn’t know where to find me.”

“I’m...sorry to hear that.” Chanyeol said, lightly patting her elbow to appear somewhat sympathetic. “But, you can always try tomorrow.”

“You’re right, but this time, we need a plan.”

“We?”

“You’re going to help me, right?”

Chanyeol awkwardly laughed, unable to determine whether she meant it as a joke or not.

“I’ll pay you.” She held the twenty dollar bill up. He examined the wrinkled piece of paper, debating whether he should take it or not. If he did, whose best interest would it be in? His or Jennie’s?

Most likely Jennie’s. It never went both ways.

“Come on, Chanyeol! All I need is for you to tell him where to meet up. Or, at least give me his number.” She waved the money in his face as if to tempt him.

He rolled his eyes. “Fine, I’ll give you his number, but I’m done talking to him.” He snatched the money from her and stuffed it in his wallet.

“What? Did you two get in a fight or something?”

“No, just...forget it.” He took his phone out to find Kai’s number. Three months ago, he had the ten digits embedded in his brain, along with ten other numbers he texted frequently. Now, he couldn’t remember one digit.

As he pulled up his contacts and scrolled through his favorites, he noticed a familiar head of hair in the corner of his eye. He looked up to find the kid walking hand in hand with his senior boyfriend. The blonde hair made him easy to recognize.

“You do have it, right?” Jennie asked, unaware of what caught the other’s attention.

“Yeah…”

“Then tell me what it is.”

“Um…” His eyes followed Baekhyun to Heechul’s car, which he noticed had been smashed from behind. The bumper hung dangerously low to the ground, only a few pieces of duct tape holding it together. Ironically, the torn sticker above it read “watch for pedestrians”.

Heechul opened the door for the younger, slightly bowing to imitate a gentleman. Baekhyun said something to him, but the angle at which he stood prevented Chanyeol from reading his lips. He felt his chest tighten when the junior placed a kiss on his boyfriend’s cheek, before climbing in the passenger’s seat and kicking his feet up on the dashboard.

Heechul circled around the front, a cigarette in one hand and a match in the other. He climbed in and started the sputtering old engine, spitting black smoke out the back pipe. Without putting on his seatbelt or waiting for the younger to, he sped out of the parking lot, leaving a crowd of students coughing in a cloud of blackness.

“Hello?!” Jennie shouted, snapping her fingers in his face. “Are you going to give me his number or not?”

He shook his head to clear his thoughts, then looked down at his phone again to recite the numbers. When he finished, Jennie wrapped her arms around his neck as best as she could while leaning through the window.

“Thanks, Chanyeol. You’re the best.” She said as she walked away with her girlfriends.

“Sure.” Chanyeol mumbled to himself, his eyes still locked on Kai’s phone number. Without thinking, he clicked on their last text message to remind himself where things left off with his ex friend.

_ Chanyeol: meet us under the bleachers after school, we’re going to Irene’s party _

_ Kai: no fucking way _

_ Chanyeol: seriously _

Their conversation ended there. Nothing followed and everything before were conversations about homework assignments or upcoming weekend plans. He went through every other text message with his ex friends, realizing the majority of them suddenly stopped on May 25th.

His last message to Kris read;  _ Suho suggests we dress casually so we don’t stand out _ , to which Kris replied with a simple “got it”.

His last message to Tao read;  _ where the hell’s my guitar _ , and received no response in return. Chanyeol remembered discovering Tao borrowed it for a few days without telling him.

His last message to Luhan read;  _ did you see the moon tonight _ , sent the day a full moon appeared in the sky. Luhan responded with “it’s three in the morning, go to bed”.

He shut his phone off, feeling his eyes begin to water. The suffocating feeling of guilt took hold of him again, strangling the sobs out. Very rarely did he let himself think about his late friends, but it couldn’t be avoided forever. The guilt he carried with him everyday couldn’t be ignored.

He watched his friends die while he stood there and did nothing. No amount of time could make him forget that.


	8. A Cluster Of Stars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jennie texts Kai, Chanyeol volunteers

_ Jennie: hey, this is Jennie again, I just finished volleyball practice and I’m waiting by the volleyball courts, wanna meet up? _

For over a week, Jennie sent Kai the same text asking to hang out, and Kai ignored every one of them. His intention wasn’t to be rude, but after seeing her in the cafeteria and being reminded of Bae Joohyun, he couldn’t bring himself to face her.

After a week, Kai expected her to give up and move on. Anyone else would’ve taken the silence as an indication that the other had no interest in them. But, not Jennie. Her texts continued to blow up his phone well into September.

◈◈◈

September 1st, Kai received a text from Jennie during his math class. The teacher had his head down, grading papers and paying no attention to the students he expected to be working on their study guides. He wouldn’t notice Kai slip his phone out of his pocket.

_ Jennie: hey, homecoming is next week, do you have a date? _

He nearly dropped his phone at the sight of her text. It said very little, but implied so much more. Every year, Kai didn’t bring a girl to the homecoming dance, but his friends. They went in a group, seeing as none of them could ask their crushes out for the life of them. They made a promise to each other during freshman year that the homecoming dance would be for them and them only; dates were off limits.

It all started when Baekhyun asked an upperclassman to the dance, a student whose name Kai couldn’t recall. The junior simply laughed in the freshman’s face and told him to get lost.

Little Baekhyun, who never cried in front of his friends, ran off to the bathroom and missed his last three classes. The others ditched their classes as well and sat outside the bathroom, overwhelming him with compliments and promises of food to get him to come out.

Kris swore he’d never let it happen to another one of his friends again. After school behind the bleachers, he declared homecoming a night for friends, and demanded they forget about their crushes for a few hours.

They went to the dance that Friday, locking arms and turning a blind eye to the juniors who laughed at them when they passed by. They took Baekhyun out for ice cream when the dance came to an end, then fell asleep in Chanyeol’s car and didn’t return home until the following morning.

It became tradition to have ice cream after the dance every year, as well as skip the last three classes of the day the week of to barricade the bathroom and hang out until the bell rang.

Now, Kai had no choice but to take a girl, or not go at all. He felt he owed it to Jennie considering he ignored her for so long. He didn’t want her to think he hated her, but based on the daily texts she sent, he assumed she didn’t.

His thumb hovered over the keyboard, thinking of what to type. He didn’t want to respond as if he hadn’t been blowing her off, but he also didn’t want to call too much attention to it. After considering it for roughly five minutes, he sent a text saying, “no, do you wanna be my date since we haven’t gotten a chance to hang out yet?”

◈◈◈

Chanyeol’s government class required every student to accomplish at least twenty hours of volunteer work by the end of the semester. With homecoming approaching, most juniors chose to participate in setting up decorations or purchasing food and snacks. Others offered to work the snack bars at the football game or sell banners and face paint.

Chanyeol chose to do neither. He planned to stay home the night of homecoming, therefore what decorations they chose or what snacks they selled at the game didn’t matter to him. He didn’t have to be at the game since varsity played and the dance was optional, so he wouldn’t go if he didn’t have to.

Instead, he signed his name under the daycare slot. He discovered via posters and school announcements that an entire club dedicated themselves to helping daycare after school, meaning plenty of students were already working there, leaving Chanyeol with very little to do. At least, that’s what he expected.

He had no desire to be around kids, but cleaning up crayons and reading a few story books sounded more appealing than spending his homecoming night alone, selling “go wolves!” posters and watching the varsity players rub it in that he wasn’t good enough to make the team.

He grabbed the pen off the top of the clipboard and pressed the tip against the paper, reading the signatures above. One in particular caught his eye; a student from another period with his name written in prestigious cursive. Kim Minseok.

“Speed it up, Chanyeol. Other students are waiting.” His teacher said, watching him dig an ink filled whole into the paper.

Chanyeol swallowed the knot forming in his throat and proceeded to write his name down, thinking perhaps working the game or setting up the dance wouldn’t have been so bad.

◈◈◈

A small group of students stood outside the daycare center on the far side of campus, waiting for a club member to give them further instructions. Chanyeol stood among them, eyeing Xiumin on the opposite side of the hall.

Xiumin felt his eyes burning into the back of his head, but chose not to acknowledge it. His run-in with Kai proved awkward enough, he could only imagine how painful it would be to talk to Chanyeol.

He turned to the student standing next to him, a kid from his government class that he’d talk to maybe twice, and began a conversation. The kid looked confused by the sudden interaction, but went with it out of politeness.

The lengths Xiumin went to simply to avoid his old friend.

Chanyeol stepped forward, intent on speaking to the other and at least attempting to make things less awkward between them, but the club member who entered the hallway caught his attention.

He turned towards the door to see another junior smiling at the crowd, rubbing his hands together. “Hey guys, welcome to the daycare cent-” He stopped when he caught sight of the giant staring back at him. His eyes quickly averted to the side, only to land on another ex friend.

Chen must’ve had the best fucking luck in the world. Two ex friends spotted in a matter of seconds. The next two hours would be interesting.

“Uh...welcome to the daycare center.” He continued, choosing to look directly at the three students in front of him. “We’re really grateful to have volunteers here to help out. Come in, the kids are excited to meet you.”

They followed him into the little cafeteria, where over a dozen kids sat in circles, drawing or building with clay. Chanyeol expected them to be loud and reckless, but was pleasantly surprised to see how well behaved they were.

“We’ve got lots for you guys to do. You can sign up for jobs here.” Chen handed a clipboard to the closest student and instructed him to pass it around when he finished. By the time it reached Chanyeol, only one job remained; coloring.

Xiumin hadn’t received the clipboard yet, meaning he had only one option as well. He swore an extraterrestrial force intended for them to end up working together. It couldn’t be a coincidence.

“Now that you guys all have your jobs, you’ll have a mentor to help you out. The names of your mentors are at the top of the sheet. I’ll take all the coloring students.”

Chanyeol almost laughed in annoyance. Was this his punishment for refusing to work homecoming? Did someone set him up? Suho? It had to be Suho.

Xiumin stepped forward first and Chen nearly frowned before he caught himself. Chanyeol followed soon after, joining them at the coloring table. He gave up trying to hide his disappointment.

“So, this is the coloring group?” He stared at his ex friends, praying one more student would join to ease the tension. None of them did, because fate refused to play in their favor that day.

“What do you want us to do?” Xiumin asked in a tone that resembled the tone he used with strangers. He didn’t look at Chen when he spoke, making it easier to pretend the latter was just another mentor he’d never met before.

“All you need to do is supervise the kids while they draw. Sharpen their crayons for them, compliment their drawings, grab them paper and stencils when they ask for it. It’s not much.”

They nodded, then sat down in the colorful plastic chairs designed for five years olds. Xiumin folded his legs under him for more comfort, but Chanyeol’s freakishly long legs prevented him from adjusting accordingly. His knees pressed against the underside of the table and no amount of shifting eased the discomfort.

Six little kids sat with them, drawing or finger painting. One girl asked Xiumin to find her a yellow crayon, while another told Chen to hang her drawing on the art board. None of them acknowledged Chanyeol, most likely due to his intimidating height.

Only the little boy wearing a football jersey talked to him, holding up his finger painting and asking for his opinion.

“That’s very nice.” Chanyeol said, squinting at the drawing to try and determine what it was.

“Thanks. You should paint with me. I want to see what you have to make.”

Chanyeol internally rolled his eyes. He had no desire to get his hands dirty with water colors, but Chen kept side eyeing him as if to tell him to be nice.

He grabbed a blank piece of paper, dipped his index finger in red paint, and drew a streak across the top of the page.

“What’re you drawing?” The boy asked.

He shrugged. “A rainbow.”

“Ew, that’s too girly. Draw something else.”

“Hey, I can draw whatever I want, and rainbows aren’t girly, they’re cool.”

The boy scoffed. “What’s so cool about a rainbow?”

Chanyeol didn’t know how to answer, to which the boy laughed at. “See, they’re not cool. Draw something else.”

If Chanyeol didn’t have an ounce of self control in him, he would’ve slapped that boy across the face. Of course, he didn’t, but the temptation never left him as he grabbed another piece of paper and opened the yellow paint.

“What’re you drawing now?”

“The stars.” He grumbled, jabbing his paint covered finger into the paper.

“Why stars?”

“Because I like stars.”

“What’s there to like about stars? They don’t do anything.”

“They’re pretty. I like to look at them at night.”

“That’s boring.”

Chanyeol sucked in a deep breath, trying to suppress the anger building up in him. “They’re not boring, you just need to learn to appreciate their beauty.”

“Huh?”

He wiped the yellow paint off his finger and held his drawing up to show the kid. “Look. Each individual star looks like nothing but a lonely spot in the empty abyss of space. But, when you look at them all together, it’s more than that. It’s like a city in the sky. The stars bring out the beauty in each other. That’s what makes them so special.”

The kid stared at him with a blank expression, before grabbing Chanyeol’s drawing and dipping his fingers in blue paint.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m gonna add alien spaceships. Stars are too boring.”

“You little-” He reached across the table and snatched the drawing back from him.

“Hey!” The kid tried to take it back, accidentally knocking over the can of red paint and spilling it into Chanyeol’s lap.

“Fuck!” He cursed loud enough for every young ear in the cafeteria to hear.

“Chanyeol, language!”

He ignored Chen and continued cursing to himself, frantically collecting tissues to wipe his clothes down. The paint dripped from his shirt and onto his shoes, spread to his pants, onto his hands, and somehow managed to reach all the way up to his elbows.

The red liquid spread everywhere, making Chanyeol feel dizzy from the sight. His shaky hands dropped the wad of tissue and reached for his chest, rubbing it to make breathing come easier.

Xiumin jumped to his feet, noticing his ex friend’s sudden distress. “Chanyeol, are you okay? Hey,” He shook him, but got no response out of him. “Chanyeol?”

With his head spinning and his breathing exceeding a normal pace, Chanyeol sprinted out of the room, nearly slipping in the red puddle under his feet.

He ran into the bathroom, immediately turning on the sink and washing his hands upon arrival. Xiumin followed not long after, remaining in the doorway until he felt the time was right to approach the other.

He watched as Chanyeol furiously scrubbed his hands, even after all the paint washed away. He scrubbed until his hands turned a bright red, causing his skin to burn under the hot water. He tore his stained shirt off and threw it into the adjacent sink, soaking it until the majority of the fresh stains were removed.

“Chanyeol.” Xiumin called out, his voice shakier than he expected. “Chanyeol, your hands are clean. What are you doing?”

The latter responded with a sniffle, keeping his focus on cleaning his hands and shirt rather than looking up at his ex friend.

“Chanyeol, stop. They’re clean.”

He didn’t listen.

“Chanyeol!” He stormed forward and grabbed the younger by the wrists, pulling his hands out from under the water. “They’re clean!”

Chanyeol yanked his hands away and buried his head in his arms, sobbing into his elbow. He fell to his knees before leaning up against the wall and curling up in a sitting position. Xiumin looked down at the red stains splattered across the sink, then back at the kid sitting at his feet.

“Here.” He handed Chanyeol his letterman jacket, which he grabbed off the back of his chair before following him to the bathroom. “I can find you a spare shirt if you want.”

Chanyeol shook his head, rubbing his drowsy eyes with his upper arm. “I’m going home.” He mumbled, hardly loud enough for Xiumin to hear.

“Do you want me to drive you?”

“No.” He pushed himself off the floor, wrapping himself in his jacket and grabbing his soaking shirt. “Thanks anyways.”

Xiumin wanted to reach out and stop the younger from going on his own, but the voice in the back of his mind told him to let it go. Just let him go.


	9. Lies, Lies, Lies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Suho and Kyungsoo talk, Sehun is pestered by an old friend

Suho spotted Kyungsoo sitting outside the cafeteria at lunch, alone, and a book sitting in front of him. He took a deep breath, clutching his notepad in his hand and chewing on his pen again. Approaching students to interview them became easier as the year progressed, but Suho couldn’t say the same for approaching his old friends. It never got any easier.

He silently walked up to his table, forgetting to announce his presence. With his nose buried deep in his book, Kyungsoo hadn’t seen nor heard Suho approach him, leaving Suho to stand in awkward silence until the thought of alerting his friend finally dawned on him.

He tapped his badly chewed pen on the edge of the book. Kyungsoo lifted his head to meet his ex co-leader’s gaze, slightly smiling at the sight of him.

“Hey.”

“Hey.”

Suho turned to the seat in front of him and Kyungsoo nodded. Compared to his encounters with other familiar faces, things were going exceptionally well so far.

He sat down and folded his hands on top of the table, casually looking at Kyungsoo’s book and trying to decipher what the upside down words read.

“It’s The Perks Of Being A Wallflower.” Kyungsoo said, noticing where his ex co-leader’s eyes landed.

“What’s it about?”

“A kid trying to get through high school after experiencing trauma.” He explained, intentionally keeping it brief. “But, I’m assuming you didn’t come here to talk about my book.”

Suho straightened himself out, flipping to his page of questions written in the back of his notepad. Five minutes before he went looking for Kyungsoo, he sat in a bathroom stall and scribbled them down, hoping they’d mask his true intentions.

“Yeah, I came here to interview you for the book club. I have to do a segment for the school newspaper.” He pulled the pen out of the clenches of his jaw and pressed it to the paper. “So, do you mind if I ask you a few questions?”

Kyungsoo saw right through him. His old friend had a habit of chewing pens whenever his nerves overcame him, and nothing made him more nervous than lying right to someone’s face. Suho didn’t come looking for an interview, Kyungsoo knew that. But, he let him think otherwise.

“Sure. Ask away.”

Suho tapped his pen beside the first question, as if to remind himself which one he meant to read out loud first. “What do you like most about the book club?”

“Reading, mostly. I also like that I get to hear what other people thought of the book. It’s fun to share our opinions.”

Suho mindlessly nodded as he wrote that down. Kyungsoo peered over the spiral ever so slightly to catch a glimpse of his notes. The words captured a general sense of his answer, but he didn’t bother attempting to write it down exactly how he heard it.

“Um...what would you say to people who are thinking about joining?”

Kyungsoo didn’t answer, prompting Suho to look up from his notepad and see the younger smiling at him. He looked between his eyes, expecting a response, and received nothing instead.

“What?”

“Suho, if you wanted to talk, all you had to do was say so.”

The pen gradually slipped from his hand. He folded his notepad closed and stuffed it in his backpack. “How’d you know?”

“Your questions are lacking and your demeanor is...telling.”

Suho smiled shyly, subconsciously sticking the pen between his teeth again. “Fine, I don’t have to interview anyone from the book club.”

“So, why are you here? Is there something specific you wanted to talk about, or did you just want to catch up?”

“Both.”

Kyungsoo nodded. “Okay then. Let’s start with the specific thing you wanted to talk about.”

“It’s about Chanyeol.” He paused, reconsidering bothering Kyungsoo about it. Most likely, he didn’t have the answers he sought for, but talking to Kyungsoo came easiest compared to the others.

“What about Chanyeol?”

“Well, I went by practice this morning to talk to him and I couldn’t find him. The coach told me he had to leave early due to health related issues. I got worried and reached out to him, but he’s ignoring me again. I doubt you know what’s wrong, but- I don’t know- I thought I should ask anyways.”

Kyungsoo’s eyes found their way to the floor, giving Suho the answer he expected, but hoped he wouldn’t get. “Sorry, but I haven’t talked to Chanyeol since May.”

“I know.” He said with a sigh. “I was thinking of stopping by his house after school to check up on him.”

“Are you sure? Maybe he wants to be left alone.”

“I’m only making sure nothing serious happened.” He bit down on his pen again. “You wanna come with me?”

“I don’t know…”

“It would give us a chance to catch up, and maybe hang out with Chanyeol if he’s in the mood.” He grabbed Kyungsoo’s hand and gave it a small squeeze. “Please?”

Kyungsoo examined his eyes, noticing a hint of desperation concealed by false happiness. His ex co-leader had been lonely for far too long; lack of communication with his friends and the toll it took on him made itself evident by his intense stare.

“Fine. Let’s meet in the parking lot after school.” Kyungsoo said just as the bell rang to mark the end of lunch.

◈◈◈

Sehun wanted to stay home another day, but weeks of being spammed with emails from the school forced his parents to drive him that morning and make sure he stayed for his first class. He wouldn’t have been so defiant had the chance of running into an old friend not threatened him everyday, but he couldn’t avoid it forever; both school and his ex friends.

The week he returned, his teachers hit him with a storm of missing assignments, tests, and notice of mandatory volunteer work in government. After class, the teacher shoved a clipboard in his hands and told him to sign up for twenty hours of service, informing him that the dance committee could use extra help and a slot for daycare recently opened.

As soon as he spotted Xiumin’s name under daycare, he signed up for the homecoming dance.

When the bell dismissed the students from their last class of the day, Sehun collected his stack of incomplete late work and shuffled to his locker, feeling drained of all energy. All he wanted was to return home and sleep, but two hours of volunteer work lodged itself between him and freedom. He’d have to hold out for a little longer.

The dance committee opened the doors to the gym and set up a table beside it, waiting to let volunteers in to work on decorations. Sehun stopped a few feet away, far enough to avoid being seen by the head of the dance committee, and watched as volunteer students signed in and got to work.

_ Fuck this _ , he thought before turning on his heels and heading back towards the parking lot. The doors to freedom were right down the hall, just in sight. He almost ran to them, his eagerness to get home giving him a sudden burst of energy.

Just before he reached the doors, another junior turned the corner, standing between him and the door. He had his back turned, but Sehun identified him immediately by his blonde hair and dirty Converse.

As fast as he left, he returned to the gym. To his luck, the head of the dance committee noticed and called after him.

“Oh Sehun?! Are you Oh Sehun?!”

Both Sehun and Baekhyun turned towards the sound of her voice. Baekhyun watched as Sehun reluctantly approached the table, signing a slip of paper and entering the gym. He quickly followed behind, hoping to catch the rich prick before he disappeared for good.

“Name?” The head of the dance committee asked just as Baekhyun approached the doors.

“Byun Baekhyun.”

“Your name isn’t on the list of volunteers. Who's your teacher?”

“Does it matter? Just be glad you have another volunteer.”

She shrugged, then granted him access to the gym. Upon entering, he spotted Sehun across the way, digging through cardboard boxes and collecting poster paper. He grabbed a handful of markers, some glitter, and a bottle of glue before heading to the tables outside the gym.

He stopped when he realized Baekhyun stood right behind him, nearly knocking the supplies out of his hands.

“Hey.”

“What do you want?” He growled, moving past the blonde and continuing towards the empty tables.

“You busy?”

“What does it look like?”

“I didn’t know you did volunteer work.”

“It’s for school. Anyways, why are you here?”

“Well,” Baekhyun fished into his pocket and pulled out a few crumpled wads of cash. “I owe you gas money...and I need a ride home.”

Sehun dropped his supplies on the table and took a seat. “What? Kim Heechul can’t drive you?”

“He has to stay after school to make up a test, so I’m on my own. Do you think you could take me?”

Sehun responded with a scoff, then turned his back to his ex friend and began writing “HOMECOMING” in big bold letters with various colored markers. He had no energy or motivation to make it look pretty. The dance committee would make do with what he gave them.

“I’ll help with the poster if you drive me home.” He offered, picking up a marker and drawing squiggles to appear useful.

“Forget it. You can walk.”

“Come on. I paid you for last time and I’m offering to help now. What gives?”

He didn’t answer.

“Still mad I blocked you? I offered to-”

“Shut up, Baekhyun.” He snapped, forcing the other to bite his tongue. “Just shut the fuck up and draw.”

The following ten minutes were spent in silence, Baekhyun not daring to break it and Sehun enjoying every second of it.

_ This kid talks too much _ , he thought,  _ I’m surprised I got him to shut up. _

Baekhyun didn’t speak until he finished drawing his squiggles. “What should I do now?” He asked.

Sehun tossed him the glitter and bottle of glue. “Make it look fancy.”

Baekhyun started working in silence, but it wasn’t long before he spoke again. “So, you plan on going to the dance?”

“No.”

“How come?”

“Because I don’t want to.”

Baekhyun laughed, the bouncing of his shoulders shaking his hand and spilling a little too much glitter. “Well, I’m going. Heechul asked me out.”

“How sweet…”

“Isn’t it?” He piled more glitter onto the paper, no longer paying attention to his work and making a mess. “I’m going thrift shopping for a suit over the weekend. I’m hoping to find a suit that isn’t black, since everyone’s gonna be wearing black.”

“Uh huh.” Sehun didn’t bother attempting to listen anymore. He had work to do and no desire to hear Baekhyun’s voice.

“I think a white suit would look nice, but it all depends on my hair color. I’m thinking about dying it again.”

Sehun finally looked up from his drawing, taking in the sight of the blonde head of hair. He liked the color on Baekhyun. Despite the painful memories it brought, it made him feel like he had his best friend back again. Like his loneliness was only an illusion, and the summer only a dream.

“Why?”

“I dunno. I guess blonde just isn’t my style anymore. I’m thinking about dying it blue. Like, a bright blue that really stands out, and get bangs. I think I look cute with bangs.”

“You’re going to look like a fucking clown.”

“Thanks for the compliment.” He chuckled to himself. “But seriously, blue is my color. I think Heechul will like it too. He said his favorite color is blue. I’ll surprise him the night of homecoming. When he picks me up from my place, I’ll walk out looking all stunning with my white suit and blue hair and he’ll-”

“Didn’t you say Heechul had a test to make up?” Sehun interrupted, looking at something beyond Baekhyun’s head.

“Yeah, why…” He followed his gaze to the glass doors. Outside, in the parking lot, stood Heechul and another girl. They sat on the hood of his dirty old car, locking lips and digging their hands into each other’s hair. Heechul grabbed the girl’s silver pigtail and pulled her head closer, deepening the kiss.

Baekhyun felt his stomach twist into knots. He turned away, staring intensely at the poster as he fought back his tears.

Sehun wanted to say something, but couldn’t find the right words. He chose to stay silent, watching his ex friend’s face distort in a poor attempt to hide his pain.

“I’ll be right back.” He said quietly, before rising to his feet and marching towards the parking lot. 

“Baekhyun, don’t.” He chased after him, finding the blonde moved faster than he realized. By the time he reached him, Heechul already noticed their arrival.

“Baek!” He scooted away from the girl, laughing and scratching the back of his neck. “What’s up?”

“Did you finish your test?” He asked, tilting his head back to meet his boyfriend’s eyes.

“Yeah, I did.”

“How’d you do?”

“Uh...I got a...I got a B.”

“That’s good.”

“Yeah. Yeah it is.”

Baekhyun turned to the girl sitting on the hood of the car, trying his best to hide the anger in his gaze. “Who’s this?”

“Oh! This is Taeyeon. She’s an old friend from my graduating class. Taeyeon, this is Baekhyun...my boyfriend.”

“Boyfriend?!” The silver haired girl squealed, smacking on her gum and eyeing the junior. “I didn’t know you were dating anyone. Is he a senior?”

“Junior.”

“A junior? I shouldn’t be surprised; anyone older wouldn’t be dumb enough to date you.” She laughed, earning a punch to the arm.

“They listen better when they’re younger.” Heechul muttered, but Sehun and Baekhyun still heard it.

“He’s cute. Do you think I could borrow him for a while?”

“Hilarious.”

“Well,” She pushed herself off the car and spit her gum onto the asphalt. “Me and Heechul were planning on hanging out tonight. You’re welcome to join us, kid.”

Baekhyun froze, finding it suddenly difficult to speak. Taeyeon noticed how he tensed up, and laughed once again at his expense. “Is he a virgin?”

“Actually,” Sehun cut in, putting himself between Baekhyun and Taeyeon. “He’s coming home with me. We have a test to study for.”

She sized him up, chewing on her bottom lip. “Alright then. It’ll just be me and Heechul then.” She climbed into the passenger’s seat and smacked the side of the car. “Let’s head out, Heechul.”

The senior complied, ignoring Baekhyun as he passed him to reach the driver’s side. The old sputtering car zoomed out of the parking lot, leaving the two juniors coughing on a trail of smoke.

Sehun turned around to find Baekhyun already making his way back to the table. “Baekhyun!” He called out, forcing the blonde to stop in his tracks. “I’ll drive you home when we’re done. You fucking owe me.” 


	10. Falling In Love Never Meant A Thing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Someone pays Chanyeol a visit

Chanyeol dedicated his time meant for football, school, and work to staying home and practicing on his guitar. He tried to suck it up and get through the day, but as he ran laps with the freshmen and sophomores early the morning after his daycare incident, sickness came over him and prevented him from running any further.

The coach asked what was wrong, to which Chanyeol replied with a shrug, simply stating “I feel dizzy” in a near whisper. The coach sent him home and his parents called him in sick, as well as informed the manager of the fast food joint he worked at of his excused absence.

Thinking he’d be in better condition the next morning, Chanyeol rose with the sun and went downstairs to eat breakfast and get ready for school. As soon as he put a spoonful of oatmeal in his mouth, nausea washed over him again and he climbed back into bed, deciding one more day wouldn’t hurt.

To pass the time, Chanyeol dusted his old guitar off and tried his hand at a few songs. He didn’t know many, only a few came to mind, and months of leaving it untouched made him a little rusty.

Tao used to give him lessons. He came by his house whenever he had the opportunity, climbed in through Chanyeol’s window without a head’s up, and sat down on the edge of his bed to play. The handful of songs he knew were all taught to him by Tao, the very first one being “I Can’t Help Falling In Love” at Chanyeol’s request.

It became his favorite to play; one because it sounded nice, and two because Baekhyun liked it too. Before the summer wedged a block between their friendship, Baekhyun came by his house to sing for him, showing off his impressive vocals that he otherwise shied away from revealing.

Chanyeol’s voice wasn’t nearly as strong, but with no one around to sing for him, he took it upon himself to cover both guitar and vocals. He spent the entire day tuning up his instrument and letting his hands get used to the feel of it again, practicing until it came as naturally as it did months ago.

Time seemed to fly by at lightning speed as he absorbed himself in his music, not glancing up at the clock until he heard his neighbors return home at the usual time of four o’clock. He let his cramping fingers rest, setting his guitar on the pillow beside him.

He closed his eyes and listened to the muffled voices of his neighbors entering their house, the birds chirping in the tree beside his window, the rumble of engines driving by. The ambience helped clear his mind, forgetting about the summer, his friends, the incident at daycare. He felt at peace for the first time in a long time, and hoped it would last forever.

Then, he heard shouting outside, abruptly putting an end to the peaceful silence that surrounded him. He sat up, turning his ear to the window.

“Park Chanyeol! Park Chanyeolllll!” He heard someone shouting. “Chanyeolllllll! CHANYEOL-IO! CHANYEOL-IE-OLIE-OHHHHHH!”

He swung his legs over the side of his bed and pulled the curtains back to peer out his window.

“CHANYEOL-IEEEEEEE!”

“What?!” He looked down to find Baekhyun standing on his lawn, his hands cupped around his mouth. “What are you doing?”

“I came looking for you.” He smiled brightly, pushing his blonde hair out of his eyes.

“Why?”

“I wanted to hang out. Are you busy?”

Chanyeol felt a weird sensation in his gut, and not the nausea he felt that morning. Perhaps he had butterflies in his stomach from seeing the blonde smiling up at him; the blonde he swore he moved on from.

“Y-you want to hang out? With me?”

“Yeah. You look surprised.” Baekhyun chuckled.

“Well...yeah. It’s been a while since we’ve hung out.”

“Better late than never, right?”

Chanyeol only stared at him, causing Baekhyun to shift uncomfortably and clear his throat. “So, can I come in?”

Alarms sounded in Chanyeol’s head. His crush of four years, going on five, who had a boyfriend and hadn’t properly talked to him in three months, stood before him, asking to come in. No, not just come in, but hang out.

Chanyeol was a little underprepared.

“Give me a minute.” He said, holding a finger up to Baekhyun before pulling the curtains back and rushing to his bathroom. Two days of laying in bed, binging potato chips and taking periodic naps in between guitar practice left him looking like a mess.

His breath stunk, his hair stuck out in every direction, his clothes were dirty, his room had food wrappers and socks scattered across the floor, and the sheets on his bed were a tangled mess, one side hanging onto the floor.

He’d never cleaned his room so fast in his life. If his parents were home to witness it, they’d be more than impressed.

He shoved all of his dirty laundry into a basket while simultaneously sticking his toothbrush into his mouth. He then threw the basket into his closet, before gathering up any trash and stuffing it into the trash can under his desk.

He ran back to the bathroom to spit in the sink, then darted towards his bed to haphazardly fix his sheets.

With no time to take a shower, he yanked his smelly T-shirt off and replaced it with another, throwing his blue and grey letterman jacket over it to appear as if he put a little more effort into his looks than he really did. He pulled a pair of jeans over his boxers, hopping on one foot and forcing his other through the pant leg as he ran a brush through his messy black locks.

When his cleaning fiasco came to an end, he examined himself in the mirror, nodding in affirmation at his five minute glow up. He sprayed a little cologne on his neck and wrists, then jogged back to the window and ran his hand through his hair to appear as casual as possible.

“Meet me at the front door.” He said coolly, before throwing his curtains back and running downstairs.

He didn’t waste much time giving himself a pep talk, but a few encouraging words went a long way. “Don’t act like a fucking idiot, Chanyeol. Just play it cool.”

He swung the front door open and was greeted with a friendly smile. His facade slipped as he awkwardly smiled back, internally cringing at his inability to function properly in the presence of someone he’d known since middle school.

“Took you long enough.”

“Sorry, I had to...do some stuff…”

Baekhyun walked past him, taking in the family pictures and nice furniture in the living room. “Are you wearing cologne?” He asked.

Chanyeol pinched himself to avoid saying anything embarrassing. “I sprayed some earlier. Do you like it?”

Apparently, pinching didn’t work.

“Sure.” 

Baekhyun went upstairs, allowing Chanyeol a moment to himself to silently scream into the palms of his hands. Once he gathered himself, he followed him to his bedroom, messing with the collar of his letterman jacket to imitate that “cool football player” demeanor.

“Your room’s exactly how I remember it. You should get a new poster or something.” He picked up the picture of Chanyeol and his sister sitting on his nightstand. His thumb ran down the borders, tracing the flowers carved into the wood. “Do you still play?”

“What?”

He nodded towards the guitar lying on his bed. “Do you still play?”

“Oh.” Chanyeol grabbed it and sat down at his desk to pluck at the strings. “Not really. I was just practicing to pass the time.”

He played a pretty sounding note and looked to see Baekhyun’s reaction, only to realize his attention remained elsewhere.

The blonde seemed quieter than usual, as hard as that was to believe after hearing him screaming outside his window minutes ago. Chanyeol never considered why Baekhyun wanted to see him, but the way his mind kept wandering raised the question.

“What’s up?”

“Hm?”

“I mean, why’d you want to hang out? It’s kind of out of the blue that you’re talking to me again.”

Baekhyun set the picture down and threw himself onto Chanyeol’s bed, kicking his dirty Converse off and flinging them across the room. “I was bored. What? You don’t want to hang out?”

“No, it’s not that-”

“Are you mad I blocked your number?” He propped himself up on his elbows. “Don’t take it personally, Park, I blocked everyone. Though, I have no memory of doing it.”

Chanyeol couldn’t think of how to respond, but Baekhyun shrugged it off. “I was planning on unblocking you, I just haven’t gotten around to it.”

Chanyeol rolled his swivel chair closer, leaning on his guitar and watching Baekhyun’s face. The older hadn’t noticed, saving him from any more embarrassment.

He noticed the way Baekhyun stared up at the ceiling, blinking slowly and heaving silent but heavy sighs, twisting a blonde strand of hair between his fingers. His bottom lip had been split open, Chanyeol noticed when he saw him chewing on it. The cause of his minor injury couldn’t be determined, but the likeliness that it was Kim Heechul’s doing made Chanyeol tense up.

“Is something wrong?” He asked quietly.

“You tell me; you’re the one who missed two days of school.”

“You noticed?”

Baekhyun sat up, smiling to himself. “Don’t think I’m a stalker, but yeah, I noticed.”

“I felt a little sick, but it’s nothing. What about you?”

“I’m fine. What made you think otherwise?”

He looked down at his split lip again, then back up at his deceiving eyes. “You just seem...bothered by something.”

“Maybe I just missed you.” He laughed, but Chanyeol didn’t laugh with him. He looked down at his guitar, strumming it and playing no song in particular. Baekhyun pushed himself up into a sitting position, folding his legs underneath him.

“Play something for me.”

“Only if you sing.”

“Deal.”

Chanyeol sat up straight, positioning his arms and hands accordingly and began playing the first few notes of “I Can’t Help Falling In Love”. Baekhyun recognized it almost immediately; his ex friend once played it for him all the time.

The reoccurrence of the song never went unnoticed by Baekhyun, but he chose not to bring attention to it. He’d be a fool to think his assumptions about Chanyeol’s intentions were false, hence why he never talked about it.

Chanyeol assumed his efforts were too subtle. Baekhyun knew they were in vain.

Despite this, he sang along anyways, staring directly at Chanyeol to counteract his needy gaze. The younger never could hold eye contact for very long.

“Your voice sounds just as good as I remember it.” He complimented, causing Baekhyun to blush a little.

“Aww, stop. I know you’re only saying that to make me feel good.” He fell back on his pillows, humming along to Chanyeol’s sporadic change in tune.

‘You know; we should do this more often. It’s nice to finally hang out with an old friend again.” He continued, playing with his hair again.

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah. I never get to do anything fun with Heechul. He doesn’t take me on dates much.” His smile faltered, indicating to Chanyeol the cause of his discreet sullenness.

“What do you guys do then?” He didn’t want a definite answer, but the mention of that senior douchebag tempted him to push for more information.

“Nothing fun, at least not fun for me. He’s always taking me to his place for the night and...it gets boring after a while. Sometimes I’m not in the mood. I just wanna watch a movie or go out to eat or something. You know, like a real couple.”

He frowned up at the ceiling, running his fingers across his bottom lip. “I’m hoping homecoming will be different. I just wanna dance and eat and not have him take me home early because he’d rather be fucking on the couch. I want one night where I can do what  _ I _ want. Just one fucking night.”

Baekhyun turned his head to look at Chanyeol, realising his sudden aggressive tone left the other in shock. He quickly laughed it off, pushing his hair behind his ear in a blatant attempt to appear flirtatious.

Chanyeol didn’t ask questions when he couldn’t think straight.

“But, I’m sure you don’t care about that. You gotta girl you plan on taking to homecoming? I’m sure tons are interested since you’re a football star now.”

“I’m not going.” Chanyeol thought of things to say to segway back to their previous conversation, but Baekhyun wouldn’t shut up long enough to let him speak.

“Bummer, I was hoping to see you there. You know, I planned on dying my hair and getting a fancy suit at the thrift store. Since you’re not going to be there, I can send you pictures and you can tell me how the color looks on me. I’ll unblock your number and send you plenty of pictures.”

He jumped off the bed and slipped his Converse back on. “I gotta get going. I’ve got a ride waiting for me at some fast food place and they’re taking me home.” He stood up on his tiptoes and wrapped his arms around Chanyeol’s neck. “Thanks for letting me come over.”

Chanyeol watched him kick his door open and skip down the stairs. As tempted as he was to call out to him and ask him to stay a while longer, he refrained from opening his mouth, knowing the blonde would reject him anyways.

“Bye Chanyeol!” Baekhyun yelled before swinging the front door open and running down the driveway. Chanyeol waved back, leaning against the door frame with his hands in his pockets.

◈◈◈

Chanyeol stormed into the fast food joint, catching the attention of his fellow co-workers. The manager stood at the counter, nearly jumping out of his shoes when he heard the door fly open.

“Park? What are you doing here? I thought you took the day off.”

“I did, but I needed to talk.”

The manager sighed, giving customers a half smile as he passed them. “What is it now? And why couldn’t you just tell me over the phone?”

“Sorry, my phone died.”

“What is it?”

“I came to ask if I could take next Friday off. My school’s homecoming is that night and I plan on attending.”


	11. Just Smile And Nod

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Suho and Kyungsoo look for Chanyeol, Jennie and Kai talk about homecoming

Suho backed out the moment Kyungsoo parked in front of Chanyeol’s house. He stared out the window, taking in the familiar sight of the well maintained lawn, the flowers lining the walkway, the friendly greeting written on the doormat. Nothing had changed since Suho last visited three months before.

“Maybe tomorrow.”

Tomorrow. Suho didn’t have the courage to do it now. His previous encounters with Chanyeol did not aid in making confrontations easier for him. It was one thing to interview him about football, and another to ask him what’s wrong.

“Fine. Tomorrow.”

Kyungsoo dropped Suho off at his house, promising to meet him after school again for their second attempt if Chanyeol didn’t show.

Suho stopped by the football field the next morning to determine what his after school plans looked like. He spotted no junior amongst the players, meaning he’d have to try again.

“Today.”

“But-”

“You said today.” Kyungsoo, being already annoyed with Suho’s hesitance and poorly thought out plan, had no desire to drag this out any longer than it needed to be. He’d be a little more understanding if Suho hadn’t spoken to Chanyeol once since the summer, but he had, therefore talking again shouldn’t be an issue.

“Why don’t you do it?” Suho asked as they sat across the street, watching the front door as if they expected it to get up and walk away.

“Why don’t I do it?”

“Yeah.”

“Because this was your idea!”

“But, I’m not good at this kind of stuff.”

“And you think I am?” Kyungsoo thought back to his first encounter with Chanyeol, if it could even be considered as one. The thought of talking to him alone had him speed walking across campus. Things wouldn’t be any different now.

“You didn’t seem to have that hard of a time talking to me.” Kyungsoo reminded him.

“Well, you’re easy to talk to. I mean, Chanyeol is too I guess, but I don’t know if I should...get personal, you know? Maybe he doesn’t want me to bother him. Maybe he wants to be left alone for a while.”

“Isn’t that exactly what I told you at lunch?”

Suho leaned back in his seat, running his hands through his hair. “This is stupid. Let’s just forget about this.”

“What do you mean we’re just going to forget about this? What happened to making sure nothing serious happened to him?”

“I’m sure he’s fine. The school would’ve said something if it was- you know- life threatening or something.”

“So, we went through all of this for nothing?”

“Sorry. I’ll pay you back for the gas money. We can check up on Chanyeol when he returns to school.”

Kyungsoo wrapped his fists around the steering wheel, too tense to start the car. He convinced himself his annoyance stemmed from Suho’s ever changing plans, but a part of him blamed disappointment as the cause.

Disappointment from not getting to talk to Chanyeol, or finding out why he missed two days of school. He’d be lying if he said he didn’t feel an ounce of concern for his friend.

“Did you try texting him again?”

“No. Nobody answers my texts anyways…”

Kyungsoo turned back to the front door, hoping Chanyeol would miraculously appear to put his worrisome state to rest.

He didn’t see Chanyeol, but another junior running across the lawn and into the middle of the street, breathing heavily to catch his breath. He brushed his blonde hair back, fanning his watery eyes with his hand to dry them.

“Is that...Baekhyun?”

Suho’s head shot up and he turned towards the window. “What’s he doing here?”

“He just came from Chanyeol’s house. Do you think-”

Suho turned to face him. “They’re together?”

“What? That’s not what I was going to say.”

“Oh…”

“I was thinking maybe he went to check up on him and they’re on speaking terms again. If we ask him, he might be able to tell us if Chanyeol’s alright or not.”

“Talking to him won’t be any easier.” Suho turned back to the window, resting his head on his fist as he watched Baekhyun stumbling through the street. He noticed how he spun around in circles, nearly tripping over his own feet, and looked up to the sky with his fingers fastened behind his head to keep tears from falling.

“He’s crying. Shit, why is he crying?”

Kyungsoo leaned forward to get a better view. “Maybe something happened with Chanyeol. Maybe it really is serious.”

Without second thought, Suho rolled down the window and stuck his head out. “Baekhyun! Hey!”

Baekhyun stopped, looking around for the source of the noise. His eyes landed on the car parked across the street, noticing his ex friends sitting up front. Having no time or desire to acknowledge them, he kept walking.

“Baekhyun! Wait!”

He walked faster, feeling the pain of incoming blisters on the bottoms of his feet. Suho jumped out of the car; a split second decision he immediately regretted the moment his feet hit the asphalt.

Despite the anxiety caused by the anticipation of reaching Baekhyun and having to deal with his emotions, he continued forward, jogging a little to keep up with his ex friend’s pace. The driver’s door slammed shut, followed by the sound of footsteps trailing behind him.

“Baekhyun!”

He had no choice but to stop. The only way to escape them would be to run, and his dirty Converse couldn’t carry him much further.

“Hey, what were you doing at Chanyeol’s house?” Suho asked, panting a little.

“We were hanging out. What’s it to you?”

“We came by to see if Chanyeol was okay since he missed two days of school. I didn’t expect to find you here.”

“Chanyeol’s fine, as far as I can tell.”

“And, what about you?”

Baekhyun laughed, blinking rapidly when he felt the tears returning to his eyes. “What about me?”

“Are you okay?”

“Sure. Why do you ask?”

Suho turned to Kyungsoo, who gave him an encouraging nod to keep going. “I saw you crying.”

Baekhyun laughed again; a little louder and less genuine than the first. “It’s called allergies, Suho. Quit worrying so much.”

“Are you sure?”

“Am I sure I have allergies? Because, yes, I am.”

“Are you sure you’re okay?”

Baekhyun paused before answering, taking a moment to remind himself how to force a convincing smile. “Pretty sure.”

“Okay, well...do you need a ride home?”

“Nah, Heechul’s taking me. I gotta go meet him right now.” He began walking backwards, pulling out his phone to pretend as if Heechul texted him, intent on breaking the uncomfortable eye contact. “Thanks for the offer.”

“Yeah. See ya later, Baekhyun.”

“Bye!” He ran down the street, ignoring the throbbing pain in his shoes. Suho watched him until he turned a corner and disappeared from his sight. Once he left, he turned to Kyungsoo with a sigh.

“Well, I guess now we know Chanyeol’s fine.”

“Are you sure we can believe him? He didn’t seem to good himself.” Kyungsoo pointed out.

“I don’t know. We can always talk about it with Chanyeol when he goes back to school, which is probably what we should’ve done in the first place.” He said.

◈◈◈

Kai sat on the fence surrounding the volleyball courts, taking in the scenery and imagining what good pictures they’d make. The green grass of the football field, the multicolored cars in the parking lot, the banners for homecoming hanging above the door to the locker room.

If he had his camera with him, he would’ve snapped a picture. But, his mother warned him of carrying something so fragile and expensive around in his backpack. Something so precious deserved better care.

He made do with the camera on his phone, though the quality didn’t match that of his professional one. The quality didn’t matter as much as capturing the memory, so he’d never have to forget it. That’s the beauty of cameras; they hold memories our minds gradually forget.

Some things Kai didn’t want to forget, like the way Jennie walked out of the locker room with her hair tied back and wearing sweats instead of shorts for once. She smiled and laughed with her girlfriends, her ponytail gracefully bouncing with each footstep and her sports bag loosely dangling off her shoulder.

With her hair pulled out of her face and her clothes looking baggy and casual, the small resemblance to Bae Joohyun disappeared. She looked like Jennie Kim; the Jennie Kim Kai planned to take to homecoming.

He jumped off the fence and tucked his phone into his pocket, rubbing his hands together as he mentally prepared himself to face her. When she noticed him, she sent her friends off to practice to give them a moment alone.

“Hey.” She greeted him with a smile.

“Hey. It’s...uh...it’s nice to finally get a chance to talk to you.”

“Yeah, you haven’t been answering any of my texts.” She laughed it off, but Kai could hardly do the same. “Did you lose your phone or something?”

He didn’t want to lie to her, but being honest required an explanation he’d rather not speak about. “Well...you know…” He rubbed the back of his neck. “I had lots going on in my life that I needed to sort out, and-”

“I get it.” She interrupted. “It sounds personal, so I won’t ask. I’m just glad I finally got to meet up with you, and go to the dance of course.” She stood up on her tiptoes, her hands clasped together in excitement.

“Yeah, I’m looking forward to it.”

“So, what are the plans? Do you want to meet there or you pick me up, or-”

“I don’t have a car.” He felt embarrassed to admit, though he knew Jennie didn’t have her own either.

“Okay then. My dad’ll drive me and we can meet up somewhere. How about outside the gym?”

“Sure.”

“Great. Do you have a suit yet? I was thinking we could sort of match. You know; wear the same colors or something.”

“No, I don’t have a suit.”

“Perfect. I was hoping you wouldn’t so we could decide a color together.”

“What did you have in mind?”

She squealed, dancing from one foot to the other. “Red! Gosh, I think we’d look so cute in red! How would you feel about wearing a red suit?”

“If I can find one-”

“Great!” She jumped into his arms, nearly knocking him off his feet. “I’m going shopping with the girls this weekend to get a red dress. We’re going to look so good!”

“Yeah.”

“Okay, we’ll talk later. I have to get to practice.” She adjusted the strap to her sports bag and ran towards the courts. “Text me sometime!” She called out before hopping over the fence and joining the girls for jumping jacks.

“I will!” Kai said, noticing his voice sounded weak and uncertain. The start of a relationship with a girl took some getting used to. He certainly needed to work on being more natural around her and to stop worrying about the girl he reminded her of. With a little time, he’d get there eventually.


	12. Clean Cars, Clean Suits

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Xiumin cleans his car, the boys look for suits

Coping came in many different forms for the nine remaining boys of the gang. Suho turned to journaling for comfort. Chanyeol enjoyed playing guitar and football. Chen chose daycare as an extracurricular activity to keep himself busy. Kyungsoo read and allowed his mind to drift to better places. Baekhyun spent time with troublemaking seniors, losing himself in pills and alcohol. Kai spent his free time cooped up in a practice room. Sehun skipped classes to stay locked up in his bedroom.

For Xiumin, the best way to distract himself from the memories of summer and move on from his ex friends was organizing and cleaning. Even before the lives of his three friends were taken, he’d always been fond of perfection. He arranged his clothes by color, kept homework for each of his classes in their designated folders, and always maintained a clean car.

The cleanliness of his car meant more to him than anyone would deem normal. Not a spot of dirt escaped his daily inspections, which happened a little too frequently for his parents’ liking. Before dinner, they found him cleaning in the garage. After dinner, in the same spot.

During lunch, he went out to the parking lot to clean. During passing periods, he cleaned again. After school, again. The process repeated with each day; sometimes more often than others depending on where he drove and for how long.

He kept his car functioning as well as it did when his parents first bought it. Being tied down by work and school, he never traveled in it much, but keeping it in shape for when he did meant everything to him. It had to work perfectly, or else it wouldn’t take him far.

His need to clean his car only increased when the government teacher announced mandatory volunteer hours. Being around kids with their filthy little hands and unhygienic tendencies made Xiumin want to throw up, but his options were limited and he heard from a friend of an aquinantance that Chen worked daycare too.

It had been too long since he talked to his once best friend. Maybe a bundle of dirty kids could bring them together again, at least they’d better. If Xiumin was going to force himself to watch over them for two hours, he expected it to pay off in the long run.

But, things weren’t looking up for him after his first day of volunteering. One can of red paint ruined it all for him. When it spilled into Chanyeol’s lap and sent him into a panic, Xiumin couldn’t help but share the same feelings, though for completely different reasons. Chanyeol couldn’t stand the sight of red, Xiumin couldn’t stand the sight of a mess.

They both left early that day; Chanyeol returning home to shower and sleep, and Xiumin remaining on school campus to clean his car in the parking lot. He scrubbed the windows as profusely as Chanyeol once scrubbed his hands, noticing a spot of bird droppings drying on the glass.

The next day, he scrubbed them again, nearly arriving late to his first hour because the minute bell could hardly be heard from the parking lot. During lunch, he returned to find more bird droppings, and he swore he’d never park under a tree again.

Between fifth and sixth hour, he found another parking spot and drove right through a puddle as he moved his car. He missed the first fifteen minutes of class trying to wipe the mud away.

Two mornings in a row, he found more bird droppings on his windshield. The bird responsible sat on the roof of his car, picking at something under its wing.

“Yah! Get out of here!” He yelled, flinging his arms to scare it away. The sudden noise sent the bird flying back to its tree, leaving more droppings in its place.

Xiumin had to climb up on the hood to reach it. Once he wiped down the windshield, he stretched himself across it and scrubbed the white, runny, warm, disgusting mess sitting on the roof. He dug his toes under the windshield wipers to keep his balance, cringing to himself as he thought about all the footprints he must’ve left on the polished paint.

Two other juniors stood in the parking lot, watching from a distance. Suho and Kyungsoo arrived early to find Chanyeol at football practice, but spotted their ex friend sprawled out on the front of his car with a Lysol wipe, cleaning bird shit and groaning loudly to himself.

“Should we go up to him?” Suho asked.

“I don’t know, he looks busy.”

“He also looks like he could use some help.”

Just as he said that, Xiumin lost his footing and slipped, smacking his hand down on the window to catch himself. He felt something warm and wet under his palm and lifted it up to find more bird droppings.

“Fuck me!”

“Yeah, let’s help him.”

The two walked across the parking lot, going unnoticed by Xiumin until they were standing right in front of him. He looked up from his dirty hands, feeling heat rise in his face when he realized there were witnesses to his cleaning frenzy.

“Oh. Hey guys.”

Suho looked from the bird droppings to the pile of dirty wipes piling up on the hood of the car, fighting the urge to laugh. “Hey. You need some help?”

Xiumin slid down the windshield and sat with his legs hanging over the front bumper, searching his pockets for sanitizer. “No, I’m good. What are you guys doing here so early?”

“We came looking for Chanyeol.”

“Why?”

Suho turned towards the football field, the distance preventing him from making out any familiar faces. “He missed two days of school and we were worried something bad happened. You haven’t talked to him by any chance, have you?”

“I have, actually.” He jumped off the hood and swung the driver’s door open to continue his search for sanitizer in the glove compartment. “We were doing volunteer hours at daycare together a couple days ago. He left early because some kid spilled paint all over him.”

“Do you know why he might’ve stayed home?” Kyungsoo asked.

“Because some kid spilled paint all over him.”

The puzzled looks on their faces prompted him to explain further. “I don’t know, he kind of freaked when the red paint got everywhere. He was pretty upset, so I’m sure that’s why he took a couple days off.”

“Is he okay now?”

“I don’t know. You can ask him yourself.” Xiumin nodded towards something behind them. The two turned around to find the lanky football player running across the parking lot with his sports bag swinging by his side, constantly checking his watch to remind himself how late he arrived.

“Chanyeol!” Suho shouted before his brain could process it. He had no time to mentally prepare himself for a confrontation when Chanyeol turned to the sound of his name, making direct eye contact with his ex co leader.

He would’ve walked away if he didn’t make it so obvious that he noticed Suho across the way. If he had known it was his ex friend that called his name, he wouldn’t have been so quick to stop and turn around.

But, Suho knew he heard and saw him, leaving no choice but to approach him. He gripped the strap of his sports bag tightly, bracing himself for another awkward encounter.

“Yes?”

Suho swallowed his nerves and gave Chanyeol a friendly smile. “Hey, you’ve been gone from school for two days. How are you?”

“Fine.” Chanyeol couldn’t determine what surprised him more; the fact that Suho noticed his absence or the fact that he had the courage to ask him how he was doing.

“That’s good. I just wanted to make sure nothing bad happened. I’m assuming you’ve got football practice right now, so I’ll let you go.”

Chanyeol took a step back, forcing a smile to reciprocate the gesture. He kept going, only to be stopped halfway by Xiumin’s voice.

“How come you’re late?”

“What?”

“How come you’re late to football practice? Did you oversleep or something?” He asked as he squirted an unnecessary amount of sanitizer into the palm of his hands.

“Yeah. I stayed up last night...working on stuff…”

“Working on homework?”

“Actually-” Chanyeol chuckled to himself, wondering why he felt like sharing such insignificant information with people he no longer considered friends. “I was shopping online for a suit. You know, for homecoming.”

“Really? You’re going?” Suho felt excitement building up in his chest. He tried to act as casually as possible considering these were no longer his friends, but he couldn’t help letting a few genuine smiles slip.

“Yeah.”

“Are you taking anyone?” Kyungsoo asked, mentally cursing to himself for acting so normal around his ex friends, as if they hadn’t ended their friendship months ago.

“No, but…”

“But what?” Xiumin clasped his hands together in anticipation, a part of him wondering where the sudden happiness came from, especially since he was surrounded by his ex friends.

“I’m kind of hoping to meet someone there.” Chanyeol bit his tongue as soon as the words left his mouth, realizing that these people on the brink of becoming strangers didn’t need to know anything about his personal life. 

“I mean, it’s nothing. I’ve got to get going.” He turned around, his grip tightening around the strap on his shoulder. “See ya.”

“Bye.” The others mumbled, slightly disappointed that the conversation ended so soon.

◈◈◈

The week of homecoming, all nine boys found themselves preparing for Friday night. Suho, Kyungsoo, and Xiumin had no plans of going, but upon hearing Chanyeol would be there, they made some adjustments to their schedules.

Kai spent after school hours shopping for suits with the help of his mother. Finding a red suit proved difficult, at least finding one at a decent price. The best suits never dipped below one hundred dollars, leaving Kai in a complicated situation. He had the option of selling something for the money, perhaps his precious camera, but his attachment to the gift forced him to look for other options.

“Maybe I can make it for you.” His mother offered.

“That’s okay, Ma. I know you’re busy. I’ll stick with a black suit if it’s cheaper. I’m sure Jennie will understand.”

“Nonsense.” His mother marched down to the basement to grab her old sewing kit. The handmade box that Kai’s grandmother made sat untouched for over ten years, convincing the two of them that it was useless.

“Never thought this thing would come in handy.”

“Do you even know how to sew?”

His mother scoffed. “Of course! Your grandmother made me sew with her all the time. I might be a little rusty, but I’m sure I’ll get you a nice red suit by Friday.”

Meanwhile, Chanyeol found himself being scolded by his manager at least twice a day for being on his phone too much. With time slipping away and lots of homework to make up, he chose work hours to search for a suit.

He’d come across plenty, but none of them stood out to him. He needed something special, something eye catching...something that a certain person might like.

Chanyeol remembered Baekhyun saying he had a thing for brown suits. Not a dark brown though. It had to be light, almost tan. He described it as the perfect middle ground; not too fancy like a white suit and not too formal like a black suit. It didn’t beg for attention like bright colors would, it didn’t come off as reserved and boring like grey did, and it’s neutrality made it fitting for any sort of occasion.

Chanyeol didn’t expect it to be so difficult to find one, hence why he spent so much time scrolling through online stores to find the perfect one. He even turned to his coworkers occasionally to get their opinion, but they hardly gave him any useful advice.

Out of desperation, he interrupted the customer giving him her order and shoved his phone into her face, displaying a picture of a light brown suit.

“What do you think of this?”

“Uh…”

“Do you think this is a good suit to wear when you’re going to homecoming and trying to impress your crush?”

“I…”

“He said he liked light brown suits, so he should like this, right?”

“Sure?”

“So, you think I should get it?”

“Go for it.”

Baekhyun wasted just about the same amount of time looking for a suit as Chanyeol did. He had his heart set on a white one, but changed his mind when he decided blue hair wouldn’t do.

Blue hair would make him look desperate for attention. People would stare at him for all the wrong reasons. As Sehun put it, he’d look like a fucking clown.

A darker color suited his complexion better, but a lighter color softened his features. Any neutral colors were less likely to stand out, except for white. But, white made him look younger. And black made him look too fierce. He needed to find the perfect middle ground.

He decided on a color the day of the dance. The idea came to him during lunch as he lied under Heechul in the backseat of his car, scrolling through his phone to distract himself from the teeth nipping at his skin.

“Perfect.” He mumbled to himself as he looked at pictures and hairstyles that matched the color best.

“Thanks, babe.” Heechul said, his face buried in the crook of Baekhyun’s neck.


	13. A Change Of Plans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sehun makes plans for homecoming night, Kai and Jennie meet at the dance

Sehun had one date planned Friday night; a date with his bed. His after school schedule consisted of watching TV, eating junk food, and sleeping until late afternoon the next morning. His parents were on a business trip for the weekend and left Friday evening, giving Sehun the place all to himself.

He had no plans to attend the homecoming game or dance. With no one to take and no friends to tag along with, he saw no point in wasting money on a ticket only to stand around for hours with his back against the wall.

What better way to spend the night than binge watching movies and snacks? Sehun saw nothing wrong with skipping school events. His teachers always complained about the lack of students participating while they were still young and had the chance. Sehun internally rolled his eyes everytime, thinking those sad, broke, old teachers were projecting their own regrets. Pathetic, really.

Sehun would do just fine staying home and doing things he actually enjoyed, even if he felt lonely in his empty thousand dollar home. A small price to pay for a relaxing evening, and he grew a tolerance for the empty feeling that came with it.

So, Thursday afternoon, he skipped volunteer work and successfully avoided Baekhyun to go shopping for candy, chips, and soda. He then went across the street to rent a couple movies, mainly rated R movies his parents wouldn’t let him see. As if they actually cared what he viewed.

By the end of his shopping spree, one hundred dollars still remained in his wallet. Being the spoiled rich kid he was, he chose to spend it on useless things rather than save it for another time. He bought himself a fuzzy blue blanket, fluffy pillows, a new pair of pajamas, and brownie mix to complete his one person sleepover kit.

He went to school the next day feeling excited for the sun to set and the fun to begin. It had been a long time since he had the chance to do anything fun or to forget about everything that constantly plagued his mind. Tonight would be a night to let go of his worries and take some time for himself, to give himself a little break before he went insane.

For once, he felt good throughout the day; no sudden urges to cry, no skipping classes to sit by himself in the bathroom. He realized he was actually in a good mood and that thought made him feel even better.

He almost considered himself happy, but that was too good to be true.

When the last bell rang for the day, he darted out of his seat and sped down the hall to the parking lot, passing the gym on his way there. He noticed the dance committee were already preparing for the night, letting the volunteers in to put up the decorations.

Sehun scoffed at the sight. Couldn’t be him.

“Sehun! Oh Sehun!” The head of the dance committee shouted after him. Reluctantly, he turned around, forcing a smile to mask the annoyance in his gaze.

“Sorry, I’m not doing volunteer hours today. Maybe someone else can put up the banners.”

“Oh, that’s okay. I was just going to remind you to wear your lanyard tonight.”

“What?”

“Everyone working the dance has to wear their lanyard. You’re on snack duty tonight, okay?”

Sehun marched back to his government class to have a very lengthy conversation with his teacher. Ten minutes later, he went back to the gym to pick up the lanyard with his name on it.

According to his teacher, volunteers not only had to help with decorations, but they also had to work either the dance or the game. Sehun must’ve missed this information due to Baekhyun’s constant visits when he didn’t have a ride home, hence why he never grabbed a lanyard or signed up for either events.

The head of the dance committee took it upon herself to sign him up for the dance, but failed to remind him to grab the lanyard until the day of. He snatched the damn thing out of the box and shot her a filthy look as he walked back to his car.

Fuck a suit. He’d show up in his new pajamas. The dance committee was lucky he even chose to go after all of his sleepover preparations.

◈◈◈

Something about standing outside the gym in his custom made red suit with his hands in his pockets and his back against the wall, waiting for one of the most popular girls in school made Kai feel like a superstar.

He couldn’t help but smile to himself whenever he caught a girl checking him out or her boyfriend rolling his eyes. He unconsciously slicked his hair back and smoothed out his suit, slouching a little more with each glance sent his way to appear cool and unbothered.

He only stood upright when his date walked through the doors, looking over her shoulder to wave goodbye to her father. When she turned around, her black curls gracefully fell behind her head and revealed her crimson red lipstick with a subtle touch of brown eye shadow.

She wore a red dress just as she promised with tall black boots and a bow attached to her shoulder. She tucked her hair behind her ear and smiled at Kai, fluttering her mascara covered eyelashes.

“Hey. How do I look?” She spun around once, her silky dress flowing around her like water. The sight of her ethereal beauty left Kai speechless, and knocked the wind right out of him.

“I hope your staring means I look nice.” She laughed, playing with the side of her skirt that draped lower. “You look really nice too. I love your suit.”

Kai wanted to say something, anything. Compliment her on her appearance, thank her for noticing his efforts, even comment on the nice weather, but no words escaped his mouth. He completely froze, cursing to himself for acting like such a fool.

Jennie laughed it off, but a part of her felt self conscious about her looks.  _ Is he so quiet because I look bad? Did I try too hard? Why is he just staring at me?  _

“Hello, earth to Kai.” She waved her hand in his face, maintaining a sweet smile to hide her paranoia. “You wanna go inside to dance or what?”

He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t take her hand and lead her to the dance floor. He couldn’t speak to her. He couldn’t look into her eyes without seeing Bae Joohyun.

She looked just like her all dolled up the way Bae Joohyun once dressed on a daily basis. Her hair was styled the same exact way Joohyun wore hers to the funeral. The color of her lipstick matched the color of Joohyun’s favorite nail polish. Her boots were painfully similar to the pair Joohyun wore to the school Christmas party the year before. And her dress, Kai swore Joohyun wore something very similar to prom.

He bit down on his fist, mumbling an apology to Jennie as he rushed to the bathroom. He couldn’t hold it back anymore. Tears built up in his eyes and came out in waves the moment he entered the bathroom.

His entire body shook, making it hard to type in the password to his phone. He crouched down onto the floor as he dialed his mother’s number, his teeth sinking into his bottom lip until it bled.

“Momma?”

“Sweetheart?” She sounded as if she had been woken from a nap. Kai assumed she just arrived home from work and passed out on the couch. “Aren’t you supposed to be at the dance with Jennie right now?”

“I need you to come pick me up. I want to leave early.”

“What’s wrong? Is Jennie with you?”

“Just come get me, please. I want to go home.”

◈◈◈

Jennie sat against the wall with her phone in her hand, struggling to text her girlfriends due to her outrageously long acrylic nails. The tapping noise drove her to giving up and calling them instead, interrupting their sleepover at Lisa’s house.

“Jennie, why are you calling?” Rosé asked, putting Jennie on speaker to allow the other girls to hear. “You’re supposed to be on a date with Prince Charming right now.”

“Yeah, well he just totally bailed on me. He went to the bathroom, like, fifteen minutes ago and I haven’t seen him since.”

“Ooh, girl-” Lisa said as she painted her toenails. “He’s definitely with another girl right now.”

“Lisa!”

“What?! It’s true! Either that, or he has serious stomach problems.”

“Maybe you should send a boy in there to check on him.” Jisoo suggested while combing her hair. “Is Chanyeol there?”

Jennie pushed herself off the floor and headed into the gym, scanning the dance floor for the football player. She eventually spotted him standing against the wall in his light brown suit, eyeing someone else. She noticed how he kept craning his head back as his eyes followed someone walking across the dance floor, but she had no patience to stop and locate the center of his focus.

She marched up to him with her phone held in place between her ear and her shoulder while her hands held up the ends of her dress.

“Chanyeol!”

Chanyeol snapped out of his daydreams, pulling his gaze away from the senior searching for his date. “Jennie?”

“I need you to go to the bathroom and find Kai. I don’t know what’s wrong, but he’s been in there for a while and I’m worried. Please?”

Chanyeol turned back to Heechul, who had his back turned to him. He noticed the senior’s head whip to the left and followed his gaze to the junior who finally entered the dance twenty minutes late.

“Jennie, I’ll be right back.” He scooted past her, completely dumbfounded by what he saw.

“Wait! Chanyeol! Urgh! I need your help! Chanyeol!”

“Excuse me?” Someone tapped on her shoulder, prompting her to whip around, accidentally flicking the volunteer in the face with her hair. She sized him up, recognizing him as a friend of Kai’s.

“Chen?”

“I’m surprised you remember me. Did you need help with something? I’m volunteering here, so I can help you if you need me to.”

“You’re friends with Kai, right?”

He cleared his throat. “We know each other.”

“Great.” She grabbed his arm and dragged him across the dance floor, simultaneously hanging up the phone and stuffing it back in her purse. She led him to the boy’s bathroom, which appeared vacant.

“I need you to go in there and find Kai. He’s been in there for too long now.”

Chen stared at her, suddenly regretting offering a helping hand. He expected her to ask where the snack bar was, or when the dance ended, not to speak with his ex friend.

“Hurry up! Something bad might’ve happened!”

He took a deep breath, thinking of how to approach Kai without making things awkward. He prayed he wouldn’t walk in to find the younger crying, or else he might abandon him and take the rest of the night off to recover.

He slowly moved forward, poking his head in first before his body followed to make sure no one was around. The further he went, the more the bathroom became visible, until he stood directly in front of the sinks.

All the stall doors were unlocked and he spotted no pairs of feet underneath. He was all alone.

“He’s not in there, Jennie.”

She threw hands up. “Great. He ditched me. He straight up ditched me literally the second I arrived. I knew I shouldn’t have tried so hard. I probably look like a damn hooker!”

“You...you look fine.” Chen reassured her, trying to suppress the urge to cringe when he noticed her eyes begin to water.

“What was I thinking? He’s obviously not interested in me. I mean, he ignored my texts for, like, almost a month. He said he had personal stuff to deal with, but now I’m starting to think he just said that so I wouldn’t suspect he’s actually seeing someone else!”

Chen knew that wasn’t the case. Despite three months of avoiding each other, he knew Kai wasn’t the type of guy to play with a girl the way Jennie suspected. Out of all twelve boys, Kai treated girls the best, and became quite the heartthrob amongst the junior class. He’d never intentionally hurt Jennie this way. If he said it was a personal issue, he meant it.

“That’s it; I’m going to Lisa’s house and eating cookies and watching movies and just having fun with my girls because I’m done dealing with boys tonight.” She wiped her eyes, smudging her mascara in the process. “Thanks for your help Chen, and if you see Kai; tell him I’m blocking his number.”

Chen felt almost obligated to defend his ex friend, but what could he say? He didn’t know the truth, he didn’t know the real reason Kai avoided her. He had his assumptions, but that wasn’t enough to convince Jennie to give him another chance. He kept quiet, watching in silence as Jennie stormed down the hall with her hair and dress flowing behind her.


	14. A Rose Amongst Thorns

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys attend the dance

Chanyeol arrived at the dance the moment the doors opened. He didn’t expect Baekhyun to be there so early, so he decided to find something to do while he waited. Being early in the evening and around Chanyeol’s usual dinner time, his hunger prompted him to visit the snack bar. Only, his ex friend just so happened to be working it.

The first thing Chanyeol noticed about Sehun was the pair of pajamas he wore. Curiosity almost convinced him to approach the younger and ask him what the getup was for, but he decided against it when he saw the way Sehun slammed a plastic cup on the table and carelessly dumped a ladle full of punch in.

He went into the hallway instead to buy himself a snack from the vending machine. While watching the sputtering old thing try and spit out a bag of chips, he spotted Heechul standing outside the glass doors, a cigarette between his teeth.

A girl stood beside him with silver hair tied up in a bun and a short black dress on. Chanyeol recognized her as a senior from two years ago, but couldn’t recall her name. He could remember the one time he bumped into her in the lunch room and launched his ham sandwich directly into her face. She never acknowledged his existence from that point on and Chanyeol didn’t need to wonder why.

The two stood shoulders pressed together, passing the cigarette back and forth. Heechul whispered something in her ear and made her laugh, to which she responded with a kiss on the cheek. She had one hand on his chest, slightly pushing him back to pin him against the wall.

Chanyeol looked away when he heard an avalanche of snacks fall out of the vending machine, burying the one chip bag he wanted under a mountain of chocolate and crackers. He shoved his hand into the slot at the bottom and fished it out, nearly getting his arm stuck in the process. By the time he pried it free, Heechul and the silver haired girl went inside to dance.

They went around the back to avoid being seen by the head of the dance committee selling tickets by the door. Chanyeol knew the girl wasn’t allowed on campus considering she didn’t attend the school anymore, and assumed the same could be said about Heechul due to a suspension.

He followed them into the gym, trailing far behind to go unnoticed by them. The girl glanced back at him once, not because she suspected someone following her, but to check to make sure no teachers saw them. Their eyes met for a fraction of a second before she turned back to Heechul to confirm they were in the clear.

They went to the snack table to grab two cups of punch. Heechul slipped a small flask out of his pocket and poured another liquid into his cup, then offered some to the girl. They drank and laughed, stumbling into each other as they gasped for air.

Chanyeol had no interest in what they were talking about or what they were drinking. He had only one question on his mind;  _ what the hell was Heechul doing here with her and not Baekhyun? _

He took this as a sign they broke up, and couldn’t decide if that called for a celebration or a pity party. He couldn’t deny the small sense of relief he felt to see Heechul with someone else, but he also couldn’t help but think about how heartbroken Baekhyun must’ve felt.

He sounded so excited for the dance, getting his hair done, finding a nice suit. He had big plans for the night (none of which involved Chanyeol, but he wasn’t bitter) so realizing that he hadn’t shown and seeing his boyfriend with someone else came as a surprise.

He decided a celebration wouldn’t be appropriate. He shouldn’t be happy, he should be concerned; the reason he dragged his ass out of the house disappeared without a trace.

About twenty minutes after the dance began, the silver haired girl whispered something into Heechul’s ear, then left the room and vanished behind closed doors. Heechul didn’t follow, but remained by the snack bar, searching for something, or someone.

Perhaps he expected Baekhyun to show, which Chanyeol found strange. Baekhyun didn’t have a car, therefore he didn’t have a ride, so he expected Heechul to pick him up himself. If he meant to take Baekhyun to the dance, why wouldn’t they arrive together?

“Chanyeol!”

Chanyeol whipped his head to the side to spot Jennie storming up to him, her phone secured between her shoulder and ear. She looked nice, and Chanyeol couldn’t help but think Kai got lucky.

“Jennie?”

“I need you to go to the bathroom and find Kai. I don’t know what’s wrong, but he’s been in there for a while and I’m worried. Please?”

He meant to answer, but his attention shifted back to Heechul, who had his eyes locked on someone else. He followed his gaze to Baekhyun standing at the entrance of the dance, looking slightly out of breath and worn out.

“Jennie, I’ll be right back.” He started forward, staring at nothing but the boy in front of him as if he had him under a trance. Jennie called after him, but he tuned her out, too mesmerized to feel any regret.

He watched as Baekhyun walked forward, keeping an eye out for his date. He ran his hand through his newly dyed hair, pushing his bangs off to the side.

Silver. The color looked good on him. The style suited him better than his usual bowl cut that caused his bangs to fall into his eyes all the time. For once, he didn’t have to constantly brush strands out of his face, and it allowed Chanyeol to take in every feature.

His eyes appeared a slight shade of blue, complimented by a touch of eyeliner to make them stand out. Chanyeol couldn’t determine if he wore lip gloss, but his lips looked more pink than normal.

He had a black suit, but not like the ones every other boy wore. The collar of his jacket had pearls and silver pendants sewn into the fabric, running down to the bottom of the fold. He didn’t have a button down shirt underneath, but a bluish silver blouse with a ruffled collar that sparkled whenever the light hit it at a certain angle.

The way the purple lights overhead shone down on him made him shine in comparison to the dull black and white tuxes surrounding him. Suddenly, Jennie didn’t look like the most stunning person in the room.

Chanyeol stopped without averting his eyes, watching Heechul approach Baekhyun and wrap one arm around his waist. He pulled him closer and planted a kiss on top of his head and Baekhyun hardly smiled in return. One corner of his mouth barely made an effort to curl up into a smirk.

Heechul drunkenly leaned into Baekhyun until the latter couldn’t keep his balance and stumbled back into the wall. He shoved Heechul forward while rolling his eyes, before brushing his silver locks back and making his way to the dance floor.

The opportunity practically dropped to its knees at Chanyeol’s feet. He fixed the collar of his brown suit and tucked a few loose strands of hair behind his ear before marching forward, puffing his chest out with a sudden feeling of confidence.

Perhaps his homecoming glow-up made him bolder, or seeing how pathetic Heechul acted around Baekhyun. Whatever it was, it gave him the courage to walk right up to his crush and stand close enough to be deemed uncomfortable.

Baekhyun tilted his head back to meet his eyes, smiling a little. “I thought you weren’t coming.”

“I changed my mind.”

“Why? Someone ask you out?”

Chanyeol didn’t answer, sensing Baekhyun knew more than he let on. Which, he did. He knew it was no coincidence that Chanyeol changed his mind after he told him he’d be there with Heechul. The brown suit was a dead giveaway.

“You look nice. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you’re trying to impress someone.” Baekhyun said, a hint of teasing in his voice.

“Maybe I am.”

“Well, what was your plan once you got their attention?”

Chanyeol saw Baekhyun shift a little and couldn’t tell if he moved closer, or if he only imagined it.

“I planned to ask them to dance.”

Baekhyun laughed, flashing the first genuine smile that night. “You weren’t going to offer them a drink first?”

Chanyeol took a step back, eyeing the snack bar on the opposite side of the gym. Sehun still stood behind the table, tossing chip bags at people and snatching their money without a word.

“Don’t move.” Chanyeol said before walking past him, brushing against his shoulder. Sehun hardly spared any of his customers a glance, what were the chances things would be any different for his ex friend?

He wanted to make it as quick as possible. Grab a drink, give it to Baekhyun. Chanyeol had no desire to spark a conversation with Sehun, and his ex friend most likely felt the same way. Neither were in the mood for conversing.

He approached the table with his head low, reaching into his pockets for five dollars. “One cup of punch.” He requested, hardly loud enough to be heard over the music. Sehun’s eyes flickered up to the familiar face, but pretended as if he didn’t recognize him.

He poured the ladle into the cup and passed it across the table. “Five dollars.”

Chanyeol handed him the money, hesitating to release it as he considered at least saying hello. Sehun noticed, questioning whether Chanyeol meant to say something to him. He told himself he didn’t want to start a conversation, but when Chanyeol finally left without another word, a small wave of disappointment washed over him.

He quickly shook it off when the next customer approached him, reminding himself that he shouldn’t expect any less from his ex friends. They had moved on from him long ago; it was time he did the same.

Chanyeol didn’t think twice about it. All thoughts revolving around Sehun were soon replaced with thoughts of Baekhyun; the only thing that mattered to him that night. He scanned the crowd of students packed together like sardines on the dance floor, unable to spot a head of silver hair.

He looked towards the wall Heechul once leaned against when Baekhyun abandoned him and noticed he disappeared. Neither were in sight, leading Chanyeol to believe wherever they were, they were together.

◈◈◈

Suho, Kyungsoo, and Xiumin all knew why they attended the dance, but pretended otherwise. When they came across each other near the DJ booth, they exchanged a few awkward greetings, acting shocked to see the other there.

They made excuses, saying things like their parents suggested they go, a few friends said they’d be there, they had nothing better to do. But, they all knew the truth. If it weren’t for Chanyeol, none of them would have attended.

They tried to act natural; casually asking the other if they had seen Chanyeol and the other saying they hadn’t seen him and  _ totally _ forget he’d even be there. Then, they’d loiter around for a while, trying to spot the football player when the others had their backs turned.

Xiumin spotted him first. His eyes landed on his ex friend pushing through a crowd, seemingly trying to reach someone.

“Look!” He shouted without second thought. Suho and Kyungsoo followed his finger to the point of focus, seeing Chanyeol noticeably close to none other than his longtime crush.

“Well, they’ve been hanging out a lot lately.” Kyungsoo commented, conscious of his excessive staring. He looked away every three seconds or so to convince himself that his behavior wasn’t the least bit invasive.

“He’d better ask him out. He’s been pining over him since middle school.” Xiumin said, more to himself than the others, but Suho nodded in agreement nonetheless.

“I’m glad they’re getting along. It’s nice to see some of us hanging out again.” He added.

“Wait, where’s he going?” Kyungsoo leaned right to get a better view, pressing his shoulder against Suho’s. They watched as Chanyeol left Baekhyun alone on the dance floor and approached the snack bar, where they realized Sehun worked.

“Do you think they’re talking again too?” Xiumin asked. Judging by the way the two didn’t make eye contact once, the boys assumed they weren’t.

They turned back to Baekhyun, who had been approached by Kim Heechul. The senior came up from behind him and draped his arms around his shoulders, leaning on him to the point where neither could stand straight.

Heechul put his lips to the younger’s ear and whispered something to him with a giggle, then pulled him towards the door and snuck into the hallway. Chanyeol returned moments later, walking in circles to find his crush and seeing him nowhere.

“Should we tell him where he went?” Suho suggested.

“I don’t know. It’s kind of weird to help Chanyeol get with someone who’s already in a relationship.” Kyungsoo said, prompting a scoff from Xiumin.

“It’s also weird how we bought tickets to this stupid dance just so we could see who he hooked up with, but whatever.”

The realization of their situation finally dawned on them, leaving all three wishing they’d never come. They never expected loneliness to drive them to downright stalk each other, but it helped to know they weren’t alone. The need for some friends made itself evident that night, and lucky for them they had one another.


	15. Sluts And Hypocrites

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Baekhyun deals with Heechul

Baekhyun stood in the middle of the dance floor, waiting for Chanyeol to return with his drink. His feet ached from having to walk the entire distance between his house and the school, courtesy of Heechul’s last minute change of plans in regards to transportation. He complained over text that he needed a ride, but Heechul insisted they travel separately for unexplained reasons.

He wanted to find a place to sit, but didn’t want to leave until Chanyeol returned. He knew damn well Heechul would notice him spending the night with another boy, but the senior had been testing his patience for the past week or so, and Baekhyun no longer had any fucks to give.

He knew the consequences of his actions. He knew what he was doing to Chanyeol, to Heechul, to himself. He knew no matter what he did, someone was bound to return home angry and drunk. But, fuck he couldn’t help himself. He was pissed, bored, and tempted by his admirer’s sudden confidence.

He would’ve let things go further than dancing had Heechul not caught on the moment they started talking. When Chanyeol stepped away to fetch a drink, the drunk senior stumbled towards his boyfriend and threw one arm around his shoulder, whispering into his ear.

“Aren’t you quite the fucking flirt.” He said with a giggle. Baekhyun felt his hands wrap around his arm before being yanked back and dragged into the hallway.

“Who was that?” Heechul asked once they were in the privacy of the empty hall. He walked circles around Baekhyun, constantly tripping over his feet as he fumbled with the lid of his flask.

“My friend.”

“You’re friend? You two are offly comfortable for a couple of friends.”

“Kinda like you and Taeyeon.”

Heechul broke into a fit of laughter, throwing his head back and bumping into the wall. “Is that what this is about? You’re fucking mad at me because I kissed Taeyeon? I told you it was only a one time thing.”

“Who left that lipstick stain on your face then? I don’t recall doing that.” Baekhyun’s voice rose unintentionally, making Heechul laugh again.

“Don’t be so fucking dramatic. I made a mistake. I’m sorry. That doesn’t give you the fucking right to start flirting with other guys.”

“Why the hell do you care?” He took a step closer, feeling his pent up anger threatening to spill. “If you can fuck around with other girls behind my back, why can’t I do the same?”

“Because I said so. Quit acting like a little slut, Baek. I don’t like it.”

His fists shook with rage. His teeth sunk into his lip, holding back a stream of curse words that sat on the tip of his tongue. The temptation to strike that bastard in the jaw nearly overcame him, but he held onto the last ounce of self control left in his body to keep from making a scene.

“Don’t call me that.”

“Call you what? A slut? Why shouldn’t I? That’s what you’re acting like.”

“I am not.”

“So, you weren’t trying to get into your friend’s pants? Well damn, I must’ve misread the entire situation. Please enlighten me on what you were really doing, Baekhyun.”

“Fuck you!” Baekhyun shouted, losing grip on the last of his self control. “Why don’t you go fuck around with Taeyeon like you always do and leave me alone!” He started down the hallway, but Heechul caught him by the waist and pulled him into a hug.

“You’re so fucking dramatic, you know that? You need to learn when to shut your mouth sometimes.”

Baekhyun fought and kicked, clawing at Heechul’s hands and digging his elbow into his chest, but his attempts did nothing to loosen his grip. His arms only tightened around his waist, squeezing him until breathing became difficult.

“Heechul, let me go.” He pushed against his arms until deciding to relax in his grip, realizing movement only made him squeeze harder. “Let me go.”

“You need to calm the fuck down, Baekhyun.”

“I am calm.” He said as his breathing increased its pace, feeling claustrophobic from the constriction around his torso.

“You always get so worked up over nothing. Let me help you relax.”

“Fuck off.”

“Come on, babe.” He finally released the junior, giving him a chance to breathe. “Let’s go outside for some fresh air for a little bit.”

◈◈◈

Chanyeol sat outside the gym with the top buttons of his suit undone, his hair wild and messy, and his cheeks streaked with tears. He felt like an idiot. The biggest fucking idiot in the world. He let himself get caught up in a delusion, thinking he might actually have a chance with Baekhyun.

He should’ve known better. Baekhyun had been playing him like a toy for years. He made it clear he saw Chanyeol only as a pawn; a pawn to use whenever his other relationships didn’t go the way he wanted them to.

Chanyeol knew Baekhyun planned to attend the dance with Heechul, his damn boyfriend, but chose to pursue him anyways, as if tonight would be any different from his many other attempts. He had no chance with him. Things were better off if they stayed apart.

Yet, Chanyeol couldn’t help but break down in tears whenever the realization struck him. He shouldn’t feel so strongly about someone who never loved him back, someone who threw his life away years ago to experience the temporary enjoyment of drugs, sex, and alochol. 

What did he even see in him? The kid couldn’t maintain himself, let alone a stable relationship. Even if Chanyeol were given the chance to be with Byun Baekhyun, he’d probably drag him down with him and destroy his already deteriorating health. Chanyeol couldn’t afford being with someone so reckless. He had himself to look after, and that seemed more important to him than anything.

He grabbed at his hair, letting out a shaky sigh as he gathered himself once again. He drank the last of Baekhyun’s punch and pushed himself off the floor, staring at nothing in particular for a moment as he thought of what to do next.

Going home seemed like the most logical plan of action, but Chanyeol’s curiosity as to where Baekhyun ran off prevented him from leaving. He roamed the campus, keeping an eye out for a silver head of hair despite the voice in the back of his head telling him to forget about him.

He’d find out what Baekhyun was up to, then leave. He promised himself he wouldn’t get caught up in anymore drama involving the silver haired junkie. He wouldn’t engage, he wouldn’t acknowledge him. He would find him, then leave. That was it.

Five minutes into his walk, he stopped to listen to distant voices talking and laughing with each other. He turned the corner to find Heechul and Taeyeon sitting on the hood of his car, their foreheads pressed together as they tried to contain their laughter.

Baekhyun wasn’t with them.

Chanyeol went back the way he came with a quicker stride than before, determined to locate his ex friend. At that point, he no longer wanted to find him out of curiosity, but out of concern. Knowing how much trouble Baekhyun normally landed in, Chanyeol could only imagine what happened this time.

He passed the gym and went towards the classrooms, which were off limits. No teachers were around to stop him, allowing him to walk freely through the halls without having to hide.

He stopped in front of the science lab, where a small sound emanated from behind the door. He pressed his ear against the metal, listening to what sounded like humming.

With a deep breath, he quietly pushed the door open and poked his head in, flipping on the lights to eliminate the blackness that filled the room.

He spotted Baekhyun sitting under one of the desks, squinting against the sudden brightness.

“No, I’m not sleeping here again. I was just leaving.” He said, a slight chuckle in his tone.

“Baekhyun, what are you doing in here?”

Baekhyun stood up and blinked a couple times, realizing the person in front of him wasn’t the janitor, but Park Chanyeol.

“Oh, hey....I was...just...hanging out.” He held back a laugh, rubbing his eyes and smudging his eyeliner.

“Are you drunk?”

He scoffed. “No...I just may have taken some…” He couldn’t finish his sentence before falling to his knees, holding his stomach as his shoulders bounced up and down. Not a sound escaped his mouth, and Chanyeol couldn’t tell if he was crying or laughing.

“Baekhyun, go home. You’re a fucking mess right now.”

Baekhyun looked up at him, tears in his eyes and a smile on his face. “No, my feet hurt! I can’t walk! I might have to sleep in the locker room tonight.”

Chanyeol nearly suggested catching a ride with Heechul out of pettiness, but he knew both were drunk or high and neither were in any condition to drive.

“Get up.” He demanded, grabbing Baekhyun by the arm and yanking him to his feet.

“Where are we going?”

“I’m taking you home.”

He marched down the hall, carelessly dragging Baekhyun along. The walking disaster trailing behind him kept a relatively decent pace up until they reached the parking lot. He stopped in his tracks, pulling Chanyeol back.

“Come on, Baekhyun.”

“I can’t go over there.” He said quietly, eyeing something in the distance. Chanyeol looked ahead to see Heechul and Taeyeon still sitting on his car, smashing their lips together. Baekhyun watched with his eyelids glued open, a crazed look in his eyes.

“He fucking left me.” He began. Chanyeol turned around to face him, noticing the smile that had been previously plastered on his face vanished.

“He called me a slut and said I shouldn’t flirt with other guys. He said I’m too fucking dramatic and I shouldn’t get so worked up over him and Taeyeon. He said I needed to learn to keep my mouth shut and relax. He gave me fucking drugs and then left me.”

His head fell forward, his forehead colliding with Chanyeol’s chest. Slightly startled by the contact, he hesitated to touch him, but eventually rested one hand on his back and rubbed it in a soothing manner.

He heard Baekhyun sniffling and felt his tears soaking through his shirt. “I’m so fucking stupid. I don’t know why I bother with guys who don’t even like me. It’s not like I like getting my heart broken.”

Chanyeol felt himself begin to cry too. Whether it was from empathy or annoyance caused by Baekhyun’s ignorance, he cried and cried, letting his tears run down to his chin and onto the back of his hand before they fell into Baekhyun’s hair.

They stood like that for a while, saying nothing to each other, gradually moving closer to one another and wrapping their arms around the other’s torso. As angry as he felt, Chanyeol didn’t want to let him go. He wanted to stay in that moment forever, holding him close and listening to his soft crying.

But, the sound of Heechul’s voice traveling across the parking lot broke the silence. Chanyeol opened his eyes and blinked back the tears, peering over his shoulder to see Heechul storming up to them. He gently pushed Baekhyun back, breaking their hug.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” Heechul directed the question at Chanyeol, but Baekhyun answered instead.

“Not making out with him like you were just making out with her.” He spit the last word out like venom, refusing to refer to her by her name.

“Those fucking drugs were supposed to help you calm down, and yet you’re still getting worked up again.” Heechul said, chuckling in annoyance. “I’ll give you more if that’s what you need.”

“I don’t want your drugs. I want you to stop cheating behind my back and then getting mad at me for hanging out with someone else.”

“Whatever…”

“I want you to stop acting like a fucking slut, Kim Heechul!”

In the blink of an eye, Heechul swung his hand forward, striking Baekhyun in the face and leaving a burning red mark on his cheek. The drugs cancelled out any sense of balance, causing the junior to fall hard onto the asphalt, leaving scratches from the rocks all along his arm.

“The fuck you say to me, bitch?!” Heechul lunged at him, ready to pull him to his feet only to strike him down again. He shoved Chanyeol back, sending him crashing into a car.

Heechul knelt down and grabbed Baekhyun by his silver locks, dragging the screaming kid a couple feet away from the others before dropping his head.

Chanyeol’s entire body went stiff as he watched the scene unfold. Every muscle in his body tensed up, leaving him completely motionless. His ears filled with the sounds of Baekhyun screaming for Heechul to stop, the pounding of his fist, Taeyeon begging him to let it go and come back to the car with her.

Heechul didn’t listen to her. He struck Baekhyun in the jaw, grabbed at his hair, tore his suit. He screamed in his face, sending spit flying and drowning out the sound of the junior’s whimpering.

He grabbed the collar of Baekhyun’s shirt and ripped it to shreds, tearing the pearls and pendants off in the process. He grabbed a fistful of his hair and yanked at it, getting a few loose strands caught between his fingers.

Taeyeon disappeared. She noticed students watching in the distance and left without another word. Chanyeol opened his mouth to call after them, but his throat constricted and released nothing but a squeak.

Heechul lifted Baekhyun off the floor by his hair and slammed him against the hood of a car, leaning over him with one fist wrapped around his throat. Chanyeol pressed his hands against his ears in an attempt to block out the sound of his coughing, gasping for air. He squeezed his eyelids together, incapable of tolerating the sight of blood gushing out of Baekhyun’s lips and running down his chin.

More voices sounded in the distance, creating a cacophony of screaming and yelling. Chanyeol refused to open his eyes to see who arrived. He wouldn’t take his hands away from his ears. He remained planted on the ground, his head between his knees.

“Chanyeol!” A familiar voice shouted. “Chanyeol!”

A pair of hands grabbed him, trying to pull him to his feet. Two more followed, and more, until it felt as if a million hands grabbed hold of him. He fought against their grip, pulling his knees in closer to his chest to make it harder for them to pry his hands free.

“Chanyeol! Are you hurt? What happened?”

He identified the voice to be Suho’s, which he didn’t expect. He didn’t know Suho attended the dance.

“Chanyeol, please! Tell us what happ-” Another voice interrupted; a deep, booming voice that must’ve belonged to an adult. The man told the others to step aside and let them handle this, whoever “them” was.

He felt another hand rest on his shoulder and the same deep voice closer to his ear. “Hey, are you alright?”

He didn’t answer, still too paralyzed to speak.

“Alright, we’re gonna need medical assistance over here.”


	16. Misery Loves Company

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Suho makes plans with Kyungsoo, Chen confronts Kai

History had a habit of repeating itself in the worst ways possible. The week following homecoming, two of the nine boys didn’t show up to school, three more ignored each other in the hallways, one skipped classes to sneak away to the bleachers, another sent a text to a friend that never responded, all but one received a notification that someone blocked their number, and Suho swore he’d been here before.

He tried talking to Kyungsoo and Xiumin, but both made excuses about needing to take care of school related issues, having no time to stop and chat with him. Another daily text sent to Lay, asking about his day and when he planned to visit Seoul, went ignored.

One night unraveled any progress they made in fixing the cracks forming in their friendship. Suho helplessly watched from the sidelines, seeing his friends gradually grow apart once again.

Fate never had any mercy on them, did it?

◈◈◈

It took Suho till early November to muster up enough courage to approach Kyungsoo. After school, he spotted his ex friend sitting in the hallway, his nose buried deep in “The Perks of Being a Wallflower”. They had no reason not to be on good terms, but the night of homecoming felt a little too familiar for any of their comfort. The only thing they could do about it was bottle everything up and avoid each other.

Without a word, Suho sat down beside him, chewing on his nails in place of a pen. Kyungsoo chose not to acknowledge him, knowing his ex co-leader had something to say and wouldn’t sit in silence for long.

“Whatcha reading?” He asked, having a clear view of the book cover and the title written in large letters.

“The same thing I’ve been reading.” Kyungsoo mumbled, realizing the harshness in his tone.

“What’s happening right now?”

“This character named Patrick just got in a fight with his boyfriend. The main character came to his defense and beat up one of the football players involved.”

“So, are Patrick and his boyfriend still together?”

“No. Patrick saw him with someone else and decided it was best to move on.”

Suho nodded to himself, scraping his mind for something to say. He approached Kyungsoo with no intention other than to rid himself of the loneliness that returned post homecoming. Planning for an actual conversation didn’t cross his mind.

Kyungsoo knew Suho had nothing to say, but came to him looking for company. He found it easy to read his ex co-leader like a book; knowing exactly what filled his thoughts and how it drove him to pestering his source of comfort, in spite of the passiveness, or downright silent treatment, he received in return.

He knew Suho took it to heart whenever the others rejected his attempts at reconciling. Unlike most of the members, Suho faced the threat of losing his friends long before the summer. He never fit in, he never belonged in their group, but they kept him around anyways courtesy of his gas money contributions.

Kyungsoo always wondered why they never took a liking to him the way they took a liking to each other. For Sehun, it made sense. The brat acted all high and mighty with his bank account stuffed to the brim and always bragged about how he could get the others to pay for him without spending a dime on them, all thanks to Luhan.

But Suho, he never abused his position. He did everything in his power to stay on everyone’s good side, make them happy. He tried liking the same things as them, took up the same hobbies they enjoyed, even started skipping classes like they did. He didn’t have someone like Luhan to make sure no one kicked him out.

After years of pleasing people to establish a solid friendship with them, it all went down the drain because of one summer night. Kyungsoo wished he’d stop trying so hard to bring them all back together in vain, for the sake of both their sanity.

But, telling him to give up would only motivate him to try harder. He kept his mouth shut, staring at his book without reading a word as he waited for Suho to speak again.

“Do you wanna hang out sometime?” He finally asked after minutes of silence, turning towards Kyungsoo and propping himself up on his knees.

“Hang out?”

“Yeah, like we did at homecoming. We can invite Xiumin too if he’s not busy.”

“I think he has volunteer work after school.”

“Then, it'll just be us two. We can go to my house and play board games or something.”

Kyungsoo hated it when Suho put him in awkward situations such as this one, but he couldn’t deny hanging out at a friend’s house was an activity he might’ve missed. Besides, his ex co-leader couldn’t handle no for an answer, or else he might show up at his house and invite himself in for game night. Knowing Suho, he wouldn’t be surprised if that were to actually happen.

“I guess. I can come over Friday night since I don’t have book club that day.”

“Great!” Suho jumped to his feet, clapping his hands together. “I’ll have snacks and games all ready, so you don’t have to bring anything.”

“Sounds good.”

“Okay, see you Friday!” He shouted as he half walked, half skipped down the hall, smiling to himself like an idiot.

◈◈◈

Very rarely did Chen visit the fine arts building. He had no reason to; none of his classes were located there or his after school clubs. He never took an interest in art, choosing more computer based classes for his electives rather than ceramics or drawing. It never had any appeal to him. Neither did computer code and editing softwares, but his options were rather limited when it came time to choose his classes.

The only time he remembered entering the building happened during sophomore year. He remembered borrowing Luhan’s pencil sharpener and stopped by his art club after school to return it to him. The memory of walking into the classroom and seeing all of the art students staring at him as he handed a frog shaped pencil sharpener to Luhan still made him cringe to this day. He said nothing to the teacher, and she only shook her head in disapproval for interrupting.

A year later, he stepped into the building again, in search of the dance room. He knew Kai used it often, but had no idea where to find it. Luckily, a few band kids noticed him walking around without a clue where to go and kindly gave him directions to his location.

He felt stupid upon realizing how close it was to the entrance. The glass doors sat adjacent to the color guard practice room, revealing the student stretching inside. Chen slowly approached the doors, hovering his fist above the handle.

Kai noticed his reflection in the mirror and paused his music, staring with a blank expression. The acknowledgment gave Chen the push he needed to swing the door open, walking in with his hands in his pockets and his head low.

“What are you doing here?” Kai asked, pulling his earbuds out.

Chen mindlessly dug his toes into the ground, shrugging his shoulders and regretting his decision to pay his ex friend a visit. “I needed to talk.”

“About what?”

“Jennie...wanted me to tell you that she blocked your number.”

“I know she did.”

That wasn’t the reason Chen came to see him. He knew Kai knew and he knew Jennie didn’t intend for him to deliver that information for her. But, it felt like a good place to start. It sparked a conversation, and informed Kai that Chen knew about his situation.

“Why the hell would Jennie tell you that?”

“She asked me to go look for you at the dance since I was volunteering. When I couldn’t find you, she said she’d block your number.”

Kai scoffed, swallowing the knot in his throat. “That was over a month ago. You’re a little late.”

“Took me a while to find you.”

“Couldn’t have been that hard.”

“No, but approaching you once I did was.” Chen looked up at him, feeling obligated to smile a little to show he didn’t mean it in a bad way.

“She said she suspected you were with another girl.”

Kai only shook his head, seeing no point in trying to defend himself.

“And you told her it was personal.”

“Geez, did she recite our entire conversation to you?”

“What happened?” Chen stepped closer, feeling more comfortable talking to him now that he got the ball rolling. “I know you wouldn’t abandon her like that for another girl. So, why did you leave her that night?”

Every muscle in his body tensed. He wanted to let it all out, he wanted to confess everything to Chen and get it all off his chest, remove the weight that had been dragging him down since that night. He opened his mouth to speak, finding it difficult to form words.

“B-Bae…” He stopped himself, thinking of how to phrase his sentence.

“What?”

“Do...do you remember Bae Joohyun?”

Chen felt his mouth go dry. “Of course I remember her.”

“Jennie looked so pretty that night of homecoming, I was shocked.” He smiled to himself, thinking back to her red dress and silky black curls. “She...she looked just like her. Like Joohyun. The resemblance is almost uncanny. When I saw her that night...all I saw was Bae Joohyun.”

Chen nodded, feeling his stomach twist at the thought of Goddess Irene. Thinking back on that night, he could see why Kai associated her with the senior. They really did look similar at a certain angle.

“Bae Joohyun was a nice girl.” Chen said, chuckling for reasons he didn’t know. “She was pretty too.”

“Yeah, she was.” Tears began to build up in Kai’s eyes, but a smile somehow found its way to his lips.

“I bet Jennie’s just as sweet, but she’s not Irene. She’s Jennie Kim, the girl you clearly have an interest in. She’s got her own likes and dislikes, hobbies, friends, talents, flaws. You need to see her for what she is; herself.”

Kai rubbed his eyes, feeling tears running down his face. “You know she’s a volleyball player.” He said, not knowing how else to respond. “She’s on varsity.”

“She must be really good then.”

“Yeah. Yeah, she is.”

“Maybe you should go to one of her games sometime. Do something besides dancing after school.”

“I think the season’s over.”

“Then, maybe we’ll have to find something else to do.”

Kai stayed quiet, waiting for Chen to continue. He knew what he meant, but couldn’t believe it until he heard it himself.

“You wanna see a movie or something? I don’t have volunteer work on Friday if you’re free.”

Kai smiled a little, yet felt the urge to cry more. He nodded his head, not an ounce of regret in his body as he expected. “Sure. I didn’t have any plans anyways.”

Chen patted him on the shoulder, then turned to exit through the glass doors, feeling oddly relieved that he finally had something interesting to do in his free time.


	17. Desperado

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chanyeol makes some bad choices

Baekhyun and Heechul were suspended for two weeks. Both were caught under the influence of drugs and alcohol and had the substances under their possession confiscated. Chanyeol didn’t need to wonder what they did to cure their boredom. He knew they didn’t spend those two weeks completing missing work like their teachers expected. Sometimes, Chanyeol spotted Heechul’s car in the parking lot after school to pick up other friends, and spotted the silver haired junior sitting in the passenger seat.

CPS did nothing to keep them apart because they saw no reason to. Baekhyun lied. He lied right through his teeth when he woke up in the hospital the morning after the dance and the police came in to question him.

He lied about the entire situation. News spread like wildfire at UN Village High School, and Chanyeol heard early on from gossiping junior girls that he lied to the police.

A stranger approached them in the parking lot, looking for a fight. He attacked Baekhyun, ripping his clothes apart and searching for his wallet. Heechul stepped in to help, tackling the stranger to the floor and beating his face in until the man couldn’t take it anymore. He fled into the night, leaving Baekhyun badly beaten on the floor and Heechul by his side, trying to tend to his wounds.

The students who witnessed what really happened originally claimed they saw Heechul hit the kid, but mysteriously changed their minds days later and swore left and right the senior only tried to help. Their made up stories lined up with Baekhyun’s, leading the police to believe it to be true.

Almost a week after the incident, the principal interrupted Chanyeol’s government class to pull him into an office where two police officers waited for him. The sight wasn’t unfamiliar to him, but intimidation made itself as prevalent as it did months before.

Baekhyun sat in the room as well, his eyes glued to his feet and his hands folded in his lap. Chanyeol merely side eyed him, before taking a seat and keeping his focus on the officers.

They asked him what he knew, and he stared at them in silence for a moment, feeling sweat building up on his palms. Baekhyun turned ever so slightly to glance at him, meeting Chanyeol’s eyes for only a moment.

He hardly caught sight of the older’s face, but their eye contact lasted long enough for him to notice the purple and black bruise under his eye and the cut slicing through his bottom lip.

“I didn’t get a good look at his face,” Chanyeol began, straightening himself out to hide any evidence of discomfort that might give his lies away. He explained the entire story Baekhyun made up, knowing every detail from hearing so many juniors talk about it.

Baekhyun sat quietly and listened, nodding unconsciously when Chanyeol mentioned a specific detail he didn’t expect him to know. By the end of his interrogation, the officers thanked Chanyeol for his cooperation and sent him back to class, apologizing for the inconvenience.

◈◈◈

By November, Heechul and Baekhyun returned to school and nothing seemed to change. Chanyeol exited the locker room that morning with his letterman jacket hung over his shoulders and his music blaring in his ears. His teammates patted him on the back as he passed by, congratulating him for a good practice, but he said nothing in return. For one thing, he couldn’t hear them over the music, but if he had, his passiveness would remain.

He stuffed his hands in the pockets of his jacket, walking to his first hour with his head hung low. Every teacher or coach who passed him in the hallways, wishing him a good morning, received nothing but a cold shoulder.

Call him an asshole, he wouldn’t care. Dirty glances and complaints from his teammates wouldn’t change his behavior. Their poor attempts to put him in a better mood always fell flat. He almost laughed at how annoyed they got with him, but even that couldn’t make him smile.

His frown only stretched further on his face when he saw Baekhyun sitting at a table outside, Heechul by his side. The senior had his arm wrapped around his shoulders, laughing with his buddies.

Baekhyun noticed Chanyeol and watched as he walked right past him, without further acknowledgement. He felt Heechul’s grip tighten on his shoulder, but couldn’t pull his eyes away from the football player to determine if his boyfriend caught sight of him too.

Chanyeol turned away the moment Baekhyun looked in his direction, turning up his music to distract himself from the pair of black and bruised eyes following him. The volume his music reached gave him a headache. He didn’t care. He didn’t care about a lot of things since the night of homecoming.

He didn’t care about school, or football, or work. He didn’t care about Suho awkwardly greeting him once in a while when they bumped into each other. He didn’t care about the librarian bothering him about how he organized books once he began volunteering in the library. He didn’t care about volunteering. He didn’t care about his grades. He didn’t care about his parents complaining whenever they received an email stating their son wasn’t doing well in his classes.

But, my god, he couldn’t stop caring about the silver haired junkie watching his every move as he walked across the courtyard. Every moment of every day, he made his way into Chanyeol’s thoughts, leaving him shaking with fear as the memories of that night flooded his mind again.

The sight of Heechul driving his fists into Baekhyun’s face, slamming him against the car, and tearing his clothes apart stained the back of his eyelids. He made his way into his dreams, screaming and crying for help, bloody and beaten.

He hated thinking about what might’ve happened after that night, seeing as how Baekhyun didn’t leave the senior to rot like he wished he had. The poor kid had too many attachment issues to let him go, tempting Chanyeol to grab him and take him away himself.

He could take better care of him than Heechul ever could. Not that it was his responsibility.

But, Baekhyun made it clear he had no intention to push the senior away. He could’ve sent him behind bars if he felt so inclined to, but Chanyeol knew he didn’t have it in him to use that to his advantage. Heechul held the kid with an iron fist, knowing no matter what Baekhyun had against him, he’d always be in control.

◈◈◈

After school, Chanyeol threw his backpack and sports bag over his shoulders and dragged his feet through the parking lot, desperate to get home as soon as possible. The librarian gave him permission to skip volunteer hours that day, knowing he had a game later in the evening.

He threw his belongings into the back of his truck and slouched into the driver’s seat, letting out a long, deep sigh of exhaustion. His key jammed into the ignition and twisted to the left, causing the engine to sputter and choke.

He turned it over and over, listening the engine give out on him and feeling his wrist cramp from abusing the key. About five minutes spent banging against the steering wheel and begging his car to work as if it had ears to listen, before he realized the light flashing on the dashboard.

No gas and no gas money.

Any other day, he would’ve torn the engine apart in a fit of rage, but his football game spared him the trouble. Most of his teammates remained on campus for game days, so he’d stay too and catch a ride with them after the game.

He grabbed his bags and wandered back onto school campus, searching for a decent spot to lay down and ease his headache. Across the way, the majority of his teammates gathered around the lunch tables to help themselves to a pre game meal consisting of potato chips and chocolate bars from the vending machine.

The locker room must’ve been empty then. Chanyeol wasted no time speed walking down the hall and slipping through the crack in the door, checking to make sure none of the coaches were in sight.

He stood in the doorway for a moment, losing himself in his thoughts. Four hours remained before the start of the game, giving him plenty of time to sleep, or at least attempt to. Rest never came easy since homecoming, and he didn’t expect things to be any better on an uncomfortable bench with a bag as a pillow.

He threw his sports bag onto the bench in between the lockers, banging his helmet against the metal and creating a loud clinking noise. The noise caused him to jump, and nearly gave a heart attack to the student sitting behind a row of lockers.

He heard a small yelp, pulling his attention away from the dented helmet. The sound of someone shuffling around filled the silence of the locker room, followed by a zipper being undone.

Chanyeol turned the corner to find a junior with a silver head of hair sitting against the lockers. His backpack laid across his lap, books and loose paper falling onto the floor. A small bag filled with pills of various colors stuck out behind one of the folders, catching Chanyeol’s attention almost immediately.

“Don’t fucking tell anyone. I haven’t even been back a month yet.” Baekhyun said, noticing where the football player’s eyes landed.

“Maybe you should stop bringing it to school then and save that for when you get home.” He kicked the corner of the folder, pushing it further to the side and completely concealing the pills.

“Heechul only gives them to me here. He won’t go out of his way to drop them off at my house.”

“You know, you could just stop accepting it from him.”

“Thanks for the advice, but I’m good.”

“So, what? You two are head over heels for each other again after what he did to you at homecoming?” Chanyeol noticed the way his voice trembled. Baekhyun heard it too, but mistook it as rage.

“What’s it to you?”

Chanyeol stepped back, sensing anger rising in his voice. “Is it so wrong to be concerned?”

“Concerned about what?” He stood up, throwing one of his folders to the floor. “Concerned that Heechul will hurt me again? You didn’t seem too concerned when you sat there and watched-”

“Don’t.”

Baekhyun swallowed his words, startled by the sudden aggressiveness. He looked into Chanyeol’s eyes and shivered at the sight of the fury that stared back at him.

“Heechul was drunk. He apologized and he hasn’t done anything since. You can stop losing sleep over it.”

Chanyeol scoffed, feeling his hands curl into fists. The sight of blood returned to his mind, making his stomach twist in pain. “He isn’t going to change. You and I both know that.”

Baekhyun averted his eyes to the floor, afraid the flicker behind them might give Chanyeol the satisfaction of being right.

“He’s not so bad.” He said with a smile.

“I know you don’t believe that. You’re lying to yourself, you’re lying to the people around you. Hell, you lied to the fucking police just to save his ass when he didn’t deserve it.”

“It’s not that big of a deal…”

“This isn’t going to stop. He’ll hurt you again, Baekhyun, I guarantee it. He doesn’t deserve you and you don’t deserve him.”

Baekhyun bit his lip, holding back a smile. He smiled when tension began suffocating him, and Chanyeol made him feel like he had his head underwater. “I suppose you deserve me then, huh? We’re a match made in heaven. You and I are meant to be. Isn’t that what you always tell yourself?”

Chanyeol stepped closer, forcing Baekhyun to press his back against the lockers. “Do you believe it?”

“What? That we’re meant to be?” He laughed. “I think you should forget about me because you don’t deserve me, and I don’t deserve you.”

“Why do you say that?” He came even closer, his breath slightly ruffling a few strands of silver hair.

“I know you always tell yourself you need to move on because I’m no good for you. I just wish you’d actually take your own fucking advice.”

“I’ve tried.” He put one hand on the side of Baekhyun’s head, tapping his nails against the metal to calm his nerves.

“I’m sure you have, but we wouldn’t be here if you tried a little harder, would we?”

“Do you want me to try harder?”

“What would you do if I said I didn’t?”

Chanyeol’s breath hitched, the voice in the back of his mind screaming to back away and leave. He needed to walk away, but the sight of his longtime crush pinned against a locker, looking up at him with a slight smirk drove him crazy.

He wanted to feel something other than sadness and guilt for once. He wanted to bury the memories of the summer, of homecoming, of his friends. He wanted a release from his misery, even if it lasted only a moment. He didn’t want to think anymore. He wanted to let himself get swept away, forgetting about the past, the future, and only focusing on now.

“Well?” Baekhyun lifted an eyebrow, waiting for a response.

“I’d fucking kiss you, Byun Baekhyun.”

“Then, fucking do it, Park Chanyeol.”

He bent down and pressed his lips against his, a little more aggressively than he intended. Baekhyun leaned into it without hesitation, grabbing the sleeves of his letterman jacket and pulling him closer.

Heat rose in his face. His hands shook violently as he carelessly slipped one side of Baekhyun’s jacket off his shoulder. His head spun as if someone struck him with a blunt object. Baekhyun touched the bare skin under his shirt, causing him to shiver.

He had to leave. This couldn’t happen. It shouldn’t happen.

He grabbed Baekhyun’s shoulders, intending to push him away, but only pulled him closer. The contact brought him a sense of relief; the relief he had been longing for since summer. Baekhyun didn’t make things any easier; the way he reached up with one hand to grab his hair while the other effortlessly undid his belt buckle knocked the air right out of him.

Any self control left in his body vanished, as well as his shirt. He lost sight of it. Who took it off? When? He couldn’t wrap his mind around the situation. Baekhyun’s cold hands made him flinch as they ran along his back, his nails digging into his skin whenever Chanyeol pushed against him.

The sound of metal clinking against the floor sounded at Chanyeol’s feet and he realized Baekhyun threw his belt aside.

His eyes shot open and his hands flew up to Baekhyun’s face, pulling him away. He looked around to see his shirt sprawled out on a bench, Baekhyun’s jacket at his feet, his own jacket sitting on the pile of folders, and his belt snaked around his ankles.

Baekhyun said nothing, staring at the ground as he chewed his bottom lip. He felt Chanyeol’s hands trembling, and gently took hold of his wrists to lower them from his face. “You’ve got a game tonight, don’t you?”

Chanyeol sucked in a breath of air, stepping away from Baekhyun and grabbing his clothes. “Yeah.”

“I’m sure you’ve got to get ready.” He grabbed his jacket and backpack. “Good luck out there.”

Chanyeol stopped to watch Baekhyun exit the locker room, running his hair through his silver hair. He brushed his fingers across his lips, feeling the older’s touch linger there. Regret punched him square in the gut, leaving him shaking on the bench, his belt tightening around his fists.


	18. The Sound Of Sirens

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chanyeol plays football

Chanyeol spent more time warming the bench than playing on the field. Every game, he spent his time downing cups of Gatorade and watching his teammates dominate the field, thinking perhaps an after school club would’ve been a more effective way to keep himself busy and make friends than sports.

The coach didn’t put his biggest, strongest player on the bench due to any personal vendettas, but noticed the way Chanyeol skipped practices more frequently as the year progressed and had to take action.

Don’t practice, don’t play. Chanyeol didn’t take it personally.

But, he had to play eventually. The coach always talked about how a team worked like a machine; every piece had some importance. Remove the cogs and the gears don’t work. Remove the gears and the cogs have no function.

Chanyeol didn’t know what he represented in the analogy. Maybe the oil that greased the machine once in a while when it began to creak. He served no purpose when the machine ran smoothly, only when it wore itself down.

But even that gave too much credit to his contributions. He was more like the yearly health inspector, who showed up one day in January at the start of every year, examined the machine for a few minutes, and confirmed its functionality.

No, that description seemed more appropriate for the coach. Then, he must’ve been the speck of dust that didn’t do much but collect on the machine until the health inspector came by to clean him up and whip the machine back into shape.

Basically, he was useless to his team.

But, so was the sophomore who twisted his ankle and had to be carried off the field with assistance from the trainers. With a player down, the coach had no choice but to replace the gear with another one, even if it didn’t quite fit into the machine well.

“Chanyeol! You’re in!”

Chanyeol had his face turned up to the stars, his mind left behind in the locker room four hours ago. He attempted counting every speck of white he saw against the blackness of the sky, but gave up when his neck began to cramp.

“Chanyeol! You hear me?! Get your head out of the clouds and put your helmet on!”

He blinked back to reality, realizing that his coach stood right in front of him, snapping his fingers in his face. He squeezed his helmet over his head, the dent in the side making his skull throb under the pressure.

He jogged onto the field and joined the team huddle, going over their next play. His ears had a habit of hearing everything but what he needed to, leaving him completely confused when the boys suddenly chanted their team name and ran into position.

He ran behind them, pretending to have a clue. They must’ve noticed how out of it he appeared, but they didn’t expect anything less from him. All of Park Chanyeol hadn’t shown up to practice or a game since homecoming. A part of him still remained in the school parking lot, watching helplessly as Kim Heechul beat Byun Baekhyun to a bloody pulp.

The rest of him jogged around and followed the ball wherever they threw it, not knowing what else to do. The team spent almost as much time and energy trying to keep the ball out of his hands as they did trying to score. The coach watched with his hands clasped behind his head, cursing under his breath whenever he caught Chanyeol merely strolling on the sidelines.

They had been winning up until this point. One lousy gear threatened to send the entire machine crashing down if it didn’t start functioning properly.

Fifteen minutes left of the game and the boys were beyond stressed. The panthers caught up to them, threatening to surpass them on the scoreboard. Chanyeol stood in his position, sweat running down his face and dripping into the grass.

He panted as he looked from one teammate to the next, anticipating the next move. Then, a sophomore snapped the ball and the boys bolted forward.

Chanyeol rammed into a panther, his helmet colliding with the kid’s shoulder pad. His skull rattled at the impact, but his cleats digging into the dirt allowed him to keep his balance. With all the strength he could muster, he shoved the panther back and gave his teammate the perfect opportunity to pass the ball.

Chanyeol saw it coming. He was completely open. His teammate looked right at him, even nodded to confirm he got the message. He pulled his arm back to throw, took a step forward, yelled something inaudible because he fucking knew not to, but saw no other options.

He launched the ball directly at Chanyeol, grabbing the front of his helmet in anticipation as it soared through the air.

It landed right in the junior’s arms. His entire team allowed themselves to breath again.

Chanyeol ran, not knowing where he was heading or if he went in the right direction. He heard his team shouting at him, but couldn’t determine if they were words of encouragement, or if they cursed him for being such an idiot.

His aching feet carried him halfway across the field and his long legs put him far ahead of the panthers on his trail. From the looks of it, he was going for a touchdown and the coach threw his hat onto the floor in disbelief.

He ran and ran, sending dirt flying and kicking up blades of grass. The panthers charged him, trying to keep up with his incredible speed, but their legs wouldn’t cooperate. The coach dropped to his knees, tears in his eyes due to the immense stress he felt.

Chanyeol kept his eyes forward, staring at the touchdown zone. He didn’t care about winning. He didn’t care about getting a trophy. All he cared about was running. The thrill, the adrenaline, the sweat beating from his forehead. It felt good to him. A part of him no longer sat in the school parking lot, or kissed Baekhyun in the locker room. For once, all of him came together, focused on one thing and one thing only.

That is, until he spotted none other than Byun fucking Baekhyun leaning against the fence, watching with a deadpan look on his face. He must’ve noticed Chanyeol slowing down and smiled to himself knowing he had to have been the reason he seemed distracted.

Chanyeol tried focusing, but his mind went in every direction, sending him into a state of complete confusion. He hadn’t noticed he came to a complete stop only a few feet away from the touchdown zone until a panther grabbed him from behind and brought him to the floor.

Baekhyun flinched when he saw him go down with a pile of sophomores and freshmen stacked on top of him. The ball rolled out from under him, stopping at the line sitting between Chanyeol and a touchdown.

The crowd erupted in screaming. The couch cursed in the faces of anyone standing near him. The players threw their helmets into the dirt and kicked them around the way they’d kick a ball.

Chanyeol paid no attention to them, averting his focus towards the silver haired junior watching him from the opposite side of the fence. Baekhyun stood upright and waved, intentionally letting his jacket slide off one shoulder.

“Chanyeol! Get over here!”

He didn’t listen. Instead, he yanked his helmet off and waved back, his mouth remaining taut. Baekhyun turned his back to him and strolled towards the locker rooms, kicking rocks as he went.

Chanyeol dropped his helmet in the dirt and hopped the fence, listening to the sounds of his metal cleats against the concrete and his coach shouting after him.

◈◈◈

All of the lights in the hallway were shut off, but Chanyeol had been to the locker rooms enough times to navigate in the dark with ease. Baekhyun must’ve had a more difficult time seeing as how a trash can tipped over and almost tripped Chanyeol.

He pushed the door open with his back, grabbing the front of his chest guard to loosen it and ease the strain on his collarbone. When the sound of his cleats subsided, he heard movement from behind the lockers.

Moments later, Baekhyun turned the corner, looking at him with soft eyes and casually pushing the sleeve of his jacket lower on his arm. He smiled, his head gently swaying from side to side.

“You ditched your game just to come see me?”

Chanyeol kept his mouth shut. He examined Baekhyun’s physique, noticing the old bruising around his eyes, as well as the new ones on his neck. His bangs fell into his eyes, brushing against his eyelashes. His balance seemed off. Chanyeol felt his hand flex whenever it appeared Baekhyun would fall forward.

“Are you drunk?”

“No.”

“So, you’re high.”

“No.”

“Then, what’s wrong with you?”

Baekhyun simply smiled, messing with the sleeve of his jacket again. Chanyeol leaned forward, taking a whiff of his scent to find traces of alcohol and smelling only vanilla.

“What makes you think something’s wrong with me?”

“You’re acting strange.”

He lifted an eyebrow, biting his knuckles to stifle a laugh. Chanyeol assumed he swallowed a few pills before coming to see him. The junkie had a habit of lying lately.

“Why are you here?”

The question didn’t seem necessary. Chanyeol had an idea as to why a stoned Byun Baekhyun would come looking for him four hours after he had his hands all over him. Considering Heechul hadn’t come with him, Baekhyun must’ve been bored and lonely.

“Why are  _ you _ here?” Baekhyun asked, cocking his head to the side with a smirk.

“I-” Chanyeol stopped himself, realizing he didn’t know why he followed him. The coach expected him on the field, his team counted on him making that touchdown. But, he dropped everything to follow Baekhyun into the place they shared their first kiss.

Perhaps he was bored and lonely too.

“You looked good out there. Almost won the whole game.” Baekhyun continued, sitting down beside the sports bag Chanyeol left behind at the start of the game.

“Why didn’t you score?”

“I got distracted.”

“You been thinking about me?” He fluttered his eyelashes.

“No.”

“Why bother lying? I’m not stupid.” He stood up and moved closer to Chanyeol, subconsciously tapping his knuckles on his chest guard.

“You think about me a lot, don’t you?”

Chanyeol’s hand snapped up, grabbing hold of Baekhyun’s wrist when his fingers began to wander. “Stop.”

“What?”

“You’re high.”

“I said I wasn’t.”

“I know you’re lying.”

Baekhyun pulled his hand free from his grip and sat down on the bench again. He put the tips of his fingers in his mouth, getting lost in his thoughts and staring at nothing in particular. Chanyeol stayed quiet, watching him and waiting for him to reveal his true intentions.

“Can you drive me home?”

“Why? You got here just fine without me.”

“Cause I want you to come with me.”

There it was. Chanyeol hardly seemed surprised.

“I’m not going home with you. I’m supposed to be out on the field.”

“But, you’re not. You’re here. With me.”

“Is this all you wanted?” His voice grew louder, feeling anger boiling in his chest. “You wanted to take me home with you for a quick fuck?”

Baekhun didn’t respond. His fingers went from his lips to his hair, twirling the silver strands.

“I’m not going home with you.” He repeated.

“Fine. How about we hang out sometime? Maybe Saturday?”

“Baek-”

“I want you to take me out somewhere. Like on a date. You know, Heechul never takes me out on dates.”

Chanyeol bit his tongue, preventing himself from saying something he’d regret.

“It’s just a date. I’m not trying…” He let Chanyeol’s mind fill in the blanks. “Please? Heechul’s uncle is out of town and he has to house sit for him, so I’m free on Saturday.”

The temptation to agree ate at him, the voice of the devil on his shoulder echoing through his head. What was the harm in a date? Nothing, unless the person just so happens to be Byun Baekhyun.

The silver haired junior pushed him away too many times to count. He’d lure him in with his touching and his laugh and his singing and the way he always played with his hair, then strike when Chanyeol lowered his guard and left him heartbroken.

He reminded him of a siren, even resembled one with his shiny locks and glistening eyes. Chanyeol recalled having to read a poem about sirens during his freshman year. The story revolved around a sailor traveling through rough seas, determined to reach a secret island, a paradise.

The voices of sirens drew him off course, hypnotizing him with their angelic singing. When his boat strayed too close to their cave, they grabbed him with their sharp fins and forced his head underwater, filling his lungs until he sunk to the ocean floor.

Chanyeol already had his head underwater. One wrong move and he’d sleep with the fishes.

“I can’t.”

“Why not?”

“Because-” He shook his head, sealing his lips to avoid the truth escaping.  _ Because you’ll only break my heart. _ As if Baekhyun didn’t already suspect fear to be the cause of his reluctance.

“We’re just friends.” Baekhyun began, assuming Chanyeol didn’t have it in him to continue his last thought. “We’ll only be going as friends. We used to hang out all the time. What makes this any different?”

Last time they properly hung out as friends, Heechul was only a name they heard around school. Last time they properly hung out as friends, Chanyeol didn’t stupidly share a kiss with the junkie. Last time they properly hung out as friends, three members of their gang weren’t laid in a cemetery.

Things changed. They couldn’t casually go out with each other like they used to. They couldn’t stay at each other’s houses. The day their friends were lowered in the ground was the day their friendship went with them. Things would never be the same.

“I’m sorry.”

Baekhyun huffed, determined to change his mind. “Fine, don’t call it a date. We’re not lovers. We’re not friends. We’re just two juniors who know each other well enough to spend our Saturday night in the presence of one another. We’re not going together, we’re just near each other. It’s not a date.”

He paused, searching Chanyeol’s face for any sign of being swayed. The way Chanyeol’s eyes found their way to the floor gave him slight hope.

“So, Park Chanyeol; will you be in proximity to me Saturday night, as an acquaintance?”

Chanyeol couldn’t help but chuckle. Whether it was from annoyance or finding his crush’s persistence somewhat cute, he failed to hold back a smile. Baekhyun took that as a yes.

“Pick me up from my place at six. You can take me wherever you want to go, I don’t mind.” He stood up, grabbing the letterman jacket laying across Chanyeol’s sports bag. “Don’t be late, okay?”

Baekhyun brushed against his arm as he passed him, slipping his letterman jacket over the jacket he already wore. Chanyeol didn’t say anything, though he felt he should, not knowing what to say. By the time he realized what he got himself into, Baekhyun already left.


	19. It's Not A Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kai and Chen hang out, Chanyeol gets ready for his "date"

“Kai, if you’re going to stare at your phone the entire time, at least go outside so you aren’t disrupting the movie.”

Kai pulled his eyes away from the screen illuminating the darkened movie theater, looking towards the strangers shooting daggers towards him. He then turned to Chen, who shooed him away.

“But, what about Jennie?” He whispered.

“She blocked your number. Any text you send her, she won’t see.” Chen patted him on the shoulder. “All you can do is wait till Monday and talk to her in person.”

“Excuse me,” A man dressed in a red and black uniform interrupted, blinding them with his flashlight. “I’m going to have to ask you two to please keep it down and put your phones away.”

They chose to leave the movie early instead. Kai couldn’t keep his focus off Jennie’s contact long enough to pay attention and Chen lost interest about five minutes into the movie. Ice cream sounded better anyways.

They went across the street to a little family owned ice cream parlor; a spot they once visited everyday during the summer. When Kris collected enough spare change, he treated all of his friends to a fifty cent vanilla cone. If any of them had any more money to spend, they’d split a sundae between two for a total of six bowls packed with sugary toppings that made them all sick by the time they finished.

None of them visited the place the past summer except Xiumin, simply out of routine. The others avoided it for fear of running into the other and to bury the memories they once made there. Ice cream didn’t taste as sweet with no one to share with anyways.

Chen felt strange stepping into the homey atmosphere again. He never expected to hang out with any of his ex friends again, but somehow one bad date night changed everything.

Kai trailed behind him, momentarily closing out of his contacts to take pictures of the building’s exterior. “This place hasn’t changed a bit.” He commented.

Chen nodded in agreement, spotting their old booth by the window. Dozens of pink balls of gum stuck to the underside, left behind by Sehun. The corner still had a chip in it from when Baekhyun fell trying to climb over Tao and Kris. The leather of the seats ripped in one spot from Kyungsoo mindlessly picking at it. The small crack in the glass of the window had never been fixed since Chanyeol accidentally slammed his elbow into it.

Chen sat down in his old spot, running his hands along the polished surface of the table. Kai sat opposite of him with his shoulder against the window, like he always did. Chen remembered how he used to take pictures of the cars driving by.

“Should we order?” Kai asked quietly, feeling the atmosphere shift between them. Chen only nodded, too lost in thought to answer verbally. He touched the chipped corner of the table, the broken class, the leather folds sticking up, smiling to himself as he reminisced about the summer.

He missed this. As hard as it was to return to the ice cream parlor, he was glad he did.

A waitress approached their table with a notepad and pen in hand, greeting them with a friendly smile. “What can I get you guys?”

The boys didn’t recognize her. They used to order from the same waiter every visit; an older, bigger man who always complained about how much of a pain they were, but deep down enjoyed their company. He grumbled and frowned at them, before giving them a discount on their ice cream whenever they didn’t have enough money to give.

The waitress seemed nice, but Chen couldn’t help but wonder where the old man went. He assumed he took the night off.

They ordered the fifty cent vanilla cones, for old times sake and because they couldn’t afford anything else. The waitress returned to the kitchen with their orders scribbled down in her notepad, leaving them in silence again.

Kai turned to the window, watching the cars passing by and the teenagers exiting the movie theater across the street. He held his phone up once again to take more pictures, capturing the late night bustling of kids enjoying their Friday night. 

He used to be one of them; young, dumb, and in search of something to do. Every night, he’d end up at parties, or sleeping in the back of Chanyeol’s truck under the stars. He always woke up with a sore neck, Sehun’s feet in his face, Suho kicking him in the leg to wake him up. He always woke him up before the others, just as the sun rose behind the mountains to create a perfect photograph. He still had the pictures pinned up in his room, but hadn’t added to the collage in months.

He turned his phone to the sky and snapped a picture just as the sun set behind the buildings. The stars shone brighter as the sky darkened, and he wondered if Chanyeol were watching them at that very moment.

“The table feels empty.” Chen said, too quiet for Kai to determine if he meant for him to hear it. “I kinda wish the others were here.”

“Maybe…” He paused when the waitress returned with their ice cream. Chen dropped fifty cents into her palm before accepting the cone from her. When she left, Kai continued. “Maybe we can text them...ask them if they’re free Saturday.”

Chen looked up from his ice cream, cleaning his mouth with a napkin. “Do you think they’d want to hang out?”

“Maybe not all of them, but we can try texting Suho or Xiumin. You volunteer with Xiumin, don’t you?”

Chen nodded, but he and Xiumin hardly talked. Whenever they met after school for daycare, they exchange a simply “hello” before getting to work and avoiding each other. Suho, on the other hand, never stopped bothering him whenever he spotted him in the halls.

“I’m sure Suho would be happy to join us.” He added.

“Yeah, maybe Kyungsoo too. I’ve seen him talking with Suho a few times.”

“What about Baekhyun or Chanyeol?”

Kai turned back to the window. “I talked to Chanyeol not too long ago. We’re not really on good terms.”

“Baekhyun?”

“Maybe.”

“How about Sehun? I haven’t heard from him since the summer.”

“I don’t think anyone has.”

Chen took another bite of his cone, following Kai’s gaze to the window. “How about we stick with Suho, Xiumin, and Kyungsoo. We’ll try the others if things go well.”

Kai turned to him, a small smile on his face. “Sounds like a plan.”

◈◈◈

Board games weren’t as fun with only two people. Before the summer, a large group of twelve could keep a game going for hours. With only two people, it ended rather quickly.

Kyungsoo eventually unfolded his legs and stretched them out, before standing up and heading for Suho’s kitchen. “Why don’t we do something else? I’m kind of bored.”

Suho cleaned up the board and game pieces, racking his brain for their next activity to keep Kyungsoo from leaving early. He didn’t have much else to do; he didn’t own any video games or DVDs to watch. He considered playing the computer games on his new laptop, but none of them were meant for two people.

Watching TV sounded boring. Kyungsoo didn’t like staring at a screen for long anyways. He had a whiteboard for pictionary, but all of his dry erase markers dried out from being abandoned in his closet for so long. They could use paper and pencil, but all of his notebooks were filled with notes from school.

He looked up from his board games to find Kyungsoo rummaging through his fridge, looking for something to snack on. It made him smile to see his friend make himself at home the way he used to months ago, and it also sparked an idea.

“Baking.”

“What?”

“How about we bake?” He pushed himself off the floor and stacked the board games on the coffee table. “I have cookie mix in the pantry. I’m sure my parents won’t mind if we use it.”

A few minutes later, they set up their baking station on the counter. Kyungsoo began by filling a glass bowl with flour, while Suho grabbed the eggs and cracked open four. They added some soft butter, then used their combined strength to mix it. Kyungsoo held the whisk with his left hand and Suho held it with his right, moving in the same direction to avoid spilling.

“Why does it look so runny?” Suho asked as he examined the off colored substance.

“I don’t know. How many eggs did you add?”

“Four.”

“Four!” Kyungsoo grabbed the box with his other hand and read the directions. “You were only supposed to add two!”

“Well, what if we add more of the other ingredients to balance it out?” He dumped more flour into the mixture without measuring it, creating a cloud of white powder swirling around their noses. Kyungsoo coughed into his arm as he fanned his hand through the air, pushing the cloud more towards Suho’s face.

“You were supposed to use a measuring cup.”

“At least it worked, right?”

They looked into the bowl when the dust cleared. With a little mixing, it certainly didn’t look as runny as before, but too powdery.

“Great. You added too much.”

“So, we’ll add more eggs.” Suho reached for the carton, but Kyungsoo caught him by the arm. His hand accidentally smacked it off the counter, shattering the eggshells on the floor and spilling the yellow yolk onto the tile.

“Shit!” Suho reached for a paper towel. “My parents are going to kill me!”

“Don’t worry. We can....” He looked around the kitchen as if the answer sat somewhere on the counter. “We’ll...we can buy some more. When will your parents be home?”

“Tomorrow afternoon.”

“Perfect. That gives us plenty of time to run to the store in the morning.”

Suho looked at the mess of flour, butter, and eggs that sat in the bowl. “And, what about the cookies?”

“We can try baking it still.” Kyungsoo tried mixing it, but it stuck to the whisk like a leech and trying to flick it off only spread the mess from the bowl to the counter.

“Soo, I don’t think that’s edible.”

“You wanna order a pizza instead?”

They ate pizza on the living room floor, watching TV in silence. Neither thought to speak; the silence didn’t bother them. It wasn’t an awkward silence, but a comfortable one, comfortable because both missed being able to hang out with each other so casually.

“Has Lay texted you?” Kyungsoo suddenly asked, catching Suho off guard.

“No.”

“You still text him?”

“Everyday.”

Kyungsoo looked away from the TV to watch his friend’s face, noticing how the corners of his mouth turned down slightly.

“I wonder what Busan’s like. I think it would be cool to visit there one day.” He continued, trying to lighten the mood.

“I asked my parents if I could take a trip there after my senior year as a graduation gift.”

“What’d they say?”

He shrugged. “They’d think about it.”

“Well, if you ever get to go, you have to tell me all about it. I want to know what Busan is like.”

“Sure.”

Just then, Suho’s phone vibrated. He snatched it off the floor at lightning speed and checked his texts, hoping to see a message from his old friend but not expecting to.

“Who is it?” Kyungsoo asked, biting into a slice of pizza.

“It’s Chen.” Suho stared at the text, reading it a few more times to ensure he read it properly. “He asked if I’m busy Saturday.”

“Really?” Kyungsoo sat on his knees and peered over Suho’s shoulder to read the text for himself. “Do you think he wants to hang out?”

“He’s been avoiding me for months. Why would he want to hang out now?” Suho asked himself as he responded with “no”.

Another text popped up under his, asking to meet him and Kai at the ice cream parlor and saying how they should invite Kyungsoo and Xiumin.

“The ice cream parlor? Together?” Suho couldn’t believe it. Months spent trying to bring his friends together again led to nothing. The only one he managed to reconnect with was Kyungsoo, and even they weren’t fully comfortable with each other yet.

In one night, Chen accomplished what Suho couldn’t do in over three months. If a simple text inviting them out for ice cream was the solution, Suho would’ve tried it long ago.

“Well, do you wanna go?” Kyungsoo asked.

“I...I suppose.” He hesitated to respond, still struggling to believe this was real. Chen really texted him. He really invited him to hang out. He’d really get to be with his friends again.

Perhaps fate wasn’t so cruel as he thought. It just liked taking it’s time.

◈◈◈

Saturday night, Chanyeol sat in his truck with his fists wrapped around the steering wheel, parked down the street from the Byun household. He turned his engine off and sat in silence, two sides of his brain pulling him in opposite directions and threatening to tear him apart.

Why would he agree to taking Baekhyun out? He didn’t, but he couldn’t deny he wanted to. Why wouldn’t he tell Baekhyun no? He tried, but apparently not hard enough. Why didn’t he just stand him up? He almost did, but when he saw the clock on his nightstand read 5:40, guilt got the best of him.

By the time he reached his neighborhood, the clock struck six, and Baekhyun would be expecting him any minute.

_ Why am I so fucking stupid? _

He climbed out of the car and fixed his hair, checking his breath and straightening out his collared shirt before slamming the door shut. Butterflies fluttered in the pit of his stomach, almost making him sick. He went to the back of his truck and grabbed the small bouquet of roses he picked up on his way there, mentally slapping himself in the face for trying so hard.

This wasn’t supposed to be a date anyways. Flowers were more than unnecessary.

Yet, he held them close to his chest and walked up to the Byun household with what little confidence he could muster, stopping short of the front steps.

Mr. Byun sat outside the front door, a cigarette in one hand and a beer in the other. He had to have noticed Chanyeol considering the six foot one junior stood directly in front of him, but chose not to acknowledge him.

Chanyeol’s fingers twisted around the stems of the roses, feeling heat rising in his face. “Sir.”

“Hey.”

His mouth twitched with the intention of speaking, but couldn’t think of what to say. He danced from one foot to the other, praying Mr. Byun would initiate a conversation, or better yet, invite him in so Baekhyun could ease the tension.

“Are those flowers for me?” The sarcastic tone convinced Chanyeol the older man wasn’t in the mood for talking.

“I was...I...I’m here to pick up Baekhyun.”

“Why? You two finally dating?”

“Finally?” He nervously chuckled. “Is this something you’ve been anticipating?”

“No, but he talks about you, and you used to act like a fucking school girl every time I saw you, so I assumed something would happen eventually.”

Chanyeol rubbed the back of his neck, trying to suppress the urge to scream from embarrassment. He wanted to chuck those stupid flowers into the road and take off running, but remained planted on the lawn.

“So...where is he?”

“How the fuck should I know?”

_ Because he’s your son and you live in the same fucking house as him. _

“I-I don’t know.”

“Chen-”

“Chanyeol.”

“He’s not fucking home right now, so why don’t you toss those flowers and go find something better to do with your time than chase after someone as sad and pathetic as my son?”

Chanyeol let his hands drop to his sides, pulling the flowers away from his chest. “Do you have any idea where he could’ve gone?”

“A friend of his stopped by earlier to pick him up. I have no fucking clue where they went and I don’t really care. He’s always goin’ out and getting himself into trouble.”

“Okay.” He said quietly, swallowing the knot forming in his throat. “Thank you, Sir.” He turned his back to him, peering over his shoulder to add one last thing. “If Baekhyun comes back home, will you tell him I stopped by?”

A chuckle escaped past the cigarette between his teeth. “Sure, kid. If I see him, I’ll let him know.”


	20. The Course Of True Love Never Did Run Smooth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sehun goes out, Chanyeol deals with being stood up

It must’ve been a set up. It couldn’t have been a coincidence. It couldn’t have been a coincidence that the one time Sehun chose to go out and do something for the first time since homecoming, that his ex friends did the same.

They made it very clear that their friendship died with Kris, Tao, and Luhan, evident by blocked numbers and an effort to avoid each other at all costs. None of them spoke to him apart from Baekhyun and Chanyeol, but Chanyeol clearly had no desire to be friends again and Baekhyun only came to him when he needed a ride.

Things were over between them. They all moved on to other people, made new friends, forgot about the summer and all the years they spent together before then. At least, that’s what Sehun thought.

Then, he saw Suho, Kyungsoo, Xiumin, Chen, and Kai at the old ice cream parlor they once visited everyday, and tears built up behind his eyelids at the sight.

All this time thinking his friends abandoned each other, when really they only abandoned him.

He had no right to be surprised. He had no right to be upset when these people never liked him anyways. With Luhan gone, they took advantage of the opportunity to get rid of the rich prick who they wanted to kick out for years. Of course they wouldn’t invite him out for ice cream. Of course he didn’t belong in their friend group anymore.

Fuck the movies. He had a flatscreen TV at home. Fuck trying to get out and socialize and attempt to climb out of this emotional slump. Fuck trying to feel better. Everytime he tried, it only ended with him getting hurt more. Fuck trying to move on. He’d let Luhan’s death tear him apart if it meant he could feel something for once.

He turned on his heels with his hands in his pockets, throwing a hood over his head. Kids around his age ran past him, laughing and bumping into him as they headed towards a party or a restaurant or the movies or the beach, something Sehun would’ve done before the summer.

He walked faster, feeling anxious to return home. He didn’t want to be around people. He didn’t want them to see him cry. He hated crying in front of people. Even his friends, or what he thought were his friends. He didn’t cry in front of anyone at the funeral, and he wouldn’t cry in front of them now.

He walked until he reached a bridge. A bridge that stretched across a river, the beams decorated with Christmas lights despite it only being early November. A few cars drove over it, but traffic wasn’t too bad in the evening.

Sehun walked along the sidewalk, staring down at the water and feeling his head spin from the vertigo. He stopped, leaned over the edge, and sucked in the cold air, his eyes closed and hot tears streaking his cheeks.

He looked up, past the beams decorated with green and red lights. The stars came out; millions of them dotting the black sky and resembling city lights. Luhan liked stars, Sehun recalled. He liked astrology in general; he liked giving meaning to something as vast and unexplained as space. Chanyeol enjoyed it too, and they always talked about going stargazing.

Sehun never understood any of it. He didn’t see the appeal of the empty abyss or what any of it meant. The sheer emptiness of it all made him uneasy. It didn’t make sense how things existed and how they functioned outside his own world. How space was nothing, but something, and how something could be everything, never ending, vast, but small, unexplored, unexplained, understood, and still being nothing.

His world made more sense, or it used to. It used to be something, it used to be everything. Then, it came crashing down around him and, suddenly, it felt like nothing; unexplored, unexplained, and never ending.

Sometimes he wished it would end. What was living if he never felt alive?

He looked down at the water again, watching it rush over the jagged rocks and disappear on the horizon. Rivers made more sense than space. Rivers had a start and an end. They traveled for as long as they needed to before reaching their destination and finally resting.

Life should be more like a river, not space. Sometimes Sehun felt his life dragged on too much, that it overstayed its welcome. He started somewhere, and he’d have to end somewhere. Meeting the river at its final destination seemed like the most fitting conclusion.

He closed his eyes and leaned on the railing again, the sound of cars driving by and the running water filling the space around him. Luhan would’ve liked this. Being under the stars with the peaceful ambiance and the perfect view. He would’ve liked this a lot.

“Sehun?”

He thought he might’ve imagined hearing it, letting his name go through one ear and out the other. He didn’t care enough to check otherwise.

“Sehun,”

Then, he felt a hand on his shoulder and realized it wasn’t his imagination. He opened his eyes and turned around, finding Park Chanyeol standing before him with tear streaked cheeks and a bouquet of roses in his hand.

“What are you doing here?”

Sehun rubbed his sleeve against his face, trying to hide the evidence of his pain. “Nothing. What are you doing here?”

Chanyeol only looked down at the roses, more tears forming in his eyes. He stepped up on the railing and looked out at the river, sighing to himself.

“What are the flowers for?”

“Baekhyun.”

“Oh.”

Chanyeol put the roses up to his runny nose and sniffed them. They were fresh, perfectly sweet smelling and vibrant crimson as he wanted them to be. A perfect gift for someone special.

He chucked them into the water.

“Those were thirty fucking dollars. Thirty fucking dollars I could’ve spent on gas instead.”

Sehun chuckled. “I’m sure you could’ve returned them.”

“Yeah well, I’ve been doing a lot of dumb shit tonight; why stop now?”

He looked down at the water again, the roses nowhere in sight. “You wanna hang out? You look like you could use the company and I know I could too.”

Chanyeol turned his back to the railing, resting his hand on Sehun’s shoulder. “Not tonight. I’m tired.”

He went back to his car without another word. Sehun followed suit not long after, deciding he felt tired too.

◈◈◈

Sunday morning, Chanyeol slept in until two in the afternoon. His mom poked her head in his room a few times, demanding he get up, but it went ignored. He didn’t get up to eat, use the bathroom, wash up after not showering since Saturday. He lifted his head once to check the time, then went back to sleep.

Nothing could move him. No threats, promises, complaints, begging, hitting, screaming. Not his mother lecturing him for fifteen minutes, or his father yanking the sheets back and smacking him in the back of the head. Not the neighborhood kids asking him to join them for a game of street hockey. Not the old lady across the street in need of a strong young man to carry boxes down from the attic. Not even his mother promising to make his favorite meal for dinner.

Absolutely nothing could move him.

Except when his father knocked on his door and announced his friend waited for him at the front door. Chanyeol mumbled something back, most likely telling his father to leave him alone.

“He said he stopped by to return your letterman jacket. Must’ve forgotten it at the game Friday night.”

The realization finally dawned on him. He shot up from his bed, threw a bathrobe on, and ran down the stairs.

His mother had the front door held open, watching her son stumble down the stairs with his hair a mess and his clothes appearing dirty and in need of a wash. She even cringed when he stood next to her and got a whiff of his musty scent.

“Please shower when you’re done here.” She said, before leaving the two of them alone.

Chanyeol turned to Baekhyun, a deadpan look on his face. Baekhyun met his gaze, not bothering to fake a smile anymore. He had the letterman jacket on, the sleeves hanging past his hands and slipping off his shoulders.

“My dad said you brought flowers.” His voice hardly rose above a whisper. “What’d you do with them?”

“Threw them in the river.”

“Hope they didn’t cost too much.”

“Thirty dollars.”

“You spent thirty dollars on me?”

“I spent thirty dollars on nothing.”

Baekhyun let his head fall forward, folding his hands behind his back and digging the toes of his dirty Converse into the cement. “I came by to give you your jacket back.”

“I know.”

“I put it on Saturday night. Got all nice and dressed up for you. Even stole some of my mom’s makeup.”

“Sure.”

He cleared his throat. “But uh...something came up. It was a last minute thing. I didn’t know…”

“Heechul come by?”

Baekhyun remained quiet and Chanyeol only shook his head. He stretched his hand out without a word, staring at the ground as he waited for the jacket to be returned.

“It’s a nice jacket.”

“Take it off.”

He complied, sliding one sleeve down then the other, before placing the collar in Chanyeol’s hand.

“So, I was thinking; since we couldn’t hang out Saturday night, maybe we could try again? I promise I’ll be there this time.” He held his pinky finger up, his lips curling up into a small smile.

Chanyeol slammed the door in his face.


	21. Don't Ask, Don't Tell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Suho helps Kai talk to Jennie, Chanyeol confronts Baekhyun

Acknowledging his friends when he passed them in the halls took time getting used to again. When Kai had his back against his locker, reading over a study guide before rushing to his first hour for a test, Suho stopped in front of him with a wave.

Then, Kyungsoo turned the corner and exchanged a smile, followed by Xiumin, who awkwardly waved. Chen eventually joined them, nodding his head with a simple “hello”.

Kai almost forgot about their date on Saturday. It felt like a dream, sitting in the ice cream parlor with his close friends again like nothing ever happened. Seeing them smiling and laughing, joking around and teasing one another. Time seemed to stop in that moment. Nothing else existed. The world around them melted away, leaving only the five boys and their vanilla ice cream cones.

Kai didn’t expect them to continue talking well into Monday, and based on the way they hesitated to greet each other, they didn’t expect to either. He wasn’t complaining, though. It was nice to have friends again.

“So, what are you guys doing after school?” Suho asked, rocking from his heels to his toes as he silently prayed they wouldn’t be busy.

“Me and Xiumin have volunteer hours. What about you guys?”  
“I’ve got book club.”

“What about you, Kai?” Suho turned to him, a pen now trapped between his teeth.

“I’m not doing anything.”

“Great! We can hang out if you want.”

He nodded his head, looking elsewhere to avoid Suho’s excited gaze. This certainly took time getting used to, and Kai had to remind himself again and again that everything he experienced in the past three days were real.

“You wanna meet under the bleachers?”

He opened his mouth to respond, but caught sight of another junior who immediately grabbed his attention and sucked him into another world.

Jennie Kim.

She walked down the hall, her arms locked with bangs and the one who liked food. The wannabe actress stood behind them, looking down at her phone.

He noticed her smiling, laughing even. She seemed happy. Happy without him. Happy because the boy who ignored her and bailed on her at homecoming no longer remained in her life. She had her girlfriends, her popularity, her pretty face, her extraordinary athleticism. She didn’t need someone like Kai.

“Hey, did you hear me?” Suho gently touched his arm, pulling his attention away from the girl in short shorts.

“Huh?”

“Do you want to meet behind the bleachers after school? It’s cool if you don’t, I understand. We haven’t done this in a while anyways, so…”

“Yeah, we can meet up.” He hardly stayed focused on his friend long enough to think before he spoke. He didn’t notice the way Suho’s eyes lit up and his teeth sink deeper into the tip of his pen.

“Okay, great! See you then.”

“Yeah, sure…”

◈◈◈

Last time Suho waited under the bleachers for a friend, Chanyeol ran through the bushes five minutes late and Baekhyun fell through the seats above. This time felt much less nerve racking. After reconnecting with Kai on Saturday, he felt much more confident spending time with him.

Bless Chen’s soul for sending that text. It didn’t matter that all of his attempts at reconciling were in vain. As long as his friends accepted him again, he didn’t care how it happened.

He leaned past the bushes, keeping an eye out for his friend. He tried not to worry himself when no one arrived ten minutes after the bell rang, seeing as how Chanyeol wasn’t the only one with a habit of being late.

He’d show eventually, and if he didn’t, there must be a logical reason as to why. He couldn’t keep blaming himself for pushing his friends away. Sometimes, they simply had more important things to do.

And from the looks of it, Kai did too. He spotted his friend standing by the volleyball courts, sitting on the fence with his fists tightly wrapped around the metal pole. It appeared as if he was looking for someone, leading Suho to believe he waited for him.

He pushed his way through the bushes and crossed the football field, before jumping over a fence and landing in the sand of the volleyball courts. Kai heard a thud and peered over his shoulder, seeing his ex co-leader stumbling towards him.

“Suho?”

“Hey. I was waiting under the bleachers for you.”

Kai completely forgot he planned to meet up with him. He decided not to mention that.

“Yeah, I was just about to head over there. But, I needed to do something first.”

“What are you doing?”

“I-it’s nothing.”

“It’s okay, you can tell me. We are friends again, right?”

Kai didn’t respond and Suho bit his tongue, feeling heat rising in his face. He quickly turned away, averting his eyes to the ground.

“I mean, you don’t have to tell me if it’s private.”

Kai sighed, then jumped off the fence and into the sand. “It’s...it’s about a girl. Jennie Kim.”

Suho lifted his head, trying to hold back a smile. “Really?”

“Yeah. We kinda had a thing, but…” He swallowed hard. “I ruined things between us. Now, I want to make things right again.”

“Do you want my help?”

Kai chuckled at the sight of his friend’s nervous smile. He didn’t need his help, there wasn’t much he could do, but he appreciated the offer nonetheless.

“A few encouraging words would be nice.”

Suho looked past him, noticing Jennie Kim exit the locker room with her girlfriends by her side. “Alright Jongin, you’ve got this. I have total faith in you. Go get her.”

Kai had to cringe. “Thanks, Suho.” He straightened himself out and turned to face Jennie, taking a deep breath to calm his nerves.

She noticed him as soon as he stepped forward. She sent her girlfriends away, refusing to meet his gaze. Even when he stood only a few feet in front of her, her eyes remained glued to the floor.

“Kai.”

“Jennie,” His throat went dry, making it hard to speak clearly. “We haven’t talked since homecoming.”

“I know.”

“I...I wanted to say…” He turned back to glance at Suho, who gave him two thumbs up. “I wanted to apologize for leaving you that night.”

Jennie crossed her arms, saying nothing in return.

“I wasn’t feeling good, and I needed-” He stopped. What was he saying? It wasn’t entirely a lie, but it wasn’t the truth either. If he wanted things to work between them, he had to be honest. He had to open up to her eventually.

“Do you remember those three students who passed away over the summer?”

She finally made eye contact with him, caught off guard by the question. “I remember hearing about it. Why?”

“You know, I was friends with them.”

“I remember.” Her eyes softened, noticing the tears forming in his.

“I think about them a lot. Sometimes, I try not to. Sometimes, I try to forget. But, I can’t. It’s hard moving on from something like that, and there are always things that bring back the memories. And whenever they do, it’s like I...I just break down.”

Jennie slowly nodded, piecing the information together. “Are you saying I bring back those bad memories?”

“What? No. I mean, you...well, you, I-” He bit his lip, forming coherent sentences in his head to try and explain his situation better. “I mean you remind me of a girl I used to know. She was there when my friends died. Her boyfriend...was the one who did it. But, that’s obviously not your fault, so-”

“So, I should stay away from you?”

“No!” He buried his face in his hands, feeling flustered and at a loss of words. “I don’t want to push you away because of what happened. I like you, Jennie. I want to make this work. I’m ready to try and make us work.”

She stepped back, rubbing her arm and looking down at the ground. “Are you sure this will be okay? Maybe you should get things sorted out before being in a relationship.”

“We can take things slow.” He stepped closer, reaching out to touch her shoulder but falling short. “We don’t have to make things official. We don’t have to start dating. But, we can start by hanging out a bit. We can just be friends for now, until we’re ready.”

She smiled up at him, playfully rolling her eyes. “I guess I wouldn’t mind hanging out with you once in a while, and maybe unblocking your number.”

The corners of his mouth stretched up to his ears, making Jennie’s cheeks turn red. “I’ll see you around then?”

“I guess so.”

When she regrouped with her friends, Kai turned around to find Suho sitting on the fence, clapping his hands together.

“Looks like things are going to be just fine between you two.”

He nodded with a smile. “Looks like it.”

◈◈◈

Heechul saw Baekhyun more as an armrest than a boyfriend. Whenever they sat together during school hours, he always had one arm draped over his shoulder, talking and laughing with his senior friends without acknowledging the junior once.

He made many attempts to butt into the conversation, cracked jokes to feel noticed, even nudged Heechul a couple of times and snuggled into the crook of his arm, but it made no difference. No matter what he did, someone else always caught his attention.

When Taeyeon moved back to Busan to finish her first semester of community college, the senior turned to other girls to fill her place. Lately, he had his eye on the black haired girl by the name of Kim Jisoo; one of the most popular and prettiest girls in school.

Heechul had never spoken to her once. Jisoo hardly knew he existed. But, her beauty alone caught his attention and he couldn’t help but wonder what she was like in bed.

Baekhyun looked daggers at her whenever she passed by, and it never went unnoticed by the wannabe actress. Whenever she caught the silver haired junior glaring at her, she’d flick her black shiny curls over her shoulder and scoff, turning to her girlfriends to gossip.

He caught sight of her again on Monday, giggling with Jennie Kim about a boy. Heechul had his eyes glued to her; looking her up and down in her short skirt and cropped shirt. She twirled a black curl around her finger, before pushing it behind her ear.

“Damn.” Heechul muttered under his breath.

Baekhyun shoved his arm away and stood up, pushing his chair out from under him and marching towards an empty table. Heechul hardly noticed, too distracted by the way Jisoo kept tugging at her skirt.

He moved to the empty table under a tree, resting his head on his arms and closing his eyes. He wanted to go home, but Heechul was his only ride and refused to leave. He thought to call Sehun, but remembered he still had his number blocked.

From the looks of it, he’d have to sleep in the locker room again. Not that that would be much of a problem for him; sometimes the locker room made a better spot to sleep than his own house. Lately, his parents had been giving him a cart load of shit for going out with Heechul at night and their violent outbursts never allowed a good night’s rest.

At least the janitors wouldn’t threaten to kick his ass.

His eyelids parted slightly, allowing him to see Suho and Kai talking near the volleyball courts. It was a strange sight; seeing them hang out again and laugh with each other as if the past five or so months never happened. If only he had such luck with Chanyeol.

The sound of a small object dropping onto the table caught his attention. He lifted his head, noticing a plastic bag of pills resting beside his arm. He snatched them and tucked the bag under his shirt, then looked up to find Chanyeol standing over him.

“You forgot these in my jacket pocket.”

He looked down at the pills again, rubbing them between his fingers. “There were more in here.”

Chanyeol didn’t say anything, prompting Baekhyun to look up again. He stared into his eyes, noticing his pupils dilating, dark circles under his eyelids, the slight discoloration to his skin.

“Chanyeol-” He couldn’t think of how to bring up the topic, choosing to drop it instead. “You wanna sit?”

He didn’t, but Chanyeol felt tired and compelled to do stupid things, so he pulled the chair out and sat down across from him. They sat in silence for a moment, taking in the sight of the other’s sickly appearance.

Chanyeol noticed how shallow Baekhyun’s face appeared, the shadows from the sun defining the sharpness of his cheekbones and jaw. More purple and black bruises formed behind his ears and around his neck, down to his collarbone and stretching across his shoulders.

They stopped looking like hickeys long ago.

“Where the fuck were you Saturday night?” He asked, his voice hoarse and rough, coming out in a low growl.

“I said something came up.”

“What? Was it Heechul? Your dad said a friend came by to pick you up.”

Baekhyun swallowed his nerves, remembering what happened that night. The suppressed memories swam up to the surface, flooding his brain until he couldn’t think of anything else.

_ “What the fuck you all dressed up for?” _

_ “A date.” _

_ “A date? A date with the same prick who owns that jacket you’re wearing right now?” _

“Yes, it was Heechul.”

Chanyeol scoffed. “What was it this time? He was home alone and wanted you to keep him company? You just couldn’t resist him, so you had to go?”

“No.”

“Then, what is it?”

_ “Look at you; getting all dolled up for other guys because your boyfriend’s busy tonight and he won’t know. And you try and tell me you’re not a slut.” _

_ “I’m not.” _

_ “Then, what are you doing going on dates with other guys?” _

_ “You never take me out, so Chanyeol will instead. He’s a better boyfriend than you anyways.” _

“He said he wanted to talk.” Baekhyun lied, his fingers going up to his hair to twist the silver strands between his fingertips.

“Was it really that important?”

_ “He’s a good guy.” _

_ “Well, you’re just a good for nothing slut, so who are you to go on dates with good guys? Face it, baby; you don’t deserve to be treated liking the fucking entitled princess you always act like.” _

“It was important enough.”

Chanyeol’s scoff formed into laughter; an ingenuine and somewhat crazed laugh. “And then what? You went home with him to fuck?”

_ “Why don’t you forget about your date and come back to my uncle’s place with me?” _

_ “No. I’m not going anywhere with you.” _

_ “Come on, baby. Don’t fuck around with guys who are too good for you. He’ll realize you’re nothing but a waste of breath and leave your ass as fast as he fucked it.” _

“Maybe I did. What’s it to you?”

Chanyeol stood up, sending his chair skidding across the floor. “Of course you did. Of course sleeping with Heechul was more important to you.” He kicked his chair aside and stormed off towards his car, stuffing his hands into his pockets.

“Chanyeol!” Baekhyun called out. The junior stopped in his tracks, peering over his shoulder to see the silver haired kid chewing on his fingers. “Can you give me a ride home?”

He didn’t move. He didn’t speak. He simply pulled his car keys out and twirled them around his finger. Baekhyun got up and followed after him, climbing into the passenger seat of his truck without a word.


	22. All's Fair In Love And War

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Suho runs into an unexpected face, Baekhyun visits Chanyeol

Suho went around asking his friends if they were available Tuesday afternoon, but all of them found something better to do. Xiumin and Chen went to daycare again, Kyungsoo to book club, and Kai to dance practice after a brief interaction with Jennie. He didn’t know where to find Chanyeol, Baekhyun, or Sehun, but if he had, they’d most likely turn him down anyways.

With no one to hang out with, he decided to stop by a flower shop to pick up a bouquet of roses before taking them to the cemetery.

Thirty dollars for one bouquet. Pricey, but Suho determined the cause to be worthy enough of his week’s worth of gas money.

His parents allowed him to take their car, seeing as how he couldn’t afford to own one for himself and proved himself responsible enough. He drove down to the cemetery with the bouquet in hand, trudging through mud and wet grass from last night’s rain.

He came by only once after the funeral. When Lay left him the note announcing his departure to Busan, the only logical thing he thought to do was visit three more friends that left him without prior notice. He dropped a single flower on each of their graves, not having enough to purchase an entire bouquet at the time.

He promised to visit more often, but school and journaling made it hard to get around much after the last bell of the day. By that time, he felt exhausted and in need of a nap anyways, drawing him towards his bed rather than his parents’ car.

But, he didn’t have journaling on Tuesday and his teachers eased up on work in preparation for fall break, giving Suho a chance to finally go through with his promise.

He stopped when he saw the three graves ahead of him, each adjacent to the other. Between Luhan and Kris, a person sat with his hood on, hands in his pocket, and his head resting on the pile of flowers sitting at the feet of Luhan’s tombstone.

Suho approached slowly, thinking this man might’ve been there to cause trouble. As he drew closer, the features of the man (more of a boy, really) became clear, and he realized it was only a junior who had fallen asleep in a bed of roses.

“Sehun?” He gently shook him. “Sehun.”

His eyes flickered open, red and puffy from the moisture. He squinted up at Suho, his mind still in a dream and unaware of reality.

“Sehun, you’re laying in the mud. Come on,” He grabbed his arm and pulled him into a sitting position. “You’ve crushed all the flowers too.”

Sehun blinked away his drowsiness, taking in his surroundings. “Suho? What are you doing here?”

“I came to leave flowers. And you?”

He gestured to Luhan’s grave, and Suho was left to assume he meant to do the same. He set his bouquet of roses beside the ones Sehun pressed into the mud, then knelt down beside his ex friend.

“Do you come here often?”

“As often as I can.”

“I would come here more, but I’ve been pretty busy lately.”

“Busy hanging out with the others?” Sehun said with a scoff. Suho ignored the bitterness in his tone, thinking he’d just woken up and his voice was a little hoarse.

“Yeah. We haven’t hung out since the summer. I’m glad they’re willing to make amends with me.”

“Yeah.”

“I haven’t really gotten the chance to talk to Chanyeol or Baekhyun, but I’m sure they’ll come around eventually.”

“Aren’t you lucky?”

He couldn’t ignore it anymore. Sehun’s passive aggressive behavior seemed uncalled for, out of the blue. To Sehun, he didn’t think Suho should be surprised.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Sehun only scoffed.

“What? Are you mad at me for something?”

“I guess not.”

“What do you mean?”

Sehun pushed himself off the ground and wiped mud from his pants. Suho did the same. “I mean I have nothing to be mad about. You don’t want to hang out with me? Fine. I shouldn’t expect anything less from you guys.”

He walked past Suho, brushing his fingers against Luhan’s tombstone as he did so. Suho’s eyes followed him halfway across the cemetery, before his mouth called out to him.

“I don’t understand.” His voice traveled across the field, stopping Sehun in his tracks. “You think I don’t want to be your friend again?”

“You never acted like it.” He called back, turning his head slightly to peer over his shoulder. “The most I hear from you guys is Baekhyun asking for a ride home.”

“I’m trying.” He walked closer. “I’ve been trying all year to fix things between us. I tried reaching out, I tried being friendly. And you know what?”

Sehun turned around completely to face him.

“It hardly made a difference. I hung out with Kyungsoo twice, talked to Xiumin briefly, saw Chanyeol maybe two or three times. Nothing changed until Chen asked to hang out, and suddenly we’re all friends again.”

“Not all of us.”

Suho’s fists clenched at his sides as he stormed up to him. “I’m sorry. I wanted things to go back to normal just as much as you do, but it isn’t that easy.” His voice raised to a near shout.

“You haven’t spoken to me since the funeral.” Sehun’s voice raised too, almost matching Suho’s volume. “Don’t act like you tried to fix things when I haven’t seen you once all year.”

“You never tried talking to me! Why is that?!”

“None of you wanted anything to do with me.”

“None of them wanted anything to do with me!” His fists collided with Sehun’s shoulder, causing him to stumble back into a tombstone.

“You think nobody wants to be your friend again, but you’re only assuming things! At least you didn’t try to make things right, only to realize they never really liked you in the first place!”

“I didn’t need to try to know that!” Sehun shouted, sticking his finger in Suho’s face. “You guys always talked about how much you didn’t like me, even before what happened! If it weren’t for Luhan, you would’ve left me ages ago!”

“They never liked me either, Sehun! Why can’t you realize that?!” Tears built up in his eyes as his fist struck Sehun’s shoulder again. “I was always no fun! I was always the one who had to do everything they wanted me to just to fit in! I was always the one they couldn’t tolerate because I tried too hard! And now, they’re only friends with me again because of Chen!”

“Bullshit!” Sehun shoved him back. “At least they had the decency to pretend they liked you! As soon as Luhan died, they completely abandoned me!”

“That’s not true! I never abandoned you! I never forgot about you, or our friendship! You were the one who pushed everyone else away!”

His pent up anger reached its boiling point, pouring itself into the punch swung at Suho’s gut. He folded inward, gripping onto Sehun’s arms for support.

“You were the one who put up walls to keep me out.” He said as he gasped for air. “You’re the one who pushed me away when I tried to be there for you at the funeral.”

Sehun landed another punch on his jaw, sending him crashing into the tombstone to his right. The tears in his eyes threw off his precision, resulting in sloppy, erratic attacks.

“I never heard from you after the funeral! I never saw you around!” Suho spit out blood as he spoke. “You were never there for me, so don’t blame me for not being there for you!”

Sehun jumped on top of him, wrapped one fist around his neck while the other pounded into his side. In a desperate attempt to escape, Suho reached up and stuck his thumbs into his eye sockets, causing Sehun’s head to jerk back in pain.

With his arms free to move around, he sat up and yanked Sehun to the ground, trapping him in a death grip. Sehun dug his elbow into his ribs, pushing harder and harder until his ex co leader couldn’t handle the pain and loosened his grip.

He fell by his side, flat on his back, panting and looking up at the sky. Sehun lied in the same position, massaging his bruised arm. Suho touched the side of his torso, flinching from the pain.

“Why couldn’t you just fucking text me?” Sehun said quietly, listening to Suho’s heavy breathing.

“I didn’t think I should. You didn’t seem ready to talk.”

“I wasn’t, but I wanted to.”

Suho groaned as he tried to move. Sehun put his hand on his elbow, stopping him from sitting up. “I never wanted to push you away.”

“I never wanted to let you push me away.” He looked up at the sky again, noticing grey clouds rolling in. His fingers ran along the bruise on his jaw, up to his mouth, and across the cut on his upper lip.

“Has Lay ever texted you?” Sehun asked, his eyes closed.

“No, but I text him.”

“He’s never responded?”

“Not once.”

His eyelids parted slightly, feeling a drizzle of rain fall on his cheek. “I’m gonna head home and take a shower.” He looked over at Suho’s bruised face. “Call me?”

“Okay.”

◈◈◈

For three days, Chanyeol hadn’t heard from or seen Baekhyun. He dropped the junkie off at his house without knowing he wouldn’t see him again until Wednesday. He saw Heechul plenty of times, though. Saw him walking through the hallways with a group of seniors by his side, calling out to pretty girls and asking for their numbers.

After school, Heechul drove home with no one but himself, and Chanyeol doubted Baekhyun would push away his only ride so easily. Either Heechul refused to drive him, or he stayed home.

Wednesday evening, Chanyeol came home from work, washed up, and collapsed in his bed, ready to sleep. Despite how tired he felt, he knew he wouldn’t be able to, but he lied back and closed his eyes regardless.

Then, his father knocked on the door, interrupting his peace and quiet. “You’re friend’s here to see you again. Hurry up and get downstairs so he’ll stop whining about you.”

Chanyeol hauled himself out of bed and slipped a bathrobe over his pajamas, then followed his dad downstairs. Just as before, his mother stood by with the front door wide open, revealing the junior standing before him.

He hardly recognized him at first glance. His silky locks were no longer silver, but black; a black as dark as a starless night sky. He didn’t style it, or if he did, the rain washed away his efforts. Wet strands of hair stuck to his forehead and hung in his eyes, nearly concealing the mess of eyeliner smudged on his eyelids.

Chanyeol grabbed a small towel from the kitchen and threw it on his head. “What are you doing here?”

“Came to see you.”

“I can fucking see that. Why?”

He shrugged, shaking excess water from his hair. “Can I come in?”

“You’re dirty.”

“Can I use your shower then?”

“That’s all you came here for? To use my shower?”

“Maybe I wanted to get away from my place for a while. What? Were you hoping I came here for something else?”

Chanyeol rolled his eyes, more from embarrassment than annoyance. He stepped to the side, allowing Baekhyun to enter with the towel strung across his shoulders.

“It smells good in here.”

“My mom’s making dinner.”

“Can I stay to eat?” Baekhyun went upstairs before he could answer. By the time Chanyeol caught up to him, he locked himself in the bathroom and turned the shower on.

His mother came in minutes later, oven mittens over her hands. “What’s he doing here?” She nodded towards the bathroom.

Chanyeol shrugged.

“Almost didn’t recognize him with black hair. He looks a lot different from the last time I saw him. Has he lost weight?”

“Maybe.”

“Hm. Good for him. Anyways, is he staying for dinner?”

Chanyeol sighed. “Yeah.”

◈◈◈

Nothing but the sound of clattering silverware and chewing could be heard at the Park’s dinner table. In the midst of the silence, Chanyeol glanced up from his plate of untouched pork and rice to meet his father’s gaze, who looked just as uncomfortable as he felt.

They both turned to Mrs. Park, and she cleared her throat with a smile. “Baekhyun,”

The black haired junior dropped his fork and looked up.

“Do you play any sports?” She knew he didn’t, but her mind went blank of any conversation starters.

“No.”

“Well, Chanyeol plays football.”

“Yeah, I went to one of his games.”

She laughed, stabbing her fork into a piece of pork. “What do you like to do then? Do you participate in any after school clubs? I remember you used to be into photography.”

“I’ve never liked photography.”

“Oh, that must’ve been another friend of his. What do you like then?”

He shrugged, his eyes flickering to Chanyeol. “I like...fashion.”

“Fashion? I would’ve never guessed.” Mr. Park interjected. “You don’t look like much of a fashion guy.” He gestured to the oversized flannel shirt and ripped jeans hanging loosely on the junior’s frame.

“Well, these aren’t my clothes.”

The parents broke into a fit of laughter, holding a hand in front of their mouths to avoid spitting food.

“Chanyeol has never been one to dress himself well. He’s always wearing those old shirts and sweatshirts.” His mother said as she gathered herself.

Chanyeol quietly filled his glass with the pitcher full of water, rolling his eyes at his parents’ pathetic attempt at small talk.

“Aren’t you boys hungry?” Mr. Park asked, changing the subject. “You’ve hardly touched your food.”

“I ate at work.” Chanyeol answered tersely, flicking rice grains around the plate with his fork.

“I wish you would’ve told me that before I made a big meal.” Mrs. Park chuckled. “But, we do have guests, so it’s probably best that I did. Do you like the food, Baekhyun?”

He simply nodded, picking at his meat.

“I thought of making some dessert too, but if you guys aren’t hungry…”

They didn’t say anything.

“Then, I guess I’ll make some tomorrow. You’re grandmother sent me a new recipe I’ve been meaning to try out-”

“I’m going to bed.” Chanyeol interrupted, pushing his plate aside and rising from the table.

“Now? It’s only seven. And, what about our guest?”

Baekhyun looked up at him, his knife burying itself further into the pork. “Mind if I stay the night?”

Chanyeol looked to his parents, who nodded in approval. Of course they did.

“I’ll sleep on the floor.” He mumbled as he made his way up the stairs.

◈◈◈

A five minute shower later, Chanyeol exited the bathroom to find Baekhyun laying in his bed, scrolling through his phone. He hadn’t changed into anything more comfortable and his dirty Converse remained on his feet, leading Chanyeol to assume he didn’t plan on going to bed soon.

He really didn’t either. He only used it as an excuse to escape the tension suffocating him at the dinner table. In reality, he expected to be up all night, seeing as how he couldn’t sleep any other night.

He sat in his swivel chair and picked up his guitar, mindlessly plucking at the strings. Baekhyun looked up from his phone, staring through the strands of black hair hanging in his eyes. Chanyeol strummed the beginning of “I Can’t Help Falling In Love”, before laughing to himself.

“What?” Baekhyun asked.

“Nothing.”

“Keep playing.”

Chanyeol set his guitar on its stand again. He pulled out the bottom drawer of his desk, rummaging through the junk piling up under a stack of music sheets. Beneath it all sat a little baggie full of multicolored pills.

Baekhyun watched as he took one out and examined it, holding it close to his lips. “You gonna give that back to me?”

“Why? You get your half, I get mine.”

“No. You don’t get to take a half for yourself.”

“How come?” He put the pill between his teeth, running his tongue over its edges.

“Because-”

“Because?”

“Because...they’re mine, not yours.”

Chanyeol scoffed, before swallowing the pill with nothing but his saliva to wash it down. His head fell back and his eyes closed, feeling the strange sensation of the tablet no bigger than the nail of his pinky enter his system. It traveled through his veins, sending tingling sensations to his limbs. His mind clouded with nonsense; a mess of fragmented memories and bizarre daydreams.

He laughed, wiggling his fingers to shake the funny feeling away. Baekhyun reached out to grab the pills from his lap, but his hand didn’t move fast enough. Chanyeol spun his chair so that his back faced the black haired junior, preventing him from reaching them.

“Chanyeol, give me the pills.”

“You want some?”

“N-no. I’m going home, and I’m taking them with me.”

Chanyeol spun back around to grab his arm. “I thought you were staying the night.”

“I was, but-”

“But, what?” His grip tightened around Baekhyun’s arm, causing him to flinch. “You’ve thrown your whole life away for these things. Now it’s a problem?”

His eyes landed on the pills. Less than half of what he originally took remained. Anymore swallowed in such a short amount of time, and the idiot most likely would’ve overdosed.

“Just give them to me.”

“I’ll give you one.”

“No. Give me the bag.”

He removed a circular white tablet and held it up for Baekhyun to see. “How about this. Is this what you want?”

Baekhyun didn’t answer.

“Of course it is. You can’t fucking resist it. It's all you care about. Is that why you haven’t left Heechul? Cause he’s the only one who can get these for you?” He cocked his head to the side. “Or is it because anyone’s better than Park Chanyeol? You’d rather date an asshole like him than me?”

Baekhyun reached for his hand, but he pulled back, hovering the pill near his mouth. “Just give me the pills, dammit.”

“Look at you, acting like you give a shit. What are you afraid of? That I’ll end up like you; fucking around with guys who don’t even like me, going around leading people on only to break their hearts, going so low that not even my parents want anything to do with me. You don’t want me to be a fucking screw up?”

Baekhyun lunged forward, leaning over the armrest to try and smack the pill out of his hand. Chanyeol caught him by the shoulder, pushing his trembling body onto the bed.

“You want your fucking pills, Baekhyun? Come take it.” He set the white tablet on his tongue, leaving his lips slightly parted.

The walls seemed to move, closing in on Baekhyun until he had nowhere else to go but forward. He looked down at his shaking hands, noticing how his fingers clawed at the sheets. His lungs strained to take in a sufficient amount of air. His stomach twisted painfully into knots. The voices in his mind screamed in agony, begging for a release.

He rose to his feet, feeling his knees threatening to buckle and give out. Chanyeol sat back and watched him struggle to make any further moves, laughing to himself as his head lolled from side to side.

The temptations ate at him, clawing at the corners of his mind with whispers of reassurance. It gave him the push he needed to step forward and lean over the chair, capturing Chanyeol’s lips with his own.

The pill slipped into his mouth, moving past his teeth and traveling down his throat. The effects made itself felt almost immediately, sweeping Baekhyun away into a world of delusions. Any sense of his surroundings fleeted. The room didn’t exist anymore, neither did the house. The world crumbled away, leaving only Chanyeol and the bed.

He felt his back hit the sheets, Chanyeol’s arms wrapped tightly around his waist. Their lips never lost contact once, or at least it felt like they hadn't. Baekhyun couldn’t tell. Nothing felt real to him anymore.

As Chanyeol fumbled with his belt, Baekhyun felt the bag of pills fall beside him. He blindly reached out to grab it, popping two more in his mouth without hesitation.

“Is this the only way you can bear to be with me? High and delusional?”

Baekhyun grabbed the back of his neck, pulling his face closer. “Don’t take it personally.”


	23. The Kids Aren't Alright

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chanyeol's world takes a darker turn

He mistook it for Baekhyun, considering he’d been tossing and turning all night. The feeling of something smacking against his foot, ruffling the sheets around, pulling him out of a pleasant dream. He reached his arm back to push him away, but the ruckus continued.

“Chanyeol, get up.”

His eyes flickered open, blurriness filling his vision.

“Chanyeol. You’re already late for school. Get your ass up, now.”

He rolled onto his back and looked up at his parents, who stood at the foot of his bed. His mother smacked his leg again, while his father stood behind her with his arms crossed over his chest. They glared down at him, sleep still in their eyes.

“It’s nine in the morning.”

“Yeah…” Chanyeol groaned.

“And you’re still here. With him.”

He looked over to find Baekhyun passed out beside him, the sheets low enough to expose his bare back. He lied flat on his stomach with his limbs sprawled out and entangled in the mess of sheets.

“I overslept.”

“I’m aware. Maybe you shouldn’t have stayed up all night.” She snatched his shirt off the ground and threw it at his face. “Clean yourself up and get dressed. We’ll be waiting downstairs to talk.”

Chanyeol took an exceptionally long shower, deciding to deep condition his hair for the first time in, well, ever. He then shaved, performing each stroke with perfect precision and taking his time to ensure not a stub of hair remained. He combed his hair, removing every little tangle from every strand and carefully styled it until he was satisfied with what he saw.

Thirty minutes later, he strolled down the stairs with his hands in his pockets, stopping halfway to check his reflection in a picture frame.

“Chanyeol, get over here.”

His parents sat at the dinner table, their hands folded in front of them. He pulled up a chair across from them and slouched down, resting his head on his fist.

“Do you have anything to say for yourself?”

“No.”

“Chanyeol-”

“What do you want me to say?”

She scoffed. “Chanyeol, we allowed you to have a friend over on a school night, we let him stay for dinner. We trusted you would be responsible enough to earn this, but I guess not.”

“It’s not that big of a deal…”

“You were up all night keeping us awake with all that ruckus! Then, you wake up the next morning over an hour after school starts! This is a big deal!”

“Sorry.”

“Sorry?” She shook her head. “That’s all you’re going to say? You’re only seventeen, Chanyeol; I should not be finding someone in your bed, especially not another boy.”

“Does it really matter?”

“It’s irresponsible!” She slammed her hands down on the table.

“It’s not like I’m gonna get him pregnant.”

“That’s not funny, Chanyeol.”

He laughed anyways.

“You’re grounded for a month. No TV or using your phone after school. When you come home, you go to your room and do your homework. No one is allowed over anymore. Do you understand?”

He rolled his eyes.

“Do you understand?”

“Answer your mother.” Mr. Park demanded.

“Yes.”

“Good. Now, go upstairs and tell Baekhyun to leave. He isn’t welcome here anymore.”

◈◈◈

Being grounded for one month wouldn’t stop Chanyeol from finishing the last of his half and crawling back to Baekhyun for more. When Heechul wasn’t around, he dragged the junkie behind the bleachers, or to the empty locker room, or behind the gym to try and bargain.

It played out the same way every time; Chanyeol asked for more, Baekhyun rejected. He demanded more, Baekhyun rejected. He offered something in return, Baekhyun rejected. He wrestled the drugs out of his backpack and Baekhyun hardly put up a solid fight. He dropped two pills on Baekhyun’s tongue to shut him up and took the rest for himself.

Argue, steal, drug him, repeat.

To avoid his parents’ wrath, he stayed at the Byun house. And when Mr. and Mrs. Byun were home, he slept on a bench outside.

Sometimes, Heechul beat him to it. He’d climb up to Baekhyun’s window, only to find the senior already in his bed and removing his clothes. He’d duck down and wait in a tree, watching the front door until Heechul left because the douchebag never stayed the night.

Other nights, Baekhyun was alone, already drugged up by the time Chanyeol arrived. They’d help themselves to a stash of alcohol and pills, then either fall asleep sprawled out on the floor, or use the last of their energy in bed.

No matter what, Baekhyun always passed out first and woke up last. He’d lose consciousness by the time Chanyeol had all of his clothes off and didn’t see the aftermath until well into the afternoon. Any memories of those nights were scarce, fragmented, or nonexistent. He considered asking Chanyeol for his recollection, but assumed he wouldn’t know either.

It continued on like this all through November. Chanyeol stalked Heechul until he broke away from his boyfriend, then harassed the junior until he got what he wanted. Take him home, take him to bed, and take his drugs when he couldn’t do anything about it.

When Chanyeol felt too tired, he stretched out on Baekhyun’s floor and struck a match to light his joint. They’d pass it back in forth, inhaling the fumes one after the other until they couldn’t stay awake anymore.

When Baekhyun felt too tired, Chanyeol gave him a few pills to help him sleep, then ransacked his room to find whatever stash he’d been keeping for himself.

One time, Heechul broke in through the back door while Baekhyun sat half asleep next to the toilet and Chanyeol tore apart his closet. He heard the senior’s footsteps bouncing off the walls, prompting him to quietly shut the closet door and conceal himself in a pile of dirty laundry. To his luck, he found the secret stash, and helped himself to as much as he could stomach to distract himself from the activities unfolding beyond the door.

His parents called often, wondering where he’d run off to. Sometimes he lied and said a school related issue came up. Sometimes, he said nothing at all. He’d send an emoji to reassure them he was alive, then ignore their texts for the remainder of the day.

He sat in a tree outside Baekhyun’s window one night, staring up at the stars and laughing to himself. Laughing because his parents most likely knew what he’d been up to, but couldn’t do anything about it. Laughing because Heechul slept with his junior boyfriend, unaware of the presence of another boy. Laughing because of Baekhyun’s pathetic attempts at keeping the drugs away from him. 

For once, he felt good. He got what he wanted; a stress reliever, an escape from his own misery, his longtime crush, a way to forget the memories of the summer. Taking drugs, being with Baekhyun, shooting Heechul smug looks when he had his back turned, leaving home when he wasn’t supposed to. It all made him feel good, and he saw no end to it any time soon.

◈◈◈

It seemed whenever the boys’ lives bordered on normalcy, something got in the way. Over a month ago, it was homecoming that ruined what little of their friendship they built up from nothing. Early in December, Chanyeol, Baekhyun, and Sehun were to blame.

It all started when Suho called Sehun the day after they met in the cemetery, and no one answered. Being used to ghosting, he shrugged it off for about an hour, then tried again. And again, and again, and again.

And he kept trying for weeks, going around school to find him and seeing him nowhere. He sent text after text asking if something bad happened, and those went ignored as well. He talked to Chen about it, asking if he knew where to find their ex friend.

Chen didn’t know, and Suho would eventually come to realize that none of his friends did. They stopped paying attention to Sehun long ago.

Meanwhile, Chanyeol and Baekhyun showed up to school looking like walking disasters, stumbling around and falling asleep in the strangest places. Kyungsoo and Kai met up in the parking lot one day so Kai could talk about the way Jennie waved to him with a smile in the hallways.

Only half listening, Kyungsoo’s eyes wandered as they always did, landing on the two juniors wearing oversized sweatshirts and sunglasses asleep at a picnic table. He didn’t recognize Baekhyun with his black hair, but identified the taller one as his ex friend.

“What’s up with him?” He asked aloud, cutting Kai off.

“What?”

“Chanyeol.” He nodded towards him. “He looks like a mess.”

“Who’s that sitting beside him?”

“I can’t tell from here.”

Then, Heechul appeared from around a corner and walked up from behind the black haired kid whose head rested in his arms, grabbing him by the neck and yanking his head up.

“Holy shit.” Kai muttered.

The senior pulled his boyfriend to his feet and exchanged a few nasty words with Chanyeol, before dragging him into the parking lot and pushing him into the passenger’s seat. By then, Kyungsoo realized it was Baekhyun.

“Should we go over there?” Kai asked, watching as Chanyeol jumped to his feet and stormed up to Heechul’s car. “It looks like a fight might break out.”

Before Kyungsoo could answer, the car zoomed past Chanyeol, exiting the parking lot with a loud screech from the tires. Chanyeol stood in a cloud of black, shouting curse words into the wind.

Xiumin saw it all from his own car, which he had been wiping down for roughly fifteen minutes. He looked up from the spot of dirt caked on the window when he heard Chanyeol slam his hand down on the hood of Heechul’s car.

Heechul flipped him off, before hitting the gas and speeding down the street. A cloud of smoke blew into Chanyeol’s face, leaving soot on his cheeks.

At the sight of a mess, Xiumin scrubbed harder.

From that day on, the boys had an unshakeable feeling that something bad was to come out of this. Suho stopped by Sehun’s house and blew his phone up with texts, but couldn’t get a hold of him. Kyungsoo, Chen, and Kai noticed whenever Heechul and Chanyeol exchanged dirty glances, expecting a fight each time. Xiumin kept an eye on Baekhyun, who spent more time in the bathroom than in any of his classes.

Even other students and teachers sensed trouble around the corner. With winter break approaching, teachers were anxious to keep things under control for the remainder of the semester. Everytime they caught Kim Heechul shoving kids around in the hallways, they were quick to put an end to it.

The entire junior class spread rumors about a fight taking place at a Christmas party, hearing through the grapevine that Heechul had a bone to pick with Park Chanyeol, of all people.

Kai heard it from Jennie first when he mustered up enough courage to sit with her at lunch. She and the girls informed him that another senior, Lee Taemin, planned to throw a party at the start of winter break. Originally, it was meant for seniors only, but Lisa heard from a friend that Heechul bribed him into letting the juniors in.

Apparently, Lee Taemin had a dispute to settle with none other than Byun Baekhyun (some monetary issues, according to Lisa), who Heechul just so happened to plan on bringing.

Park Jimin got ahold of this information and spread it throughout the junior class, though he never told Baekhyun himself. Word reached Jennie’s ear, hence why she told Kai, who took it to Kyungsoo and Chen. They told Xiumin, who suggested they talk to Chanyeol or Baekhyun, but neither showed up to school for days before the end semester.

They mentioned it to Suho, but he had his mind in other places and didn’t process the information. A Christmas party meant nothing to him; he needed to find Sehun. He talked to his parents the one time they were home when he visited, and they told him he went out for a while.

He thought gossiping junior girls might know of his whereabouts (they truly knew too much about their peers), only to be told that he’d been around, but they didn’t know where to find him.

Sehun disappeared, Baekhyun and Chanyeol stopped attending classes, students anticipated a fight. Judging from the chaos brewing amongst the upperclassman, the boys anticipated a less than pleasant winter break.


	24. Why Bother

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys try to talk Chanyeol and Baekhyun out of going to the party

The last day of school before winter break. Normally, the boys’ would’ve gathered behind the bleachers at the sound of the last bell and planned where they’d go first to celebrate the end of the semester. They’d go out for ice cream, or catch a movie, or simply drive around until they grew tired. No matter what they did, they did it together, and in those moments they never thought it would end.

It did, eventually, but that didn’t stop Xiumin, Kai, Chen, and Kyungsoo from meeting behind the bleachers again, though under more grim circumstances.

They normally didn’t involve themselves in high school affairs, but whispers of a fight involving one of their own made it hard to ignore. As hard as it was to approach their ex friends after months of silence, failing to inform them of the situation could be detrimental.

They’d been here before; going to parties only for their friends to get hurt in a fight. This time, they’d be ready.

Three tasks were split between the four of them; Xiumin was to find Baekhyun and keep him from attending the party with Heechul, Kai had to talk Chanyeol into staying home that night, and Kyungsoo and Chen needed confirmation from gossiping juniors about how the night would play out.

They went their separate ways, promising to return with an update in about an hour. If things didn’t go as planned, they’d need to find alternatives.

◈◈◈

Finding Baekhyun proved to be fairly simple. All Xiumin had to do was walk across the courtyard to find him sitting up against a wall, headphones over his ears. He cradled his backpack close to his chest, scanning the grassy knoll in search of something, maybe someone.

Xiumin approached him with caution, keeping his gaze everywhere but forward to ensure Baekhyun didn’t know he saw him. They didn’t acknowledge each other until only a few feet remained in between them. Baekhyun looked up at him with tired eyes, and Xiumin smiled down at him.

“Baekhyun. I didn’t see you there.”

“Hey, Xiumin.”

“Whatcha doing?”

“Nothing.”

Xiumin sat down beside him, playfully nudging him in the shoulder. “We haven’t talked in a while. What’s been going on?”

“Nothing.”

“I heard you got a boyfriend. Kim Heechul, right?”

Baekhyun didn’t answer. His arms tensed up, constricting around his backpack. His eyelids flickered rapidly, before he turned away to stare at the tree beside him.

“You know, Lee Taemin’s throwing a party. I heard Heechul’s going. You’re not going with him, are you?”

“Maybe.” He hardly spoke loud enough to be heard.

“Maybe? You know, kids have been talking about a fight or something. I think it's best you don’t go. It sounds like there’s going to be trouble.”

“If Heechul asks me to go, then I’ll go.”

“Why? You don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

He shook his head. “I’m not trying to piss him off. Besides, he’ll probably leave early and take me to his place like he always does.”

Xiumin sat back, feeling defeated. He couldn’t give up so easily. He couldn’t let Baekhyun go.

“Why don’t we hang out that night instead? Forget about the party; we’ll go to my place and have a party of our own.”

“If Heechul-”

“Forget Heechul,” He propped himself up on his knees. “He can go to the party without you.”

“But, I’m sure he doesn’t want to.”

“So?”

“So, I’ll go with him.”

“What’s the worst that could happen if you don’t? He’ll be upset for a little while?”

Baekhyun closed his eyes, letting his head fall back onto the wall. He twisted a strand of black hair between his fingers, getting lost in his thoughts.

“Baekhyun, come on-”

“No.”

Xiumin’s voice got caught in his throat, slightly startled by the response. “Seriously? You’re gonna go with Heechul, no matter what?”

“Yes.”

“Do you even wanna go?”

“Maybe I do. I’ve been needing to get out of the house anyways.”

“Baek-”

“Just drop it, Xiumin. You can’t change my mind.”

Xiumin opened his mouth to speak, but decided against it. He swung his backpack over his shoulder and stood up, looking down at Baekhyun one last time before heading back to the bleachers.

◈◈◈

Chanyeol looked occupied. It didn’t seem like a good time. Kai felt tempted to turn back and force Kyungsoo or Chen to do it instead, but he pushed through, constantly reminding himself that lives might be on the line.

He spotted his ex friend roaming around the halls, seemingly in search of something, maybe someone. Kai approached him from behind, tapping him on the shoulder and startling him a bit.

They stared at each other for a moment, processing the situation and sensing the tension filling the air. Chanyeol sized him up, squinting at him with bloodshot eyes.

“Do I owe you gas money or something?”

Kai shook his head. “No.”

“Then what is Kim Jongin doing visiting me after ignoring me for so long?”

Kai sighed to himself, burying his hands into his pockets. “Look, I know the last time we talked, we didn’t really leave off on a good note. But, can we put that behind us for now? I need to talk to you.”

“Spit it out, Kai. I’d love to hear what you have to say to me.” He crossed his arms over his chest and glared at him, his gaze burning through Kai’s skull.

Kai shifted his weight from one foot to the other, clearing his throat. “You know that party Lee Taemin’s throwing?”

Chanyeol nodded.

“Well, I heard Heechul’s gonna be there and he’s expecting you to be there too. He’s looking for a fight.”

“Figures.” He said with a scoff.

“So, you’re not going, right?”

“I wasn’t planning on it.”

Kai let out a breath of relief. “Oh, okay. That’s great. I guess there’s nothing to worry about then.” He slapped his hand down on Chanyeol’s shoulder. “Just, stay out of trouble, okay?”

He started down the hall, but stopped short at the sound of Chanyeol’s voice.

“Have you talked to Baekhyun?”

He turned back around. “Xiumin went to talk to him about not going. I don’t know if he’ll end up staying home, but I’m sure Heechul’s expecting him there too.”

Chanyeol rubbed his jaw, feeling anger brewing in his chest. “If Heechul tells him to go, he’ll go. There’s no talking him out of it.”

Kai hesitated to speak, taking a moment to absorb the information. “We can try.”

“You’re gonna have to do a lot more than trying to keep him from going to that party.”

“What do you suggest we do then?”

“Chain him up in a room and throw the key away.”

“Be serious, Chanyeol.”

“I am.” He walked up to Kai, resting a hand on his shoulder. “My point is; you can’t stop him. The only thing you can do is be there to take him home when he does something stupid.” And with that, he continued towards the courtyard, in search of something, or someone.

◈◈◈

“Hey, Baekhyun!”

His head shot up at the sound of his name, frantically looking around for the source of the noise. It didn’t sound like Heechul or Chanyeol, but paranoia caused him to jump to his feet and hold onto his backpack for dear life.

“Baekhyun!”

He spotted Lee Taemin standing by the vending machines, waving his arms over his head. Baekhyun waved back to let him know he saw him, mentally preparing himself for what he expected to hear next.

“See you at the party?”

He simply nodded, too afraid to open his mouth for fear that only vomit would escape. Taemin reciprocated the gesture with a smirk, laughing to himself at the sight of all color draining from the junior’s face.

As soon as he left, another voice filled Baekhyun’s ears.

“A date with Heechul?”

He whipped around to find Chanyeol leaning against the wall, his hands buried in his sweatshirt.

“If only you were so dedicated to all the guys you sleep with.”

Baekhyun hugged his backpack tighter, feeling his body begin to tremble. “I don’t want to go, really.”

“I’m sure you don’t. But-”

“But,” He inhaled sharply. “You know I have to.”

“Whatever…”

“Stop that.” He smacked Chanyeol in the shoulder.

“Stop what?”

“Stop trying to make me feel bad. Can’t you leave me be for once? I gave you everything you wanted, now stop bothering me.”

Chanyeol yanked his backpack away from his chest, causing him to stumble forward. He dug through each pocket, tossing loose papers and incomplete homework onto the floor.

Baekhyun watched in silence, deciding long ago that resisting did no good.

“Where the hell are they?”

“I didn’t bring them.” He said quietly.

“Why not? I told you to bring my half.”

“Why does it matter if I bring you a half, a quarter, nothing at all? You’ll end up stealing them all anyways. I know you’ve been taking more than you’re willing to admit.”

“That didn’t answer my question.”

Baekhyun reached for his backpack, but Chanyeol pulled back. “I didn’t bring them because I didn’t feel like it. I don’t have to do what you tell me to.”

“But, you’ll do whatever Heechul tells you to.” He pushed himself off the wall, stepping over the mess of papers on the floor and towering over the black haired junior. “Why is that?”

“You know why.”

“I want to hear you say it.”

Baekhyun stepped back and Chanyeol followed his movements. “Leave me alone.”

“Just say it.”

He lowered his head, touching the bruises around his neck. More and more formed with each passing day, spreading below his shoulders and down to his arms and hips. Chanyeol noticed a new one each time he removed Baekhyun’s shirt, leaving him to wonder if the senior truly did know about his presence.

“You never see me doing those kinds of things.”

“As if that makes you any better.”

Chanyeol scoffed. “Are you saying I’m just as bad as him?”

“You can be.”

“Would I be as bad as him if I came and rescued you from that Christmas party?”

“You want me to choose between you two? Because, honestly, I don’t want either.”

“That’s not a good enough answer.”

“Alright, Park, you can try and rescue me, but from what I’ve heard, you’re gonna need rescuing yourself.”

Chanyeol chuckled to himself, shoving the backpack into his arms. “I can handle myself. Heechul will probably be passed out drunk by the time I get there.”

“And then what? You take me home and do the same exact thing he would do if he was conscious long enough?”

Tightness formed in Chanyeol’s jaw. “I don’t like it when you compare me to him.”

“Then stop acting like him.” He gathered his papers off the floor and stuffed them into his backpack. “You can go to the party if it makes you feel better. I could care less what you decide to do.” He turned on his heels and made his way to the parking lot, walking slowly to ensure his legs wouldn’t give out on him.


	25. Call Me, Baby

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Baekhyun calls Chanyeol

Friday night, when school let out and the students went home to enjoy the next two weeks of freedom, Baekhyun climbed into Heechul’s car, his backpack still cradled to his chest. It took the senior almost thirty minutes to track down his boyfriend; eventually finding him sitting in a bathroom stall with his feet up on the toilet seat.

Only a fool would believe Baekhyun wasn’t trying to avoid him. Heechul saw no point in hiding his awareness; Baekhyun made it obvious he didn’t want to be around him, he made it obvious he knew. Despite frequent beatings to enforce his annoyance with being ignored, Baekhyun made little effort to fix his behavior.

Not because he didn’t want to, but staying by Heechul’s side as if they were attached at the hip didn’t come easy when a certain someone kept pulling him in the opposite direction.

It was like a game of tug-o-war; Heechul on one end and Chanyeol on the other. They’d go at it for days without acknowledging each other once, at least not to the other’s face. They pulled the rope harder and harder, further and further, threatening to snap it in half.

Baekhyun felt he’d already begun to tear. Heechul broke into his house at night to whisper in his ear that they were meant to be, simultaneously smacking him across the face until it burned red. Then, Chanyeol came in right after to do the same, though he never hurt Baekhyun physically.

He saw no escape from the painful cycle. If he didn’t have one of them in his bed, he had the other, and they always made sure he had someone to sleep with for the night. The strain on his conscience dragged him down with each day, but what could he do? Tell them to stop? If only they’d listen.

Perhaps he deserved this. A way to make him pay for being so careless and letting negative influences crawl into his life like parasites making themselves comfortable in the host. He made the decision to date Heechul, he caused Chanyeol to go down a downward spiral into drug use. Now, he had to deal with the aftermath; he had no right to complain about it.

So, that Friday, he let Heechul drive him from school. He sat in the passenger seat with his dirty Converse up on the dashboard and his head resting on the window. Heechul kept glancing over at him, and it didn’t go unnoticed by the junior.

“You ready for the party tomorrow night?” His voice cut through the silence, somehow startling the younger despite his rather calm tone.

“Sure.”

“You gonna invite your friends?”

“Do you want me to?”

“I mean, I don’t care. You can invite them if you want.” He side eyed him again. “I’m sure you’d want that Park Chanyeol guy there.”

“No, I don’t.”

“Really?”

“What makes you think I do?”

He scoffed. “Well, you two are offly close, right? You’ve been hanging around him a lot.”

Silence followed, prompting Baekhyun to sit upright and turn himself towards the window. Heechul hardly had his focus on the road anymore. He stared at the back of the junior’s head, searching for a reaction.

“I know he’s been over to your house.”

He couldn’t see Baekhyun’s face, but based on the way his shoulders stiffened, he assumed he was right.

“Why do you think that?”

“Because I’m not a fucking idiot. I’ve seen him around your place, I can hear him creeping around whenever I come unexpected. I saw his fucking jacket in your closet too.”

“He needed a place to stay for a wh-”

“Don’t fucking lie to me!”

Baekhyun flinched, squeezing his eyes shut in anticipation of another beating. Heechul grabbed the back of his neck and forced him to face him, but he didn’t strike.

“When we get to your place, you’re gonna let me in.”

“Heechul, watch the road.” Baekhyun said calmly, digging his nails into the palms of his hands to keep his composure.

“You’re gonna let me in, got it?”

He nodded, and Heechul released his neck, allowing him to breath easily again. He turned back to the window, massaging the bruises forming on his skin.

◈◈◈

As promised, Baekhyun let Heechul follow him up to his room. Mr. and Mrs. Byun weren’t home as usual, giving them the privacy Heechul hoped for. When they entered his bedroom, he locked the door behind him and shoved the junior onto the bed.

Baekhyun didn’t react. As time went on, he grew more tolerant of his boyfriend’s behavior.

“Get your phone out.”

“What?”

A hand sliced through the air, striking Baekhyun on the cheek. He fell back on his pillows, clutching his burning face.

“I said get your fucking phone out, and don’t make me ask again.”

He complied, reaching into his backpack with unsteady hands and pulling the device out of the side pocket.

“Call him. I want you to tell him to meet you at the party.”

His eyes landed on the black screen. The rumors; he knew all about them. Word spread fast about a potential fight between Kim Heechul and that damn junior he hated so much. But, they were just that; rumors. Baekhyun saw no reason to worry about it, considering Chanyeol lost the desire to attend parties long ago.

He acted like he could handle it, like he could waltz into that party with no issues. But, Baekhyun knew better. He knew Chanyeol wouldn’t go, even to rescue him. Not unless he pressured him to.

“Go on. Call him.”

He opened his contacts, hovering his thumb over Chanyeol’s contact. Texting might’ve taken the sting out of betraying him, but defying the senior meant another beating.

He clicked the green phone icon, then held it up to his ear.

“Hello?”

“Chanyeol?”

“Why are you calling me?”

Heechul ducked his head down, pressing his mouth against the bruised skin near Baekhyun’s ear. A small gasp escaped his lips, just barely loud enough for Chanyeol to hear.

“Hello?”

“I c-called because-” Heechul forced him onto his back, disrupting his train of thought. “I called because I wanted to-to ask you...I wanted to ask you a question.”

“Okay. What?”

He gripped onto Heechul’s shoulder in an attempt to push him back, but the senior kept himself planted on top of him.

“I wanted to ask if y-you wanted to meet up at T-Taemin’s party.”

“So, you do want me to go?”

Yeah. I don’t want to be alone with Heechul. He’s so- argh!” His head jerked back when teeth sunk into his earlobe.

“What?”

“N-nothing. Anyways, will you be there?”

“As long as I don’t run into Heechul.”

“D-don’t worry. I’ll make sure to keep him away.”

“Can I ask why you want me there?”

“N-no more questions. Just meet me there.” He hung up the phone and tossed it aside, before elbowing Heechul in the mouth and rolling to the opposite side of the bed. “There. Happy?”

Heechul grabbed him by the ankles and dragged him closer, then climbed on top of him. “I wasn’t finished with you, smart mouth.”

◈◈◈

Using the tree for support, Chanyeol hoisted himself up to the window sill and slid it open. Baekhyun always kept it unlocked, more out of routine than a welcoming. He kept the drugs sitting out for him too, seeing no point in hiding them from someone so persistent.

Chanyeol swung his legs over the sill and jumped down from the desk beneath him, landing quietly beside the bed. Baekhyun lied wrapped up in the sheets, only the top of his head in view. Chanyeol nudged him in the shoulder, receiving only a groan in return.

“Are you gonna tell me why you changed your mind?”

Baekhyun said nothing.

“Are you planning on standing me up again? Is that what this is about?” He grabbed a bag of pills off the desk and slipped two onto his tongue. “You’re just trying to mess with me now?”

Nothing but silence.

“You don’t want to talk? Fine,” He climbed onto the bed and flipped Baekhyun onto his back. The sheets fell down, revealing the black and purple coloring around his eyes and bare chest.

“Heechul got here before me?”

No response.

He yanked the rest of the sheets back, exposing Baekhyun’s damaged skin to the cool air. He reached out to cover his lower half, but the sheets were out of reach. A pair of eyes took in the sight of him, making him tense in discomfort.

But, Chanyeol wasn’t looking where the black haired junior thought. His eyes ran over the newly formed cuts on his torso and hips, noticing how deep they ran. The clean lines meant the culprit performed the act with a knife, but the irregular angles suggested they positioned their hand at an awkward slant. 

They ran upwards, evident by the lack of consistency running from the bottom to the top. They started deeper, then progressively became faint the further up they went. If the culprit worked from the front, the cuts most likely would’ve run horizontal, or top to bottom depending on how they held the knife. The only way to achieve such marks with the amount of force they used to cut so deep was to perform it from behind, but that prevented them from seeing their work well.

Chanyeol came to the conclusion Heechul wasn’t the one responsible. He wouldn’t go through so much trouble to do something so simple.

“You look tired.” He commented, slipping a pill between Baekhyun’s lips. “Mind if I stay the night?”

Baekhyun repositioned himself so the sheets were in reach and pulled them over himself. “Don’t touch me. Let me sleep.” He mumbled.

Chanyeol lied down beside him, staring up at the ceiling for the remainder of the night as the effects of the drugs wore off.


	26. We Have A Bad History Of Partying And Getting Into Trouble

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Baekhyun gets ready for the party

Sleep never came easy to Chanyeol, but it proved especially difficult with thoughts of Taemin’s Christmas party on his mind. Despite telling Baekhyun he’d attend to rescue him before the night ended and Baekhyun himself asking him to meet him there, he knew deep down he wouldn’t go. He couldn’t.

Last time he attended a party, well, there’s no need to be reminded.

How could he force himself to attend? With Heechul threatening to “take care of him”, staying home seemed like the most logical thing to do. The only thing making him second guess himself; Baekhyun.

Surprised? Hardly.

What would a drunk and angry Kim Heechul do when alone with the junior, only to realize the kid he planned to take care of didn’t show as Baekhyun promised? Less than pleasant things, though that seemed like a bit of an understatement.

But, Chanyeol failed to do anything about it during homecoming when Heechul put him in the hospital for a night. As if things would play out any differently if he were to attend Taemin’s party.

That didn’t put any of his worries at ease. If anything, it made things worse, knowing that staying home would result in Heechul taking his anger out on Baekhyun and going meant he’d suffer through his wrath instead.

It was a lose-lose situation for the both of them. One of them had to attend, there was no doubt about that, and Chanyeol knew that if it had to be either of them, it had to be Baekhyun.

The guilt kept him up all night, gluing his eyelids open and forcing him to stare up at the ceiling until the sun shone through the window. As soon as the room flooded with light, he shot up from the bed and sat down in Baekhyun’s swivel chair.

The drugs remained piled high on his desk, set out just for him. Baekhyun had them organized by color, most likely out of boredom. Chanyeol convinced himself he did it as a little gift for him, like a Christmas present. It reminded him that he hadn’t gotten Baekhyun anything for the holiday, and swore he’d stop by the store once the party passed.

In the meantime, he downed a few pills to ease the anxiety and temporarily clear his mind. Baekhyun wouldn’t leave for the party for another ten hours or so, giving both of them plenty of time to reflect on what they were about to get themselves into.

Chanyeol swallowed another pill, washing away morbid thoughts of what he expected the night to look like. Heechul driving his fists into Baekhyun’s poor bruised face, grabbing him by the hair, dragging him upstairs to a spare bedroom.

Who was he to let the poor kid deal with it on his own? If he wasn’t such a coward, maybe he could show up to that party and bring the black haired junior home before anything bad happened. But, going anywhere near Lee Taemin’s house put him at risk of being spotted by Heechul. If he caught him, he’d never hear the end of it.

Another pill swallowed. The thought of his own demise made his stomach twist into knots. He had no doubt in his mind that, if given the chance and enough alcohol, Heechul would take one step too far and force his ex friends to attend yet another funeral in the span of months.

Either his or Baekhyun’s, but he didn’t want to believe that leaving Baekhyun to take all the heat himself would result in a horrifying end.

Perhaps he was being a bit dramatic. Hiding away with paranoid thoughts about Heechul murdering his boyfriend, downing pills without stopping at his limit. All Heechul wanted was a fight with him; assuming he’d end up killing people by the end of the night was a bit absurd.

Two more pills swallowed to ensure his delusions would become so outlandish, he’d have no choice but to believe they’d never happen.

By then, Baekhyun’s eyes flickered open, squinting against the sun’s harsh rays. He propped himself up on his elbows, feeling his head spin as soon as he lifted it off the pillow. Chanyeol sat beside the bed with a bag of pills in his lap, his head falling forward as he mumbled to himself.

“Hey.” Baekhyun said quietly. Chanyeol’s head rolled to the side, then lifted up ever so slightly to meet the other’s gaze. They both stared into bloodshot and tired eyes, feeling sick from the pills.

“Good morning.” Chanyeol chuckled, struggling to keep his head from being dragged down by its own weight. “You want breakfast or something?”

“I’m not hungry.” He threw the sheets back and slipped on his boxers, before ambling towards the bathroom with his eyes half closed.

“You wanna do something? We’ve got all the time in the world now that we’re on break.”

Baekhyun leaned over the sink to splash water in his face. “I have to get ready for the party tonight.”

“Why so early? It’s still morning.”

“I need to find something to wear and Heechul wanted to meet a couple hours early.” He wiped his face with a towel as he made his way to his closet. He rummaged through his clothes, looking for something both festive and comfortable that would match his hair color.

“What do you think of this?” He held up a blue and white striped sweater for Chanyeol to evaluate.

“Put it on.”

He slipped the sweater over his bare torso, doing one clumsy spin so Chanyeol could see it from every angle. With his signature fake smile plastered on his face, he did a little curtsy, holding the ends of the oversized sweater like a dress.

Chanyeol didn’t appear amused.

“So?”

“It’s nice.”

He turned back to his closet to find a pair of jeans that paired nicely with the rest of his outfit. With very little variety to choose from, he stuck with a simple black pair.

“What are you gonna wear?” He asked quietly, refusing to turn around to see Chanyeol’s reaction to the question.

“Why do you want me to go?”

“That didn’t answer my question.”

“And that didn’t answer mine.”

That fake smile began to falter. “I told you I don’t want to be there alone with Heechul.”

“That’s all?” He stood up, stumbling over his feet as he made his way towards Baekhyun. “You don’t care that he’s planning to beat the shit out of me? You just want me there to keep you company?”

Baekhyun’s eyes flickered up towards him for a fraction of a second, before turning back to his clothes. “Why do you always have to make me sound like the bad guy?”

“Because you’re not telling me the truth.”

He rolled his eyes, pushing past Chanyeol with a sigh. “Shut up. You’re high, you don’t know what you’re talking about.”

In the blink of an eye, Chanyeol gripped him by the wrist and yanked him back, nearly causing him to trip on his own feet. Baekhyun’s back collided with the wall and a pair of hands slammed against the sides of his head.

He squeezed his eyes shut, feeling his body tense up to the point where he couldn’t move. Even when the beating he anticipated didn’t come, he couldn’t force himself to ease up.

“Chanyeol-”

“Why do you want me to go, Baekhyun?” His voice came out in a growl through his gritted teeth. Baekhyun pressed himself against the wall more and more as the football player inched closer to him.

“Because-”

“What?”

His breath quickened. It felt as if all the air in his lungs had been sucked out. He couldn’t move, he couldn’t breath. His shoulder pushed against Chanyeol’s arm in an attempt to escape, but his strength couldn’t match that of someone much bigger.

“You want me to go just so you can blow me off like you always do? You think I don’t see right through you?”

“N-no, that’s not-”

“I’m not a fucking idiot, Baekhyun!” He slammed his hands on the wall again, causing the black haired junior to flinch. “I don’t know why you do this to me,”

“No, I-”

“I don’t know why you like to fuck with me like this.” Tears built up in his eyes. Baekhyun wanted to slap a hand over his mouth to give himself a chance to explain the situation, but he couldn’t pry his arms away from his sides.

Chanyeol wouldn’t let him get away with it anyways. He truly was a mess when high.

“I can’t rely on you for anything but drugs and sex, huh? That’s all you’re good for, right?”

“That’s not-”

“Where the fuck were you when I came by your house to pick you up for our date?”

He hesitated to answer. “With Hee-”

“With Heechul, right. And where did you run off to the night of the homecoming?”

“Outside, with-”

“With Heechul.” He laughed to himself, digging his nails deeper into the plaster of the wall. “And where were you at Bae Joohyun’s party? Where the fuck were you then, when you’re friends needed you the most?”

Baekhyun froze at the mention of her name. He’d never heard Chanyeol mention that night ever since it happened. Apparently, drugs were all he needed to finally talk about it.

“Where were you then, Baekhyun?”

“I-I…” He swallowed the knot forming in his throat. “I was inside, partying like all the others. I had a few drinks, met some new people. I didn’t know-”

“That your friends were being murdered outside?” He scoffed. “I didn’t see you when the police arrived. Where were you then?”

Chanyeol hadn’t been the only one to keep quiet about that night for so long. Not only had Baekhyun never opened up about it, he never told anyone what truly happened. As far as they knew, he passed out drunk early in the night and hitched a ride with an officer.

“I...I met a guy.”

“Of course you did. Let me guess; you hooked up with him the way you hook up with every guy who approaches you.”

Baekhyun’s gaze fell to the floor. “He introduced me to his friends. They were all older than me; most of them were going into their senior year of highschool. That’s...where I met Heechul.”

Chanyeol bit down on his tongue, holding back a stream of curse words to allow Baekhyun to finish his story.

“We got to know each other a bit, then he offered me a drink. I didn’t know what was going on outside. I didn’t know anything was wrong. I felt dizzy, so I went upstairs to use the bathroom. The last thing I remember is Heechul helping me into bed before I blacked out. I woke up at his house the next morning.”

Chanyeol finally pried his hands away from the wall and ran them through his hair. He took a step back, giving Baekhyun room to breath for once.

“So, you were with Heechul while your friends were getting killed outside. I’m not surprised.”

Baekhyun pushed himself off the wall. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”

“I’m not the one you should be fucking apologizing to.” He stuck his finger in the older’s face, fighting the urge to hurt him the way Kim Heechul would’ve.

Baekhyun smacked his hand away, just as tempted to start a fight. “And where were you, Chanyeol?!” He screamed, causing his voice to crack. “Oh, that’s right; you were right there watching the whole thing and doing nothing to help! You fucking coward!”

Chanyeol grabbed him by the shoulders and shoved him against the wall. “Don’t fucking call me that.” He spoke in a tone filled with so much hatred, it almost sounded like a completely different person.

“Why shouldn’t I? You stood there and watched while your friends were murdered. What should I call you? A fucking hero?”

A hand wrapped around his jaw before he could comprehend it. He sunk his teeth into his bottom lip as he waited for the blow to his head, his entire body shaking with fear. Chanyeol pressed himself against his trembling body, holding back the amount of strength he put into his grip.

He wanted to hurt him. He wanted to see him in pain. He wanted to push him to the ground and drive his fists into his already horribly bruised face. But, he wanted to hold him too. He wanted to pull him close and tell him they’d be okay and kiss him on his head. He wanted to lay in bed with him, arms draped over his torso as they laid in comfortable silence and forgot about the rest of the world.

His hand went from his jaw to the back of his neck, pulling him closer until only a centimeter remained between their lips.

“I’m sorry. I’m such a coward.” Chanyeol cried, letting his head fall onto Baekhyun’s shoulder. Baekhyun didn’t move, still in shock from their interactions moments before.

“I’m so sorry, Baekhyun. I’m sorry.”

Baekhyun really didn’t know what he was apologizing for. He kept repeating himself, letting tears drain from his eyes and soaking the blue and white striped sweater.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry…” It went on like this for roughly five minutes, before Baekhyun finally reached up to touch the back of his head.

“Chanyeol?”

“Yeah?”

“Please don’t go to the party tonight. I don’t want to risk Heechul seeing you.”

“What about you?”

“I can handle it.” He sighed to himself. “I’ll be okay.”


	27. Pray For Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> chaos ensues

If Suho were to count the amount of times he tried to reach out to Sehun on his fingers, he’d need an extra hand. Of course, he didn’t have one because the others left their friendship with Sehun in the summer. He could count on his feet if it really mattered, but he’d be wasting time if he put that much effort into keeping track of the amount of times he’d been blown off.

Just imagine if he accounted for Lay. He really didn’t have enough fingers and toes for these people.

He decided grouping was a good solution to his problem. Every time he reached ten, he’d relap and start at one again. By the time Lee Taemin’s party came around, he reached his sixth lap, and that was only counting for the times he actually remembered to keep track.

He banged on the door to the Oh’s mansion, clutching his phone with one hand. Mr. Oh answered the door almost a minute later, wrapped up in a silk bathrobe and wearing Gucci slippers.

“Suho, you’re back.” He frowned.

“Hello, Sir. Is Sehun home?”

He sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. “No, he’s not home. He went out again.”

Suho stepped back as he processed the information he’d heard a million times before. Every single damn time he went to the Oh’s mansion, Sehun was nowhere to be found. It shocked him how his parents didn’t express more concern.

“Do you know where he is?”

“I believe he went for a walk in the park.”

Suho nodded before turning on his heels and marching down the steps. This was the first time his parents gave him a location to search at. From the looks of it, he was finally getting somewhere.

“Suho?”

He stopped and turned back to face Mr. Oh. “Yes?”

“Listen son,” Mr. Oh stepped beyond the door frame and rested his hand on Suho’s shoulder. “I hate to break it to you, but if my son has been avoiding you this much, it probably means he has no interest in being your friend.”

Suho shrugged him off, trying his best to maintain his polite demeanor. “Sir, I’ve been friends with Sehun since middle school. He wouldn’t get tired of me just like that.”

“Well, he doesn’t talk to any of his old friends anymore, right? If I didn’t know any better, I’d say he’s moved on.”

He huffed. “Maybe you're right, but I’ll never know until I talk to him myself. Thanks for your help, Mr. Oh.”

◈◈◈

By sundown, Suho collapsed on a bench and kicked his aching feet up, shivering from the loss of contact with the sun’s warmth. He wrapped his jacket around his shoulders, squinting against the cold wind in hopes that Sehun would miraculously appear in front of him and wash all of his worries away.

Spring Day Grove stretched for forty acres; he’d never cover the entire distance before the sun went down. If Sehun returned home by then, Suho planned to call him later. If not, he’d have to wait for him to return then. He searched as much as he could of the park, but he could only do so much.

Laying flat on his back, he stared up at the stars, allowing himself to catch his breath after marching through the park for over an hour. His phone buzzed and it hardly prompted a reaction from him; he knew it couldn’t be Sehun.

When he held it up to his face, he felt no surprise to see his mother asking him to return home instead of a text from his friend. He sat up, sending a message in return to let her know he was on his way.

He sent the message mere seconds after she sent hers. Lay and Sehun could never.

The sun completely disappeared behind buildings, casting darkness over Spring Day Grove. The cold bit at Suho’s face, burning his puffy eyes whenever the wind picked up. He wrapped his arms around himself and jogged towards the street, intent on catching the light before it turned green.

Just as he reached the sidewalk, the light changed and cars zoomed past the crosswalk. He sighed to himself, leaning against the poll and abusing the button in hopes that the light would turn red faster.

When the last car came to a stop, he stepped into the road, pressing his hands against his mouth to warm his ice cold skin with his breath. Standing directly in the middle of the street, he suddenly stopped, noticing a young man curled up on the side of a building.

The man sat in a pile of snow, his jacket sliding off one shoulder. He tucked his hands between his shivering knees in an attempt to keep them warm, but the trembling of his body only grew in intensity. He lifted his head up towards the stars, giving Suho a view of his face.

“Chanyeol!” He yelled, increasing his pace when he realized the light changed and he remained standing in the road.

Chanyeol didn’t acknowledge him, simply because he was too cold to move much. Suho ran up to him, immediately grabbing his jacket and fixing it on his shoulders.

“What are you doing sitting out here in the cold?” He asked as he rubbed Chanyeol’s bare hands between his.

“I don’t know...I think I blacked out…”

Suho grabbed his jaw and turned his head to examine his eyes, noticing how red and puffy they appeared. It could’ve been from the cold, but Suho had seen that same look in Baekhyun’s eyes before when he took one too many pills.

“Come on,” He pulled Chanyeol to his feet. “Why don’t you come home with me and we can have some hot chocolate?”

◈◈◈

Baekhyun hadn’t felt this alone or trapped since Bae Joohyun’s party. He found himself in the same situation as before; surrounded by seniors who acted a little too kindly for his liking and not having any of his friends around to turn to for help.

The same thing happened over the summer. Back when he had a slight sense of self control, he only had one cup of beer to drink. Knowing Kris hated dealing with his drunk friends, he chose not to consume anymore.

But, a couple of senior boys gradually closed in on him, smiling and acting real sweet so the younger would lower his guard. They treated him offly nice; offering him drinks and telling him that he wasn’t like other underclassmen they knew. He seemed much more mature, and fit in with them well.

The senior boys treated him the same way at Lee Taemin’s Christmas party. Even the host himself sweet talked him all night, as if the money he owed him no longer mattered.

Heechul sat back and watched it all unfold, downing cups of beer and laughing whenever a senior boy got too touchy. It amused him, seeing his good-for-nothing boyfriend finally getting what he deserved.

He loved getting attention from other guys. He must’ve been enjoying all the attention now.

“You know, Heechul talks about you all the time.” Taemin said, sitting uncomfortably close to the junior with a cup of beer in his hand. “All good things.”

“Really?” Baekhyun forced a smile, looking for an opportunity to escape to the bathroom for a moment to take a few mind numbing pills before the senior boys got a little too bold.

“Yeah. I hear you’re a real sweetheart. Always giving him what he wants and shit. At least, you used to be.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” He shifted further away, but Taemin immediately closed the distance between them.

“You’ve been seeing that Park Chanyeol guy behind his back.” He turned to Heechul and cupped one hand around his mouth. “Hey, Heechul! When’s Park Chanyeol gonna get here?! I thought you were gonna have a little talk with him?!”

Heechul looked towards Baekhyun, prompting the boys to do the same. “He should be here any minute. He promised me he’d come.”

“It’s been over an hour.” Heechul said, looking towards the clock. “Why don’t you give him a call?”

The entire room fell silent. Someone shut off the music. Every side conversation stopped. All eyes found their way to the black haired junior.

“Whatcha waiting for, sweetheart? Call him.” Taemin hiccuped, taking another swig of beer.

With shaky fingers, Baekhyun pulled out his phone and selected Chanyeol’s contact. “Put him on speaker.” Heechul demanded.

He hit the green icon, then held the phone up so the entire room could listen to the ringing.

“Hello? Baekhyun, this is Suho.”

Baekhyun nearly choked on his spit as he thought of what to say next. “H-hey, Suho. Where’s Chanyeol?”

“I took him home with me. He’s not really feeling well right now, so I’m letting him stay the night. He’s asleep right now.”

Baekhyun looked up to meet Heechul’s furious gaze. Every muscle in his body tensed. “But, we were supposed to go to Lee Taemin’s party together.”

“Sorry, Baekhyun. I’ll tell him you called when he wakes up.”

Baekhyun sensed the call coming to an end, causing his heart to beat harder against his rib cage. As soon as that call ended, he’d have no choice but to face Heechul himself.

“Can’t you wake him up now? I want to talk to him.”

“But-”

“Please.” The tone of his voice rose to a near squeak.

Suho sighed. “Fine.”

A moment of silence, followed by the sound of the phone being transferred to Chanyeol’s hand. A sob almost escaped Baekhyun’s mouth as soon as he realised how much trouble he landed himself in.

“Hello?”

“Chanyeol,” He swallowed hard. “Sorry to wake you.”

“I take it you’re at the party right now. I wish you would’ve just fucking stayed home, Baekhyun.”

_ Me too. _

“Um, well...nothing interesting has happened yet, hence why I called you.”

“Why don’t you just leave early? What’s the point of sitting around and waiting for Heechul to beat the shit out of me when you know I’m not going to be there?”

His nails dug into the palms of his hands, using enough force to spill little droplets of blood. “He’s expecting you.”

“I fucking know he is. Just leave. I’m sure Heechul will be passed out drunk by the time anyone realizes I’m still not there.”

“Okay. Bye, Chanyeol.” He hung up the phone without giving Chanyeol a chance to respond. 

Nothing but silence followed. Only the sound of Baekhyun’s rapid breathing could be heard. Half the room stared at Heechul, the other half stared at the junior.

“So,” Heechul sat up. “He’s not coming. Interesting.”

“I’m sure he would’ve if he wasn’t feeling sick.”

“Really? It didn’t sound that way.”

Heechul rose to his feet. Baekhyun’s nails dug deeper into his skin, turning his knuckles white.

“It’s a bummer he can’t make it. I was looking forward to talking with him.”

He put one finger under Baekhyun’s jaw and lifted his head to look into his eyes. “Be honest with me, babe; did you know he wouldn’t come?”

His words got caught in his throat. He held his breath, fighting the urge to break down in tears.

“Well?”

“I…” He tried looking down, but Heechul wouldn’t allow him to lower his head. He had no choice but to stare the senior dead in the eyes. “I didn’t.”

“Don’t fucking lie to me, Baekhyun.” He wrapped a hand around the junior’s throat, giving it a small squeeze. Baekhyun stayed absolutely still. The more he resisted, the worse off he’d be.

“Did you know he wouldn’t come?”

“I-I…”

“Answer the fucking question, Baekhyun.”

The grip around his throat tightened, making it harder to breath. Panic rose in his chest. He trembled in Heechul’s grasp, putting a smile on the senior’s face.

“I told him not to go!” He blurted out. As soon as the words left his mouth, he broke down in tears, gently touching Heechul’s wrist in an attempt to pry his hand away.

“I’m so sorry. I-I didn’t want you to hurt him. I don’t know what I was thinking. I shouldn’t have lied to you and went behind your back. I’m-”

Heechul struck him in the side of the face, causing the last of his sentence to come out in choked sobs. He fell into Taemin, who wrapped one arm around his shoulders and pulled him closer.

“Aww, look at him! He’s a crying mess!” He giggled, pinching Baekhyun’s tear stained cheeks. “What are you gonna do with him now, Heechul?”

Heechul grabbed a fistful of black hair and yanked his head back. “Why don’t I fucking humiliate him the way he humiliated me. I promised everyone here a fight and, thanks to you, they won’t be getting that. I gotta return the favor somehow.”

◈◈◈

Chanyeol pulled the phone away from his ear when Baekhyun abruptly ended the call. He handed it back to Suho, who gave him a disapproving stare.

“What?”

“Going to parties? Doing drugs?”

“Who said I was do-”

“I’m not stupid, Chanyeol.” He propped himself up on his knees, resting one elbow on the coffee table beside him.

“Don’t start making a big deal out of this. I’m tired.”

“But, this is a big deal. I don’t know when this started, but it needs to stop right now.”

Chanyeol lied back on the couch and wrapped a blanket around himself, burying his face in a pillow to avoid eye contact with Suho.

“Don’t ignore me, Chanyeol. What you’re doing is dangerous. You could get hurt. Anyone could get hurt.”

“Fuck off, Suho.” He barked. “I’m tired. You can lecture me about it tomorrow.”

It didn’t take long for Chanyeol to fall back asleep. Suho would have woken him back up to have a talk, but he knew he’d only receive a cold shoulder in return. Chanyeol wouldn’t listen to him when in such poor condition. 

Instead, he sat on the floor in front of the fireplace, his eyes glued to his phone as he waited for a text.

Any text. A text stating where Sehun was, or if he made it home, or if he hated Suho’s guts and never wanted to see him again. Anything would do, as long as Suho knew he was alive and okay.

He sat there for almost an hour, drifting in and out of sleep. His phone gradually slipped from his hand, landing on the carpet with a soft thud. His eyes flickered open for a second, before his eyelids moved towards each other once again and his head fell back on the couch.

He was so tired. Tired of being ignored by Sehun. Tired of spamming Lay everyday and receiving nothing in return. He hadn’t spoken to the others in days, driving himself crazy trying to reach out to people who wanted nothing to do with him.

He was tired of being pushed away. Tired of trying so hard to win his friends back. He hated himself for being so damn persistent. His inability to give up most likely drove his friends away in the first place.

His mind drifted to the summer, thinking back to the days when he could text his friends and they responded within minutes. When he didn’t have to stare at his phone for days, waiting for a response. He missed that, being able to talk to them with ease and not having to fight tooth and nail to receive a simple acknowledgment.

If only things remained so simple.

He dreamt that his phone finally rang, wishing it was a reality. The annoying sound of his ringtone filled his ears, and he imagined picking up to hear Sehun’s voice. The sound grew louder, blocking out any other thoughts that tried making their way to his mind.

He opened his eyes slightly. The ringing didn’t disappear with his sleep. He looked down at his phone, realizing his screen lit up with Sehun’s caller ID. This was no dream. He really called.

Diving for the phone, he swiped the green icon to the right and pressed it against his ear. “Hello? Sehun? Are you there?”

He didn’t answer immediately. The sound of shallow breathing emanated from the other line, noticeably shaky.

“Suho?”

“Yes? Hello? Sehun, where are you? What’s wrong? Sehun?”

He heard a whimper. If his breathing didn’t already make his crying evident, the little noise that followed certainly did.

“Sehun, talk to me. What’s going on?”

“I...I’m near the bridge. The one that stretches over the river. I need you to come here. I need you to come get me.”

“Okay, okay,” Suho jumped to his feet, holding the phone between his ear and his shoulder. He shook Chanyeol awake as he forced his shoes over his feet, mouthing “it’s Sehun” when Chanyeol squinted at him in confusion.

“I’m on my way right now. Stay where you are.”

“S-Suho, there’s a body.”

“What?” He froze. Chanyeol noticed the way all the color drained from his face and he dreaded discovering what Sehun said to him.

“There’s a body. I-I can’t get the sight out of my head.”

Suho nearly tripped over himself as he ran out to his car. Chanyeol followed close behind, feeling light headed from anxiety.

“Don’t worry, Sehun. I’m on my way right now. I’m coming to get you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're almost to the end of the story! I already have three chapters written out after this one and I'm thinking there will only be a few more that follow. I hope you're enjoying this story so far and are looking forward to more updates.


	28. For Every Pill We Take, An Angel Gets Its Wings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The night ends in tragedy

That damn flash. It served no purpose other than to blind the focus of the picture. It may come in handy when the lighting in a room is poor, but beyond that, it annoyed the focus more than it aided in capturing a good picture.

Lee Taemin’s living room had plenty of light. The lights overhead, the light from the kitchen, the Christmas lights hanging from the walls. The boys had no reason to use the flash except to hurt the poor focus’ eyes.

He couldn’t keep them open long enough because of that damn flash. Every time his eyelids parted ever so slightly, a bright, painful light filled his vision and forced them closed.

It’s hard to truly process a situation when your eyes are closed half the time.

When he could see, he saw the boys gathered around with their phones in their hands, laughing and tripping over one another as their drunkenness got the best of them. He saw the ceiling and the faint pattern in the plaster. Imprints of squiggles; random, inconsistent, and hardly visible.

The moment he looked hard enough to make an image out of the pattern, the flash went off again and his pupils dilated in response.

He must’ve been high; the realization randomly dawned on him when another flash went off. The memory of taking any pills slipped his mind, but the feeling of losing any sense of reality became quite familiar to him.

It really wasn’t a big deal. He tried wiggling his fingers when he noticed how numb his limbs became, and when that strange tingling feeling traveled up his arms, he thought to himself “Oh, I must be high.”

Considering that fact, he didn’t think to search his brain for any explanation as to how it happened. Even if he did, the memories most likely would remain buried in his subconscious. Too much had happened in the past fifteen minutes for him to recall the small act of Kim Heechul forcing something down his throat.

Because, when Kim Heechul shoved a pill down his throat, Lee Taemin and his buddies ripped his cute blue and white sweater in half as if it was made of paper. His mind only picked up on that and the way the cold air hit his bare chest, sending shivers down his spine.

Then, he really couldn’t tell what happened once those damn flashes exploded in his vision, one right after the other. The boys had their phones out, he knew that much, but he couldn’t determine anything other than that.

Something must’ve been touching his leg. What? He couldn’t say. He felt the hairs on his arms stand up when something brushed against his skin. The feeling lasted for a split second, before another blinding light interrupted his train of thought.

The room grew colder and colder as the minutes ticked away. Or, maybe he grew colder. His clothes disappeared, though he only remembered losing the sweater. The feeling of something touching the bare skin of his leg indicated that they took his jeans too, but he couldn’t remember when.

His hearing went out as well. Besides the sound of laughter coming in and out of his ears, all he heard was a loud, obnoxious ringing. A high pitched frequency that made him feel dizzy, causing sharp pains to stab him in the brain until his vision momentarily went black.

Then, he felt a pain in his thigh, and his vision returned. The second his eyelids pulled apart, that damn flash blinded him again, and he couldn’t see what happened to his leg.

More and more flashes went off. He squinted in an attempt to see past the lights, even went as far as to try and lift his hand to shield his eyes before someone grabbed him by the wrist and pinned it by the side of his head.

He did catch sight of a red light. It might’ve been a Christmas light, but no other lights surrounded it. One lonely red light in a sea of flashing cameras. Perhaps the flashes drowned out the light illuminating from the rest of the little colorful bulbs.

Someone had their volume turned up. The sound eventually cut through the ringing; a clicking noise that sounded whenever the boy responsible snapped a picture. And then more sounds made their way to his ears.

Coughing. Someone must’ve gotten sick from too much alcohol. Laughter, of course. Grunting? It was hard to tell. Either that, or someone hyperventilating.

It might’ve been his own breathing he heard, or a mixture of his own and the person near him. There definitely was someone extremely close to him, but he couldn’t tell who. He felt their hair brushing against his skin and assumed that’s what he felt against his leg earlier.

Cheering. He heard it along with the laughter that kept growing louder. They were hollering, clapping. Clapping too loudly to the point it hurt his ears. Or, maybe it wasn’t clapping. Maybe someone slapped their hand across his face, and maybe that was why his ear hurt so bad.

How many times had he been hit to resemble the sound of clapping? Maybe another sound mixed in with it, though he couldn’t think of what could replicate the sound of skin against skin. They must’ve been clapping; cheering at his expense.

At his expense. What exactly was it that they were doing at his expense? Getting him high? Taking pictures? He really didn’t know what was happening. A sharp pain shot through his lower body. He threw his head back in pain, banging it against the floorboards.

He was on the floor. He knew that, but it never really registered with him. When did he get on the floor? He’d been sitting on the couch with Taemin before...before what? Maybe Heechul gave him the pill before he lost his shirt. Maybe he took the drugs himself without even realising it.

He had to have been high by the time he ended up on the floor, or else he would’ve had a sliver of a memory. It was hard to say for sure; the time between getting smacked in the face by Heechul and ending up on the floor became a blur.

And the time between ending up on the floor and sitting on the couch became a blur as well. It seemed to happen in a flash; one second, his head hit the floorboards, the next, he had a pillow cradled in his arms.

The amount of time that passed added up to almost a half an hour, but to Baekhyun, it felt like only a few minutes. He looked around the room, seeing the boys passed out from drunkenness or staring off into space. His shirt sat at his feet, torn in two. His jeans were strung on the arm of the couch.

He lowered his feet off the cushion and stood up with a hunch, doubling over from the pain in his lower half. With what little strength remained in his badly bruised body, he pulled his jeans back on and snatched an oversized shirt off the ground. Who it belonged to and how it ended up discarded on the floor, he had no idea.

He grabbed his shoes and limped towards the front door, not bothering to slip on the dirty Converse before stepping on the lawn and into the snow.

“Baekhyun!” Heechul called out to him from the kitchen. He didn’t stop to wait for him. Shivering, he marched through the snow in his socks, hugging his shoes to his chest. The snow was so cold it felt hot and the rocks sticking up made it feel like he was walking across burning coal.

“Baekhyun!” Heechul ran down the front steps as he threw a jacket over his shoulders. “Where the fuck do you think you’re going?!”

“Home.” Baekhyun responded, surprised by the sound of his own cracking voice.

“You don’t have a fucking car, dumbass. What are you gonna do; march through the snow in socks the entire trip?”

Baekhyun continued walking without a word, and Heechul scoffed in disbelief. “Get in the fucking car. You can come home with me.”

“No.”

“I wasn’t asking.” He grabbed the junior by his arm and dragged him towards his car, digging his nails into his skin whenever he felt the younger fighting against his grip.

“I don’t want to go home with you.”

“Too bad.” He yanked the passenger door open and shoved Baekhyun inside, before circling around the front and climbing into the driver’s seat. Baekhyun fumbled with his seatbelt as Heechul sped out of the driveway, lighting a cigarette between his teeth.

“You’re drunk.” Baekhyun said.

“And you’re high. What the fuck is your point?”

“You can’t drive.”

“I’m driving just fine,” He grabbed the junior by his jaw and forced him to turn to the road. “See? There’s hardly any traffic anyways.”

“Drop me off at my place.”

“No. I said you’re coming home with me.”

“Heechul!” He kicked the glove compartment, feeling anxiety suddenly filling his chest. “Take me home!”

“Don’t fucking raise you’re voice at me!” He shouted as he smacked Baekhyun in the back of the head. “I’m not doing shit for you!”  
“But, I want to go home. I’m tired.”

“I don’t give a damn.”

“Please?”

“How am I gonna make sure you don’t sneak off with Park Chanyeol then, huh? How the fuck will I know what you two are up to if you’re not at home with me?”

“I won’t invite him over.”

“Nah, he’ll invite himself over.” He paused to blow out a puff of smoke. “I was really looking forward to beating his fucking face in tonight. But, you fucked that up for me.”

“I said I was so-”

“Shut your fucking mouth!” Heechul slapped him again, hard enough to turn his cheek a bright red. He leaned back in his seat and ran a hand through his hair, closing his eyes temporarily to regain his composure.

“You’re so fucking annoying, Baekhyun.”

“Watch the road.” Baekhyun mumbled, massaging his face.

“Shut up. I’m tired of you saying whatever the fuck you want to me. You think you’re the fucking boss of me? Huh?”

Baekhyun simply shook his head.

“It’s about time you shut your mouth. You need to learn how to use that thing the way you’re supposed to. Not kissing other guys-”

“Oh, look who’s talking.”

Heechul yanked at his hair, forcing a yelp out of the junior’s mouth. He pulled his head close, putting his ear near his lips.

“Don’t fuck with me, Baekhyun.”

“Watch the road.”

“Quit trying to change the subject.”

“I heard you. Now, let go. Please.”

He shoved his head back and put both hands on the steering wheel again. Out of frustration, he pressed on the gas, anxious to get home sooner.

“Slow down.”

“Fuck off.” He barked as he rummaged through his pockets to find his cigarette pack. “Stop fucking talking, Baekhyun.”

“If you’re so sick of me, why don’t you just take me home?”

“Fuck!” He slammed his fists down on the steering wheel, causing the junior to jump. “You just don’t know when to quit, do you?”

“Watch the road.”

“No, shut up! I am not about to sit here and listen to you fucking talk down to me! Who the fuck do you think you are! You’re nothing but a fucking slut who fucks with guys behind his boyfriend’s back, so don’t act like I’m the bad guy here!”

“Watch the road!”

Heechul looked ahead to see a pedestrian crossing the bridge. His alcohol poisoned mind didn’t think to hit the breaks, and instead swerved to the side. The pedestrian jumped back as the car slid past, slamming into the side of a pickup truck.

It crashed into the railing of the bridge, causing it to spin around so the frontside faced the opposite way. Incoming cars slammed on the breaks as fast as they could, but couldn’t stop their vehicles in time.

A white van rammed into the front of Heechul’s car and another ran into the back of the van, forcing both to roll forward. The van scraped against the railing as Heechul’s car dipped down the steep slope that led down to the river.

A truck hit the brakes as it neared the accident, resulting in the backside to violently swing to the side and completely crush the white van. The impact caused it to shoot forward, ramming into Heechul’s car a second time.

The amount of force was enough to push his car over the edge. It slid past the rocks keeping the wheels still, heading nose first towards the water. It fell roughly twenty feet before crashing directly into a tree.

The front of the car smashed into pieces. The windshield shattered into a million glass fragments. Gravity yanked Heechul from his seat and launched him through the broken window. His body rolled off the hood and crashed into the tree, before falling past the trunk and landing on the shore of the river.

Baekhyun jerked forward as well, banging his head on the dashboard. His seatbelt yanked him back, leaving a burning red mark on his neck. Blood ran from his nose and dripped off his chin, pooling at his feet.

A few roots were pulled from the dirt. The tree tilted down ever so slightly, shifting the car closer to the water. The pedestrian and two drivers stood at the top of the slope, screaming for someone to call an ambulance.

◈◈◈

Sehun saw it all happen. He left his house earlier in the evening, telling his parents he needed some air and planned to take a brief walk in the park. He passed through Spring Day Grove to take in the scenery and put his troubled mind at ease, thinking he’d never get a chance to see it again.

A while later, he arrived at the bridge, dizzy and breathing rapidly. It took a lot of convincing to force himself to approach the railing. For about ten minutes, he paced back and forth on the sidewalk, questioning whether to go through with it or not.

_ How selfish can you be? _ He thought to himself.  _ How will this affect your family? Your friends? Are you really going to put them through that? Do you even care? _

_ But, what about me?  _ He turned around to walk the other way.  _ I’m doing this for me. I don’t want to suffer. I don’t want to put myself through this anymore. Why should I hurt more and more everyday just to make other people happy? _

_ Why would you want them to suffer the way you did? Why would you want to give them your pain? _

_ Because I don’t want it anymore. _

He leaned over the railing, sucking in the cold air to ease his nausea. Chunks of ice floated in the water, and soon enough the entire thing would freeze over. If he didn’t do this now, he’d have to wait till spring, or find another method.

He put one foot on the railing, then stopped there. No one was around to stop him. The people driving by weren’t paying any attention to him. The only other person nearby was a pedestrian crossing the bridge.

The pedestrian who nearly got hit by a car. It took Sehun a minute to process what happened; seeing the man standing there one second, and a car zooming past him the next. It rammed into another car, causing it to spin out of control.

Sehun noticed the horribly duct taped bumper on the back and realized the car belonged to Kim Heechul. He saw a figure in the passenger’s seat and knew immediately who it was.

More and more cars piled up, driving into each other and creating a huge pile up. Sehun didn’t move, despite how close some of the debris came to hitting him. The sound of screeching tires and metal scraping against metal filled his ears, followed by the sound of screaming.

Kim Heechul’s car fell down the slope and hit a tree just before reaching the icy water below. The driver’s body flew through the window and landed with a thud on the muddy shore. Blood splattered onto the rock under his skull.

Sehun fell back from the railing, nearly landing in the road. He clutched at his chest, struggling to breath. Drivers jumped out of their cars and ran past him, reaching for their phones and approaching the injured passengers stuck in their cars.

A man stood only a few feet away from him, on the phone with the police. He spoke in a rather calm voice, explaining the situation exactly how it happened and taking his time to ensure the operator understood him.

When he hung up the phone, he turned to Sehun with a relaxed face. “Hey, you alright?”

Sehun swallowed the knot in his throat and pushed himself to his feet. “I don’t know.”

“Well, stay back. The cops should be here soon to take care of this.”

He followed the man to the other side of the bridge so they were a safe distance away from the accident. From where he stood, Heechul’s car was still visible, but he refused to look in that direction. He didn’t know what happened to the passenger and he didn’t want to know.

Five minutes later, his mind cleared enough to think again. He pulled his phone out to see Suho had sent him at least a hundred texts in the past hour, asking where he was and why he hadn’t answered the phone.

He dialed his number, thinking now was a good time to finally get in touch with him.

“Hello? Sehun? Are you there?”

Sehun froze, the image of Heechul’s body suddenly appearing in his mind again. He took a couple deep breaths to help calm down, trying to think of other, more pleasant things to put himself at ease.

“Suho?”

“Yes? Hello? Sehun, where are you? What’s wrong? Sehun?”

Tears built up behind his eyelids. It felt like so long since he spoke to a friend, especially one that cared enough to be concerned for his well being. He really didn’t expect less from Suho. No matter how horrible he treated him, his friend never gave up on him. Yet, he pushed him away for so long, as if cutting off his only support would somehow make things better.

“Sehun, talk to me. What’s going on?”

“I...I’m near the bridge. The one that stretches over the river. I need you to come here. I need you to come get me.”

“Okay, okay, I’m on my way right now. Stay where you are.”

“S-Suho, there’s a body.” He finally turned back to the accident, seeing Heechul’s car still stuck on the side of the slope. Sirens sounded in the distance, indicating help was on its way. Sehun silently prayed that at least Baekhyun would make it.

“What?” 

“There’s a body. I-I can’t get the sight out of my head.”

“Don’t worry, Sehun. I’m on my way right now. I’m coming to get you.”

As soon as he hung up the phone, five ambulance trucks, three tow trucks, and a dozen police cars zoomed past him. They maneuvered through the pile of damaged cars, even driving along the sidewalk to reach their destination.

Sehun walked up to the railing to watch the officers prepare the tow truck. More roots came up and the tree tilted down further, prompting them to work faster. Heechul’s car slid down, the metal creaking loudly as it threatened to tear the tree from the dirt and drown it in the river.

Officers attached to ropes lowered themselves down the slope, stopping by the passenger’s door and digging their toes into the dirt for extra security. They attached hooks wherever they could, gave them a strong tug, then gave the others a thumbs up to pull the car to safety.

The tow truck brought the car up to the road just as the tree snapped in half and plummeted into the icy water. As soon as the wheels touched asphalt, medical assistance pried the passenger’s door open and cut Baekhyun free from his seatbelt. They gently strapped him onto a stretcher, careful not to move his head or neck.

Sehun fell to his knees from the dizziness that overcame him upon seeing his friend dragged from the car. Even from a distance, he could see the blood covering his face. He was hardly recognizable with his face so badly mangled, but Sehun could tell it was him by his black hair, small frame, and dirty Converse.

Suho’s car pulled up in front of him mere seconds after the ambulance left with Baekhyun. Suho jumped out of the driver’s seat with Chanyeol trailing behind him, frantically looking around at the chaos.

“Sehun?!” He ran ahead, throwing his arms around his friend’s neck. “What the hell happened? What are you doing here?”

“I...I was just on a walk,” He lied. “When I saw this car speeding down the bridge. It nearly hit a pedestrian before spinning out of control. It fell down that slope and…”

He looked down, realizing the officers had already removed Heechul’s body. The blood splatter remained.

“The driver…”

Chanyeol walked forward, pulling his jacket tighter around himself. Beyond the busted up white van, the disjointed truck, and a few damaged cars sat Kim Heechul’s car, completely destroyed and in shambles. Shards of glass on the windshield had blood dripping from it, as did the dashboard on the passenger’s side.

He covered his mouth, feeling bile burning the back of his throat. Sehun noticed where his friend’s eyes landed and cried out at the thought of the bodies again.

“I-I don’t know if they survived.” He began, inhaling sharply to keep from choking up. “Heechul fell all the way down to the river. They took Baekhyun away in an ambulance just a minute ago.”

Chanyeol fell to his knees, clutching his stomach and gasping for air. None of it felt real to him. He thought maybe he was hallucinating from the drugs he took a while ago, but the effects already started wearing off by the time he arrived at Suho’s.

This couldn’t be drugs. This must’ve been real.

Suho knelt down beside him and rested a hand on his back. “It’s going to be okay, Chanyeol.” He said between sobs. “Everything’s going to be okay, I know it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had so much fun writing this chapter and I don't know what that says about me


	29. An Unsuccessful Guide To Dealing With Trauma

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys try to cope with recent events

They pronounced Kim Heechul dead at exactly eleven o’clock that night. By the time police arrived at the scene, the twenty year old student from UN Village High School was already gone. According to medical officials, the young man snapped his spine when he hit the tree and cracked his skull open on a rock upon hitting the shore.

The passenger, seventeen year old Byun Baekhyun, was rushed to the hospital in critical condition. They assessed his injuries and determined he suffered from severe head trauma caused by banging his head on the dashboard. It was too early to say if he’d survive or not.

The next day, seven boys gathered in the waiting room at the hospital, sitting in silence. The doctors informed them Baekhyun needed to go into surgery and they wouldn’t be able to see him for who knew how long, but that didn’t stop them from bringing flowers and signed cards.

Not one word was exchanged between the boys. Suho stopped Mr. and Mrs. Byun in the hallway to wish them well and tell them he prayed for Baekhyun every night. Chen overheard this conversation from the vending machines and wondered if Suho truly did believe in a god he could pray to.

Meanwhile, Kai excused himself and stepped outside for some fresh air. He pulled his contacts up, intent on texting Jennie, but couldn’t bring himself to do so. He and Jennie had gotten close over the past month or so, learning to open up to each other more and more.

He thought after all that time, talking to her about what happened to Baekhyun would come easy to him, but as soon as he selected her contact, fear overcame him and he shut his phone off instead.

Xiumin left too, but went to the bathroom to wash his hands. Not that they were dirty, but being in a hospital made him anxious. So many sick people, so many germs. Plus, it gave him a chance to clear his mind and wash away his worries as he washed away the filth.

Kyungsoo thought to poke his head in and check on his friend. When Xiumin left the waiting room with his hands furiously rubbing together, a pang of concern made itself felt in his chest. He got up to follow, but stopped short and leaned against the wall in the hallway instead.

That left Chanyeol and Sehun alone in the waiting room. Sehun fell asleep with his head on his shoulder and his legs folded underneath him, his jacket thrown over him as a makeshift blanket. Chanyeol tried falling asleep, but the rapid beating against his rib cage made it hard to keep his eyelids shut for very long.

His lack of sleep might’ve been a result of staying up all night in hopes that the doctors would deliver the news that Baekhyun made it, or it might’ve been from withdrawal. It had only been some hours since the last time he swallowed a pill and his body already craved more.

With the Byun’s all at the hospital, their house had to be empty. And Baekhyun always kept his window unlocked for him.

He didn’t want to leave in case news on Baekhyun’s condition reached the waiting room, but temptation overcame him and he couldn’t sit still for very long anyways. With the others gone and Sehun fast asleep, no one noticed him put his coat back on and head out into the snow.

◈◈◈

  
  


The snow piled up past his ankles that morning. It made it hard to walk the distance between the hospital and the Byun household, but he grew more tolerant of the cold after living in Seoul all his life. A few inches of snow wouldn’t stop him from getting what he wanted.

He stopped at the base of the dormant tree outside Baekhyun’s window, looking up at the crystals creeping onto the glass. In case the metal froze over, he carried a rock up with him to help break through the ice.

He hauled himself into the leafless branches and onto the roof, then crouched down next to the window and used both gloved hands to try and pry it open. It didn’t budge.

He banged the rock against the ice to break it up, wearing his arm out but warming his body. Once most of the ice cleared, he tried again. Still, it didn’t budge.

He pulled and pulled, straining his fingers and arms until veins popped out under his skin. The tips of his fingers burned from the cold despite his thick gloves. His legs felt sore from squatting for so long.

Soon enough, he sat back in defeat, thinking of alternative ways to get into his room. Perhaps he didn’t break enough ice off. If he kept at it, he’d open the window eventually, right?

Then, he realized the lock was on it. The window hadn’t frozen over. His parents fucking locked it.

His breathing quickened, creating clouds of icy breath and fogging up the glass. He needed to find a way to get in, and if he didn’t, he might lose his mind.

Briefly looking over his shoulder to make sure none of the neighbors saw him, he climbed down from the roof and landed painfully in the snow. With the rock still in his hand, he stood back and used his football expertise to determine where he needed to stand in order to hit his target.

He swung his arm back and put one foot forward, before chucking the rock with all of his might. The solid flew through the air, crashing through the window and completely shattering the glass.

The sound most likely alerted the neighbors, but Chanyeol didn’t care. As long as he got in.

He climbed back up and reached beyond shards of glass to undo the lock, then slid the window open and jumped onto Baekhyun’s desk. His room remained exactly how he left it, except for one thing; the drugs were gone.

Not only did his parents lock the window, they fucking took the drugs too.

In a fit of rage, Chanyeol tore the room apart looking for any pills they might’ve missed. He flipped the desk over, spilling every drawer onto the floor. The lamp fell with it and the light bulb blew out upon coming in contact with the floor.

He tore notebooks up, knowing Baekhyun sometimes hid pills in the binding when he needed to take some during class. He went through his backpack, ripped apart his folders and binders, emptying every pocket.

He fished through the trash can, dumping it onto Baekhyun’s bed. Nothing but loose paper, pencil shavings, and wads of gum. He checked under the bed, remembering Baekhyun once hid an entire bag beneath the mattress when his parents came home earlier than he expected.

He then moved into the closet, yanking clothes off their hangers and chucking them across the room. Old children’s books, drawings, and toys from when Baekhyun was younger sat collecting dust on his top shelf and Chanyeol chucked those too, after tearing them apart and dismantling them.

He went into the bathroom and rummaged through each drawer, finding only brushes, towels, and toothpaste. In the medicine cabinet, he found deodorant, shaving cream, a shaver with no blade, and perfume.

He emptied the cup sitting beside the sink, dropping Baekhyun’s toothbrush and floss onto the floor. He then threw the shower curtains back and ransacked the shelves, dumping shampoo and conditioner bottles into the tub.

He dumped the trash can onto the floor. The pile of trash consisted of bloody tissues, used floss, and hair from his brush.

Under the sink, he found a hair dye kit, toilet paper, a bottle of lotion, and an empty bottle of hydrogen peroxide.

Out of desperation, he emptied every bottle of shampoo, conditioner, shaving cream, and lotion in hopes that Baekhyun would be smart enough to hide pills in such an unlikely place. He dumped the substances into the tub and ran his fingers through it to feel for anything solid. Nothing.

Twenty minutes later, he stopped in the middle of the room to look around at the mess he made, searching for any places he missed. He tore apart every single corner of that damn room; if the pills were still there, he’d have found it by now.

“You fucking assholes!” He screamed at no one in particular. “You wanna start caring about your fucking son now?!”

He ripped the sheets from the bed and tore his pillows apart until they were nothing but feathers. He flipped the mattress over, sending it falling off the bed frame and crashing into the nightstand.

“Why now?!” He dropped to his knees, tears streaming down his face. “Why did you have to start fucking caring now?”

Sirens drew closer to the house, hardly alerting Chanyeol. He heard them, but it didn’t occur to him that he should leave while he still had the chance. Instead, he got to his feet and went back into the closet to double check for any pills.

Two minutes later, the door swung open and four police officers stormed the room. “Put your hands where we can see them!”

Chanyeol slowly stepped out of the closet, raising his trembling hands above his head. The cops approached him with caution, holding their guns out in front of them in case he made any sudden movements.

And he did, but they didn’t shoot.

Out of the corner of his eye, Chanyeol saw a small, pink, circular shaped object no bigger than the nail on his pinky finger. His heart raced at the sight, and the next thing he knew, he dove to the ground in a desperate attempt to grab it.

Two officers grabbed him from behind and tackled him to the floor, dog piling the way the football team used to. He squirmed under their weight, screaming as he clawed at the wooden floor. The tips of his fingers were only inches away from the object.

“Let go of me! Let go!” He screamed bloody murder as the officers secured a pair of hancuffs around his wrists. One put her hand on the back of his head and forced his ear against the floor, while another held him by the shoulders.

“Let me go!”

“We might need to sedate him.” The officer said as she struggled to hold him still.

“Just use your taser. This fucking crackhead clearly doesn’t need anymore drugs in his system.”

Chanyeol felt their hands move away from his body, giving him a chance to prop himself up on his knees and crawl towards the pink object. Just as he grabbed hold of it, two metal spikes stabbed into his back and sent painful shocks through his body.

His head hit the floor and the object rolled out of his hand. One officer looked down at the little thing and examined it closely.

“What a fucking junkie. He must’ve been on serious drugs if he cared this much about grabbing an eraser.”

◈◈◈

The boys came by the hospital whenever they could, dropping off flowers and asking for an update. Baekhyun made it through his surgery, but his comatose state prevented him from leaving his bed soon. The doctors predicted he’d wake up in a week or so. And if not, he might never wake up again.

To deal with the stress of never being in the know, the boys resorted back to their old ways of coping. Since after school clubs didn’t gather over break, Chen volunteered for another daycare temporarily to give himself something to do. Being around kids always made him feel better because they were always so happy. So oblivious to pain and suffering. Chen wished he could be so ignorant.

Suho went back to writing stories in his room since he didn’t have journaling until break ended. He often based his stories off of his own experiences, seeing as how it made it more realistic and easier to write. He recently began a story about a boy who fell out of a friendship with another boy and decided to join band as a way to overcome it.

Xiumin cleaned his car. That’s all he could do. Every time his parents called him in for dinner, he blew them off and remained in the garage for the rest of the night. The only time he stepped away from it was to take a shower and make himself feel clean again. Feeling clean made him feel good.

Kyungsoo read most of the time, but found he got distracted when he read for too long. He’d sit in his room with his nose buried in the Perks Of Being A Wallflower, losing himself in the story. Then, after some time, he’d realize that he wasn’t actually paying attention to any of the words and getting lost in thought again.Then, he’d catch himself staring because he always stared.

Kai danced until his body couldn’t take it anymore. He made himself physically sick from all the demanding routines he forced himself to do. Jennie stopped by his house a couple of times to bring him food and check up on him, but she never stayed long. He always found excuses to avoid hanging out with her. Whenever he felt too tired to dance, he went outside and took photos instead, hiding in his backyard so Jennie would think he wasn’t home.

Sehun hardly got out of bed. He buried himself in his sheets and watched TV, occasionally sitting up to check the time. He didn’t have the energy to do anything, not even get up to go to the bathroom or eat. The last time he showered was around the end of November. His room smelled musty and his parents never failed to complain about it whenever they came in to yell at him to get up.

Chanyeol really didn’t know how to cope without pills and alcohol. After spending a night at the police station and receiving a very lengthy lecture from his parents, he went back to the Byun household the next day to clean the mess he made.

He couldn’t keep himself together long enough to finish the job. After a few minutes, his trembling body collapsed onto the bed as his chest heaved up and down. Sweat ran down the sides of his face. He felt both warm and cold. His stomach twisted and turned until he released off colored vomit onto the carpet.

Whenever he came down with a fever, his mother used to make him tea to help make him feel better. The internet never gave him a definite answer whether it worked just as well for withdrawal, but he downed gallons of it in hopes it would make him slightly more functional.

By the end of it, he went to the bathroom about three times every fifteen minutes and threw up on an average of six times a day. Tea apparently didn’t do much to help his condition.

Suho reached out to him once to ask how he was doing. The text popped up on Chanyeol’s screen four days after the night of Lee Taemin’s Christmas party. He had his head in the toilet and vomit burning his throat when a little ding indicated a message.

Saying he was doing well would be a blatant lie and Suho had enough brain capacity to know better. He chose not to answer the text, thinking ignoring him was better than lying.

That same day, Sehun received the same text and responded the same way. He didn’t want Suho to worry, but he also didn’t want to lie and say everything was fine. Besides, reaching all the way over to his night stand to grab his phone took too much energy.

Chen texted Xiumin once out of boredom. After finishing a few hours at daycare, he sent a text asking what his friend had been up to as he walked home. Xiumin responded nearly an hour later with a simple “nothing” and neither messaged each other after that.

Kyungsoo sent Kai a link to a song he found one morning as he let autoplay choose whatever music to listen to. The song sounded like something Kai might like and make a good choreography to. Kai heard the notification bell over the bluetooth speakers as he practiced in his basement and put the song on to see if it was something worth using. Once he finished, he sent a text back saying he considered dancing to it and promised to send videos of his routine once he finished.

Apart from that, they never kept in touch with each other. They exchanged a few greetings whenever they ran into each other at the hospital, but it never sparked any conversations. Suho eventually stopped trying to reach out to them so much, seeing as how annoyed they became in the past.

He tried not to act like he cared much about them, training himself not to be so intrusive in others personal lives. He didn’t ask anything other than “how are you” and intentionally cut their interactions short to spare them the trouble of dealing with their obnoxious ex co-leader.

He didn’t seem fazed by their interactions until he bumped into Chanyeol six days after the night of Taemin’s party. He couldn’t help but notice how jittery the younger seemed as they exchanged hello’s.

Chanyeol always seemed jittery, but that day he looked more on edge than usual. Suho thought to ask what was wrong, but knowing that he wouldn’t receive a legitimate response, he decided against it.

Chanyeol mentioned how little sleep he received during their exchange, leading Suho to blame sleep deprivation as the cause of his condition.

In reality, Chanyeol received a gift in the mail earlier that day, and it deeply disturbed him. His mother dropped an envelope on the table during breakfast. “It’s for you.” She said, pointing to his name written on the front.

He took the gift up to his room and sat at his desk to open it. Thinking his grandparents sent him a Christmas card as they always did, he opened it without hesitation. But, he didn’t find a card in the envelope.

A disk fell onto his desk. The words “Lee Taemin’s Christmas Party” were written in sharpie on the front. A note fell out with it.

_ Hey, Chanyeol. If you’re wondering how I got your address, some junior girls apparently know where you live. Anyways, missed you at the party. Here’s what you bailed on. Also, before you watch the video, I just want to say that Baekhyun’s a real sweetheart and I’m glad I got to be with him again. I can see why you’d want to snatch him from Heechul, rest that bastard’s soul. Hope the poor boy wakes so I can see him again. _

_ Taemin _

He grabbed his laptop out from under his pillow and slipped the disk in. The first image to appear on screen was Taemin’s face as he tried to set up the camera at a decent angle. A dozen senior boys gathered around him with their phones, snapping pictures of something lying on the floor.

Taemin tilted the camera down to reveal Baekhyun half conscious and Heechul hovering over him. Once Taemin had the camera where he wanted it, he crouched down and grabbed the sleeve of Baekhyun blue and white sweater. With the help of his buddies, they ripped it in half, while Heechul pried Baekhyun’s mouth open by shoving his fingers past his lips and forcing pills down his throat.

The rest hardly registered with Chanyeol. He completely shut down as the video progressed, struggling to stomach what he saw. He’d witnessed plenty of disturbing things in movies, but this felt different. This couldn’t be passed off as fiction. What he saw really happened and he knew it was his fault.

He slammed the laptop shut and ran to the bathroom to throw up when he heard Baekhyun scream. From the look on his face, he hadn’t realized he produced the sound, but it surely got a reaction out of the boys.

The last thing Chanyeol heard before shutting it off was an eruption of laughter following the blood curdling scream. He sat by the toilet for a while after, only rising to his feet when he remembered he had flowers to deliver.

The moment he returned from the hospital, he found his father’s tool box and smashed the disk with his hammer, then chucked the note into the fireplace.


	30. If You Can Hear Me, Blink Twice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Baekhyun wakes up

Days before Christmas Eve, Baekhyun’s hands twitched, prompting his nurse to call for a doctor. Men and women dressed in white crowded around his bed, searching for any signs of movement. For the next four hours, Baekhyun made an intense effort to do even the simplest tasks.

His fingers moved again and the nurse held his hand in hers. She whispered in his ear to give it a squeeze, to which he responded to. They kept at it until his fist managed to wrap completely around her small hand and pressed his thumb into her knuckles.

Then, his eyelids flickered. The doctors couldn’t do much but watch and wait. His eyes rapidly moved back and forth under his eyelids as his eyelashes forced themselves apart. The blinding light from above forced them closed again just as his pupils became visible.

His lips twitched. A nurse asked him how he felt to spark a conversation. Baekhyun heard her, but couldn’t pry his chapped lips apart to speak. The task proved to be mentally exhausting. He had to keep telling himself to wake up, to respond to the nurses and doctors. He needed to move.

The peeling, dried skin on his lips pulled apart and a sliver of his teeth became visible. He hummed, incapable of forming actual words. His head moved to the side slightly. His arms twitched. He wanted to sit up, but couldn’t move his body any more than a few centimeters.

He needed water. Despite being tube fed for the past days, he felt he hadn’t consumed anything in forever. His tongue touched the back of his teeth in an attempt to give moisture to his lips, but his jaw wouldn’t open wide enough to allow it to exit his mouth.

The muscles in his hand flexed, attempting to reach up to his throat. The doctors could tell their patient was trying to communicate with them, but they couldn’t determine what he meant to say.

A nurse slipped her hand into his again. He tried tracing the letters into her palm, but managed only a few taps. His eyelids fought to open again, slowly to brace himself for the harsh brightness.

His bottom jaw moved back and forth, opening wider to allow his tongue to run over his lips. His vision consisted of the blurry sight of his eyelashes and the faces of doctors and nurses. He hummed again, struggling to find his voice.

The more he blinked, the clearer his vision became. His eyes fully opened, allowing him to see every man and woman staring back at him, wearing their white coats or scrubs. The nurse gave his hand another squeeze to help keep him focused on regaining consciousness. He fought against the temptation to close his eyes and drift back to sleep, forcing his jaw to move until words formed in his throat.

For hours later, Byun Baekhyun returned to reality.

His nurse asked him a series of questions. She assured him that they were not meant to trick him, but to test his memory. If he failed to answer any, he had nothing to worry about. They didn’t expect him to remember everything clearly upon waking up.

“What’s your name?”

“B-Byun Baekhyun.”

“Where do you live?”

“S-Seoul.”

“How old are you?”

“Seventeen.”

“What is the last thing you remember before waking up here?”

“W-where am I?”

“Please answer the question, Baekhyun.”

His eyes fluttered, his head clouding with confusion. “I went to a C-Christmas party. M-my boyfriend invited me.”

“What school do you attend?”

“U-UN Village.”

“What are your family member’s names?”

He opened his mouth to speak, but no words left his mouth. The names; they vanished from his memory. Closing his eyes to help himself think, he searched his brain for the names, but to no avail.

“Baekhyun?”

“I-I can’t remember.” It felt as if a thousand pound weight sat on his chest. He clutched the front of his hospital gown, rubbing soothing circles around his collar bone to help relax.

“That’s okay. When is your birthday?”

“May-” The exact date slipped his mind. Thirty one numbers to choose from, and he couldn’t remember which one was the correct digit.

“Do you know why you’re in the hospital, Baekhyun?”

No, he had absolutely no idea why he woke up with doctors surrounding him, bombarding him with questions. An overdose? It seemed like the most logical explanation. He vaguely remembered feeling high at the Christmas party.

“D-did I overdose?”

The nurse patted his leg. “No, you didn’t overdose. You were in a very bad car accident. From what we’ve been told, you were driving home from the Christmas party.”

Car accident? It didn’t make sense to him. He had no memory of getting into a car that night, let alone crashing it.

“I d-don’t have a car.”

“Well, you were a passenger. The driver was Kim Heechul. Do you know who that is?”

It took a minute to process the name. It sounded familiar, but he couldn’t put a face to it, until he remembered his boyfriend attended the party with him.

“M-my boyfriend.”

“Yes, you’re boyfriend.” She said with a frown.

“W-where is he?”

“Baekhyun, he didn’t make it. He died on impact. His parents will hold a funeral after Christmas.”

His stomach twisted into knots. Tears pricked at the corners of his eyes, yet he felt relieved. Perhaps from surviving the crash, or possibly because for once, he felt safe. He didn’t have to hurt anymore.

“C-can I see my parents?” He asked.

“We aren’t allowing any visitors in right now, but don’t worry. All of your friends and family have been anxious to see you. We will let them in soon.”

◈◈◈

Chanyeol sprawled out on his bed, his feet on the pillows and his head hanging off the edge. Mr. and Mrs. Park demanded he get up and do something with himself for once, but a lack of energy kept him in bed for the entire day.

He told himself being at the hospital with Baekhyun meant more than sleeping all day and acting like a pathetic asshole, but as the days flew by and his condition remained unchanged, he lost interest in spending all of his time sitting in the waiting room.

Byun Baekhyun was as good as dead and Chanyeol carried the weight of his guilt with him wherever he went. It grew heavier each day, making it difficult to get around without being dragged down.

He must’ve been cursed. Four tragic accidents in the span of one year and all tied back to him. Even if Baekhyun woke, he decided staying away would be best. He didn’t want to hurt him anymore than he already had and risk getting yet another friend killed.

He wouldn’t go. He wouldn’t. It didn’t matter if Baekhyun begged (as if), he still wouldn’t go. For his safety, not because of selfishness.

Then, his mother came into his room one morning to announce that the hospital called and Chanyeol immediately shot out of bed and slipped his shoes on. So much for not going.

With no time to scrape ice off his car and shovel the driveway, he bolted down the road with the speed of a football player, slipping a couple times on the icy sidewalks. His sore legs carried him the entire fifteen miles without slowing, arriving at the hospital completely out of breath and trembling in the cold.

As soon as he stepped inside, he asked for Baekhyun’s room. The nurse signed him in and sent him on his way.

The others already paid their visits and left gifts by the time Chanyeol arrived. The only ones left were his parents, who Baekhyun sent into the hallway the moment his eyes met the kid panting in his doorway.

Silence fell over the room. Chanyeol stuffed his freezing hands in his coat pockets and sniffled, leaning against the door frame. His eyes flickered up to his longtime crush, catching sight of tired eyes.

They looked different. One pupil dilated more than the other. They looked darker, though it might’ve been from the shadows casted on his face. The bruising around his neck healed nicely, but new bruises formed around his right eye and his ears. A scar ran across the bridge of his nose, cutting deep into his flushed skin.

“Hey.” Chanyeol mumbled, holding back the sudden urge to cry. Baekhyun didn’t respond and he remembered the nurses warning him conversing might be difficult. Still, he couldn’t help but take it personally.

“How are you?”

It looked as if Baekhyun meant to answer, but lost his train of thought and ignored the question. “Park Chanyeol.” He said softly, more to himself than the aforementioned person. 

“It came back to me.” He laughed.

“How are you?” Chanyeol repeated, and the question went ignored once again. “Feeling any better? You certainly look better.”

“I have a headache.” He responded, failing to maintain eye contact for very long.

“But you’re recovering nicely, right?”

Baekhyun shrugged, averting his eyes to the ceiling. “I have to stay here for a while. They have to…”

“What?”

He didn’t continue, losing his train of thought again. “They t-told me Heechul died. You know Heechul?”

Chanyeol’s stomach twisted at the thought. “Yeah, I heard. We knew each other too. He wasn’t a friend or anything, but…” A shaky breath escaped his mouth.

“I think I should f-feel bad...I…” He shook his head. “Were you two close? I can’t remember who his friends were.”

“No, we weren’t friends.”

“Right.” He rested his head on the pillow behind his neck and closed his eyes. “We’re friends.” He said to himself. “You had a crush on me. I r-remember.”

“Great.” Chanyeol said with a chuckle.

“I remember talking t-to you before the party. I...the drugs...oh, I remember.”

“What?” He pushed himself off the wall, stepping closer to the foot of the bed. “What about the drugs?”

“I don’t know...where I put them.” His eyes fell on the younger’s, meeting his anxious gaze. “I moved them for a reason. I don’t know. I...you kept stealing them. I g-guess I didn’t want you to do anything s-stupid while I was out.”

Chanyeol sat on the end of the bed, resting one hand on the mentally distant patient. It took Baekhyun a minute to feel his warmth transferring to his own hand, getting lost in thought again.

“You’re freezing.” Chanyeol commented.

Baekhyun squeezed his eyes shut as he thought of how to answer. “I g-get cold a lot. It’s winter, right? It m-must be if I attended a Christmas party.”

“When will you be released?”

“What?”

“When will you be released from the hospital?”

His brain slowly processed what he meant. “Oh...I don’t know. When I’m better.”

Chanyeol stood up, wiping his eyes with the sleeve of his coat. Baekhyun noticed the tears running down his face, but couldn’t comprehend what it meant.

“Are you leaving?”

“Yeah.” He started for the door, but stopped midway and turned around. “I’ll come visit you tomorrow.”

“Oh, r-really? You’ll visit me tomorrow?”

“Yeah.” He bent over to plant a gentle kiss on the patient’s head. “Get some rest, Baekhyun. I’ll see you later.”

“T-tomorrow?”

“Yes. Tomorrow.”

◈◈◈

Chanyeol didn’t leave the hospital immediately after talking with Baekhyun. He needed a minute. To think things over, process what happened, reflect on his own stupid fucking mistakes that caused this mess in the first place.

Resting all the responsibility of dealing with Heechul on Baekhyun’s shoulders. Hiding away and taking his half of the drugs until passing out, instead of going to the party and taking Baekhyun home like he said he would. Not leaving his stupid school boy crush in the past and moving on.

With Heechul dead, he finally had the opportunity to ask Baekhyun out, and that pissed him off more than it made him happy. It cost a human life for the universe to grant him an opportunity with his longtime crush. Was it worth it?

No. Byun Baekhyun died with Kim Heechul that night, leaving only a shell in his place. The poor kid he talked to earlier resembled Baekhyun, sounded like him too. But, mentally he changed. He would never be the same person as before, no matter how much Chanyeol tried convincing himself otherwise.

He sat down in the waiting room and buried his head in his hands, the images of Heechul’s horribly damaged car flashing across the back of his eyelids. Guilt crept up on him, taking him by the throat and choking out suppressed sobs.

The boy sitting in the chair behind him turned his ear to the sound. He tucked a bookmark in the binding of The Perks Of Being A Wallflower and approached his friend.

“Chanyeol?”

He whipped around to find Kyungsoo standing behind him, a book cradled in his arms. He quickly wiped his tears away and inhaled sharply. “What are you still doing here?”

“It’s a quiet place to read. What about you? Have you talked to Baekhyun?”

He lowered his head. “Yeah. He seemed okay.”

“I overheard the doctors talking about him. I guess they’re going to keep him here for a while to make sure there aren’t any complications.”

“What’s the worst that could happen?” He didn’t want to know, but his morbid curiosity prompted him to ask.

“They said he was at risk of swelling, infection, internal bleeding. Nothing good, to say the least.”

“But, he’ll be okay, right?”

“As long as he stays under extensive care, most likely.”

“Most likely?”

“I can’t promise he’ll survive. I don’t know for sure.” He pulled up a chair beside Chanyeol and took a seat. “I think he’ll be okay. He’s pretty tough.”

A knot formed in Chanyeol’s throat. Kyungsoo was right; Baekhyun was tough. He dealt with Heechul’s abuse, his parents’ neglect, a drug and alcohol problem, and self harm without anyone by his side. Chanyeol felt like such a fucking coward watching from the sidelines and not doing shit about it.

He saw it all happen. He saw how much Baekhyun needed him, but he used him for drugs and sex and abandoned him when he got what he wanted. The weight on his heart grew heavier, making it harder to breath.

He felt so fucking guilty.

“Do you want a ride home?” Kyungsoo offered, breaking the silence. “I noticed you didn’t bring your car.”

“I’d rather walk.” Chanyeol mumbled as he stood up and pulled his gloves over his hands. “I need to be alone right now.”

Kyungsoo followed suit, securing his beanie over his ears. “Okay. If you want to talk or something...just call.”

“Sure.” He nodded, before exiting the waiting room and making his way into the biting cold, mentally preparing himself for the long and painful journey back home.


	31. Hold Me Close

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Problems arise at the hospital

Thirty dollars for roses. A fucking rip off considering the bouquet hardly filled a vase and only lasted for so long. Despite this, Chanyeol bought the flowers because there weren’t any cheap flower shops in the area. His gas money went towards the small gift, forcing him to walk to the hospital until his next paycheck rolled in. Not that he wanted to shovel snow and break ice off his car anyways.

A day before Christmas Eve, he visited the hospital as promised. Suho, Kyungsoo, and Xiumin preferred visiting in the morning, Kai and Chen visited in the afternoon, and Sehun never visited at all, giving Chanyeol a chance to see Baekhyun alone towards the evening.

Normally, when he arrived at the hospital, only a few people sat in the waiting room as doctors and nurses quietly shuffled throughout the room. They occasionally raised their voices and moved around frantically when a new patient arrived, but Chanyeol hardly saw them in action.

Until that night. As soon as the sliding doors parted, his ears were met with the voices of staff carrying across the room. They weren’t close enough to the waiting room for him to make out anything they said, preventing him from determining what happened.

He took a seat and waited for an employee to return to the front desk so he could check in and bring the roses to Baekhyun’s room. An older woman sat across from him, smiling at the sight of the gift.

“Who are you here to see?” She asked.

“A friend of mine.” Chanyeol mumbled, keeping his eyes on the floor.

“Oh. I’m here to see my father. He’s got a hip injury from taking a tumble down the stairs, but he’s doing great. How’s your friend?”

“He’s doing fine, I think.”

“Well, that’s great to hear. I hope both of them are feeling better by Christmas. Aren’t you excited for the holidays?”  
He didn’t answer, instead craning his head back to watch nurses jogging beyond the glass doors. “Are they letting anyone in right now?”

“Oh, I don’t believe so. I heard a patient went missing and they’re trying to locate him. They should let us in soon though.”

“A patient went missing?” His head shot up. “What do you mean? How?”

“I don’t know. I guess he got out without them noticing. Don’t know how he managed that, but-”

“Do you know who?” His fist tightened around the stems, crushing leaves until they darkened in color.

“I don’t know a name. A fairly young patient, I heard. A teenager perhaps. Would make sense for someone in that age group to act reckless.”

Chanyeol shot up from his seat and rushed towards the front desk, abusing the bell to get someone’s attention.

“One minute!” A woman called out. Chanyeol hit the bell again, and the nurse came around the corner with a sigh.

“My apologies, hectic day.”

“I heard a patient got out.”

“Yeah, exactly.”

“I-I came to see Byun Baekhyun. He’s not involved in this, right?”

She didn’t answer immediately and his heart stopped.

“We already contacted his parents. The report went out just a few minutes ago. We’re getting the situation under control.”

“You didn’t think to call any of his fucking friends? What if he’s with them?”

“Calm down. We just put the report out. We haven’t called anyone but his parents.”

“How the fuck did you not notice?”

“Sir-”

His breath came out rushed and choppy as he sprinted for the door. The nurse called out to him, but the doors closed behind him and blocked her words from reaching his ears. His free hand flew into his pocket and yanked his phone out, intent on calling his friends whose numbers had been collecting dust in his contacts for months.

Any other time, he would’ve hesitated. Any other time, he wouldn’t have called at all. But, in that moment when the universe pulled a rug out from under him and sprung this upon him, he felt he had no other choice than to contact them.

“Suho, is Baekhyun with you?” He wasted no time greeting him.

“No. I just heard what happened. Kyungsoo and Chen don’t know either. Did you try calling-”

He hung up and rushed to click on the next number. “Xiumin, is Baekhyun with you?”

“No, why?”

Next number. “Kai, is Baekhyun with you right now?”

“No. I just got off the phone with Kyung-”

Next number. He stopped at a bus stop to catch his breath as he listened to the ringing on the opposite line. “Come on, Sehun. Pick up the fucking phone…”

A moment later, it went to voicemail. He cursed to himself as he shoved his phone back in his pocket and paced around, thinking of what to do next. Leaving it up to the police and the hospital was probably best, but a part of him felt it was his responsibility to find him.

Help him now the way he didn’t help him then. Fix this fucking mess he created. Do something with himself for once other than sit back as his life fell apart. Bringing Baekhyun back to the hospital was the least he could do.

He couldn’t think of any places to look first, knowing Baekhyun wouldn’t be dumb enough to visit any obvious locations and didn’t have any secret hideouts he once visited often. Spring Day Grove seemed like a good place to start, considering it’s close proximity to the hospital and a plethora of trees to conceal someone from a search party.

He started down the path, taking his phone out again to use as a flashlight. The sun disappeared behind the buildings ten minutes into his walk, bringing the stars to life. If his mind wasn’t so focused on the task at hand, he might’ve stopped to gaze at them.

Past the children’s playground and beyond the icy fountain with a statue of an angel on top sat a bench that caught Chanyeol’s eye almost immediately. At first, he saw it as a perfect spot to rest a minute, until he noticed a young man slouched on the wooden seat, his back turned to him.

The sound of snow crunching under his feet as he approached alerted the stranger. He whipped around momentarily before letting his muscles ease up.

“Hi, Chanyeol.”

“Hi.” He said with a sigh. Baekhyun made no indications that he wanted a friend to sit with, but Chanyeol sensed the question lingering on his tongue and didn’t wait for an invitation to take a seat beside him.

“What are you doing out here? It’s freezing.”

“I needed air.”

“How’d you get out?”

“I’ve s-snuck out plenty of times...I’m a p-professional.” A bright smile flashed across his face. He truly mastered the art of faking a smile.

Chanyeol leaned forward, catching sight of something held between Baekhyun’s trembling hands. “What’s that you’ve got there?”

“Some pictures L-Lee Taemin gave me today. Do you know Taemin?”

“I know of him.”

“I didn’t recognize him, but he said…” He mindlessly folded the corners of the pictures as he thought. “He said we w-were friends.”

Tears built up behind his eyelids. They froze before touching his skin, creating little ice flakes on his eyelashes. Chanyeol watched as his delicate fingers ripped the photos apart, letting strips of paper fall into the snow.

“Can I s-sleep with you tonight? At your place?” His voice cut through the silence, sounding small and distant.

“I need to take you back to the hospital.”

“W-why? I’m fine.”

“Baekhyun, you have severe head trauma. You’re far from fine.”

“Can’t b-be that bad if I managed to get up and walk all t-the way out here.”

“Come on.” He stood up, only for Baekhyun to catch him by the wrist and pull him back.

“Just one night? I’m not going to drop d-dead at your feet if I...if I’m gone for a while. As l-long as I’m careful.”

“Everyone’s looking for you. If they find out you were at my place the whole time and I didn’t tell anyone-”

“They won’t…”

“What?”

“F-find out. I’ll leave in the morning. Please?”

He should’ve said no. He knew he had to get Baekhyun back to the hospital in case any complications arose, but seeing the black haired junior staring up at him with glassy eyes and quivering lips sparked something in him.

This was Byun Baekhyun. The real Byun Baekhyun. The one he once texted every day, who he played love songs for on his guitar in a pathetic attempt to win his heart. The boy he’d been crushing on since the day they met in middle school when they ran into each other in the hallway as Baekhyun made his way to choir and Chanyeol to band.

He couldn’t help the feeling in his chest whenever Baekhyun looked at him that way, with those eyes and that faulty smile. Wearing two coats for extra warmth, he took one off to wrap around Baekhyun’s shivering body and led him back to his house.

◈◈◈

Mr. and Mrs. Park left earlier that night to pick up their daughter from the airport, giving Chanyeol the perfect opportunity to take Baekhyun upstairs without getting caught. With Baekhyun’s hand in his, he switched on the hallway lights and made his way towards his doorless room, briefly explaining to the patient that his parents took the door off its hinges after getting in trouble with them.

He hung a blanket over the frame as Baekhyun climbed into his bed, then set his alarm clock earlier than usual, planning to wake up long before his parents returned home. Once he finished, he dusted snow from his clothes and bundled up under the sheets, lying flat on his back.

Baekhyun faced away from him, content in his own little world. Chanyeol assumed he fell asleep as soon as his head hit the pillows, hearing how low and leveled his breathing became.

He stared up at the ceiling, thinking, wondering how much trouble he landed himself in by bringing Baekhyun home. Being used to his parents disappointed lectures, he could already predict what they would say to him if they found out.

_ If _ . _If_ they found out, they’d be mad.  _ If _ they found out, the hospital would most likely ask for his head.  _ If _ he did exactly as planned and took him back to where he belonged in the morning, then he didn’t have to worry about any of that.

His eyes landed on the back of Baekhyun’s head, studying his silky black hair for no reason in particular. His fingers grazed along the older’s arm, feeling goosebumps rise on his skin.

Thinking he’d been asleep the entire time, it came as a surprise when Baekhyun reached back and intertwined their fingers, draping Chanyeol’s arm over his torso. “It’s too cold in here.” He mumbled, snuggling against Chanyeol’s chest to feel his body heat.

The last time Baekhyun lied this close to him, unhealthy amounts of pills and alcohol ran through their system as they held onto the last of their consciousness, panting and feeling their bodies tremble uncontrollably.

Being sober felt different. It felt...better. He felt comfortable, having Baekhyun up against him for warmth without having to force it. Without having to swallow any pills.

He gave Baekhyun’s cold hand a squeeze, enjoying the physical contact. It was gentle, comforting, natural. Baekhyun didn’t resist. He seemed at peace, relaxed, almost happy.

Tears pricked at the corners of Chanyeol’s eyes. Memories of those countless nights sneaking in through the window, drowning himself in drugs and alcohol, taking Baekhyun to bed with no reason other than because he could crept into his mind.

It didn’t make him happy. It made him feel euphoric for a few hours, made his head fuzzy until he couldn’t remember why he cried so often, gave him a little more energy than he normally possessed. But, it never made him  _ happy _ .

Because, after every high, there was a low. A very low low. The higher he went, the harder he fell. The more he took, the worse he felt. The worse he felt, the worse he acted, and Baekhyun suffered as a result.

He pressed his forehead against the back of Baekhyun’s head, sniffling and letting his tears soak the pillow. Baekhyun pulled him closer, cradling the football player’s hand to his chest.

“I’m sorry.” Chanyeol whispered, fully aware that Baekhyun wouldn’t be able to process what he meant.

“For what?”

He let out a shaky breath. “Everything.”

“M-more specific…”

“Just,” He stopped, swallowing the knot in his throat. He really couldn’t voice all he felt sorry for; there were too many things to mention. “Everything.”

“Okay.” Baekhyun said softly, before dozing off into a pleasant dream. Chanyeol closed his eyes too, exhaustion suddenly overcoming him. His body sunk into the mattress as his mind drifted; to better places, better times, better memories. He fell asleep that night for the first time in many nights, holding Baekhyun close to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's soft hours with Chanbaek. I've been waiting for this.


	32. Epiphany

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys spend Christmas Eve dealing with Baekhyun

Chanyeol normally threw a tantrum at the sound of his alarm clock. Sleepless nights led to grumpy attitudes, and that damn clock suffered through his wrath (as well as beatings with a pillow) every time he woke up in a bad mood.

But, that morning, the buzzing sound filled his room, and he calmly opened his eyes and stretched his limbs. Being so early in the morning, no light broke through the window apart from the streetlight outside his house.

He blinked the sleep out of his eyes, rubbing them until they adjusted to the darkness. His left hand reached out to touch the patient sleeping next to him, but only felt sheets under his palm.

He turned over to find the opposite side of the bed empty. The pillow still smelled like the body once lying there. He took a whiff of it, smiling to himself a little.

It felt like a movie. Waking up to find his lover gone, then he’d get up and go downstairs to find him in the kitchen, making breakfast and wearing his clothes that didn’t fit him right. Chanyeol would hug him from behind and kiss his head, then take a step back to take everything in. Reflect on his life; what it once was, what it had become, and smile to himself knowing he was finally happy.

Then, he remembered.

_ Fuck. He’s gone. _

In an instant, the sheets flew back and landed on the floor as Chanyeol shot up out of bed and darted towards the stairs. He flipped on the lights, his head whipping back and forth in search of the black haired junior.

_ Fuck. He’s fucking gone. _

Where could he have gone? Chanyeol had no idea. He didn’t expect him to disappear like this. This wasn’t part of the fucking plan.

_ Fuck. Me. _

◈◈◈

It was much too early for coffee. Hell, it was much too early to be awake. If they had a choice, they would’ve stayed in bed, bundled up under the blankets to stay warm, dreaming peacefully. But, ever since word got out that Byun Baekhyun vanished into thin air, they held off on sleeping for the night.

Being sleep deprived and worried out of their minds, the six boys had no energy to feel uncomfortable in the presence of one another. They sat in a booth at a coffee shop, silent, yawning, slurping their bitter drinks.

Sehun had his head on the table. Kai leaned against the window. Chen rested his head on his fist. Xiumin mindlessly picked at a napkin as his eyelids grew heavy. Kyungsoo fell asleep mid sip and spilled some onto his lap.

Suho took in the sight, tempted to laugh but deciding against it. He wanted to enjoy this moment, being with his friends again and sitting casually as if no care in the world existed, but he couldn’t. Not while Baekhyun sat somewhere in the vast city; alone, cold, confused, scared.

They had to find him. The police told them they had it under control, but the boys knew their friend better than anyone. If anyone found him, it would be them.

“Should we keep looking?” Kyungsoo mumbled as he wiped the stain on his pant leg.

“Just a few more minutes…” Kai hardly spoke loud enough to be heard, falling in and out of sleep.

“It’s Christmas Eve. What the fuck am I doing sitting here drinking coffee with you guys?’ Sehun’s voice sounded muffled with his head buried in his arms.

“What would you be doing if you weren’t? Sleeping all day and moping around like some bum?” Xiumin snapped, cranky and annoyed with the bitterness of his drink.

“You know, I don’t have to help you assholes. I’m sure Baekhyun’s fine; we should all just go home.”

“Wow, you really don’t even care about him, do you?” Xiumin scoffed.

“And you do? When’s the last time you even talked to Baekhyun?”

“A couple weeks ago, actually.”

“Can you two be quiet? I have a headache.” Kai interrupted.

“Oh, quit whining and mind your own business.”

“What’s with the attitude, Xiumin?” Kyungsoo joined the conversation. “You’re being just as annoying.”

“Shut up.”

“I think you’re all being annoying.”

“Who are you to talk, Sehun?”

“The fuck is that supposed to mean?”

“Hey,” Suho raised his voice to grab their attention. “Come on, guys; where’s your Christmas spirit?”

“Oh, shut up.”

“Don’t even, Suho.”

“Really?”

“My Christmas spirit? Are you kidding me?”

“It’s not even Christmas yet.”

Suho sat back, rolling his eyes. They were supposed to be working together to find Baekhyun, not bickering like a bunch of children. Even after seeing how messed up their friendship became, he still didn’t expect them to act this way towards each other, especially not in a situation like this.

“Has anyone tried calling Chanyeol?” he asked, breaking the momentary silence.

“No. Why don’t you?’ Chen said.

“Nobody ever answers my calls. You try.”

“What are you implying, Suho?” Sehun lifted his head, squinting at his ex co-leader.

“Nothing about you, though I can see why you’d think that.”

“Gee, did you ever think maybe it’s because I don’t want to fucking talk to you?”

Suho scoffed. “I’m sorry, weren’t you the one who asked me to call you when we ran into each other at the graveyard?”

“That was, like, a month ago.”

“My point still stands.”

“Will someone just please call Chanyeol?” Kyungsoo huffed in annoyance. Chen pulled his phone out first and everyone watched with restless eyes as he searched through his contacts for the right name.

Nobody picked up.

“Surprise, surprise; he didn’t answer.” Kai mumbled to himself.

“That seems to be an ongoing thing with you people.” Suho said.

“Hey, what happened to your Christmas spirit, Suho?” Xiumin mocked.

“Well, I guess we should head home. It’s way too early for this shit.”

“It’s only five.”

“Like I said, too early.”

“Come on,” Suho stood up and tossed some loose change onto the table. “I’m tired of listening to you guys bitching and we won’t find Baekhyun sitting here drinking coffee.”

The boys followed suit, granted reluctantly and with lots of exaggerated groaning. They threw the last of their coffee away and headed outside, wrapping jackets around themselves as the wind picked up.

The sun hadn’t risen, leaving them both freezing in the darkness and partially blind. They walked around using their phones as flashlights, roaming the city as if Baekhyun would miraculously run into them on the street.

“This is stupid.” Sehun said from the back of the group. He shoved his hands in his pockets and lifted his shoulders to warm his ears. “Do you really think we can find him just by waltzing through Seoul?”

Suho ignored him, focusing all of his attention on the road ahead.

“This isn’t very efficient. I mean, the cops haven’t even found him yet, what makes you think we will?” He stopped, crossing his arms over his chest. “Suho, this is stupid.”

“I heard you the first time.”

“Well, you clearly aren’t listening.”

They kept walking, moving further and further away from Sehun. “Come on, Suho! You’re freezing and you’re tired! Just give it a rest!”

“I’m also worried for my friend, so I’m going to keep looking!” He shouted over his shoulder. “Why don’t you go home and ignore all your friends like you always fucking do?! If you don’t want to help, if you don’t fucking care, then leave!”

Sehun’s face dropped. He’d never heard Suho speak to him like that, to anyone. No matter how angry he felt towards others, he never reacted this way. Sehun couldn’t even recall a time he’d ever heard him cuss.

The boys carried on, leaving Sehun behind. He stood with his aching feet planted in the snow, too shocked to move. The wind picked up and stung his eyes, creating droplets of water behind his eyelids. 

Or, maybe they were tears. Believe it or not, he hadn’t cried in a while. Since the car crash, if he remembered correctly. All emotions drained from him over time. He felt nothing but numbness; nothing mattered to him anymore, nothing affected him. 

Except Suho screaming at him the way he did. It hurt him, knowing that he upset his ex friend that much to trigger such a reaction. He wiped his eyes, though no tears escaped, and turned on his heels to go back home and sleep.

◈◈◈

Lost. In the city he grew up in, the city he spent all of his time exploring, the city he once knew like the back of his hand. He thought he knew where to find that old ice cream parlor he visited previously over the summers, but as soon as Baekhyun strayed away from the Park’s home, he couldn't determine where he ended up.

Perhaps it was due to the darkness. He couldn’t see well, therefore he couldn’t get around well. That’s what he kept telling himself, until the sun rose and a sliver of light shone down on the sleeping city.

Even as the sky lit up and the stars faded away, he still had no idea where he was. The buildings, the street names, the people; none of it felt familiar to him anymore. Memories of late night drives and gas station raids remained planted in his brain, but the details no longer remained.

He didn’t know the names of any stores anymore, or recognize any streets. Nothing looked right; the buildings weren’t where they were supposed to be, the benches and trash cans and mailboxes stood in bizarre places. It didn’t feel like Seoul; it felt like a foreign world, a place he’d never visited before. A dream, almost.

He stood in the middle of the street, searching his mind for answers. He didn’t know what to do or where to go, he couldn’t call without a phone, he couldn’t approach anybody for fear they’d report him.

As he walked along the road, his body shivered and his head pounded, brinking on another painful headache. They came and went frequently, sending sharp pains through his skull and temporarily blackening his vision.

The pain came unexpected, erupting in his brain and causing him to fall to his knees. The black abyss flooded his vision, filled with little specks of faint color. The pain swarmed through every crevice, worsening with each second.

He gasped, finding his breath getting caught in his throat. A few more moments of unbearable pain, followed by the brain numbing aftermath. His vision returned, clouding with blurriness. It felt like he woke up in a completely different location, despite remaining in the middle of the road the entire time.

His legs fought to lift himself up, but all of his strength dissipated and caused him to fall onto his hands. Snow burned his exposed skin, making him shiver even more.

All he wanted was ice cream. He knew if he stayed with Chanyeol until the morning, he’d take him back to the one place he had no desire to be. It was Christmas Eve; being out in the snow and enjoying himself sounded more appealing than being caged up in a hospital room.

He lied down on his back. Despite the rough and hard asphalt worsening his headache, he tilted his head back and closed his eyes, not knowing what else to do.

As the sun rose higher in the sky, more people woke to start their daily routines. Baekhyun heard cars in the distance, but didn’t move as they drew closer. The distant honking and rumble of engines created flashes of images in his mind; images of wrecked cars, shattered glass, blood.

The memories of that night made themselves scarce, but he could recall talking to Heechul moments before it happened. Something about going home, an argument, Heechul was pissed about something.

His fingers pressed against his temples, feeling another surge of pain creeping into his skull. The sound of tires skirting disrupted his thoughts, resulting in another stab to the brain. The car sounded close, probably slammed on the brakes when the driver noticed a body lying in the road.

“Baekhyun!”

He opened his eyes and tilted his head back. A truck parked a few feet away from him and the driver jumped out of the front seat to run to his aid.

Chanyeol. What a relief. He wasn’t ready to face the police, or anyone for the matter.

“Baekhyun, what happened?! Are you hurt?!” He knelt down beside the patient, checking him for any physical injuries.

“I’m fine.” Baekhyun replied, not a hint of emotion in his voice.

“Why the hell are you laying in the middle of the road?”

Baekhyun bursted out laughing; hearing it come from someone else’s mouth made it sound ridiculous. He didn’t know why; why he lied down in the road or why he found it so funny. Chanyeol stared at him with wide eyes, before laughing too, relief washing over him.

“Are you kidding me, Baekhyun? I thought you were dead.” He said as he wiped tears from his eyes.

“I wonder...what it looked like from your p-perspective...s-seeing a body in the middle of-of the road.” He laughed harder, rolling onto his side and clutching his stomach.

“Why did you leave? You were supposed to stay with me.”

“I...I don’t know. I think...I wanted ice cream.”

Chanyeol grabbed his hands and pulled him to his feet, holding him by the elbow to help keep his balance. Baekhyun stumbled a little, falling into Chanyeol’s arms and resting his head on his chest.

They didn’t move apart, instead easing into a hug. Chanyeol felt the patient trembling against him, prompting him to hold him tighter.

“It’s time you go back to the hospital.”

Baekhyun sighed. “But, it’s C-Christmas Eve, isn’t it?”

“Yes, but-”

“I...I w-want to celebrate.”

“Baekhyun-”

“Give m-me one more day. I’m doing okay.”

“Really? Cause you were just sprawled out in the middle of the road a second ago.”

“It was j-just a headache. One more day, C-Chanyeol. We can spend it t-together...if you want.”

He ran a hand through his hair, considering his options. “But, what if something bad happens? What if you get hurt? Besides, everyone’s worried sick about you. I think it’s best you go back.”

Baekhyun pulled away from the hug. “Y-you know I’ll leave again.”

“Come on, Baekhyun.”

“I won’t stay…” He closed his eyes momentarily to remember what he intended to say. “I won’t s-stay if you make me go back. Not d-during the holidays.”

“What’s wrong with celebrating at the hospital? You get a comfy bed, a TV in your room, nurses bringing you food whenever you ask for it. Sounds like fucking paradise.”

“I’d rather b-be out in the city. With you.”

Chanyeol studied his face, looking for any indications that his condition was too poor to stay out another day. Besides his pupils dilating in strange ways and drowsiness in his demeanor, he seemed okay. Just okay. Not great, not dying. Just good enough to handle another day out in the city.

◈◈◈

“You know how much fucking trouble we must be in right now?” Chanyeol said as they sat in the back of his truck, eating ice cream.

“How much?” Baekhyun asked with a smile, licking his spoon clean.

“Too much. Like, ‘law enforcement might get involved’ kind of trouble.”

“A bit...dramatic…”

“You know the fucking cops are looking for you right now, right?” He bit into his cone. “I’ve already had to deal with them once this month.”

“What?”

He shrugged. “Yeah, I broke into your house, like, a week ago. It was nothing. Anyways, if they catch me again, it’s over for me.”

“What’s the w-worst they could do?”

“I don’t know and I don’t want to know.” He leaned back, resting his head on the small window behind the back row of seats. “I hope you’re enjoying your ice cream, you spoiled brat.”

“You know, it’s a l-little too cold to be e-eating this.”

“Well, you asked for it.”

They finished the last of their ice cream, then climbed into the front seat of the car and flipped on the heater. Baekhyun held one hand in front of the vent, while the other reached for his seatbelt.

By the time Chanyeol settled into his seat, Baekhyun still hadn’t moved. “Come on, buckle up. If you’re going to drag me into this mess, we might as well make the most of it.”

His hand twitched, hesitating to grab the seatbelt. Chanyeol saw something flicker behind his eyes, and the genuine smile once plastered on his face vanished.

“You wanna walk instead?” He asked quietly.

“Sure.”

They roamed around Spring Day Grove, pressing against each other for warmth. Here and there, Baekhyun lost his balance and fell forward, but Chanyeol managed to catch him every time. They talked, laughed, enjoyed the silence and the pointless conversations they engaged in. Whenever someone walked by, they ducked behind a tree or a bench to stay out of sight.

When their feet grew tired, they went to a nearby restaurant to eat. Sitting at a lonely table in the back of the establishment, all alone and in the comfort of each other’s presence, Chanyeol almost considered their little moment a date. A date to make up for previous failed attempts. Only thing missing were the roses and an embarrassing encounter with Mr. Byun.

“Not hungry?” Chanyeol asked when he noticed Baekhyun picking at his fries.

“No.”

“Mind if I eat the rest?” He said with a chuckle as he grabbed the tray and slid it closer to him. He finished both meals with no troubles, honestly feeling hungry for more. They ordered a slice of apple pie to go, then returned to Spring Day Grove for a makeshift picnic.

“Want any?” He gestured to the slice half eaten on the plate in front of him.

“Still n-not hungry.”

They went for a walk again, stopping by the frozen pond to try their hand at ice skating. Chanyeol advised Baekhyun to sit this one out to avoid falling and hurting himself, meaning he had to make a fool of himself all on his own.

With no actual ice skates, he slid across the ice in his boots, falling on his ass too many times to count. By the end of it, Baekhyun fell to his knees in a fit of laughter, replaying the image of Chanyeol’s long legs flying into the air over and over in his mind.

“You think that’s funny?!” The amatuer ice skater with a bruised ass shouted across the lake. “I can’t imagine you’d do any better!”

“You just wait!” Baekhyun called back. “When I’m better, I’ll s-show you!”

“Don’t get all cocky with me or I’ll send your ass back to the hospital in a heartbeat!”

The pain in his backside became unbearable, forcing him to slide off the ice and meet Baekhyun on solid ground. “You will never mention this to anyone. Got it?”

Baekhyun patted him on the shoulder. “Sure.”

Winter brought longer nights, and longer nights meant the sun set earlier than usual. By the evening, the sun disappeared on the horizon, replaced by the starry night sky. Chanyeol took Baekhyun’s hand and led him through the underbrush, marching through prickly, leafless branches.

“W-where are we going?” Baekhyun asked, sounding out of breath.

“You’ll see.”

They came to a clearing with no trees, no bushes, and no people. Baekhyun looked around, expecting to see more than, well, nothing.

“What are w-we...doing here?”

“Stargazing.” He couldn’t hold back the toothy smile creeping onto his face. It had been so long since he had a chance to watch the stars; an activity he once did almost every night when he finished his homework early.

He lied down in the snow and stared up at the glimmering lights, prompting Baekhyun over with a wave of his hand. “Aren’t they pretty?” He commented, and Baekhyun simply nodded.

“You know, Luhan told me that if I ever asked you out, I should take you stargazing. He said you’d like it.”

“Is t-that your friend?”

Chanyeol turned to face him. “What?”

“Is that y-your friend? Luhan?”

The corners of his lips dipped into a frown. “Yeah. An old friend.”

“Well, t-tell him that stargazing w-was a good idea, because I do like it.”

He faced the stars again, taking in all it’s beauty. “Sure, when I see him again.”

Cold fingers brushed against his hand, making their way up his palm and intertwining with his own. He sighed a deep sigh, feeling as if a million weights lifted off his chest.

“Baekhyun,”

“Hm?”

“I really like you.”

“I know.”

“But-” He squeezed his hand a little, more of an involuntary muscle movement than a comforting gesture. “I think we’re better off with other people.”

“I know.”

“I just...I can’t forget about what I did, how I treated you. What we had, whatever we had, only made things worse for the both of us. I don’t think we’re good for each other.”

“I know.”

“I think we should see someone about this. Someone who can help us work out our problems or something. Hurting each other isn’t going to do us any good.” He paused, reflecting on everything he finally let out. Everything he’d been bottling up for as long as he could remember. It felt weird finally opening up to someone. It certainly took getting used to.

“But, I like you. You’re still my best friend.” He lifted Baekhyun’s hand and placed it on his chest. “I think you’re closer to me than any of the others. You’ve seen me at my worst, and I mean  _ really _ at my worst, and you’ve seen me at my best. Even lost my virginity to you.” He chuckled. “But, seriously, you’re my best friend, Baekhyun.”

He looked over to see Baekhyun attentively listening, the reflection of the stars glistening in his eyes. The temptation to reach over and kiss him nearly overcame him, but he refrained, knowing it was for the best. They could never be together, at least not anytime soon. Getting better seemed more important for the first time in a long time, and Chanyeol felt relieved that his fucked up brain finally realized that.

“You okay?’ He asked, rubbing his thumb over the back of Baekhyun’s hand.

“Tired.”

“I got a present for you. I was going to wait till Christmas to give it to you, but now seems like a good time.” He got up and ran to his truck parked down the street, fishing through the back seat to find the little box wrapped in red and green wrapping paper.

Baekhyun propped himself up into a sitting position when he returned, using all of his energy to keep himself upright. Chanyeol sat down beside him and placed the gift in his lap.

“I didn’t get you a-anything. I didn’t t-think to.” He said as he carefully peeled back the paper.

“I didn’t expect you to. We’ll say stargazing with me is your gift.” He playfully nudged Baekhyun with his shoulder.

The wrapping paper fell to his feet, revealing a small jewelry box. Inside sat a necklace with a heart pendant at the end, the letters “PCY” and “BBH” carved into the silver.

“You said you liked fashion and...I don’t know...it seemed pretty fashionable, I guess.” He said, rubbing the back of his neck. “I thought about getting you a new pair of shoes, but I knew you’d just beat them up the way you did with this pair.”

“I think I l-like this better than s-shoes.” He said, smiling weakly. “Thank you, Chanyeol.”

He placed the necklace in his hand, then turned around to allow him to fasten the little clip behind his neck. His shaking fingers traced the carved letters, lingering on Chanyeol’s initials.

“You look tired.” Chanyeol commented, examining the sleep in his eyes. In the faint moonlight, he noticed bruising around his ears and eyes, as well as his mismatched pupils.

“It’s time to head back to the hospital. They need to know you’re okay.”

Baekhyun nodded, then extended his hand for the much stronger junior to pull him to his feet. His knees buckled and Chanyeol gripped his forearms tightly, keeping him upright. “How about I carry you? We’ll get to the truck a lot faster.”

They made it back to the street with Baekhyun on Chanyeol’s back, half asleep and shivering uncontrollably. Chanyeol set him in the passenger’s seat, buckled him, then circled around to climb in on the other side.

As they drove back to the hospital, Baekhyun blindly reached out to touch Chanyeol’s knees, his eyes partly closed.

“Come visit me tomorrow?”

“Of course. You know, my sister just flew in. She can come see you too.”

“B-bring something...f-for…”

“What?”

“Bring something f-for Christmas.”

“What do you want me to bring?”

“Cinnamon french toast.” He smiled to himself. “I’d like that.”

“I’ll bring you french toast if you promise never to tell anyone that I let you leave the hospital like this.”

He nodded, hardly conscious at that point. “Sure.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If only the cuteness could last forever


	33. Cloud 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chanyeol brings Baekhyun back to the hospital

That night, Chanyeol carried Baekhyun beyond the sliding doors of the hospital as nurses and doctors ran to his side. They took the patient from his arms and laid him on a stretcher, rushing him back to his room to rest.

Mr. and Mrs. Byun watched from the waiting room, shaking their heads. Baekhyun’s older brother flew in that night and stood beside them, wrapped up in layers of jackets and holding his suitcase, crying into his sleeve.

Twenty minutes later, five of their friends barged through the doors, panting and rubbing their tired eyes. They saw Chanyeol asleep beside Baekhyun’s brother and his parents sitting across from them, flipping through magazines. Everything seemed normal.

Suho sat down beside Chen, letting out a long, drawn out sigh. “They found him.” He thought aloud.

“Do you think it was Chanyeol?”

“Probably. I’m sure Baekhyun left to see him.”

“Why would you say that?”

Suho laughed, playfully punching Chen in the arm. “Because they like each other. Where have you been for the past five-ish years?”

“Geez, he’s still crushing on him? I thought he moved on forever ago.”

“That’s what he wanted everyone to think.”

They turned to Chanyeol, whose head fell forward and snapped back up, forcing him awake. He blinked, looking from one friend to the other.

“Hey.” Suho waved.

“Hey. I’m sure you heard.” He said with a yawn.

“You found him?”

“Yeah.”

Chen looked up at the clock on the wall. “It’s getting late. If we’re gonna wake up early for Christmas, we should head out now.”

The boys grabbed their coats, beanies, and gloves, preparing to enter the snow covered city passed those sliding doors. Suho stayed seated with his hands folded in his lap, and Chanyeol stopped in front of him before leaving.

“Coming?”

“Nah. I think I’ll stay here for a while longer. It’s quiet; a good place to think.”

“I would stay too, but I’m exhausted.”

“I’ll let you know when Baekhyun wakes up.” He said, patting Chanyeol’s shoulder. “And if you miraculously get a hold of Sehun, tell him Baekhyun’s safe.”

Chanyeol nodded, then pulled his hat over his ears and followed the others outside. Suho sat back with his eyes closed, listening to the faint bustling of staff at work. His phone buzzed in his pocket and he pulled it out to see his mother texted, asking where he’d been.

Of course, nothing from Sehun. Nothing from Lay either, though he hadn’t texted him in a while since he’d been so preoccupied with more important matters. But, with Baekhyun safely back in his hospital bed and Sehun probably asleep at home, it seemed like a good time to try again.

Though doubt filled his mind, he sent Lay a text wishing him a merry Christmas. The message bubble sat below a stack of others, all crowding on one side of the screen. Nothing but a white screen on the opposite side, as it had been for the past eight months.

Minutes later and still no response, but Suho didn’t expect anything less from his silent friend. He sent another text, informing him about Baekhyun’s situation and how he seemed to be doing alright. Perhaps hearing one of his friends was injured would get him to respond out of sheer worry.

It didn’t, Suho realized about an hour after sending the message. He powered his phone down and stuck it back in his pocket, then shifted accordingly in his seat to find a comfortable position for sleep.

◈◈◈

Chanyeol slept like a baby. Christmas morning, he woke up feeling refreshed and ready for the day; something he hadn’t felt since before the summer. The smell of sugar cookies and ham lingered in the air, traveling up the stairs and through his blanket for a door.

The sound of his sister singing along to Christmas songs traveled with the scent, making him roll his eyes. No matter how many times he told her, she never realized how tone deaf she was.

He washed up and threw a sweatshirt on, then headed downstairs to find his family gathered in the kitchen, preparing a Christmas meal. His mother had just put the ham in and currently stirred a bowl of pre-made mashed potatoes. His father, being incompetent when it came to cooking, stuck to chopping broccoli. His sister danced around the kitchen with a spoonful of edible cookie dough in her mouth, moving between her cookie tray and the ingredients station to her left.

“Morning, Chanyeol.” His father said, struggling to cut straight down the middle of a piece of broccoli.

“Chanyeol!” His sister ran to him with open arms, tackling him into a hug. Her luggage piled up on the couch, and on top of her purse sat a small present.

“Oh my god, you’ve gotten so tall! You look like you’ve lost weight. Have you lost weight?”

He shrugged. “Maybe.”

“Well, I brought you something.” She dropped the gift in his hands, dancing from one foot to the other in anticipation.

He pulled back the wrapping paper and popped the lid off the box to see a little guitar pick covered in a pattern of stars.

“I saw it at a gift shop at the airport and I immediately thought of you. Do you like it?”

“I love it.” He pulled her into a hug. “Thank you.”

“Chanyeol,” His mother interrupted. “Come here and help me make some biscuits.”

“I can’t,” He set his gift aside and joined his parents in the kitchen. “I have to make cinnamon french toast first.”

“What for?”

“For Baekhyun. He asked me to bring him some.”

“Ooh, you still friends with Baekhyun?” His sister said, before sticking the cookie dough spoon into her mouth.

“Yeah, and he’s in the hospital right now because of a car crash.”

“Aw, poor thing. Can I go with you? I haven’t seen him since he was, like, thirteen. Does he still have red hair?”

“No, it’s black now.”

She nodded. “Huh, he can never stick with one color, can he?”

“Fine, make your french toast.” His mother said with a sigh. “But only because he’s hurt. Any other time, you wouldn’t be talking to him.”

“Woah, what did I miss?”

“Chanyeol thought it would be okay to sleep with him while-”

“Okay, Mom.” He cut her off. “We’ve moved on.”

“I hope you’ve learned from this, Chanyeol.” His father intervened as he fumbled with his knife. “Doing drugs, driving drunk. This is what happens when you’re reckless.”

“Really, Dad?”

“I’m just saying,” He held his hands up in defense. “I want you to make wise decisions. Like not having sex at seventeen when your parents are right down the hall.”

“God, will you let that go?”

“He did what?!” His sister broke into a fit of laughter. “Ah, you teenagers. I was never like that when I was young.”

“That’s right.” His mother wagged a spoon at him. “You need to be more like your sister; responsible.”

“Can I make my french toast in peace? It’s Christmas.”

“Fine. Hurry up so we can get the biscuits made.”

After finding a recipe online, Chanyeol spent the next twenty minutes attempting to do the simple task of cooking a few pieces of bread. His first batch ended up burnt, the second slightly undercooked, and the third turned out perfectly, courtesy of his sister.

“Thanks.”

“No problem.” She wiped her hands on her pajama pants. “Now, let’s go take these to Baekhyun while they’re warm. Wait for me by the car, I’m gonna go get dressed.”

She ran upstairs and Chanyeol headed for the door, putting the container of french toast in a Christmas bag. The icy wind struck his skin the moment he opened the front door, letting flakes of snow into the house.

“Hurry up and close the door!” His mother shouted after him.

He shut it behind him, then turned around to find the bench swing on his front porch being occupied. He stopped, confused by the sight.

Suho sat across from him. His legs dangled above the ground, swinging back and forth with the motion of the bench. He noticed Chanyeol standing in front of him, but didn’t acknowledge his presence. His eyes stayed glued to the snow covered lawn, looking dazed, lost.

“Suho, what are you doing here?”

He didn’t answer, at least not the way Chanyeol expected him to. His mouth formed into a small smile; a weak, bittersweet smile.

“Merry Christmas, Chanyeol.”

“Merry Christmas.” He said, but the tone of his voice didn’t sound as jolly as one might expect.

“Your sister came home for the holidays?”

“Yeah, she’ll be down in just a minute.”

Suho’s eyes pried away from the snow, landing on the bag in Chanyeol’s hand. “What’s that? A gift for someone?”

Chanyeol hesitated to answer, squinting at the distant look in his friend’s eyes. The last time he saw that look, a paramedic announced three of their friends didn’t make it. His heart skipped a beat, scared to know what happened this time.

“It’s for Baekhyun.” He swallowed hard.

“Oh.” His eyes flickered, and Chanyeol sensed tension rising in the winter air. Butterflies fluttered in the pit of his stomach, bringing a sickly color to his face.

“What is it?”

Chanyeol didn’t like the way his friend’s voice trembled, or his hands, or his entire body. The cold most likely caused the involuntary movement, but it didn’t explain why his words came out as unsteady as they did.

“Cinnamon french toast.”

“Oh.”

“Last night, he asked me to bring him some. For Christmas.”

Suho nodded, smiling to himself. His eyes appeared dry, yet his tears could be heard in his voice. “That’s okay, Chanyeol.”

Those butterflies turned into wasps, stinging his insides and bringing nausea to his gut. He hated seeing Suho like this; acting emotionally distant the way he did a summer ago.

“That’s okay.” He repeated, his voice trembling more than before. “You don’t have to bring him anything. He’s not hungry anymore.”


	34. The Higher We Go, The Harder We Fall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things reach a breaking point

They said it was a stroke. Brain hemorrhage. Internal bleeding in the brain. Baekhyun’s older brother sat by his bedside when it happened. Late that night on Christmas Eve, he talked to his brother as he slept, telling him about college and all the amazing places he visited in his free time.

Baekhyun’s eyes flickered and he thought he woke him. He gently touched his arm, giving him a little shake. And then his leg jerked, and the sudden movement startled his brother. He called his name, tapped his shoulder, trying to pull his little brother out of a deep sleep.

And then his whole body began to shake. In a panic, his brother called for a nurse, tripping over his chair and backing away from the bed.

The seizure lasted only a couple of minutes. They rushed him into the emergency room, dragging his crying brother back to the waiting room to keep him out of the way.

Suho slept longer than he intended and woke up at the sound of screaming. His eyes shot open, landing on the young man being pushed through the doors by two nurses.

Mr. and Mrs. Byun got to their feet, craning their necks to witness the commotion. Mr. Byun grabbed his son, shoved him into a chair, and told him to calm the fuck down.

Suho stood in the middle of it all, confused, scared. He ran up to the Byun’s, bombarding them with questions, and receiving nothing but choked sobs in return. His brother clutched the sleeves of Suho’s jacket, shouting something inaudible and trembling violently.

Early Christmas morning, before the sun rose and the children woke to find presents under their trees, a doctor informed them Baekhyun’s head injury developed into brain hemorrhage.

Not knowing what that meant, his parents stared at the doctor in confusion, frustrated with the entire situation. But, Suho knew. He knew what happened. Dizziness overcame him and he stumbled back into a chair, his head spinning and his stomach turning.

It was severe. Dangerous amounts of blood killing cells in his brain. Growing bigger and bigger. It struck without warning, and it killed him. 

◈◈◈

Mr. and Mrs. Oh got used to their son’s frequent disappearances. It scared them at first; seeing his room empty and not being able to get a hold of him. But, as time went on, they realized most of his time away from home was spent on walks, avoiding his ex friends as much as possible.

They couldn’t do much about it; rebellious teens did what they wanted, and Sehun wouldn’t listen if they forced him to come back. Despite their constant lectures and arguments and punishments, they knew their son wasn’t the same little boy they raised.

Ever since his friends died over the summer, they saw him smile less, laugh less. They saw him less. It hurt them, but they didn’t know what to do about it. Acting casual, attempting to resort back to normalcy seemed to have worked for a while, but they knew deep down ignoring the pain wouldn’t make it go away.

Growing suspicions of worsening conditions developed as the months went on, making his parents fearful for his health. They knew he wasn’t well, but their ignorance prevented them from seeing how far things had gone. How far Sehun was willing to go to end his suffering.

He disappeared at night. They noticed after dinner. His mother suggested they watch Christmas movies to lighten the mood, or at least spend time with each other. Sehun refused, saying he needed sleep and time alone.

They sat downstairs with a movie quietly playing in the background, lost in their own worlds. Forty five minutes into the movie, Mr. Oh went upstairs to check on his son. Past the door frame, he saw an empty bed. His shoes and coat weren’t in his closet. The cold winds coming in through the open window whipped the blinds around like paper.

They called, they texted, and they went ignored. They called his friends (getting a hold of five of them) only to be told they had no idea where he went. Out of desperation, they called the Byun’s, who answered the phone sounding drained and half asleep. They didn’t know where he went either.

His mother ran down the front steps and jumped into the driver’s seat of her Lamborghini, tapping her finger on the steering wheel as she waited for her husband to catch up. They drove through the city, spamming Sehun’s phone again as they searched for any sign of him.

They didn’t know where to look, where he hung out or places he liked to visit. Knowing most of his walks were around the park, they took a sharp turn and headed in the direction of Spring Day Grove.

His mother tried calling again. Nothing. It was as if Oh Sehun disappeared off the face of the planet, like he no longer existed. Considering the circumstances, his family feared it might’ve been true.

◈◈◈

They sprung the news upon him too soon. Too fast. He had no time to process it. One second, he was making cinnamon french toast with his sister, and the next, Byun Baekhyun was dead.

Internal bleeding, they said. Common in victims of motor vehicle accidents. Bleeding that killed his brain before they could comprehend it, and eventually him too. Chanyeol knew it was out of his control. He was no god; he couldn’t cause such a tragic and sudden event.

But, he blamed himself. He felt so fucking guilty; letting Baekhyun stay out of the hospital when he knew he’d be safer with his doctors and nurses, making Baekhyun go to that Christmas party by himself, not being there to stop him from getting into that car with Heechul and sealing his fate.

He let Baekhyun die the way he let Kris, Luhan, and Tao die too. He could’ve done something to save them. Stopped Bae Joohyun’s boyfriend from charging, tackled him, pried the glass shard from his hands. He could’ve prevented their deaths, but instead stood by and watched it all unfold.

Four deaths all leading back to him. The blood on his hands turned to puddles, then pools, then oceans, until he drowned in it, letting it fill his lungs and sink him to the bottom.

He wanted to die. There was no sugarcoating it, no denying it. He wanted to die to make up for the friends that died in his place. He deserved it. If they couldn’t live to see high school graduation, or college, or marriage, or kids, or a future, then neither would he.

That night felt colder than most nights. It felt empty, isolated. He walked along the road, noticing the lack of people outside. Possibly because they stayed indoors to celebrate with their families, and to avoid the cold.

Not Chanyeol. He walked with his hands stuffed in his pockets, his shoulders pressed against his ears, frozen tears on his eyelashes. His body shook uncontrollably, partially from the cold, mostly from fear.

But, fear of what? Dying? Perhaps, though that didn’t stop him from making the last minute decision to sneak out and head towards the bridge.

The same bridge where he tossed a bouquet of roses. The same bridge where he ran into Sehun and spoke to his ex friend for the first time in months. The same bridge where Heechul died, and Baekhyun might as well have died too.

Why he chose the river as his final resting place, he had no idea. Pills would’ve been easier, less painful. His parents kept a bottle of aspirin in their bathroom. Or, he could’ve drowned in the bathtub. Taken a knife to his wrists. Tied a belt around his neck.

But, if he had, then his family would have no choice but to see the aftermath. Experience the pain without any preparation. They would find him dead, and it would traumatize them.

Chanyeol had seen dead bodies before. He didn’t want the same for his family.

So, he went to the bridge, increasing his pace to arrive quicker. He saw green and red lights flashing up ahead, snaking around the beams and reflecting off the frozen water below. Both relief and fear washed over him. He finally reached his destination.

◈◈◈

Sehun walked to that bridge without hesitation, deciding he’d stopped fucking around this time and just do it. What was stopping him at that point? He had nothing to live for. He drove all of his friends away, never talked to his parents, suffered more and more everyday. Baekhyun’s death was the final push he needed to fucking get it over with already.

As soon as he reached the foot of the bridge, he stopped. Someone else sat atop the railing. He didn’t expect anyone to be there. He didn’t want anyone to be there, fearing they’d stop him before he went through with it.

The young man clutched the railing tightly, leaning forward and staring down at the frozen water. Sehun saw him trembling even from a distance. He heard him crying too. Sniffling, whimpering, muttering something under his breath.

He drew closer, getting a better look at the unexpected presence. He recognized this person; the realization dawned on him when he spotted a letterman jacket under his coat.

His heart stopped. That strong sense of confidence he once possessed vanished. He called out, surprised by the trembling in his voice.

“Chanyeol!”

The stranger stiffened at the sound of his name. Mere seconds before his hands slipped from the railing and allowed gravity to pull his body towards the icy river, his name echoed in his ears. He didn’t know whether to feel relieved, or pissed.

“Chanyeol,” Sehun repeated, stepping closer. “What the fuck are you doing?”

“I-” Another whimper escaped his mouth. “I thought about jumping.”

Sehun felt his head spinning, overwhelmed by the situation. Moments before, he made up his mind that he had to jump. It really wasn’t a big deal. It only took a little determination and a lack of reasons to live for.

But, seeing Chanyeol up on the railing rocking back and forth while crying to himself struck him in the gut like a metal fist. It really put things into perspective; what he came to do, why, how it would affect others. He approached that bridge to kill himself and it finally sunk in.

“C-Chanyeol-”

“Please don’t try and talk me out of it.” He cried. “I don’t want you to make this any harder than it needs to be.”

“Chanyeol, stop.”

“No, don’t do this, Sehun. I won’t-”

“Chanyeol, come down, please.”

“Just leave, Sehun.”

He stepped closer, reaching a hand out and stopping short before his fingers touched Chanyeol’s back. “What are you trying to accomplish?”

Chanyeol shook his head. “Don’t make me feel guilty. I feel terrible about it. It’s fucking selfish, I know!” He shouted. “But-”

“But what?”

“I...I’m the reason Baekhyun’s dead. I’m the reason Kris, Luhan, and Tao are dead. I don’t deserve to live anymore.”

“That’s not true.”

“Don’t lie to me.” He peered over his shoulder to face Sehun. “If I would’ve done something, if I would’ve tried to help, none of them would be dead. Admit it; it’s my fault.”

“It’s not.”

“Yes, it is!” He furiously wiped his eyes. “You’re not going to talk me down from this railing by lying to me!”

Sehun felt his chest tighten, tears building up behind his eyelids. His hands curled into fists, turning his knuckles white.

“Then I guess it’s my fault too.” He said through gritted teeth.

“What?”

“It’s my fault too. I killed Kris and Luhan and Tao and Baekhyun. I paid for the gas money that night, I convinced all of us to go. I wasn’t there when Bae Joohyun’s boyfriend murdered them.”

“Sehun-”

“I pushed all of my friends away. I wasn’t there for Baekhyun. I hardly helped in finding him. I didn’t stop him from going to that party. I didn’t stop him from getting into that car.”

“You couldn’t. There’s nothing you could’ve done.”

“How do you know that? What if I went to that party and brought him home early? What if I gave him a ride instead of Heechul? What if I found him and returned him to the hospital earlier? What if I didn’t persuade you guys to go to Joohyun’s party? What if I didn’t pay for gas? What if I walked outside right before her boyfriend killed Kris, Luhan, and Tao and stepped in before they got hurt?”

“It was out of your control.” Chanyeol cried harder, seeing his friend tearing up as well. “You couldn’t have known.”

“Don’t lie to me.” He pointed a finger at his own chest. “Tell me it’s my fault. I caused their deaths. They’re not here because of me. Tell me it’s my fucking fault, Chanyeol, and don’t lie to me.”

“No.”

“Dammit, Chanyeol!” He grabbed at his hair in frustration. “Why not?! You no it’s true, so say it! Tell me it’s my fault!”

“I can’t!”

“But, it’s true! It’s my fault, and you know it! Tell me it’s my fucking fault!”

“It’s not your fault!”

“And it’s not yours either!”

By then, both of them broke down in tears, sobbing into their hands. Sehun stumbled over his feet, blinded by his own tears. Chanyeol gripped the railing tighter, feeling himself leaning too far. They sucked in a few deep breaths, trying to find it in them to speak.

“It’s not our fault.” Sehun managed to say between choppy breaths. “What could we have done about it? How could we have known? Like you said; it was out of our control.”

Chanyeol lowered his head, guilt overcoming him once again. His heart ached; for Baekhyun, for Sehun, for his friends. For all the people he hurt when he stepped up on that railing.

“We can’t keep blaming ourselves for things we can’t control.” Sehun wiped his eyes, regaining himself again. “It happened, they're gone. It hurts, but we’ve gotta keep going. We can’t let it destroy us like this anymore. It wasn’t our fault, okay?”

Chanyeol nodded, squeezing his eyes shut as if he were in psychical pain.

“We just gotta keep going. I don’t think it’ll be easy getting over this, but if we try...I think we’ll be okay. But, we have to start trying. I know I haven’t been and I don’t think you have either. We gotta try harder to make things better.”

“I don’t know if I can.”

“I don’t know if I can either, but we’ll never know if we don’t give it a shot.” He reached his hand out. “And we’ll have each other, right?”

Staring at his hand for a minute longer, Chanyeol’s trembling fingers soon reached up to accept it, letting his friend pull him down from the railing. He fell into a hug, embracing it like he’d never hugged before. Sehun squeezed him back, relief putting his mind at ease.

“Come on, man. I’m tired.”

“Me too.” Chanyeol muttered.

They walked off the bridge and onto the street with one arm wrapped around the other’s neck, laughing and stumbling over each other’s feet. They talked about pointless things; things they normally wouldn’t find so funny. They mentioned the summers spent together, how they used to argue all the time and bicker about keeping Chanyeol’s truck clean.

They texted their families, saying nothing bad happened and they were okay. Then, they hopped into the back of Chanyeol’s truck, wrapped themselves in an old blanket, and fell asleep under the stars.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The way I cried writing this chapter :(


	35. Been Through

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys attend the funeral

The funeral took place during the last week of winter break. Seven boys and their families woke up early Monday morning, at least an hour before the ceremony began. They dressed in black; the same outfits they wore months before. Black coats, black pants, black shoes. They washed up, styled their hair, sprayed a little cologne to appear presentable.

The snow came down hard as they drove to the funeral home. It took longer to get around with the fresh powder piling up in the streets, and most of them ended up being late. Even the Byuns themselves arrived later than planned.

Chanyeol didn’t take his truck. He rode with his family, sitting in the backseat with his sister. She rested her hand on his leg, rubbing it soothingly as she quietly cried to herself.

Chanyeol didn’t cry. He’d done enough crying. Late at night, at the dinner table, when he went on walks to clear his head. He cried until his tears ran dry, leaving him feeling drowsy and in need of sleep.

In his lap laid a bouquet of roses. Thirty dollars of gas money spent for the little bundle of flowers. His sister held a card to her chest, handwritten and signed by the Parks for the Byuns.

When Mr. Park pulled up in front of the funeral home, they wrapped scarves around their necks and put their hats on before climbing out and marching through the snow. Chanyeol saw Suho arrive at the same time, walking alongside his parents and older brother.

They went inside and shook snow from their coats, waiting by the entrance for the others to arrive. Personnel informed them that the doors wouldn’t open until the Byuns arrived, and the family reportedly got caught in the snow.

Chanyeol and Suho sat on a bench in the lobby, shoulder to shoulder, looking everywhere but each other. A blanket of uncomfortable silence casted over them, causing Chanyeol to shift further away.

“How are you?” Suho eventually asked, his eyes closed.

“I’ve been better.”

“It feels like just yesterday we were here for…” He sighed. “The place hasn’t changed a bit.”

“Can’t say the same about the people here.”

The sound of the front doors swinging open and wind rushing in caught their attention. They turned to their left, seeing Xiumin and Chen entering with layers upon layers of coats on.

“Good morning.” Suho said when they were within earshot.

“Morning.” Chen mumbled, pulling his gloves off finger by finger.

They had flowers with them; Chen with lilies and Xiumin with marigolds. Suho didn’t have any, but he did bring food. Homemade casserole with a card taped to the tinfoil, “Byun Family” written on the front.

Seconds later, the door swung open again and Jennie Kim walked in with her mother, also holding a container of food. She wore a black dress, knee length, with a black sweater and black leggings. A ponytail pulled her hair out of her face, revealing the sullen look in her eyes.

She approached the boy closest to her, which happened to be Xiumin. “Hey. Is Kai here yet?”

“I don’t think so.” Xiumin responded, focusing on the ground rather than her gaze. “But, I just got here.”

“I haven’t seen him.” Suho added. “We’re all running late because of the snow. The Byuns aren’t even here yet.”

Just then, the door opened for the third time, and Kai walked in with his two sisters ahead of him, followed by the Oh’s trailing behind. Suho sat up to get a better look at Sehun, who stood directly behind his older brother.

“I didn’t expect him to come.” He said to himself, loud enough for Chanyeol to hear.

“I did.” He craned his neck to look past the families and towards the door. “Looks like Kyungsoo’s running late too.”

It took the Do family almost a half an hour to get through the snow and make it to the funeral home. When they arrived, they found all but one family waiting for them, all sitting in silence.

Chen spoke to Kyungsoo first, giving him a friendly pat on the back. “You finally made it.”

“Traffic’s bad.” Kyungsoo said, brushing snow from his shoulders. “Is everyone here?”

“Everyone but the Byuns.” Xiumin said. “They’re not letting us in until they get here.”

To pass the time, some of them slept, others sat on their phones, and a few went outside to enjoy the snow. Kai sat alone against the far wall of the lobby, his earbuds in and his music blasting loud enough to be heard by others nearby. Jennie spotted him, and broke away from her mother to take a seat beside him.

“Hey.”

He pulled one earbud out and forced a smile. “Hey.”

“I feel like we haven’t talked in a while. How are you? Okay, I hope.”

“I’m fine.” He said, shrugging his shoulders. “Just got a lot going on right now. Sorry if I’ve kind of been blowing you off.”

Jennie rested a hand on his knee, giving it a small pat. “You wanna talk about it?”

“Not really.”

“But-” She stopped, debating whether it was best to leave him alone or not. “I thought we were going to start communicating more. Like you said; we’re going to make this work.”

“Not now.”

Her eyes fell to the floor as she thought of what to say next. “Okay, you don’t have to talk about it now if you don’t want to, but I want you to know that I’m willing to listen when you’re ready.”

Kai simply nodded.

“I just want us to be comfortable talking to each other about these things. I can’t imagine this has been easy for you.” She stood up and smoothed out her dress. “Let me know when you’re ready to talk.”

As she walked away, Kai looked up from his phone, tears in his eyes. He watched the way her hair bounced with every step and her dress flowed elegantly behind her.

She looked just as beautiful as she did when they reunited at the start of the school year. But, the Jennie Kim that stood before him wasn’t the same one from months ago. This Jennie Kim knew him better, understood him, cared about him. Their relationship no longer felt like innocent crushing and casual flirting. 

They truly formed a connection. Their love for each other felt more genuine than it ever had before. He finally felt ready to make this work.

“Jennie.” He called out. She turned around, flicking her hair over her shoulder.

“Yeah?”

“Thanks.”

She smiled. “For what?”

“For not giving up on me. For putting up with all this shit. It’s been the hardest eight or so months of my life, but you made things a lot better.”

“Your welcome, Jongin.”

“And Jennie?’

“Yeah?”

He sighed. “You wanna get coffee after this? I could use someone to talk to.”

Her smile grew bigger. “I’d like that.” 

◈◈◈

Chen leaned up against the wall, Xiumin by his side. They stood uncomfortably close, exchanging nothing but silence between each other. To distract himself from the tension filling the air, Xiumin grabbed a Lysol wipe from his bag and began wiping his hands, scrubbing until they turned red.

Chen watched, shaking his head to himself. “What are you doing?” He asked.

“Cleaning.”

“What for?”

He shrugged. “I don’t really know.”

Chen reached out to grab his wrist, pulling the wipe away from his reddened skin. “You don’t have to try to forget.”

Xiumin swallowed the knot in his throat. “What do you mean?”

“You know what I mean. Trying to distract yourself, forget about everything that’s happened, ignoring the pain. I’ve known you since middle school, Xiumin; I know what you’re doing.”

“Then why’d you ask?”

He chuckled. “Just wanted to see how you answered.”

“Well, what’s wrong with wanting to take my mind off things? Cleaning makes me feel better. It’s not a crime.”

“Have you ever thought about-” He gestured vaguely. “Talking instead?”

Xiumin snorted. “Now you’re just making things awkward. I’m fine, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

“I believe you. You’ve got a good head on your shoulders, but you don’t have to keep everything to yourself.”

“Is there a reason you’re telling me this now?”

Chen pushed himself off the wall and stood directly in front of his friend. “Because I want you to know that you can talk to me if you want. You are my best friend after all.”

Xiumin averted his eyes, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. “Gosh, can you stop being all...weird about this?”

“I’m the one being weird?” He laughed.

“You’re making me uncomfortable.”

“Good. It means you’re listening.” He reached out to rest a hand on Xiumin’s shoulder. “Just promise me that instead of obsessing over your car or your Lysol wipes, you’ll at least try to reach out to people.”

Their eyes met again, and a smile found its way to Xiumin’s lips. “Fine, _best friend_.” He playfully rolled his eyes. “I might call you if I need someone to talk to or something.”

“Good. I’m always around if you need me.”

He nodded. “Yeah. I know.”

◈◈◈

Kyungsoo caught himself staring again. He realized his eyes had been glued to Kai when his friend approached him, waving a hand in his face.

“Hey, Kyungsoo?”

He blinked, coming back to reality. “Sorry, Kai. I didn’t realize I was staring.”

“Something on your mind?”

“Do you really need to ask?”

Kai sat down beside him and wiped his teary eyes against his sleeve. “I wonder how the others are doing. They seem okay.”

Kyungsoo followed his gaze to the group of boys sitting on the bench closest to the doors. The first one he spotted was Chanyeol, who had his head against the wall and his eyes closed.

“I feel like I should go talk to them, but I’m afraid they won’t want to.”

Kai nodded in agreement. “I’ve been meaning to talk to Chanyeol.”

“Why Chanyeol?”

“I don’t know. I guess I feel like I should since we haven’t really been on good terms. Besides, he’s probably heartbroken right now.”

Kyungsoo nudged him in the arm. “I’ll go over there with you if that makes it easier.”

He sighed. “Alright then. Let’s go.”

They broke away from each other as soon as they reached the bench. Kyungsoo went to talk to Chen and Xiumin, asking them how they’d been and received a brief lecture from Chen about coming to him for support if he needed it.

Kai sat down where Suho once sat, close enough to brush up against Chanyeol’s shoulder. The latter’s eyes flickered open, catching a glimpse of his ex friend beside him.

“Hey, Chanyeol.”

He grunted in response.

“You okay?”

“Not really.”

Kai lowered his head. “I guess that was kind of a dumb question.”

“Do I owe you gas money or something?”

He chuckled; more of a bittersweet sound than a humorous one. “I take it you don’t really want to talk to me.”

“No. I’m just confused why you want to talk to me.”

“I guess-” He paused, thought things over, and let out a long sigh. “I guess I wanted to apologize...for kind of being an asshole to you.”

Chanyeol’s eyes fully opened, and he glanced over to his left. “Really?”

“Yeah. I don’t know why I was so mean to you. I guess I was just upset that you didn’t feel comfortable...talking to me, you know?”

Chanyeol didn’t respond, creating an uneasy feeling in the air around them. Kai scooted further away, sensing his ex friend needed the space. A few minutes of silence followed, filled with the ambient sound of soft whimpers and sniffling.

Kai looked towards his ex friend again, studying his face as if words of forgiveness were engraved in his skin. Chanyeol sensed his gaze, and opened his eyes to peer at him in the corner of his vision.

“I’m sorry too.” He mumbled.

“For what?”

“Pushing you away.”

Silence again. Kai couldn’t think of what else to say, so he let his actions speak for themselves. One arm wrapped around Chanyeol’s shoulders, pulling him close. He didn’t reciprocate the hug, but eased into it as a way of saying he forgave him.

◈◈◈

Kyungsoo went outside after his brief confrontation with Xiumin and Chen to get some fresh air. He grabbed his book from his car and sat under a tree to read. One chapter left of his book. He would’ve finished it weeks ago had his mind not been so preoccupied with the health of his friend.

But, he didn’t need to worry about that anymore.

He didn’t expect to finish it, assuming the Byuns would arrive any minute and the ceremony would begin. They didn’t, and Kyungsoo found himself sitting outside a lot longer than anticipated.

About twenty minutes later, Suho appeared in the doorway of the funeral home, wiping his eyes with a tissue. They noticed each other, didn’t acknowledge one another, and instead sat beside the tree in silence. Kyungsoo noticed his ex co-leader peering over his shoulder to read the last page of his book.

“You finished.” He commented, more to himself than to Kyungsoo.

“Now seemed like a good time. I didn’t think the Byuns would take this long.”

“How was it?”

“The ending?”

“The entire book.”

He tucked his bookmark between the last page and the back cover and folded the book closed. “It was good.”

“How did it end?”

“Well, the main character’s friends all move away and his life basically falls apart, but he ends up moving on and learns to be happier.”

Suho smiled to himself. “Sounds like a nice way to wrap up the story. Maybe I should read it too.”

“But, I’ve basically spoiled everything for you.”

“That’s okay. I like knowing the ending will be a happy one before I read a story.”

Kyungsoo pulled the bookmark out of the binding and handed him the book. “Might as well read it now. Looks like the Byuns won’t be here any time soon.”

He tried. For roughly ten minutes, he stared at the words on the page, attempting to absorb the information, but nothing stuck. His mind lingered, filling with memories of his friends. Or, ex friends he should say.

He thought about everything that happened, what might happen as a result. All of his friends would go back to avoiding each other. They wouldn’t acknowledge each other in the halls, ignore texts and phone calls, bury the memories of their friendship.

He made up his mind that he wouldn’t try so hard this time. He wouldn’t bother them, beg them to hang out with him, fight tooth and nail to get them to like each other again. It wasn’t worth it. Their friendship was over; it had been over for months now. Wasting his energy on trying to fix it wasn’t worth it.

The sound of crunching snow reached his ears, but he chose not to acknowledge it. He leaned his head back on the trunk of the tree and closed his eyes, listening to the soft breathing of whoever approached him.

“Junmyeon.”

The voice belonged to Sehun. He recognized it immediately.

Kyungsoo looked up at him, then turned to Suho. The look in his eyes told him to leave, give them a moment of privacy to discuss whatever plagued their minds for so long. He nodded, pushed himself off the ground, and disappeared behind the front door of the funeral home.

“What are you doing out here? It’s fucking freezing.” Sehun began, kicking rocks and playing with his scarf.

“Thinking.” He responded as he closed his eyes again. “Avoiding you guys.”

“Why?”

He shrugged. “I assumed you didn’t want me bothering you.”

He heard the younger walk closer, followed by the sound of him sitting down in Kyungsoo’s place. “You assume too many things, Suho.”

“Am I wrong?”

“Yes.”

He opened his eyes and turned to meet Sehun’s sullen gaze. “What are you implying, Sehun?”

“That-” The words stuck to his tongue, refusing to move beyond his lips. He cleared his throat, and Suho turned away again.

“I’d rather be alone right now, Sehun.” He continued, sensing his ex friend wouldn’t finish his last thought. “I was enjoying the silence.”

“I want to talk.” Sehun blurted out, stiffening at the sound of his own words. “With you. I want to talk with you.”

Suho turned away momentarily to hide his smile, then looked towards Sehun again. “Okay. What did you want to talk about?”

He sighed. “I wanted...I wanted to start by saying I’m sorry.”

“Sorry for what?”

“For...being a jerk, and ignoring you.”

“Is that all?”

“And...I wanted to say that I’m...thankful for you.”

“Really?”

“I mean like-” He fumbled over his words. “Like, I’m thankful for having a friend...who actually cares, you know? I-like-I...I...thanks. Just, thank you.”

Suho chuckled to himself, creating a soft shade of pink in Sehun’s complexion. “That was hard to listen to.”

“I didn’t really rehearse this.”

“I can tell.” He leaned into Sehun. “But, just know that I’m here for you, Sehun. I always have been and I always will be. That’s what friends are for.”

“Thanks, Suho. For being my friend. My only friend.”

“I’m not your only friend.” He gestured to the front doors. “We should talk to them. I’m sure they need someone to talk to as well.”

“What if they don’t want to?”

He shrugged. “Then they don’t want to. If I’ve learned anything over the past eight months, it’s that you can’t force people to open up when they’re not ready.”

◈◈◈

The seven boys regrouped in the lobby, sitting all along the bench closest to the doors. Sehun and Suho sat down beside them, earning a few glances from the others.

They sensed Suho about to speak. It was easy to tell when he had something on his mind. So, when their ex co-leader’s voice filled the silence surrounding them, they didn’t react.

“I feel like we all haven’t talked in a while. As friends, at least.”

Kyungsoo and Chen nodded. The others remained quiet.

“It’s weird; all of us being here again. I never imagined-”

“We’re not all here again.” Chanyeol interrupted with a sigh. Suho couldn’t think of how to respond.

“You guys...okay?” Sehun joined the conversation, avoiding eye contact with everyone but the floor. They all looked up at him, suppressing the urge to gasp at the sudden concern shown by their forgotten friend.

“Excuse me?” Kai said; a genuine question rather than an attempt to mock the younger.

“Look, I know you probably don’t believe me, but...I do care.”

They looked to one another, expecting one of them to answer for the rest.

“I think we’re holding up.” Chen eventually spoke. “And you? I don’t know how you’ve been since the summer.”

“I’m okay.” He answered quietly.

“What about you, Suho?”

“I’m fine.”

They all nodded unconsciously, leaving the conversation at that. They shifted closer to one another on the bench, squeezing closer to make enough room for everyone. Kai put his head on Kyungsoo’s shoulder, Chen rested a hand on top of Xiumin’s elbow, Sehun snuggled up against Suho, and Chanyeol sat at the very end, watching the others with tears in his eyes.

It felt weird, seeing them all together again without all the drama. He missed this. Being in the comfort of his friends, turning to them for support when he needed it, having someone to talk to when he felt lonely.

_If only the others could be here to experience this._

He sat back with his eyes closed, wiping his face with the back of his hand. He still had a long way to go, they all did, but for now, he was okay with not being fine. He knew he would get through it, slowly but surely, his friends by his side once again.

A few minutes later, the Byuns entered the building, marking the start of the ceremony. The doors swung open and each family entered to take their seats towards the front. A single coffin sat at the end of the aisle, the lid open to reveal the boy inside.

Chanyeol let out a shaky breath. He wasn’t ready, but followed his family down the aisle nonetheless and took a seat in the front row. Tears fell down his face. His sobs could be heard by everyone sitting nearby. But, he didn’t care. He let them fall, tired of holding them in.

They kept falling throughout the entire ceremony, and not once did he feel the need to stop. He let it all out, allowing them to wash away his guilt, his sadness, his pain. He wasn’t ready to move on, but it felt good taking those first few steps.

He’d get there eventually. They all would. It wouldn’t be easy, getting over Baekhyun’s death, the eight months they spent tearing their friendship apart, the summer. But, with time, things would get better. They would get better. He felt sure of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Listening to "Paper Cuts" by CBX on a loop while writing this chapter was an emotional roller coaster. If you know, you know.


	36. Walk on Memories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The finale

Three months. 104 days. 2,496 hours. An entire summer ahead of them, reuniting the seven remaining boys during the best time of their youth. Three months, 104 days, and 2,496 hours they planned to spend together; going on late night drives, raiding gas stations, visiting the beach, sleeping in the back of cars.

May 25th, the last day of school and the start of summer, Mr. and Mrs. Park drove their son home from rehab. He sat in the backseat with the window rolled down, letting the warm breeze brush against his face. On his shirt, clipped on with the help of his mother, was a pin gifted to him by his caretakers, marking the day he officially went five months sober.

They brought him home to celebrate, buying lunch from his favorite restaurant and inviting his distant relatives over. They surprised him with a cake, bought him a few gifts, and showered him with kisses until he couldn’t bear it anymore.

He played his guitar for them with the pick his sister bought, strumming until his fingers got used to the feel of the instrument again. He played every song he could remember, even “Can’t Help Falling In Love” with his tone deaf sister singing for him.

And when the celebration ended, he heard honking outside his house. Looking through the window, he saw his friends hanging out of Sehun’s car, cupping their hands around their mouths and shouting his name.

“CHANYEOL!”

“YO, CHANYEOLLIEEE!”

“YEOLLLLLL!”

He set his guitar aside and walked out onto the front porch, plugging his ears to tune out their obnoxious yelling.

“Yeah, yeah. I hear you.”

“Come on, man!” Sehun slapped the side of his car. “I just got out of therapy and I’m taking you all out for a celebration.”

“Celebration of what?”

“You're out of rehab!” Kai shouted. “What else?”

“We’ll pay.” Kyungsoo said. “Our treat.”

“We even made you a cake. Vanilla, your favorite.” Chen added.

“You coming or what?”

“Yeah, I’m coming. Move over.” He squeezed in next to Kyungsoo, waving to his parents through the window to let them know he planned on leaving.

“Everyone situated?”

“Hey, Suho wanted us to tell you that he said congratulations and he ugly cried when he heard you were released.” Xiumin said as he buckled.

“He wanted me to know he cried?”

“No, but I thought I should mention it.”

“Where are we going?” Kai asked, turning to Sehun.

“You guys want ice cream?”  
“I’m down.”

“Sure.”

“Don’t have to ask me twice.”

Sehun put the car in reverse and pulled out of the Park’s driveway, heading in the direction of the old ice cream parlor they visited every summer.

◈◈◈

Suho walked through the humble little neighborhood, stopping in front of the house at the end of the street. He examined the exterior, admiring the homey atmosphere created by the flowers along the walkway, the chimes hanging along the porch, the welcome sign at the door.

He walked up the front steps, clutching the strap of his backpack tightly. His finger hovered over the doorbell, doubt preventing him from pressing it.

He stood like that for almost a minute, torn between staying or leaving. He wanted to turn back, forget about this, move on with his life, but he’d come so far. He went through so much trouble to get where he was, and he couldn’t stop now.

His finger hit the doorbell. He froze at the sound of it.

Moments later, the door swung inward and a young man stood before him. They stared each other down, waiting for the other to speak.

“Hi.” Suho spoke first, twisting his backpack strap in his hand until it burned his skin.

“Hi, Suho. You made it.”

“Took my parents a lot of convincing to let me fly alone all the way out to Busan, but-” He sighed. “I made it.”

Momentary silence fell over them. So many words piled up on their tongues, but neither had the courage to release them. They weren’t ready, not yet.

“I texted you.” Suho continued, feeling the need to initiate the conversations.

“I know.”

“You never answered.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Why?”

A brief pause followed, making Suho shift uncomfortably. “You’re not mad at me, are you?”

“No, of course not. I just...wasn’t ready to talk.”

“Oh.” He cleared his throat. “But, you’re ready now?”

“I suppose. When I heard what happened to Baekhyun...I felt like it was time to reach out.” he sighed. “I’m sorry for not being there when it happened. I wish…”

“What?”

“I wish I could’ve seen him before he passed. I missed him. I missed all of you.”

“I missed you too, Lay.” He pulled his friend into a hug, letting his body get used to the feel after so many months spent apart.

“I shouldn’t have ignored you.” Lay continued, tears forming in his eyes. “I should’ve reached out to you guys. I should’ve talked to Baekhyun when I still had the chance.” He rubbed his eyes. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

“I know.” Suho said, patting his back. “I forgive you. Just promise me you won’t push me away anymore.”

He nodded. “Never again.”

They pulled apart, smiling at each other and wiping tears from their eyes. “How long will you be in Busan?”

“Only until June. Which means we still have a few more weeks to hang out.”

Lay reached his hand out. “Would you like to come in and have tea with me? I have so much to catch you up on.”

Suho gladly took his hand and allowed him to lead him through the door. They sat down at the dining table together, teacups in hand, telling each other about all the wonderful (and horrible) things they missed out on since the last time they spoke. Reminiscing about the summer, their friendship, and the time they lost apart.

By the end of their conversation, Lay bid his friend a farewell, exchanging another hug. Suho reciprocated the gesture, promising to return tomorrow.

◈◈◈

Back in Seoul, the six boys gathered in the old ice cream parlor, crowding into their favorite booth by the window. Sehun paid for all of their orders, and even bought Chanyeol extra toppings as a gift to celebrate his release.

“That’s a cute button.” Kyungsoo pointed to the button clipped onto Chanyeol’s shirt. “Now everyone will know you were a junkie.”

“Let them know.” Chanyeol said, lifting his chin. “At least they know I’m no longer one.”

“Hey, should I invite Jennie?” Kai interrupted, looking down at his phone.

“Oh, you never shut up about her, do you?” Chen teased, punching him in the arm.

“You think you’re some hot shot because you got a girlfriend before the rest of us?” Sehun said. “Let her stay home; it’s guy’s night.”

“You guys are too mean.” Kyungsoo chuckled.

“They’re just jealous.” Kai mocked, smirking at the reaction he got out of them.

As they argued, Chanyeol stood up to throw his trash out, stopping by the adjacent window to admire the sunset. When the sun disappeared, the night sky came to life, and the stars became visible again. They twinkled above the city, reminiscent of the way they lit up the blackness when Chanyeol used to stargaze every night during previous summers.

His friends’ voices carried across the room, disrupting the otherwise quiet establishment with laughter. The sound filled the empty gaps in the booth, standing in for the boys who once sat there.

The moon rose high in the sky, shining through the window right beside their table. Where he stood prevented him from seeing it well, so he headed for the entrance, stopping short when Chen called out to him.

“Hey, where you heading, Chanyeol?”

“I’m gonna go for a little walk.” He said. “Don’t worry, I’ll be back in fifteen minutes tops.”

“Okay! Stay out of trouble!”

He exited the ice cream parlor and started down the street, no set destination in mind. His eyes wandered, moving from the teenagers running past him, to the buildings alive with neon signs and bustling customers.

The lights drowned out the sky. To get a better view, he headed for Spring Day Grove, straying away from the path. The path he created for himself led him to a clearing with no trees, no bushes, no people.

He lied flat on his back in the grass, running his fingers over the heart pendant necklace lying on his chest. His fingers traced the initials carved into the silver, lingering on the letters “BBH”.

He turned up towards the sky, watching the glistening lights. Alone, each individual star looked like nothing but a lonely spot in the empty abyss of space. But, when he looked at them all together, it became more than that. A city in the sky. The stars brought out the beauty in each other. That’s what made them so special.

He smiled to himself, thinking about what it must be like to live up there, where summer never ends. He imagined his friends must be enjoying their never ending summer, together, finding peace at last. 

He imagined Kris driving them wherever they wanted to go, Luhan ranting about astrology in the passenger seat, Tao strumming his guitar in the back, Baekhyun hanging out the window to feel the rush of air. They were probably looking down on Seoul the way Chanyeol looked up at them, wondering if their friends thought about them too.

The seven remaining boys watched from the ground, thinking about their four friends. And those four friends watched from space, looking down on them from their place in the city in the sky.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Congratulations, you made it to the end of the story! Thank you so much for reading! I hope you enjoyed it. Now that this story is complete, I will be working on other projects, so be sure to check out some of my upcoming work. Thank you all so much for your support and feel free to leave any feedback in the comments.


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